Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Condi Dos and Don'ts: DO Bounce Quarters Off Her Ass, DON'T Try to Sell Her Cheap Baubles

Rush and Malloy have some tantalizing excerpts from Glenn Kessler's upcoming Condiography. This is obviously going to be the best book EVER. Many wonderful anecdotes are included in this tasty tease, but two in particular are my early faves. In the first one, a mere shopgirl mismanages Dr. Ferragamo's jewelry needs:

Coit Blacker, a Stanford professor who is one of the secretary of state's closest friends, recalls going into a shop where Rice asked to see earrings. The clerk showed her costume jewelry. Rice asked to see something nicer, prompting the clerk to whisper some sass under her breath.

Blacker remembers Rice tearing the woman to shreds.

"Let's get one thing straight," he recalls her saying. "You are behind the counter because you have to work for minimum wage. I'm on this side asking to see the good jewelry because I make considerably more."

A manager quickly brought Rice better baubles.


The second anecdote is even better, because it involves Condi laughing when people threw money at her butt. No, really:

She does let her hair down. Once at a party Blacker threw, Condi kicked off her shoes and started dancing. Wanting to show his partner how firm Rice's behind was, Blacker postulated that if he aimed a quarter at her butt, it would bounce right off like a rocket.

"He was right," says Kessler. "[Rice] didn't realize what he had done until everyone was laughing hysterically. She was flattered and proud."

13 comments:

FranIAm said...

Oh baby got back don' she now. Quarters be mad bouncin' fo real.

I love the shopgirl anecdote... it illustrates the kind of "don't you know who i am" superiority that we expect from dr ferragamo and anyone else associated with the bush white house.

In fact I am sorry to hear that she did't remind the person just how well it was working out for them to have that crappy minimum wage job waiting on high minded folks like Condi.

dguzman said...

Wow. And this Coit (heh) Blacker person is her FRIEND? what stories do her ENEMIES tell!? I mean, both of these stories tell ME that Condi's a bitch.

No Marsupial Equivalent said...

So what you're really saying is that Condi is a Star-bellied Sneetch and a tight-ass?

So, New?

HRH King Friday XIII said...

Baby got back!

wassonii said...

also from the teaser "...she looked like a cross between Mussolini and Liza Minnelli..."
Indeed!

Distributorcap said...

i betcha Condi lap dances too. she is probably a lot of fun at bachelor parties -- people stuffing George Bush $1 worthless bills into her crotchless panties....

Anonymous said...

You bitches are jealous because YOU haven't gotten to bounce a quarter off of her ass, yet!

Question of the day, then: how high does an Austrian pfennig bounce when it hits Condi's ass? Cause only Ursula knows for sure...

Anonymous said...

The appalling vulgarity of it all ... this is the totally petite bourgeoise "person" displaying her "power" (and "running" our foreign policy ) .... if only we had any human feelings left after how many years of Bush & Co we would be outraged rather than amused...

Karen Zipdrive said...

Even Oprah wouldn't pull that kind of shit at the jewelry store. Hermes in Paris, yes, but not some Americus Diamond in Silver Spring.

Betsy Ross said...

I hate to interrupt some perfectly fun Condibashing, but wasn't that same anecdote used in a Washington Post Magazine piece about Condi's mom demanding service from a white salesperson in the segregated south? That sounds too close to be real. I'm just saying.

Anonymous said...

I think we need to cut Condi some slack. I mean, fo realz. That shopgirl sassed her. She earned that tongue lashing.

Speaking of tongue lashing, after reading that quarters anecdote, I got to thinking. I would so teach Condi the meaning of "makin' love".

Anonymous said...

Ick.
Yuck.
And bonus points to anyone who tosses a quarter at Condi's ass on the next SecState visit.

Anonymous said...

And one more thing...Kessler describes Rice as a "rarity: a trim and attractive black woman (p. 10)." What an insult to black women. Rhetorically speaking, what is attractive.