Guest Blogging By My Younger Self, Part Three

 

(Click for bigger.)

These are, obviously, kiddie-style drawings of my friends in the class for which this journal was made.

Could it possibly be any more 1980s? I especially like the gigantic Esprit logo.

You may remember "K.T." as my prom date.

Anti-Vaxxer Family Circus

Cliven Bundy Family Circus

UPDATE:

Ted Nugent Family Circus

I hope you weren't expecting a classy first post for PSP year 10.

Link for full quotes.

Prospects Fabulously Bleak For A Happy Abortion Day

(Sparkle Pony Flashback to 01-23-10)

Unexpected snow day! Evidently, it is going to start snowing today by mid-morning, and then it is not going to stop snowing until well after dark. And then the temperatures are going to take a nose-dive into the single digits. That snow will not be going anywhere.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow is Abortion Day! It's everybody's favorite day where groups of teenagers from Catholic high schools are festooned with matching acrylic knitwear and trundled into the District so that they can march in circles around the building where I work and leave their signs everywhere. I've documented Abortion Day many times, and it's always a fairly cold and miserable day, but tomorrow is going to be... I believe the scientific term is OMG fucking cold. With piles of snow everywhere. And acrylic knits will not cut it. And young children will really have a hard time. I expect there will be a lot of "martyrdom-grabbing."

I predict a sad, miserable Abortion Day. I can't wait!

WEDNESDAY UPDATE: I'm staying home today, because OPM announced a "liberal leave" policy for the day.  I've been keeping up with the story, and so far the dumbest thing is from, naturally, Politico, where Tal Kopan gives the event a ludicrously puffy buildup under the title "Snow doesn't hinder March for Life" before eventually getting to the part where the snow and cold is, in fact, hindering the event in various ways.

Reince Priebus: So Drunk All The Time

 (A simulation)

I have a friend who told me the following (paraphrased) story today:

"I live in the same building as (RNC Chairman) Reince Priebus, and he is just soooo drunk all the time! I mean, he gets home and gets blotto drunk just about every night. It was really, really bad leading up to the election. He has a young son and a younger daughter, like about four years old. It's really common to see them outside at night walking their dog, and the daughter is leading the dog, which is bigger than she is, and Priebus is so drunk that he's slurring and literally stumbling around."

Do with this knowledge what you will!

LOLborshuns!

According to this article at Salon, the religious right wants to appeal to young people by "making abortion funny." For once, I'd like to help them out, so I'm proud to present LOLbortions:

And as a special bonus, please enjoy this blastLOLcist:

Knoxie™ And Trotski In "For Mature Adults Only"

UPDATE: Just in case newer readers want to know who the hell is Knoxie?, see here.

Art Collection: "Family Circus" Drawing By Bil Keane, 1977

 

(Click for HUGE file. It is impressive.)

Today's selection from my collection of comic strip art is the original drawing for a 1977 Family Circus panel by Bil Keane, executed in graphite, pen, brush, and ink with blue pencil and paste-up on a 8.75" x 11.5" illustration board.

I have a complicated relationship with Family Circus (DON'T WE ALL?). It was one of my favorites when I was very young, right up there with Nancy and Peanuts. As I grew older, I hated it more and more. It was so corny! So obvious! Later, as I moved into my "ironic" phase, I loved it all over again for its idiosyncrasies and... well, because it was so corny and obvious.

Today, in my post-ironic phase, I can't say I love Family Circus, but it never fails to impress and even fascinate me. Yes, it is idiosyncratic (why are the kids always drawn with only one nostril?), corny, obvious, and sometimes downright bizarre, but it's also a fantastically well-crafted feature cunningly targeted at two groups which don't generally share tastes in anything: the very young and the very old.

I don't have much to say about the quality of this drawing. It's perfect. That is a solid figure, weighty and logically constructed, and the setting is carefully laid out and rendered with an architect's exactitude. The pattern of the shirt is skilfully and convincingly wrapped around the figure.

What really impresses me is Keane's masterful ability to compose in a circle, a deceptively easy task. The figure is a perfect little "x" shape, and it has been given bold, solid blacks to make it stand out. Rather than placing the figure in the exact middle of the circle, Keane shifts it a little to the left and then balances it on the right with the vertical of the doorway. Then everything is locked in place with further simple horizontals and diagonals. This minimalist but intricate interplay of shapes and forms creates a stable composition which does not "roll," as unsuccessful circular works tend to do. Despite all the carefulness and precision, the whole thing comes across as uncluttered and effortless.

Let's look at some other famous, successful circular compositions. First up is the Adoration of the Magi tondo by Fra Angelico and Fra Filippo Lippi from the mid-15th century:

(Image courtesy the National Gallery of Art, Washington. Click for bigger.)

The good brothers Lippi and Angelico fill their circle by... filling their circle, packing it full of figures and structures which get denser and larger towards the bottom, an almost Weeble-like effect. Within this general scheme, though, there's a lot of push and pull: the figures, interestingly, are placed on a diagonal ground-line, and this is wonderfully balanced by the opposing diagonal of the procession of figures in the upper right. And then all throughout the rest of the picture there are countless little opposing diagonals, horizontals, and verticals, almost like cane seating.

Next is Michelangelo's mirthless Doni Tondo from the Uffizi, ca. 1507:

(Image via. Click for bigger.)

Talk about effortful!  Michelangelo locks down his circle with a wide horizontal strip of figures and a ledge broken by an even wider vertical tower of figures, anchored by the equilateral pyramid of the Madonna. There's simply not much happening in the upper and lower left and right.  What's really interesting is how the artist uses the illusionistic depth axis (the passage of the child from Joseph to Mary) to further stabilize the composition.

But the ultimate circular painting of the Renaissance has got to be Raphael's sublime Alba Madonna, ca. 1510:

(Image courtesy the National Gallery of Art, Washington. Click for bigger.)

What a contrast! Here, everything is breezy and, compared to Michelangelo, nothing seems belabored. Nothing is symmetrical but everything is balanced. Whole volumes could be written on the perfection of this composition, and frankly, I'm not worthy.

And finally, one of the 20th century's greatest compositional masters, Roy Lichtenstein, takes on the circle in one of his great Mirror prints:

(Image via National Gallery of Australia)

Before this gets too ridiculous (this was supposed to be about Family Circus!), suffice it to say that making art in a circle is tricky, and it takes a great artist to master it, and for that alone Bil Keane, who did it perfectly day after day after day for decades, deserves our respect.

Otherwise, LOL, what's up with that shirt? Are you kidding me?

More Toy-Based Movies For Hollywood To Consider

 

 You'd think, with the expensive, embarrassing failure of Battleship, that Hollywood studios would think twice about basing extremely expensive movies on really cheap, relatively undramatic toys. But no, now there's going to be a Tonka Trucks film. Is nostalgia alone enough to sell a movie? Probably not, but I've got a few suggestions:

• Fisher Price Little People: The Little People Family (William H. Macy, Charlize Theron, Daniel Radcliffe) acquire a farm and try to unravel the mystery of why the barn door moos every time they open it.
• Play-Doh: Panic ensues when horrifying monsters escape from the Fun Factory. Luckily for everyone involved, the monsters turn rock-hard within hours and then crumble into dust. They cause little damage but make everything they come in contact with taste salty.
• Sit 'n' Spin: Shia LeBeouf feels like whenever he tries to get any work done, his life spirals out of control.
• Sophie the Giraffe: Sophie just likes to squeak when the neighborhood toddlers gnaw on her limbs. This goes on for 90 minutes.
• Busy Board: Can Ice T, in his "crib," save the world by turning colorful knobs, pushing soft buttons, and sliding plastic levers which make engaging "clackity-clack" noises? Pay $18 to find out... in 3D!
• EZ-Bake: Jennifer Aniston and Michael Cera's catering business is off to a shaky start when they realize that the only piece of equipment they can afford is a single 100 Watt light bulb.
• Silly Putty: Everybody laughs when Sylvester Putty ( Freddie Highmore) falls asleep during class and then wakes up with the words from his biology textbook imprinted on his face, but later his peculiar physical properties save the day!

Follow-Up: Bin Laden Compound Torn Down

(AP Photo)

Follow-up to this post.

Totally Reasonable Restrictions

(PSP-on-Wonkette flashback to January 22, 2008)

All the fetuses are talking about Virginia's new restrictions on abortion clinics, but do they go far enough? There is an miniscule chance, after all, that some clinic may be actually able to work within the new rules. Some suggestions:

• Abortion clinics should be required to have petting zoos featuring Tasmanian wolves, dodos, and velociraptors.
• Doctors should be compelled to present to each patient a staged musical portraying the unborn child's first birthday party.
• Bathroom fixtures must be solid platinum with rubies to indicate hot water, emeralds for cold.
• Clinics must provide a five-story parking garage for each bed.
• Each facility must include a cafeteria designed and administrated by Wolfgang Puck.
• Any fetus aborted must first be proven beyond a reasonable doubt to eventually grow up to be either a terrorist or a hairdresser.

Only then can we be sure that Virginia's women will be protected.

Infant Shares Our Feelings About Michele Bachmann

Republican presidential candidate Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., holds 3-month-old Reese Benjamin as she makes a campaign stop in Humboldt, Iowa, Tuesday, Aug. 9, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

The unfortunate baby-shot: truly a rite of passage for all aspiring politicians.

I Don't Have Much To Write About Right Now, So Here's A Picture Of Callista Gingrich Last Thurday With A Disturbing Elephant Furry

(Photo via Gingrich Productions Twitter)

I wonder what they'll get up to? I'd love to know. Wouldn't you?

Haw, anyway, this is a dumb photo stunt having something to do with Sweet Land of Liberty, Callista's children's book in which Ellis (get it?) the Elephant (GET IT? GET IT?) teaches America's tots about American Exceptionalism™. Neat!

So many questions: why does Ellis have tiger stripes on his trunk? Why is he wearing oven mitts?

Know Your Memes Or Be Doomed To Repeat Them

Spotted at the laundromat today:

My first reaction was, of course, ha ha, Pedobear. My second reaction was, naturally, whoops, Pedobear.

Quickie: Piper Palin THRILLED To Be On Bus Tour

(Photo: New Jersey Star-Ledger)

UPDATE: From Time Magazine:

At one point, Piper approached our photographer and said, "Thanks for ruining our vacation."

UPDATE: Pony Pals commenting on this post accurately describe li'l Piper as a "human shield" deployed cynically by Sarah Palin. They are correct. Let's not forget, however, that this isn't the first time she has intentionally used Piper this way.

Meanwhile...

First lady Michelle Obama dances with students at Alice Deal Middle School in northwest Washington, Tuesday, May 3, 2011, during a surprise visit for the school's Let's Move! event. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Seriously, how cute! I think Michelle Obama broke all the glass ceilings of First Lady adorableness yesterday. Good for her.

In The Pink

By now I'm sure you've heard of the ridiculous "controversy" in which conservatives are outraged (Outraged!!!) over some J. Crew lady painting her son's toenails pink, because goodness knows there's nothing more important to worry about than gender-specific color assignments. Perhaps you're wondering, as I have many times, where this "pink is for girls, blue is for boys" thing comes from.

Enter Jo B. Paoletti of the University of Maryland, who has studied this concept extensively and will be publishing a book on the subject this year. The Smithsonian Magazine has a fascinating preview of Paoletti's work, including a fab slide show, which shows that the pink/blue divide is much more recent than you may think:

The march toward gender-specific clothes was neither linear nor rapid. Pink and blue arrived, along with other pastels, as colors for babies in the mid-19th century, yet the two colors were not promoted as gender signifiers until just before World War I—and even then, it took time for popular culture to sort things out.

For example, a Ladies’ Home Journal article in June 1918 said, “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.”

Basically, it turns out the Baby Boomers are to blame, as always.

I'm certainly going to get this book when it comes out, as this is obviously an interesting topic to me. I've also always been puzzled by the whole concept of seasonal clothing colors, a set of sartorial "rules" I've always enthusiastically rejected.

Up top: just in case you want to show solidarity with the boy with pink toenails, you can purchase these shoes from Keds! They're available in men's sizes!

Mark Foley Back Trolling For Hot Republican Jailbait

Ha ha! OK, this article about Mark Foley is automatically funny. He's back on the "GOP scene," and eager to once again surround himself with young people. Neat! There are two very funny lines in the article, first this:

"He has a great message and touched on so many different things and seamlessly did it."

Haw, and I bet he would have touched on so many more different things, given the chance! Also this:

"It obviously feels good to have people care enough to ask me to do it," Foley said.

OBVIOUSLY.

A Couple Of Wire Photos From Egypt You May Have Missed

An anti-government protester swings a metal chain and holds a poster representing Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak saying "I understand!!", accompanied by words beneath reading "The killer failed", at the continuing demonstration in Tahrir square in downtown Cairo, Egypt, Monday, Jan. 31, 2011. A coalition of opposition groups called for a million people to take to Cairo's streets Tuesday to demand the removal of President Hosni Mubarak. (AP Photo/Ben Curtis)

Well... my goodness! A decapitated demon-vampire! Also, why not bring your baby to a violent, unpredictable, revolutionary demonstration? Even better, just think of your infant as a handy sign-extender when lumber is scarce:

A bonding moment!