PSP Hand Turkey Theatre Presents: Fiscal Funnies!

No, Anna Wintour Is Not Going To Be The Next Ambassador To The UK. Come On, Now!

Ha, ha, ha, people believe this stuff! You've heard about this, right? That Obama "may possibly" ask Anna Wintour to be the next ambassador to the UK? I've got news for you: Lindsay Lohan "may possibly" discover a cure for cancer tomorrow.

The source of this silly rumor (Why not David Geffen? one wonders) is a majestically cheat-sourced gossip piece from Bloomberg, an item lovingly crafted to dovetail with every possible permutation of conservatives' favorite Democratic Party caricature, that of the elitist limousine liberal:  Jane Fonda, aglitter, emerging from her town car upon arrival at a premier for a multimillion dollar anti-poverty film. This Anna Wintour fake story is just so on the nose, isn't it?

LOL, she "may be" nominated. Other people who "may be" nominated, but also won't be: Guy Fieri, Marilyn Manson, Tom Cruise, Marie Osmond, the guy you used to play Barney the Dinosaur, etc.

But come on, don't be ridiculous.  Of course Obama isn't going to send Anna Wintour, of all people, to the Court of St. James. Or Paris.

Damn, though, it would be a glamorous spectacle, wouldn't it?

"If Schadenfreude Had Calories, I'd Be Obese Right Now"

That's what I told my friends at lunch today, and they all responded that I had to share the phrase with the world, so there you go.

Anyway, it's impossible to pick out my favorite bit of Republican Sadness (although White People Mourning Romney is a strong contender, particularly this post), but I do heartily recommend visiting Pony Pal Joe for a poignant (not really) and hilarious series of posts of reactions from hairdresser marriage opponents who "have the sadz."

Quickie: At Least Obama Didn't Do This

True enough, but somebody needs to wake Obama the fuck UP for the next debate. Tsk.

In Case You Were Wondering...

I'm going to do a Jennifer Rubin! No no, I'm not going to talk incessantly about Israel and Iran, don't worry. I'm going to do the thing where I start each point with the same phrase, like a hack, like Jen does with her morning link roundups! Here goes...

In case you were wondering where I've been, I celebrated a nice long Labor Day weekend by coming down with a terrible cold from which I'm still recovering. Fun!

In case you were wondering about what's at the top of the frame of the adorable White House photo above, showing Barrack 'n' kids enjoying Michelle's convention speech, I can help! It's Susan Rothenberg's great 1976 painting Butterfly, on loan to the Obamas by the National Gallery of Art. Here's a better look:

In case you were wondering: I thought Michelle's dress was superb! And the speech was good, too!

Speaking Of Flag Pins...

 

(AP Photo)

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Glare

Click for bigger.

Sanity Restored?

Click for bigger.

I took the photo above on Friday, but then totally forgot to post it. Whoops! I didn't attend the rally on Saturday because I'm on The Mall Monday through Friday, so why would I want to do that?

I kinda liked this guy's clown car, partly because it's just funny, but also because, you know, mixed message city! What are we to learn from this display (the sign says "Restore Sanity? We're Dummies!")? Well, that Joe Biden masks are apparently unavailable, for one. I love that McCain is wearing a totally gay sweater!

Head Coverings In The News

(Above: PSP-on-Wonkette flashback to 10-26-07)

Here's a theme I haven't touched on for a while: everybody agrees that writing about political figures' clothing and hairdos is shallow, and yet these topics are amongst the most treacherous to navigate, and politicians ignore them at their own peril. These things "don't matter," and yet they are written about –passionately!– all the time! Hey, tell it to John Edwards, OK? Ah, but these things do matter to a lot of people. Make one wrong sartorial move and BLAM! Trouble.

And that brings us to the latest story in this saga: Obama may not visit some place in India because in order to do so, he might have to slap a scarf on his head. This is a big deal (Google News Search for "Obama Head Covering" brings back 134 news articles)! This will require meetings and negotiations and delicate diplomatic maneuvering and whatnot and at first blush seems so silly but, like I said, put the wrong thing on your head and you're in for a world of hurt.

And can you imagine? Imagine if Obama didn't put much thought into it and chose the wrong thing to place on his head! The US Chamber of Commerce would probably blow that picture up and rent the Times Square Jumbotron for a month to show it; Fox News would put it in the corner of their screen until November, 2012; Pam Geller would, you know, have twenty aneurysms. Enough digital ink would be spilled over this to make the Gulf oil spill seem like a bathtub full of Valvoline.

Head coverings! Gosh! Scarves in the news! Again!

Same Subject, Same Response, Only the Cast Has Been Slightly Changed

"Your Technique is Still a Little Rusty. Don't Worry, Though; Limbaugh's Ass is So Huge You Couldn't Possibly Miss."

Cricket legend Brian Lara shows President Obama how to properly swing a bat on April 19, 2009.White House Photo/Pete Souza

This May Take Some Time

Iranian hardline students burn a portrait of US President Barak Obama during a demonstration outside the former US embassy in Tehran. (AFP/File/Behrouz Mehri)

I so confused! I thought all the Muslims were supposed to be dancing in the streets about President Hussein! I guess this means that we now know that he's not just a secret Muslim, he's a secret Sunni Muslim. Well, the more you know!

It's All About the Line Breaks

That'll get a few Republican hearts racing.

Hillaryvision

President-elect Barack Obama watches Senator Hillary Clinton deliver her speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, in Billings, Montana, August 26, 2008. (Jim Young/Reuters)

Oh, Jim Young, I totally heart you.

Anyway! People seem to get the mistaken impression that my "area of expertise" is the State Department, despite the fact that my expertise is mainly limited to the shoes and hairdos there. Whatever, but everyone wants to know what I make of the whole Hillary Clinton as SOS thing, so in my decidedly misinformed way, here goes:

I don't get it! Sure, there's a lot to be said in favor of Obama getting his rival out of the Senate, but is he really going to make such a political choice for such an important office? Would it be just a political choice? It's true that the rest of the world just totally loved the Clinton administration, but that was due mostly to Bill and his secretaries of state, not really Hillary. But maybe Obama's onto something here: would Hillary be more lovable to the rest of the world than Bill Richardson?

I don't know. It seems like picking Hillary to head the State Department would be a curiously shallow choice for Obama, somebody who we expect to be a little more pragmatic, a little less political. Plus, what's in it for Hillary? Wouldn't she have both more power and a longer shelf life (secretaries of state don't last long) representing New York in the Senate? It seems to me, too, that Richardson has way, WAY more experience in State Departmenty-type things.

Also: I really, really want to make a "Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System," so I'm totally rooting for him.

Maybe our friend John Brown can give us some opinions about this?

Ursula's in the Tank

Austrian Defence Minister Norbert Darabos, Interior Minister Maria Fekter, Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and special Ambassador Anton Prohaska (LtoR) pose for photographers after a news conference about released Austrian hostages Andrea Kloiber and Wolfgang Ebner in Vienna November 3, 2008. The two Austrians disappeared in February while on holiday in Tunisia and are believed to have been held by al Qaeda's North African wing in a remote desert area of Mali. REUTERS/Leonhard Foeger (AUSTRIA)

Yay! I knew she would be:

ÖVP Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik has said the victory of Barack Obama in the US presidential election is a "signal of belief in the future".

Plassnik said: "This result is like a moment of confidence. It is a new start – and above all else, there is the magic of the slogan 'Yes, we can'."

She added: "Barack Obama has won in a convincing way. His victory merges the topics of politics and hope, which is very important at times when people are fed up with politics."

Plassnik, who, polls have consistently shown, is one of Austria’s most-trusted and -popular politicians, said she hoped the Democratic candidate's victory would bring about change in regard to "future challenges like climate change and the financial crisis."

SPÖ Chancellor Alfred Gusenbauer said: "With Barack Obama, a politician has been elected who has always been engaged on behalf of the socially-disadvantaged."

Condibot Malfunction?

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice pauses while meeting with reporters at the State Department in Washington, Wednesday, Nov. 5, 2208, to discuss Tuesday's presidential elections. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Several Pony Pals™ have emailed me to report that the Condibot appeared to be "experiencing emotions" during her little presser thing about the Obama election dealy. Well, what can I say? It certainly was convincing! Was it sincere? Well, I have a hard time ever applying that word to Dr. Ferragamo, so let's not push it now, OK?

But... oh, c'mon. It's not like Condi is a hardcore right winger. She couldn't possibly have been happy about the McCain campaign or the racist hatemongering whipped up by that dreadful she-creature from Alaska. Condi has always been for Condi, and if she saw certain parallels between her biography and Obama's, well, of course that would make her emotional because it made her think of herself and kinda validated the strained self-narrative she likes to present. I don't really think her warm fuzzies were fake. Sure, let's leave it at that. Did Condi vote for Obama? Like I said, she's no right winger, so I'm thinking probably... no, I just can't say. Who knows? She's so mysterious! I've been obsessively documenting Condi for years now, and I still find her totally confusing.

But! She wore pink! And that makes me happy.

England is Just About Ready for This US Election Business to be Over, Please

An effigy of U.S. vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, accompanied by presidential candidate Barack Obama, is unveiled by designer Mark Oldroyd ahead of a bonfire night celebration in Battle, England, Saturday Nov. 1, 2008. Six weeks of intricate work have gone in to creating the 12ft-tall papier mache figure, which will form the centrepiece of the town's 400-year-old bonfire celebration. Attached to Palin is a model of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, a hockey stick in a nod to her 'hockey mom' image and a moose to highlight her hunting background.(AP Photo/Gareth Fuller-pa)

Um, yes, so we have our work cut out for us on the world stage no matter who wins. Totally unfair!

And OMG, I'm still in Arizona, OK? And I'm kinda trying to use my parents' computers, but they're all, like, fully computers belonging to old people and they have them set up in mysterious ways that totally confound me, so sorry about the "no new posts" thing. Getting this one up is exhausting!

But anyway, here's another look at the mean teabag Palin/Obama float:

9 out of 11 Peruvian Shamans Agree: Obama will Win! So Stop Whining, Already.

Peruvian shamans perform a ritual with photos of US Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., bottom left, and Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., to send good vibes to their favorite candidate on La Herradura Beach in Lima, Wednesday, Oct. 29, 2008. Nine of the 11 faith-healers from the Apus-Inka healers' association said they foresee Obama winning the election.(AP Photo/Martin Mejia)

Three of my coworkers independently approached me today, wringing their hands, agitated 'n' such, about being worried that McCain is somehow going to be our next president. Each time their reasons were vague but the same: I saw this poll, that poll, race tightening, etc., etc. It was kinda cute but got old real fast. I pointed them all to fivethirtyeight.com, explained to them about, you know, how the electoral college works and that the state polls were more important and totally in the tank for Obama. I pointed them to this article, for instance, so that they would calm down.

But, hey! Now I really know how to ease their fears, because the shamans have spoken and, you know, that's that.

Here's another photo from AP's set, because it's hard to imagine getting any cooler an election-related shot than this:

Touching Campaign Moments Captured with What Would Be, to McCain, New-Fangled Technology

Clever blogger Alli has gone and done a magical thing: rendering memorable campaign moments with the magic of Etch-a-Sketch. So good! I just know you'll laugh, cry, stand up and cheer, etc. My favorite one, obvs, is above.

Hair Club for Men

Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., speaks at a rally at James Madison University Convocation Center in Harrisonburg, Va., Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2008. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Anne Schroeder at Politico made a good catch (finally)! It's a list of grooming suggestions for all the boys in the current election cycle from one of those elitist DC salons for mens, and there are some good ones. Usually this blog is all about the gals, so this is a welcome relief.

For one thing, I totally agree that Obama's gray has absolutely GOT to go once he's elected and no longer needs to look "distinguished." Will it happen? Stay tuned. On the other hand, their suggestion that he should make himself look smarter by wearing glasses is simply retarded. Can you imagine the reaction if he suddenly started sporting frames? Please. So phony.

Biden doesn't get a good report, not surprisingly. They suggest skipping the ties (as he's been doing lately, see below) or at least updating them to recent decades. And his hair? Well... gosh. They actually let him off easy by not mentioning the transplants, but point out that there's simply too much of it. Personally, the beauty tip I would give to Biden, a perfectly good-looking guy, is to do less of this:

Democratic vice presidential candidate, Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., speaks a rally at the Dancing Horse Farm in Ocala, Fla., Tues., Oct. 28, 2008. (AP Photo/Phil Sandlin)

But hey, he's not wearing a tie, so baby steps, people!

Todd Palin is mentioned for some reason; they want him to take off the goatee, and, well... I'm sorry, but I think facial hair on men should be compulsory, so I'm not going to get behind that. They also finger him (Whoops! Sorry.) as a hair product abuser.

And, of course, Walnuts. They recommend fake tan (ew), loosing the hair-swirl and, most hilariously, taming his "eyebrows of mass destruction." I would like to add that this look doesn't work well for him:

Wheeee! ANY excuse to use that picture is a good excuse.

Anyway! It's fun! Here's the PDF.