Condi Veep Rumor Sideshow Tent Explodes

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice meets with Chile's Minister of Defense Jose Goni, left, at the State Department in Washington, Tuesday, April 8, 2008. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

OK, so this thing has gotten totally out of control. Fun! But please, let me toss my sparkley, combable mane impertinently and state for the record that as one of the nation's leading experts on Condoleezza Rice's hairdo and sunglasses, I can absolutely assure you that America's Princess Diplomat will NOT be McCain's running mate, did not appear at Grover Norquist's little confab to angle for the job, and will never run for public office of any sort. There!

Look, I know it's painful, especially to journalists, but there you have it. Do you want a roundup? OK:

• Are you a stringer for a news agency who wants nothing more than to have a glamorous new player on the field? Simply take Condi's explicit denials and surround them with wistful phrases like "without closing the door". Honey, she slammed the door shut yesterday.
  
• I love you, Mary Ann Akers, but your latest column in the Washington Post cracks me up. Ms. Akers went directly to Tax Bear Grover Norquist himself to get his opinion on Condi. Turns out he loves her and thinks she'd be a great veep! Or president! And Condi's explicit, unequivocal denials? Oh, they're there... buried wayyy down near the bottom of the story. A closer inspection of Norquist's description of Condi's stunt appearance at his group indicates a very shallow, casual encounter in which Dr. Ferragamo was thanked by a female neocon for bringing back black boots, and never even brought up economic issues. If Condi wanted to sell herself to Americans for Tax Reform, don't you think she'd talk about, you know, taxes 'n' such?
  
• Reuters gets the prize for the most tortured language employed to soft-pedal Condi's denials: "U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice left slightly open the chance on Tuesday that she might be interested in running as vice president on Republican White House contender John McCain's ticket." After all, nothing could be more conclusive than the word "might" modified by the word "slightly".
• Washington Note's Steve Clemons must be pissed! After all, Mr. Clemons got the rumor ball rolling by being the first to speculate that Condi's command performance for Norquist "proved" she was going for the veep slot, but then everybody gives the credit to Dan Senor for repeating the rumors on George Stephanopoulos' teevee show. Actually, maybe Mr. Clemons is relieved? After all, he commented right here on PSP that he got "a bit excited." He's probably happy now to let Senor take the "credit" for making the rumors explode.
  

Will the speculation stop now? Oh, please. You know better than that.