Friday, January 30, 2009

Mitch McConnell Experiences Total Enlightenment, Snaps Out of It


Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., speaks at the Republican National Committee (RNC) meeting in Washington, Thursday, Jan. 29, 2009. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)


Is it possible for Republicans to learn from their mistakes, to have moments of self-recognition and clarity? Yes! But those moments are brief and die quickly. Here's renowned closet case Mitch "Froggy" McConnell speaking to the RNC yesterday:

"We’re all concerned about the fact that the very wealthy and the very poor, the most and least educated, and a majority of minority voters, seem to have more or less stopped paying attention to us," the Kentucky Republican said on the second day of the four-day gathering.

"And we should be concerned that, as a result of all this, the Republican Party seems to be slipping into a position of being more of a regional party than a national one."


Wow, that "regional party" line, that's what we've all been saying lately! Is McConnell supposed to be saying this stuff out loud? He goes on:

"Too often we’ve let others define us," McConnell said. "And the image they’ve painted isn’t very pretty. Ask most people what Republicans think about immigrants, and they’ll say we fear them. Ask most people what we think about the environment, and they’ll say we don’t care about it. Ask most people what we think about the family, and they’ll tell you we don’t — until about a month before Election Day."


Such clarity! Could there be hope for them after all? Ha! Don't worry, he ended up, I guess, getting slapped hard across the face backstage by Sir Tansalot (Boehner), just like you see with hysterical women in old movies. McConnell snapped out of it, thank goodness, calmed down, and proceeded to conclude that they must not change anything about themselves at all:

The Senate Minority Leader, who faced an unexpectedly competitive race last year to retain his seat, told the Republican gathering it's not too late for the party to rebuild itself. But he warned the GOP cannot change its fundamental values in the course of trying to appeal to a wider cross-section of the country.

"You don’t get them back by pretending to be something else," he said. “And you certainly don’t gain voters by running away from the ones that are most loyal. But it’s clear our message isn’t getting out to nearly as many people as it should."


Phew, that was a near thing! He came this close to being on Rush Limbaugh's shit list.

7 comments:

dguzman said...

Did someone slip him some Veritas Serum? I guess it wore off quickly.

Still, I'm glad to hear that in some tiny corner of his "mind," Froggy knows all the bedrock truths about his party's beliefs.

Lulu Maude said...

Values are FUN-damental! Greed will always be something they can hold close to their withered, atrophying hearts.

p.s. What did you mean by closet case? Clarity closet case, or that... um.. other one?

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

McConnell is supposedly a closet hairdresser. You may wish to look him up on blogactive.com.

carmen sutra said...

He may want to hook up with men, but it ain't gonna happen. All my friends consider a chin to be a prerequisitie for engaging in homosexual relations.

justlovely said...

Mr. Boner, since your loyal base is shrinking, are you saying that you have to lose voters in order to gain them?

Celia said...

He looks as though he's thinking "oh shit, oh shit, what am I doing here, oh shit, they'll eat me alive". Of course, he always looks like that, but it's probably entirely appropriate in the context.

Also, he should grow a beard. It's the cheapest and most readily available way for a man to disguise a receding chin.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

Celia: McConnell already has a beard. Her name is Elaine Chao.

*rimshot*