Thursday, January 15, 2015

Condi Roundup!

Above: Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaking at the J.P. Morgan Healthcare Conference in San Francisco Wednesday. Image Credit: Mark Sullivan/VentureBeat

 It's a new Condiyear! So what's America's Princess Diplomat been up to? Well, not much, actually. But seeing Condi in a brand new Matching Armchairs Photo-Op Live! On Stage! filled me with nostalgia for bygone Condidays.

On the other hand, OMG, what is UP with those dorm chairs? Those are terrible. Anyway, this was at the J.P. Morgan Healthcare Conference, so that's got to be one of her full-price gigs, so well worth enduring a bad armchair in front of an audience of pharmaceutical executives. Condi said some vague things about terror 'n' such, complained about Edward Snowden, revealed that the world is a dangerous place, and suggested that the US send troops to the Balkans because, my goodness, that sounds like the best idea ever. Reminder: Dr. Ferragamo was paid more than what the average American makes in a year for today's brief staged interview. Gooooo Condi!

I know you all are fans of Condi Veep Rumors™, and we briefly enjoyed NFL Commissioner Condi Rumors a few months ago, so how about some Condi Running To Fill Barbara Boxer's Senate Seat Rumors? Sounds great, right? Alas, those fun-sounding rumors have already come and gone, so we'll have to wait a few more months for Condi Veep Rumors™ to start bobbing up again.

So other than CVRs, what will 2015 bring Condiwatchers? Canned speeches and paychecks, same as always.

Monday, January 12, 2015

Jennifer Rubin Tries Joke

 

No, Jennifer, no! That's not how the joke works! I love the joke! Here is the joke:

There is a huge rivalry between Los Angeles and San Francisco, but only San Francisco knows about it.

That's it! That is the joke. I have no idea who first came up with it. Here is the explanation of the joke: people from San Francisco think there's a huge rivalry between them and Los Angeles, but that's only because San Francisco secretly knows that LA is way more important and so they dismiss it as vulgar and dumb because they feel incredibly insecure about it. People in Los Angeles, on the other hand, think San Francisco is great, a wonderful place to visit, and they love it and feel no reason to hate or fear it. So the rivalry exists solely in the minds of the San Franciscans.

That's how the joke works. It isn't really even a joke; more of an explanation. Here's Jennifer Rubin's version:

The “rivalry” between Romney and Jeb Bush is like that between San Francisco and Los Angeles. The former is so confident of its own stature that it does not know there is a rivalry. Romney is Los Angeles.

No, Jennifer, no! That is not the joke!

Monday, December 29, 2014

Great Moments In Animation History: Friz Freleng Forgets Own Name


I just can't stop looking at fake cartoon "art" on eBay!

In July, I introduced you to my new favorite eBay seller, a vendor of vast amounts of fake autographs and doodles so improbable, so badly done and illogical, that even the most cursory glance would repel an intelligent collector like a crucifix would a vampire.

Well, "timetreats" is still at it, still shoddy and obvious as ever, and successfully selling thousands of dollars worth of fakes to... who are these people?

Take the example above: this was sold to a satisfied buyer just earlier this month.

In this case, the forger was so careless that he/she MISSPELLED THE SIGNATURE, and the buyer evidently didn't notice! "Frelenego." And let's not even get into the "quality" of the ballpoint pen chicken scratches we're supposed to believe came from one of the greatest draftsmen in animation history. Misspelled the signature!

I'm obviously in the wrong line of work.


Wednesday, December 24, 2014

The Greatest Story Ever Told!


Merry War on Christmas! I've found a new yuletide classic for you!

Forget It's a Wonderful Life. Forget Miracle on 34th Street. FUCK Charles Dickens, because a YouTube user with the aspirational name "moneymagnetelizabeth" has produced your next annual tradition.

So bundle up the kids in polyester fleece, jingle those... um... jingle bells, and gather all your loved ones around for the heartwarming tale of how despite the best efforts of Evil Communist Grinches George Soros, Obama, unspecified Rothschilds, and even the Pope, one brave lady soldiered on and found a tacky discarded Christmas tree on the street corner and discovered the true meaning of the season:



You're welcome.