Quickie: Haw, RNC is About to Choose Proven Loser as Leader

Great news! Well, great news for us, anyway, less so for the Republicans, because they're about to choose Michael "Puppy Lover" Steele to be their leader. You may recall that Steele's last electoral triumph consisted of losing -badly- to an absolute nobody. Click on the topic tag below for a trip down Puppy Lover memory lane.

UPDATE: Yay! It's official! And this is really funny, because he has a reputation (unearned, in my opinion) of being a "moderate," which means that none of the right-wingers will listen to him.

This is a great day. Puppies for everyone! Michael Steele is such a lightweight and so obviously stupid that it's only a matter of time before he does or says something wonderfully dumb. I can't wait.

Middle Eastern Shoe Art Renaissance™ Enters Henry Moore Phase

Girls stand next to a sculpture of a shoe that serves as a monument to the shoes thrown at then-US president George W. Bush in Tikrit, 130 kilometers (80 miles) north of Baghdad, Iraq, Thursday, Jan. 29, 2009. The shoe-hurling last month at Bush spawned a flood of Web quips, political satire and street rallies across the Arab world. Now, it's inspired a work of art. (AP Photo)

Fantastic! It's funny that the AP caption says "Now, it's inspired a work of art," because Pony Pals know that the shoe-tossing event started inspiring works of art mere moments after it occurred. The gigantic loafer is made of copper, so it should be an enduring symbol of Bush's folly for years to come. Some more info from AP:

A sofa-sized sculpture — a single copper-coated shoe on a stand carved to resemble flowing cloth — was formally unveiled to the public Thursday in the hometown of the late Iraqi ruler Saddam Hussein.

Officials and visitors walked around the outdoor sculpture during the brief ceremony, pondering on its eccentricities — such as a tree poking up from the shoe's interior.

[...]

"This monument ... will remain a present for the forthcoming generations," said Fatin Abdul-Qadir al-Nasiri, director of a Tikrit orphanage whose children helped fashion the sculpture. "(They) will remember the story of the hero (al-Zeidi) who bid farewell to the U.S. president ... in such a way.

Yay! A public unveiling ceremony! AP also has video, but I must say that I'm totally baffled by the artist's statement that "It's not a political work." Whatever, I'm just thrilled that the Middle Eastern Shoe Art Renaissance has produced its first durable monument. Two sparkley hooves way up!

Yulia Time Capsule: She Occasionally Lets Her Hare Down

Yulia Tymoshenko, opposition candidate Viktor Yushchenko's main ally, holds a big toy rabbit that she received as a present for her 44th birthday from a crowd of supporters during a massive gathering downtown Kiev Saturday, Nov.27, 2004. Ukraine's parliament on Saturday declared the country's disputed presidential election invalid, a legally ineffectual but symbolically potent move boosting opposition hopes for a revote. (AP Photo/Ivan Sekretarev)

We're late to the Yulia party here at PSP, so it's important for us to go back in time and see what we've been missing. As you can see, we've been missing plenty. Also, wow, Yulia is pushing 50! Looking good, girl!

She should totally carry that plush bunny with her everywhere.

Best T-Shirt EVER Discovered

Members of ultra-nationalist Liberal Democratic Party hold a portrait of Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko during a protest rally outside the Ukrainian Embassy in Moscow, Friday, Jan. 16, 2009. The European Union is giving Ukraine and Russia until Monday to settle their gas dispute before it will reassess relations. The banner reads: If you steal gas, you will be punished. (AP Photo/Misha Japaridze)

That's not just a "portrait" of our beloved Yulia, that's a t-shirt! A fabulous, sensational t-shirt, and I want one!

Mitch McConnell Experiences Total Enlightenment, Snaps Out of It

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., speaks at the Republican National Committee (RNC) meeting in Washington, Thursday, Jan. 29, 2009. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Is it possible for Republicans to learn from their mistakes, to have moments of self-recognition and clarity? Yes! But those moments are brief and die quickly. Here's renowned closet case Mitch "Froggy" McConnell speaking to the RNC yesterday:

"We’re all concerned about the fact that the very wealthy and the very poor, the most and least educated, and a majority of minority voters, seem to have more or less stopped paying attention to us," the Kentucky Republican said on the second day of the four-day gathering.

"And we should be concerned that, as a result of all this, the Republican Party seems to be slipping into a position of being more of a regional party than a national one."

Wow, that "regional party" line, that's what we've all been saying lately! Is McConnell supposed to be saying this stuff out loud? He goes on:

"Too often we’ve let others define us," McConnell said. "And the image they’ve painted isn’t very pretty. Ask most people what Republicans think about immigrants, and they’ll say we fear them. Ask most people what we think about the environment, and they’ll say we don’t care about it. Ask most people what we think about the family, and they’ll tell you we don’t — until about a month before Election Day."

Such clarity! Could there be hope for them after all? Ha! Don't worry, he ended up, I guess, getting slapped hard across the face backstage by Sir Tansalot (Boehner), just like you see with hysterical women in old movies. McConnell snapped out of it, thank goodness, calmed down, and proceeded to conclude that they must not change anything about themselves at all:

The Senate Minority Leader, who faced an unexpectedly competitive race last year to retain his seat, told the Republican gathering it's not too late for the party to rebuild itself. But he warned the GOP cannot change its fundamental values in the course of trying to appeal to a wider cross-section of the country.

"You don’t get them back by pretending to be something else," he said. “And you certainly don’t gain voters by running away from the ones that are most loyal. But it’s clear our message isn’t getting out to nearly as many people as it should."

Phew, that was a near thing! He came this close to being on Rush Limbaugh's shit list.

I Keep Track of Yulia Tymoshenko's Hair Wreath So You Don't Have To

Ukrainian Prime Minister Yulia Tymoshenko speaks to the media after the signing of a gas deal in Moscow, Russia, Monday, Jan. 19, 2009, shortly after their talks. Russia and Ukraine on Monday signed a deal that restores natural gas shipments to Ukraine and paves the way for an end to the nearly two-week cutoff of most Russian gas to a freezing Europe. (AP Photo/Alexander Zemlianichenko)

Let's face it, 2008 was a rough year for this blog. First we lost Ursula Plassnik when she stepped down as Austria's foreign minister and, frustratingly, disappeared completely from public view; then we voted in a new administration which so far appears to be lacking in sartorial hilarity; next, promising starlet Bill Richardson decided not to move to Washington; finally, Condi's reign of terror fabulousness ended not with a bang (dang that Peter McKay!) but with a whimper.

What this blog needs is a replacement superstar. The ideal candidate would be a constantly-photographed public figure, one who makes unusual/hilarious fashion choices, and above all, one who has really, totally weird hair. And then it struck* me: Yulia! And she's been there all this time! Hiding in plain sight!

And it's not like I've totally ignored the mind-boggling Ukrainian head of state. After all, I featured the back of her breathtaking hairdo last year because Pony Pals™ demanded it. Furthermore, it'll be easy and fun because the photographers LOVE HER and she loves them. And even more, Yulia loves herself, as evidenced by her extraordinary personal web page, a site which will make your heart explode with joy.

So anyway, I sure hope you like Yulia! You're going to be seeing a lot of her! YAY.

*I owe a lot to a Pony Pal™ who recently reminded me about Yulia, but now I can't seem to find the post wherein she did so. Please step forward and take a bow! You have done this blog a great service.

New White House Press Secretary Believes in the Truth

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs listens at right, as Interior Secretary Ken Salazar speaks about the Interior Department, Wednesday, Jan. 28, 2009, during his daily press briefing in the White House Pressroom at the White House in Washington. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

Haw! Oh sure, it's an old joke, but I didn't expect to see it performed live in the White House Pressroom.

Phoning it In

The good news is that Condi has done her first post-Bush interview, a chat with the very friendly Stanford Report. The bad news is that there's nothing to take away from it. Honestly, I don't know why the reporter bothered; he could have easily cut 'n' pasted her responses from other recent interviews. So boring.

I guess it's kinda funny that she says she'll go to the dorms and have dinner with students (and photographers? Please?), because she might be unaware that not all the students are thrilled about her return.

The outlook for surrealistically pointless, non-sequitur publicity stunts, I'm afraid, is grim.

Torture? No Big Whoop. Move Along.

My first idea was to title this post "Will Somebody Please Kick Richard Cohen in the Balls?" But then I thought, no, that would be wrong. And that thought put me, basically, on moral ground high, high above Mr. Cohen.

Not only does he say we shouldn't investigate the Bush administration for its role in approving torture, Cohen defends torture itself (All those studies which demonstrate it isn't effective? "Counterintuitive."), saying it's perfectly acceptable as long as the torturers' hearts are in the right place:

At the same time, we have to be respectful of those who were in that Sept. 11 frame of mind, who thought they were saving lives -- and maybe were -- and who, in any case, were doing what the nation and its leaders wanted. It is imperative that our intelligence agents not have to fear that a sincere effort will result in their being hauled before some congressional committee or a grand jury. We want the finest people in these jobs -- not time-stampers who take no chances.

Pesky grand juries! Plus, he totally heard torture worked once, and Jonathan Alter and Alan Dershowitz said it was OK (not really, but it's the best he could find), so as long as those people were just following orders (The Nuremberg defense!) and thought good thoughts while they were simulating the effects of drowning or breaking the limbs of their victims, I mean... hey, 9-11! Also, Bush's approval ratings were super high, so obviously we're all to blame in a kooky way, right? Sheesh! As Cohen says, "Congress overwhelmingly voted for war and the American people overwhelmingly supported it," so, therefore, anything goes. Never mind that we were, you know, overwhelmingly misinformed and lied to.

God, I didn't think it was possible to want to punch Richard Cohen in the face even more.

Puzzle Time: One of These Things is Not Like the Others

Yesterday on NBC, Blago said he “thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this.”

To be fair, perhaps he meant that he thought about them and about how totally different he is in every conceivable way.

Bush's Defining Moments

(Rick Wilking, Reuters 09-14-05)

Today's must read/must see is Errol Morris' fabulous roundup of embarrassing ("defining," he calls them) photos of George Bush. Morris sat down with representatives of the big three, (Reuters, AFP, AP) and had them pick the most telling shots. You may or may not be surprised by the overlaps: all three pick shots of Andrew Card breaking the news of the 9-11 attacks, for instance. All three, too, pick shots of Bush looking his most retarded (remember the famous locked door?) as characteristic.

My favorite, though, is the analysis of Reuters' famous shot (above) of Bush's note asking Condi's permission to go tinkle:

JIM BOURG: One of the pictures that created a storm of controversy for us here at Reuters because it was an exclusive picture, was the picture of Bush writing the note at the U.N. asking Condi Rice’s permission to go to the bathroom. Do you remember that photo?

ERROL MORRIS: Of course. I had read that there was some controversy about that photograph, that it was enhanced so that you could—

JIM BOURG: No, all we did was darken the paper, darken it down some so that you could actually see that there was any writing on it at all. Anyone who has ever shot pictures in that room at the U.N., and I’m one of them, can tell you then the lighting in that room at the U.N. is absolutely abysmal. The picture was exposed for the skin tones of the president and his jacket as we normally do. And so the paper in front of him was as a result severely overexposed. And all that we ever told anyone we had done, and all that was ever done to the photo, was that the paper was darkened down some so that you could actually see that there was any writing on it at all. Some people, the strongest critics of it, took that and ran with it. Someone having admitted that the photo had been altered in some way, when it wasn’t altered any more than other photos are to either correct the color or lighten a photo which has been shot too dark, or darken a photo which has been shot too light.

ERROL MORRIS: And that photograph was controversial because it showed what?

JIM BOURG: That despite the fact that it was shot in a public place with the president fully aware that there were photographers directly above him, there in the U.N. as there always are, people felt that because of the content of the note, it might be an invasion of his privacy and a cheap shot at him. I think if the content of the note had been different, there likely would have been no controversy at all.

ERROL MORRIS: In these highly orchestrated images, “Mission Accomplished” being the most obvious example, one looks for things that have not been orchestrated, things that are spontaneous, unrehearsed, unplanned.

JIM BOURG: Certainly that’s very much what we are always looking for. It is often the hardest thing to make, covering the president of the United States, to find anything that does, in fact, look spontaneous or unrehearsed because there is a large team of people and staff there at the White House whose job it is to always try to put the president in the best light possible and to insure that things don’t occur which would potentially make him look bad. And also, to try to convey the message that the administration and the president are seeking to convey, not just through what he says, but also through the images as well. That’s the talent of our White House photographers: to be able to work within the constraints that are imposed upon them by the White House staff, but also to fully document what’s going on.

ERROL MORRIS: One of the amazing things about photography is try as you might to control everything, you cannot. The U.N. photograph? Didn’t he have to be aware that he’s being photographed?

JIM BOURG: He was certainly aware that there were photographers behind and above him. There’s no glass between the photographers and the dignitaries, the diplomats and the heads of state there. The U.N. Security Council is not that big a room. The press boxes are one level up and just behind where the leaders and the diplomats sit at the desks. You feel like you’re looming over them. So they’re very clearly aware of the photographers, and that is why we were amazed by some of the reaction, as if we had in some way intruded on a private moment. It was in a most public place being televised live and covered by photographers arrayed around a horseshoe shaped room in all directions around the president.

Suggested soundtrack for reading this article is "Public Image" by PIL:

What you wanted was never made clear
Behind the image was ignorance and fear
You hide behind this public machine
Still follow same old scheme

Public Image

Two sides to every story
Somebody had to stop me
I'm not the same as when I began
It's not a game of monopoly

Public Image

Goodbye!

State Department Staff: Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

(Early contender for Worst PSP Photoshop award, 2009)

Harper's Magazine talked with some of the people at the State Department, and, well, let's just say that the obvious happiness visible everywhere at her going away party wasn't faked:

There are great hopes for Hillary at State. I met last week with a number of career State Department employees and was surprised when one said she was looking forward to the “Glinda Party” next week. I asked her: if Hillary was Glinda, the Good Witch of the South from the Wizard of Oz, did that make Condoleezza Rice the Wicked Witch of the West?

“You’re on to it,” she said.

Well, gosh, if they didn't like her, they should have moved to a different department. I hear there's no place like Homeland Security.

Toss of the combable mane to Pony Pal™ William in Houston for the spotting!

On a related topic, my burning question is this: will Hillary use the DoS matching armchairs? Stay tuned!

This May Take Some Time

Iranian hardline students burn a portrait of US President Barak Obama during a demonstration outside the former US embassy in Tehran. (AFP/File/Behrouz Mehri)

I so confused! I thought all the Muslims were supposed to be dancing in the streets about President Hussein! I guess this means that we now know that he's not just a secret Muslim, he's a secret Sunni Muslim. Well, the more you know!

They All Look the Same to Me, Too

A student of Raza Academy, a Muslim rights and educational organization, touches a shoe to the head of a stuffed dog wearing a mask resembling the outgoing U.S. President George W. Bush during a demonstration in Mumbai to mark the end of Bush's presidency January 20, 2009. REUTERS/Arko Datta (INDIA)

I was afraid the Middle Eastern Shoe Art Renaissance was totally succumbing to dullness and repetition, but this late entry is quite sophisticated and bizarre, obviously inspired by Mike Kelley's innovative work with plush toys.

So, you know, A for effort and everything, but somebody's gotta tell that kid that he's got the wrong George Bush! What's H.W. ever done to him? Tsk.

Coming Soon to an Informercial Near You...

(Diddy as Condi, 08-28-05, Reuters)

Were you worried? Worried that Condi wouldn't have anything to do? Fear not, because Condi has signed with the William Morris Agency:

WMA co-chief operating officer Wayne Kabak said that the agency was struck by her well-rounded resume in policy, politics and music, her interest in sports and other areas. Rice is an accomplished concert pianist but also a big-time NFL fan.

"It's more than just books, it's much more than just lectures," Kaback said. "We're here to help her create and enhance an agenda that is very important to her in her post-government career."

That will also include philanthropic efforts, particularly her interest in classical music, her efforts to get disadvantaged children college educations and initiatives to help U.S. children become global citizens.

Sounds philanthropic! Also: lucrative. WMA wouldn't have taken her on without being sure she'd bring home the bacon. Isn't it nice to know that Condi will be so richly rewarded for her fine performance as secretary of state and (especially) national security adviser?

It's too bad Condi isn't a little more imaginative, because I love Defamer's idea:

Condoleezza Rice has signed with WMA, who'll negotiate books, speaking engagements, and For Condoleezza or Money, a potential reality show in which a mansion full of horny twentysomethings would compete for her love.

Now THAT I would pay to see.

Pretend You Want to be There

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson laughs while delivering his State of the State Address during the opening of the 2009 Legislative Session at the Capitol in Santa Fe, N.M. on Tuesday, Jan 20, 2009. (AP Photo/Jeff Geissler)

Something tells me that Bill really isn't all that wild about where he was and what he was doing yesterday, but heck, them's the breaks.

However, please note that Papa Bear's beard is much better defined, displaying a dedication to beardedness. Accordingly, the Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System™ has been raised to Elevated:

State Department Web Site Wants to Make Believe Condi Never Happened

A lot of people had a "Wow, that was fast" moment yesterday when the White House's web site changed from torturey to hopey. The same happened to State.gov! The DoS web team may have been a little too enthusiastic in scrubbing Condi from the site, though, as humorously seen above. It's almost like she never happened!

UPDATE: Why, hello, Americablog readers! Sadly, state.gov fixed the "problem."

My One (1) Inauguration Post

President Barack Obama kisses first lady Michelle Obama after delivering his inaugural address at the U.S. Capitol in Washington, Tuesday, Jan. 20, 2009. (AP Photo/Jae C. Hong)

My opinion? Michelle's green gloves (SO JEALOUS), perfectly matched to her Jimmy Choos, bode well for a stylish White House.

The Decline and Fall of Condi's Empire: The Secretary of State's Shoes, Hairdos, and Fabulous Fashions, Part Four, 2008

Condi's final year was one of withdrawal and repetition. She was officially in re-runs. The word "Annapolis" popped up like a sad jack-in-the-box throughout every speech and interview she was to give right up until the very end. Maybe La Rice's career at the Department of State amounted to more than a string of failures and disappointments punctuated by countless inane photo-ops and vapid media puff-pieces, but if it did, I didn't notice. I liked it just fine!

The big story of the year, I suppose, was the Condi Veep Rumor™. This blog meticulously tracked this non-story right from the tiny seed of its birth, through several mutations and elaborations, right to its death in the glare of the Palin media blitzkrieg.

The highlights from Condi's final days as SoS:

• 01-08: 18% of the US Foreign Service agrees: Condi is great!
• 01-09: Security for Condi's latest Middle Eastern jaunt reported at $25,000 an hour.
• 01-14: Condi enjoys festive beverages, is wary of predatory birds, in Dubai.
• 01-16: Condi loses "Sexiest Woman in Politics" crown to Michelle Obama.
• 01-18: Favorite AP shot of Condi looking wasted.
• 01-23: Reuters Condirazzi concentrates on La Rice's feet, reveals $525 Manolo Blahniks.
• 01-26: Robert Novak touches off unfounded, speculative Condi Veep Rumors.
• 01-26: Oliver North calls Condi "Saleswoman-in-Chief."
• 02-11: Condi on black velvet.
• 02-20: She receives over-sized novelty scissors.
• 02-20: Much better Africa trip this time as Condi is surrounded by half-naked men (see below).
• 02-27: There's one of those diabolical gusts of wind again.

• 03-05: Condi and Olmert invent the meta-photo-op.
• 03-10: Condi meets a friendly furry.
• 03-17: The New Yorker wishes for some Condi Veep Rumors.
• 03-12: Reuters' Condirazzi upskirt contest still underway.
• 03-26: Steve Clemmons really gets the Condi Veep Rumors ball rolling with two totally speculative stories which will later mutate into "credible" rumors. Denials ensue immediately.
• 04-01: Condicising given most lavish attention yet. Invisible friend becomes visible.
• 04-03: George 'n' Condi at NATO: failing is so much fun!
• 04-07: Thandie Newton pledges to find her inner Condi for Oliver Stone.
• 04-08: Eugene Robinson wishes for the Condi Veep Rumors to come true, like me, for all the wrong reasons.
• 04-08: Condi Veep Rumor sideshow tent explodes.
• 04-11: Further Condi Veep Rumors investigations, and grateful Afghans present Condi with a souvenir paperweight.
• 04-14: Maddy 'n' Condi share an awkward moment.
• 04-14: PSP and Condi join forces to stave off Condi Veep Rumors.
• 04-17: Unlike Nancy Pelosi, Condi does not get to kiss the Pope's ring.
• 04-21: Condi's antleriffic makeover. Advantage: more photogenic. Disadvantage: can no longer fit on helicopter.
• 04-21: Condi receives cheap t-shirt from obese sheik (see below).
• 04-25: Bush 'n' Condi's supreme gross-out photo-op.
• 04-28: She frightens a defenseless American Idol contestant, forces photo-op.

• 05-08: Condi is clearly coasting in neutral.
• 05-13: Sunday shows award Condi "most boring" trophy.
• 05-20: "Princess Rolletta" is Condi's Taco Bell rap name.
• 05-22: PSP is unable to confirm rumors that State Dept. staffers are drawing mustaches on Condiportraits.
• 05-30: Condi joins the Kiss Army.

• 06-18: Al Kamen: Condi ignored by everybody now.
• 06-26: Japan declares torture "Condilicious."
• 06-30: Gorgeous photo-ops make up for total pointlessness of Condi's trip to China.
• 07-02: Condi offered as credible source of diplomatic advice to X-box players.
• 07-14: A dream date with Condi finally has a price tag: $750,000.
• 07-21: Late to the party but eager to please, Pravda prints Bush/Condi rumors.
• 07-28: Thandie/Condi hybrid revealed to a hysterically laughing public. Maybe she should have used a mask?

• 08-15: Condi brings photo-ops to wounded Georgians.
• 08-19: If you thought the Thandie/Condi hybrid was bad... Condi the Barbarian is worse.
• 08-19: Possible evidence of Condi skulking around my neighborhood.
• 08-21: Condi states that Poland needs missiles to protect itself from... North Korea.
• 09-05: Condi meets Daffy, her sole positive diplomatic accomplishment in four years.
• 09-08: CNN digs for Sarah Palin compliments from Condi, comes up dry.
• 09-09: Condi complains there aren't enough blacks at the DoS.
• 09-09: PSP investigation concludes that there are plenty of blacks at DoS, Condi just never sees them.
• 09-22: The Black Snob™ does an exhaustive Condi/Michelle Obama comparison so I don't have to.
• 09-24: Fame-hungry journalist Ian Halperin creates fanciful new retrospective Condi Veep Rumors by misreading and misunderstanding all the old Condi Veep Rumors.
• 09-28: Condi creates pandemonium at a New York City nail salon.

• 10-04: George burns Condi, makes trip to India more pointless than usual.
• 10-07: Bulgaria creates the most horrifying Condi effigy yet.
• 10-14: PSP theorizes that Condi has turned the DoS into an empty husk.
• 10-15: Umpteenth Middle East trip canceled so Condi can "help with the economic crisis."
• 10-18: Iraqis stage puppet show in honor of Condi.
• 10-22: "So when I want to feel really on top of things, I wear red."
• 10-22: And when she wants to feel really, really on top of things, she makes out with Maria Shriver.
• 10-26: Fake Condi/49ers rumors briefly surface.
• 11-05: Condi gets teary about Obama, but won't admit to voting for him.
• 11-06: Mean reporters keep talking about Condi's failures in the past tense.
• 11-11: Condi is queen for a night thanks to Glamour Magazine and Oscar de la Renta:

• 11-18: Condi deploys Ken Griffey, Jr. as her final sports star against terror.
• 11-24: Mean reporters persist in asking Condi how it feels to be a failure.
• 12-01: With the sands running out of the hourglass, Condi finally meets the Queen.
• 12-08: Condi gets to wear a $Gazillion in emeralds to impress Morgan Freeman.
• 12-10: NPR asks Condi if she'll miss "the blogs that follow your hairstyles and shoes." She responds, "I think I can live without that, thank you very much." PSP senses sarcasm.
• 12-22: Condi admits Bush Administration's standing in the Arab world "not great," but that didn't stop them from showering her with expensive presents.
• 12-28: Middle Eastern Shoe Art Renaissance finally embraces Condi, as predicted:

Bonus! 2009 Roundup:

• 01-12: Bush and Olmert burn Condi one last time, for old time's sake.
• 01-13: Condi stalked, taunted at Watergate beauty parlor.
• 01-15: She gives George two commemorative plaques, thanks for all the memories.
• 01-16: Condi waves goodbye to the State Department and has her final photo-op with, natch, Tzipi Livni.

And that's that! She came in with boots on her feet and left with a shoe taped to her head. What will Condi get up to next during this exciting new chapter in her life? Stay tuned to Princess Sparkle Pony, where I will STILL keep track of Condoleezza's hairdo so you don't have to.

Here's 2005, 2006, 2007.

What Would Condi Do? The Secretary of State's Shoes, Hairdos, and Fabulous Fashions, Part Three, 2007

The magical gust of wind, AP Photo, 01-17-07

2007 was a year when Condi appeared busier than ever (while accomplishing nothing), but the bloom was off the rose. Journalists like Glenn Kessler and Elizabeth Bumiller now were regularly reporting the more embarrassing aspects of Condi's career, and some began to wonder if maybe the airheaded, photo-op-obsessed shopaholic portrayed on this blog and Wonkette* (PSP alone became too small to contain all my Condi musings) wasn't the real Condi, after all. In response, Condi got a little more insulated, a little less fun, but full of surprises nonetheless. The highlights from year three:

• 01-03: Condi likes tiny yet perfectly-formed Rummy replacement much better.
• 01-05: She gets her Negroponte back.
• 01-11: Robert Novak reports that all the Republicans hate Condi.
• 01-17: Gust of wind produces best Condipic ever.
• 01-22: Hugo Chavez calls Dr. Ferragamo "Missy."
• 01-29: Condi Couture is introduced to a startled world:

• 02-03: PSP mentioned in otherwise serious article by Helene Cooper in NY Times.
• 02-05: Condi meets Don Cheadle.
• 02-06: Sparklemom points out that, unlike Nancy Pelosi, Condi simply does not know how to sit.
• 02-12: Condi 'n' Hadley: awkwarder and awkwarder.
• 02-12: Condi celebrates African American Heritage Month by praising George Bush.
• 02-15: Hugo Chavez has a valentine for Condi.
• 02-19: Condi embarks on her photo-oppiest trip to the Middle East ever.
• 03-05: The Condibot passes the adorable bear-king test.
• 03-10: Colombian surveillance video proves that Condi can't dance.
• 03-21: Reuters' Condi upskirt competition: the quest continues.
• 03-22: Condi has a four-photo-op Thursday.
• 03-27: Please keep back from the SoS:

• 04-04: Condibot malfunctions in public, fails to perform The Madison.
• 04-10: Oh, wait, no, THIS is the Condi photo of the year.
• 04-12: McCain hits the matching armchairs, ground zero for Condi Veep Rumors™.
• 04-26: PSP defends hairdo journalism.
• 05-02: PSP defends hairdo journalism.
• 05-03: Mysterious thief with "I love Condi" button strikes.
• 05-21: Condi visits Crawford, wears horrible Chanel sunglasses, wanders into a cactus patch.
• 05-23: Condi enlisted as walker for Nancy Reagan.
• 05-24: In her most pointless, puzzling photo-op ever, Condi rides shotgun in a prototype Tesla:

• 05-30: A shared taste in awful suits for Condi and the French foreign minister.
• 06-01: Destiny fulfilled as Dr. Ferragamo meets Mr. Zapatero.
• 06-05: Condi's South-of-the-Border diplomacy explained with hand turkeys.
• 06-08: Condi makes ASL sign for "lesbian" during AP interview.
• 07-06: Units mobilized to assist Condi playing golf.
• 07-31: PSP plays Spot the Kleenex™:

• 08-02: Condistaff drops expensive satellite dish from hotel rooftop.
• 08-13: Condi deploys Cal Ripken.
• 08-22: Forbes declares Condi Washington's "Most Eligible Bachelorette."
• 08-29: Glenn Kessler on Condi's reaction to having a quarter bounced off her butt: "She was flattered and proud."
• 09-06: Terrorists prevent Condi from playing golf in Australia.
• 09-11: 9-11 anniversary spurs memories of Condi hairdos past.
• 09-14: Meet Mrs. Condi.
• 09-20: PSP gives Condi a Papal makeover.
• 09-24: Howard Kurtz reveals that Condi is blacklisted from the Sunday shows because she's used up all her talking points.

Not the hair! Not the hair!

• 10-01: Associated Press issues correction for misspelling Condoleezza.
• 10-03: How does George keep Condi in line? Casual insults.
• 10-05: Concerned she isn't photographed enough, Dr. Ferragamo hires staff Condirazzi.
• 10-16: Condi's Red Dress of Grievances scandal breaks in the UK.
• 10-24: Red hands lady gets all up in Condi's grill (see above).
• 10-31: Condi loses BFF Karen "Kick-Ass" Hughes.
• 11-01: Turkish children use Condi as a dartboard:

• 11-03: Distinguished scholar of diplomacy refers to Condi as "Dr. Ferragamo."
• 11-05: Condi Roundup debuts on Wonkette.
• 11-12: Israelis coin the term "Lecondel," which means "To do like Condi," which means "To run around arranging a bunch of meetings which don't accomplish anything."
• 11-15: PSP provides visualization of Condi's telephone diplomacy.
• 11-16: Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System bumped momentarily for softer, spherical style.
• 11-26: The Matching Armchairs Photo-Op completely deconstructed.
• 11-26: NY Times publishes meanest Condi caricature yet.
• 11-27: Adorable cartoon Condi scorpion (see below) debuts in Jordan.
• 11-27: Condi's big party in Annapolis, her greatest accomplishment, happens, fails.

• 12-02: Condi hangs out with drunk driver, insane boy band alumnus, at Kennedy Center.
• 12-03: We learn that Condi found out about Hamas winning the elections while Condicising.
• 12-05: Condi snarls her way through the worst trip to Africa ever.
• 12-05: The Guardian publishes what is officially the meanest article about Dr. Ferragamo.
• 12-12: Yearly AP interview shows horrible toll on Condi.
• 12-13: Washington Post instructs readers to bake Condi Christmas cookies (see below).
• 12-17: Modest proposals given for redesigning Elizabeth Bumiller's Condiography.
• 12-18: Condi's WASPiness confirmed as she is spotted shopping for St. John Knits.
• 12-24: Condi's response to criticism: "Gee."

Stay tuned for the last installment!

*Note: several pictures in Wonkette's archives seem to have not survived their move from Gawker's servers. This is unfortunate.

Here's 2005, 2006, 2008/9.

SoS: The Secretary of State's Shoes, Hairdos, and Fabulous Fashions, Part Two, 2006

(AFP, 01-30-06)

2006 really was Condi's banner year. She did the most while accomplishing the least. By this time, Team Condi had everything down to a science. And while you may argue that Condi's tenure at the State Department constituted more than simply a series of vapid photo-ops, you have to admit that her tenure included an astounding number of them, most of which were faithfully dissected by yours truly. As Condi's routine gelled and settled, so too did this blog's fascination with the minutiae of her fairytale world increase. The highlights from year two:

• 01-06: Bush 'n' Condi allow "5-10 minutes" of their time for Colin 'n' Maddie photo-op.
• 01-06: Condi, Karen Hughes and Margaret Spellings, together at last.
• 01-13: Condi's resemblance to "Chucky Doll" noted.
• 01-16: Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System briefly raised to "Elevated" due to fanciful hats.
• 01-26: Jumbo Conditron is introduced.
• 02-13: We momentarily thought Condi had adopted a large, square afro:

(Reuters)

• 02-16: I indulged in more Condi afro fantasies.
• 02-25: Condi makes the cover of The Black Republican, a real magazine.
• 03-01: The exciting debut of network Condicising.
• 03-02: Condi 'n' Crazy Eyes, the dinner guests from Hell.
• 03-09: If looks could kill, Rumsfeld would be a pile of smoldering ashes.
• 03-12: Condi receives prank cocaine-lined ukulele with love from Bolivia.
• 03-14: Condi meets Elmo, as eerily foreshadowed by PSP.
• 03-16: Condi briefly forced to wear baseball cap, dine with mortals on Australian visit.
• 03-21: Condi does three matching armchairs photo-ops in one afternoon.
• 03-27: A new photo-op type is born as Condi rushes from one Sunday show to the next.
• 03-31: Romance with Jack Straw continues (see below) as Condi visits glamorous Blackburn.
• 03-31: "I know we have made tactical errors, thousands of them."

• 04-01: Pony Pal™ z7 introduces a still functioning Condiriffic diploclock.
• 04-02: Prevalence of Kleenex™ in Arab photo-ops noted.
• 04-06: State Department staffer surfs 53 pages of PSP in 26 minutes.
• 04-08: NY Times publishes puff piece on Condi's chamber music group.
• 04-11: Associated Press obtains hot Condi juvenalia.
• 04-25: Greeks pay tribute to Condi with a special puppet show.
• 05-01: And Rumsfeld glares right back at Condi. Who will win this battle of endurance?
• 05-05: MOMA acquires unflattering portrait of Condi.
• 05-07: Condi dumps Jack Straw.
• 05-08: Wasted Condi appears to fall asleep during Bush speech.
• 05-09: Condi honored by Time Magazine, wears satin, carries Judith Leiber purse.
• 05-10: Condi has to bat off an overexcited Javier Solana.
• 05-16: Her boring iPod playlist revealed.
• 05-16: Superiority of Reuters Yuri Gripas conclusively demonstrated when he wins the Condirazzi Iron Photo-Opographer challenge.
• 05-31: Condi introduces ring-toss as a way to liven up press conferences:

• 06-01: Condi introduces us to Ursula, her exact chromatic opposite. Later, Ursula would be revealed to be the Anti-Condi.
• 06-01: Hilarious Bush/Condi rumors are taken seriously for about five minutes.
• 06-03: The return of Condicising.
• 06-13: Condi 'n' Rummy: still super awkward.
• 07-03: PSP nails down the requirements for a truly cliché Condi presidential rumor article.
• 07-10: Afro fantasies reach their logical conclusion.
• 07-16: Wheee! Condi rides on a golf cart driven by Vladimir Putin.
• 07-20: Condi and Jesse Jackson, together at last.
• 07-24: Condi suffers a nearly complete hairdo breakdown in Lebanon.
• 07-26: "Touching her forehead" or "wincing in pain"? You decide!
• 07-27: Condi shakes off the bad times, dons a bizarre sparkley outfit, plays the piano.
• 07-29: Condi inspires renaissance of mean-spirited Lebanese caricature:

• 08-02: Condi becomes chic fashion accessory for goats.
• 08-03: What if Condi traveled back in time and appeared in a serigraph by William H. Johnson?
• 08-24: PSP endures 10-day Condi dry spell, survives.
• 09-01: Angela Merkel knocks Condi off the "Most Powerful Woman™" pedestal.
• 09-12: Condi has a whirlwind, caffeine-fueled dream date (see below) with hunky Peter MacKay.
• 09-12: Meet serial Condi portrayer Penny Johnson!
• 09-14: Reuters Condiographers begin Condi upskirt contest. All will fail.
• 09-25: Experimental "reaching across the banquet table" photo-op debuts, flops.

• 10-06: Condi completes terrifying 50-yard dash in Baghdad.
• 10-10: Vampire Condi officiates at gay wedding, almost bites Crazy Eyes.
• 10-18: Two words which always quicken my pulse in Condi photo captions: gusty winds.
• 10-18: Origin of "holding the invisible sphere" gesture found in Italian Surrealist sculpture.
• 10-19: Koreans make the prettiest anti-Condi graphics.
• 10-20: Multiple Chinese matching armchair photo-ops spoiled by enormous flower arrangements.
• 10-20: Karen Hughes likens Condi to 7th Century Muslim woman.
• 10-25: Condi flops on return to Heritage Foundation, neocons turn on her, too.
• 11-09: Condi introduces washed-up ice skater as latest weapon in the war on terror.
• 11-12: Condi vs. Rummy battle over, Condi wins.
• 11-15: Peter MacKay breaks up with Condi long-distance.
• 11-17: Condi 'n' Crazy Eyes wear ill-advised satin outfits to banquet.
• 11-21: She finally gets leid:

• 12-01: Protesters decide Condi is best represented by a hirsute bird puppet.
• 12-11: Hacky rom-com author gazes at Condi, finds her wanting.
• 12-12: Condi experiences bigger invisible spherical friend envy.
• 12-14: PSP longs for Condibot/Ben Bot romance.
• 12-19: Angry Condi avatar hits the WII.
• 12-29: We notice that Condi wisely keeps her ladyparts covered during close encounters with the rest of the Bush administration:

Another crazy year for Condi watchers! Note, however, that 2006 contained the crest of her fabulous trajectory as SoS, and by the end of the year, people would regularly be writing mean things about her and deciding that some dumpy German lady was more powerful. The nerve!

Stay tuned for 2007, a year of decline and embarrassments, and 2008, re-runs.

Here's 2005, 2007, 2008/9.

Condi Nasty: The Secretary of State's Shoes, Hairdos, and Fabulous Fashions, Part One, 2005

I simply can't let Condoleezza Rice, the enigmatic figure who has been –and will likely continue to be– the primary focus of this blog, wave goodbye without a proper send-off. Consider this: however you may feel about what aspect of Condi's tenure at the State Department upon which I chose to focus, what many would consider to be the unimportant things (the shoes, the hairdos, the fabulous fashions), I feel that I have covered those things more extensively –and intensively– than any other web site.

I started this blog one month after Condi was named Secretary of State, February 25, 2005, the very same day Robin Givhan published her Condiverse-shattering essay on La Rice's long black coat and sexy boots (above). But in retrospect, Givhan's fawning praise wrote a check Condi ended up not cashing:

Rice boldly eschewed the typical fare chosen by powerful American women on the world stage. She was not wearing a bland suit with a loose-fitting skirt and short boxy jacket with a pair of sensible pumps. She did not cloak her power in photogenic hues, a feminine brooch and a non-threatening aesthetic.

Ironically, what Givhan praises Condi for not doing is an exact description of what we ended up getting for the next four years. But anyway! In 2005, Condi was freshly-scrubbed, liked to wear red, and had an adorable flip hairdo. Here are the highlights from year one:

• 01-26: Senate confirms Condi!
• 02-25: Robin Givhan writes about Condi's domilicious boots.
• 02-25: Princess Sparkle Pony debuts.
• 03-13: Bob Schieffer can hardly keep his composure, asks Condi about the boots.
• 03-30: Queen Latifah on Condi: "Can we really lay a hot-comb to that head?"
• 04-06: I realize that Condi's hairdo requires constant vigilance.
• 04-12: PSP documents "matching armchairs" phenomenon for the first time.

(Reuters, 04-12)

• 04-25: Associated Press Condigraphic mostly helpful only to PSP.
• 04-26: "Condi got to grimace at a tattooed breakdancer's crotch!"
• 05-04: PSP notes first instance of wire photographers getting bored with Condi.
• 05-12: Condi doll looks more like Mike Tyson in drag.
• 05-20: Major hairdo upheaval.
• 05-23: Last public appearance of The Flip.
• 05-31: PSP suggests hairdo alternatives:

(Image by Pony Pal™ Uncle Splatty)

• 06-06: "Mainstream" media finally notices Condi's new hairdo.
• 06-15: Meeting with Angelina Jolie inspires Condi to show some ass.
• 06-28: First recorded denials of Condi's presidential aspirations.
• 06-28: Condi 'n' Kofi: they finally kiss.
• 07-07: We see Condi's ugly handwriting for the first time.
• 07-11: Condi upstaged by tropical flower arrangement in Thailand.
• 07-13: First noted instance of Condi's face on a protest sign.
• 07-19: Existence of americansforrice.com "Team Condi" trucker hat confirmed.
• 07-25: PSP first notes the "signing a meaningless document" photo-op type.
• 07-28: PSP first notes the "Madison Time" photo-op type. In the same post, Reuters' Yuri Gripas first identified as superior Condirazzi.
• 07-31: Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System™ introduced to a thankful world.

• 08-08: Photoshoppers provide reference examples of "Severe" Condoleezza Hairdo Alerts.
• 08-11: PSP realizes that by concentrating so much attention on Condi's hairdo, he's neglecting her totally cute outfits.
• 08-14: PSP reaches out to the rest of the Condiverse, is spurned.
• 08-23: First Condi shoe speculation on PSP is chillingly prophetic: Ferragamo, maybe?
• 08-24: The labor-saving, Animagic, Disneytronic Condibot is introduced.
• 08-28: Puffy Combs portrays Condi at the MTV music awards.
• 09-01: The famous Ferragamo incident: Gawker reports Condi's shoe shopping spree during Hurricane Katrina.
• 09-11: Condi wears the most gigantic flag pin ever.
• 09-14: Bush writes a note to Condi during the World Summit asking her if he can go tinkle.
• 09-27: By this time, wire photographers find a dramatic set of drapes to be more interesting than Condi.

(Reuters 10-11-05)

• 10-06: Condi's Klingon ancestry noted for the first time.
• 10-11: PSP favorite photo-op ever: Condi has a terrifying encounter with a falcon-wielding Smurf (see above).
• 10-22: Condi's love affair with Jack Straw hits its zenith at a football game in Alabama.
• 10-25: She meets with three prime ministers in one day.
• 10-26: USA Today turns Condi into a Hell Demoness via an overenthusiastic use of Photoshop's sharpening filter.
• 11-02: PSP notes with relief the lack of Condi panty peekaboo shots despite all the matching armchair photo-ops. This is to her credit, because, as we'll see, the Condirazzi will later make this a top priority, a mission which they will ultimately fail. This is Condi's sole victory.
• 11-08: Condi's over reliance on the "holding the invisible sphere" hand gesture first noted.
• 11-12: Condi equated with Maryanne on Gilligan's Island.
• 11-30: USA Today's Barbara Slavin scores the silliest ever interview with Condi about her fab fashions: I cannot confirm or deny. [ Laughter .]

(Image by Pony Pal z7q2)

• 12-02: Superiority of Reuters Condirazzi Yuri Gripas reaffirmed.
• 12-03: Condi wears her later-infamous Red Dress of Grievances.
• 12-07: AP publishes chilling montage of Condi's hands while Reuters settles for a terrifying angel of death.
• 12-09: Condimania hits an all-time high when she is so mobbed on her trip to Europe that photographers must shoot through each others' tripods to get a glimpse of her.
• 12-19: Condi achieves total spiritual enlightenment at the Heritage Foundation.
• 12-19: I finally put the pieces together and realize that Condi's "holding the invisible sphere" hand gesture is actually a small, spherical, invisible friend she likes to cuddle in times of stress:

Quite a year for Condi! 2005 started with her being rewarded for her dismal performance as national security advisor by being promoted to secretary of state, and ended with America's Princess Diplomat at maximum over-exposure and fake credibility. This was truly Condi's honeymoon year. Accomplishments? Are you serious?

Stay tuned for 2006 (the best Condiyear), 2007, and 2008/9!