Tuesday, September 11, 2007

9-11: À la Recherche du Coiffure Perdu

(L-R) U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, House Majority leader Steny Hoyer (D-MD), House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Washington D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty take part in a ceremony commemorating the sixth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks, on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, September 11, 2007. REUTERS/Jason Reed (UNITED STATES)

OMG, that's totally too much material for hand turkeys for me, but I think we've made a few too many trips to that well lately, haven't we? So anyway, funny combination of people! Condi is standing off-center with a bunch of Demoncrats hogging her spotlight! And Mayor Fenty is looking fabulous! That bitch!

But anyway, since 9-11 is supposed to be a day of remembrance, can we please bring this blog back down to the important issues, the things that really matter? The primary issue of our times, one which we've neglected terribly? OK? I'm speaking, of course, of Condi's hair. I am hating, hating, hating Dr. Ferragamo's hair right now! Ew. And I'm kinda in a k-hole about it, because do I lower the Condoleezza Hairdo Alert Level? Do I raise it? Oh, I just hate it! Look at Condi's hair at that memorial thingy:

(REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque)

It's just... lying there, fallow. It looks like... OK, you know when you see, like, a newscaster lady in the supermarket on a Saturday? THAT is what Condi's hair looks like.

But what's totally unfair is that since there are good reasons to lower the hairdo alert (overall malaise, lack of media attention, general dowdiness), and equally valid reasons to raise it (creeping length-change, apparent loss of structural integrity, sharp decline is bounciness), those two otherwise opposing factors in evaluating Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System levels, alas, cancel each other out. And so the alert level remains unchanged, lifeless. Not the fun roller-coaster of a feature I designed it to be! This is unfair!

This is a hairdo in decline:

(AFP/Karen Bleier)

Something has to be done! (Also: Condi, please ask your makeup artist to reconsider his lipstick techniques.)

That's not a very nice picture of Condi. I think she had a tiring morning, what with the remembrancing and all. It must be interesting to be a thought buzzing around in her bonnet on a day like today, don't you think? What merry thoughts they must be! Yay for anniversaries!

Anyway, after all that, I'm pretty sure Condi was worn out, so they sent out the labor-saving Disneytronic Condibot later for her matching armchairs session with that Gela guy from Georgia (not the Southern one, the Commie one):

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice meets with Georgian Foreign Minister Gela Bezhuashvili , at the State Dept., Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2007, in Washington. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)

And I know that's the Condibot, not the real secretary of state, and I know that the Condibot's manufacturers must employ the most advanced wig technology for their diplomatic simulacrum, but I'm still hating the hair. I wonder what they chatted about? Wouldn't it be great if she were in the matching armchairs like she always is, you know, just sitting with some head of state from some fictitious island nation or something, and then they totally turned and were all, like, "Condi. I really hate your hair." I mean, try to picture that Gela guy up there totally doing that. OMG, wouldn't you just die?

But she needs to know! Who is going to tell Condi about her hair? Is that what people mean when they talk about Condi (or about George) living in a bubble? I used to think that people meant like John Travolta in that movie about the sick kid who couldn't stand germs, but now I get it! It's because there's nobody around Condi who can say to her, "Hello? Condi? The hair?"

With all those thoughts she has swirling around in her head on a special anniversary day like today, I just totally think she should have a way better hairdo to cover them with. That's all.


Distributorcap said...

but PSP -- Nancy Pelosi thinks the world of Condi's coif -- look at hers -- it is pure Condibot!

there must be something to the melt-down look these days of the ladies by the Potomac

Matty Boy said...

I knew you wouldn't bring it up unless it was obvious, but we unwashed and untutored in the art of hair management might not have even noticed, especially from a distance. Looking at some August photos, before a certain Senator became the focus of this blog, Condi's hair is definitely pouffy-er, with more use of product to give it body and volume.

We know she hasn't ignored the hair because she's too busy! Cal Ripken Jr. can attest to that. Maybe she's obsessing over this book about her. The thought process might go something like... "Hey, if guys can bounce quarters off my butt, who's even gonna pay attention to my hair?"

We know if Britney still had the quarter-bouncing butt, people wouldn't be nearly so mean to her.

FranIAm said...

I have two words for you...

And the lipstick remark and photo reminded me of at time when I met RuPaul in 1995. She had two words for me and I kid you not...

When Ru tells you that, you just do it.

Emily said...

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. That was a LOT of PSP analysis. Well played.

Anonymous said...

Princess darling,

It should properly be not "9-11: À la Recherche du Coiffures Perdu," but "9-11: A la recherche de coiffures perdues."

No, PSP, capital letters don't take an accent. Check with your Quebec friends. No caps for headlines. Coiffures is feminine plural and so requires the properly-constituted adjective. As for the "de"-"du," don't ask me to explain it. Check avec tes québécois.

Suggest you spend a summer in France with "Dr" Rice.

best, an admirer.

No Marsupial Equivalent said...

OMG, in the Bleier shot she looks like she's been living in a cave for weeks!

Hey! Could that have something to do with ObL's spiffy new beard-do? Perhaps her personal stylist was engaged in that important (and certainly demanding) assignment, which would explain the obvious neglect here at home.

Bless you, Dr. Ferragamo, for your sacrifice in the name of the war on terror...

sfmike said...

I think this is very serious, Princess, and just to help Miss Condi realize how grave the situation really is, you should probably switch to "Elevated." Somebody will pass on the important color alert to her, I'm sure.

Hell, we've been at "Orange Alert" at the airport for way too many fucking years now for no reason other than 9/11 hysteria. I'm so glad everybody is starting to hate this "solemn anniversary" as much as me.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

OMG, another person taking the French too seriously. What is up with those people?

Matty Boy said...

While we have considered the hairdo and French spelling errors, another important PSP topic has been inexplicably ignored. THE PROTECTION OF THE LADY PARTS!!! Ms. Pelosi's left arm rests comfortably at her side, while Dr. Ferragamo's left hand is heading for The Danger Zone, as Cyndi Lauper once said.

Lady part protection while seated is acceptable behavior. Even standing, hands together behind the back or in front is not a faux pas. But when the right hand goes over the heart, the left hand should stay away from... down there.

This may be a sign that the hairdo problem has spread beyond the top of the head.

Brooklyn Red said...

Princess - I, for one, am happy to see you back on focus. And, as usual, so eloquent in your observations. Perhaps there could be a "limp alert"?

Anonymous said...

Dear Princess, I thought that you might enjoy seeing Condi & Nancy comparing hand turkeys! http://www.comcast.net/news/index.jsp?cat=GENERAL&fn=/2007/09/12/761298.html

dguzman said...

OMG, Matty, you made me spit coffee all over my monitor!

Princess, I think this sad hair-decline deserves some sort of "new" alert chart--perhaps, like the Atomic Clock creeping closer to midnight every time Bush wakes up, we could have Condi's hair serving as our indicator of how close we are to Hairmageddon.

Either that, or she just WAY over-straightened for Australian boat rides and her hair never recovered.

HRH King Friday XIII said...

She's probably losing sleep over how she fucked up with pre-9/11 intelligence. God willing.

Raise it, Princess, darling. Raise it!

Anonymous said...

Condi's makeover at

dguzman said...

and by the way, she looks like SHIT in that picture! Good god, woman, get a facial or something, and use that Revlon lippystick early and often!

samael7 said...

I dunno, that hair DEFINITELY says "fatigue." It's something of an emblem for the whole administration.

Lulu Maude said...

The first intervention should be shampoo.

She looks as if she's been brushing through cornstarch on account of her extra-heavy schedule of confusing 9/11 with the war. Everybody in the administration ought to be straight out.

But she can use her tiredness in that shot with the Democrats by implying, I'm so much more grief stricken than these turkeys are.

Lulu Maude said...

p.s. You should raise the alert when she stops shampooing. Insist upon liquid shampoo.

After a long, hard day of matching armchair shots, she could even drop her pearls in a bottle of Prell.

Do they still make Prell? I guess not.

I am sure that some very rich Republican has a cask of vintage Prell in the cellar. It's the least they can do for their favorite undiplomatic diplomat.

One thing for sure--you've returned us to the fundamentals with this post.

karenzipdrive said...

Aww, Princess, couldn't you have photoshopped photo #1 to have Condi's fingers crossed?
I woulda loved that, and I never ask for much.

wassonii said...

Ah, Princess, true to form and back in the saddle - thank you for keeping an eye to the truths inherent (and blemished).
Perhaps if this keeps up for a few more days/weeks, the level should altered, though the limp is a fantastic stop-gap suggestion.
Zee French-guard is a little uppity, meethinks.

Jess Wundrun said...

First, this post and the comments here are the funniest I've seen in ages.

Second: PSP> why have you been hiding your hot mayor from us? I had no idea.

Third: I have swum against the french hating thing for four years now. But I could start. I could.

Anonymous said...

Principessa carissima,
Allow me to apologize for the boorish intervention of "Anonymous," regarding your French usage. It (I mean "L'anonyme") manifests an appalling manque de politesse as well as a lapse of grammatical savoir-faire. Accents above capitals are indeed permitted. May I suggest that your rubric read, "A la recherche de la coiffure perdue?" Or perhaps it is a stylist rather than a style that is lacking, in that case "A la recherche du coiffeur perdu" will do nicely. Anonymous displays its sadistic hand in threatening a summer spent under the tutelage of Miss Condoleezza Rice, Ph.D. Next time it will be early to bed without supper.