Monday, September 24, 2007

It's OK, Condi, Because the Wire Service Photographers Will Always be There for You When All the TV Stations Reject You

OMG, snubbed! This is a scorned woman:

U.S. Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice speaks to reporters after a Quartet Principals meeting at U.N. Headquarters in New York Sunday, Sept. 23, 2007 (AP Photo/David Karp)

Condi usually doesn't work work on Sundays; she usually just does the spokesmodeling thing on the network blabfests. So what's she doing at this totally boring UN thingy? I mean, what? And this is where it gets a little bitchy because Howard Kurtz had to go and say all these mean things about our Princess Diplomat. And I mean really, really mean:

No Dice on Rice

The secretary of state has always been considered a prize catch for the Sunday talk shows. But when the White House offered Condoleezza Rice for appearances eight days ago, after a week focused on Iraq, two programs took the unusual step of turning her down.

Executives at CBS and NBC say Rice no longer seems to be a key player on the war and that her cautious style makes her a frustrating guest.

"I expected we'd just get a repetition of the administration's talking points, which had already been well circulated," says Bob Schieffer, host of CBS's "Face the Nation," who questioned two senators instead. "We'd had a whole week of that with General Petraeus and President Bush. I thought it was more important to get a sense of where the Senate Republicans were."

Tim Russert, moderator of "Meet the Press," who also hosted two senators, declined to comment on why he turned down Rice.

"She was happy to have her Sunday morning back," says State Department spokesman Sean McCormack. "There are lots of weekends where we're getting urgent phone calls requesting her to be on Sunday shows."

Footnote: None of the five shows turned down Hillary Clinton yesterday, although there was grumbling about the lack of exclusivity.

OMG, right? Can you believe that Schieffer, Russert... even that Rastapopolis guy, I bet... like they have better things to do than have a girly chat with -- Hello!-- Condoleezza Rice?

So that's why she was at that stupid dullsville event yesterday that was way too boring, but you know what? At least she got her look put back together. I think that Saturday she had a spa day, because on Friday she was a ghastly rough thing (we'll get back to that, alas), so Condi was lookin' good (although it could be, of course, the labor-saving, Disneytronic Condibot).

Today, Condi still looks good, and she stood behind a podium at some Earth Day thingy or something, and managed her usual impressive feat of saying just loads 'n' loads of stuff containing no actual content:

Condoleezza Rice, US Secretary of State speaks at a high-level event on climate change titled "Innovating a climate-friendly world: the role of technology and dissemination" at U.N. Headquarters in New York, Monday, Sept. 24, 2007. (AP Photo/David Karp)

Finally, and this is a doozy: I've been a terribly negligent pony. It's true! Properly, there should have been a Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System... um... alert, because, OK, on Friday? Utter hairdo nadir. It was really bad, and I was on pins 'n' needles all weekend. Actually, that's totally a lie. The whole thing played out over the weekend while I was doing other things! And that's where the system breaks down! It's totally a metaphor for the Iraq war or the holocaust or whatever. I blame bush.

But, OK... here's a picture from Friday:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice receives a kiss from French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner following their joint news conference at the State Department in Washington, Friday, Sept. 21, 2007. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Ew. You can't really see it very well, but that hairdo is about to fall off her head. Compare it to the top picture!

Are you ready for the big reveal? Here's how bad the coiffure had gotten on Friday:

(Reuters/Jim Young)

OMG helmetty! So, obvs, that was the ultimate denouement of that hairdo cycle, wouldn't you say?

But that's all in the past, because a vital mission has been completed, one which overshadows all the other petty little skirmishes happening all over the globe: Condi's hairdo has been successfully stabilized.

And that's how the Condiweek starts! And, OMG, Condi? If you're reading this, you totally shouldn't care about your TV career being kinda washed-up right now, because the Associated Press, Reuters, Getty Images, Corbis, AFP... they'll never leave you (I hope).


Kelster93 said...

Tehcnically, that first Condi/Kouchner shot could be captioned French Kiss...

Distributorcap said...

has Condi been stealing the helmets from the troops in Iraq - no wonder they are having so many problems

Matty Boy said...

On Huffington Post, they had a link to some site that asked the scary awful question, "Okay, Condi, we know you are going grey. Why not just let it happen?" They do some completely un-Ponyworthy photoshopping and act like it's perfectly okay.


FranIAm said...

Helmetty is right! Do the Redskins know what's missing?

Yeech! I feel afeared!

Jess Wundrun said...

Hey, sorry to be Debbie Downer here but what's up with this:

"I expected we'd just get a repetition of the administration's talking points, which had already been well circulated," says Bob Schieffer, host of CBS's "Face the Nation," who questioned two senators instead. "We'd had a whole week of that with General Petraeus and President Bush. I thought it was more important to get a sense of where the Senate Republicans were.

So when we heard enough of Administration Republicans, Schieffer thought total refreshment would be to hear from Senat Republicans? What a new POV!

Apparently it absolutely doesn't even matter what democrats might have had on their minds.

Anonymous said...

The beigey top she is wearing with the red suit in the pics at the bottom looks a little low cut... Do my eyes deceive me?

King Friday XIII said...

And she's wearing her marge simpson necklace pearls in every shot.

Anonymous said...

Well, not that she's gone & got herself all gussied up, I'll bet them news shows'll change their ways.

See what a bath and a clean shirt'll do for ya?

Anonymous said...

Not only is Condi having trouble with her coiffure, but something strange has happened to her right hand! P.S., I tried to get my hand to do that, but found it too painful!

Anonymous said...

Here's the link for the strange hair & hand:

dguzman said...

OMG, get some scissors and trim that shit up! The weight of the helmet is obviously too much for the scalp to support!

Anonymous said...

Erm, I don't know what you guys think of that funny lil website facebook, (OK, I admit it, I am totally addicted!) but there is a group that is dedicated to the consummation of the relationship that never (far as I know) was- to Peter and Condi. While I say this with full knowledge that I'm not the Princess round here, just think how happy and shiny everything could be if she got laid regularly!
Forever your loyal subject,

samael7 said...

Thank you, dear Glitzenpony, for the totally necessary warning that preceded pictures of the helmet-do.

I'm still clutching my pearls.

Note to Jess: OMG! The Senate Republicans are TOTALLY different from Condi 'n' Bush! They're still popular, right?*

* Or, at least, it wasn't their election year yet. Whatever!

Lulu Maude said...

I hate to say it, but I don't think that Dr. F looks any better than Friday.

She needs a whole makeover. Methinks I even detected a flake of dandruff in the Sunday pic.

Please, Sparkle Pony, show Condi that you care. Propose some new looks for her.

Obviously she's being mishandled by her handlers.

Karen Zipdrive said...

Peter and Condi?? Puleeeze.
Scroll down to "Is this Mrs. Condi?" and catch up...
She's a total lesbo!
The gay boys had their J. Edgar Hoover and we girls have this bulldagger.

As for this ghastly photo array, in the top photo I see the telltale signs of her process job starting to give out at the roots.
Get out the Dixie Peace Pomade, girl.

Muscato said...

Well, I say thank heaven the pearls are back - I hate hate hate the metal torque-y thing that usually replaces them, for itself and because it's so often accompanied by the dreadful zig-zag brooch...

And indeed, dear anonymous, there does in fact appear to be slightest, teasing glimpse of the upper-ladyparts in the red-and-beige ensemble - perhaps a subtle sartorial nod to the knowledge that she'd have the chance to kiss a Frenchman?

Anonymous said...

Portrait of Condi at:

brooklyn red said...

Thank goodness - at least Condi is not being ignored at home - from today's Washington Post:

House Panel Says Rice Is Hindering Its Work
Blackwater, Corruption in Iraq at Issue

An ongoing battle between Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and a House committee investigating Iraqi government corruption and the activities of the Blackwater security firm erupted into another skirmish yesterday as Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-Calif.) accused Rice of interfering with the committee's work and preventing administration and Blackwater officials from providing pertinent information.
In the latest of a series of exchanges, Waxman, chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, wrote Rice to urge that she "reconsider the unusual positions you are taking." Congress has a "constitutional prerogative" to look into the issues, he wrote, and she is "wrong to interfere with the Committee's inquiry."
(I bet it was the Condibot who did the ignoring)

Anonymous said...

Princess on high,

As always this is an absolutely brilliant post -- both visually as as a reflection of the zeitgeist in Sodom & Gomorrah.

And, most admired one, herein may be the problem: our "Dr" Kondi appears to be fading away on the Imperial Capital radar screen, no longer our Great Foreign Policy Guru but just a provincial gal from Atlanta who God knows what she did to Dubya (or Laura, or oil companies, or whatever) to get where she is. And now is getting in deep, black waters.

Which poses, to all of us who admire you, dearest Princess, an existential question; What will happen to Princess Sparkle Pony's genius blog when nobody could care less about Kondi's hair (or Kondi herself)?

Let us hope that Rice's disappearance will not mean the end of PSPP! That would be the loss of a national treasure...

dguzman said...

Zipdrive, you kill me.

And oh my gosh, the last anon's comments made me realize for the first time that La G-uh-Condi (get it!?) will NOT be ruling the Ferragamo Firmament once W is out of office (made my heart skip a beat just to type those last five words)! What will we do? Focus on Ursula?