Death Sentence

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, expresses her appreciation to Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes, left, as Hughes announced she is leaving her post to return home to Texas, Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2007, at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Awwww! So totally sweet! And after all, Karen "Kick Ass" Hughes has done every bit as much as Dr. Ferragamo herself to bring peace and understanding to the world. What's your favorite Kick Ass moment? I think mine is when Karen compared Condi to a 7th Century Muslim wise woman, but it was also a gigglefest when she got told off by an Indonesian teenager. Good times!

Meanwhile, elsewhere at the State Department, as Condi was bidding farewell to her departing friend, others were gathering in a big meeting room and expressing dismay over their short-term survival prospects:

Several hundred U.S. diplomats vented anger and frustration Wednesday about the State Department's decision to force foreign service officers to take jobs in Iraq, with some likening it to a "potential death sentence."

[...]

"It's one thing if someone believes in what's going on over there and volunteers, but it's another thing to send someone over there on a forced assignment," Crotty said. "I'm sorry, but basically that's a potential death sentence and you know it. Who will raise our children if we are dead or seriously wounded?"

"You know that at any other (country) in the world, the embassy would be closed at this point," Crotty said to loud and sustained applause from the about 300 diplomats who attended the meeting in a large State Department auditorium.

Happy Halloween and think about death, State Department staffers!

We Won't Have Karen Hughes to Kick Around Anymore

Reuters: Jim Young, 09-06-2006

Karen "Kick Ass" Hughes resigned! And she's done... um... what, lately? I mentioned recently, of course, that Laura Bush has pretty much taken over her job, so maybe Karen got a little miffed? Or maybe the Blackwater scandal made the job she was barely doing just that much harder not to do? This is sad, though, because she's one of Bush's last few incompetent Texas buddies to stick around. Can Tori Margaret Spelling be far behind? According to the Associated Press:

Hughes said she plans to quit her job as undersecretary of state and return to Texas, although improving the world's view of the United States is a "long-term challenge" that will outlast her.

"This will take a number of years," Hughes said in an interview to announce her departure. She was informing her staff of her decision Wednesday morning.

And Karen's right! It will for sure take "a number of years" for the world to recover from her efforts on behalf of her much-beloved boss.

Adios, Karen!

Quickie: Today's Public Sex Bog News

Another day, another bunch of married "straight" men (other than the priest) caught having sex in public bathrooms:

Among those arrested was the Rev. Gary Mead, a Catholic priest from Millwood assigned to St. Gregory Barbarigo parish in Garnerville. Police said he fondled an undercover officer and was charged with forcible touching.

Mead, 44, was previously assigned to St. Mary's Church in Wappingers Falls and, in the late 1990s, was parochial vicar at Holy Family parish in New Rochelle. A message left yesterday with the Archdiocese of New York was not immediately returned.

Shawn M. Cromwell, 29, of Pleasant Valley, a Level 2 sex offender, was charged with public lewdness, loitering and trespass. He was convicted in 1997 of first-degree sexual abuse in Dutchess County involving a 9-year-old boy.

"Some of the activity we observed was very, very disturbing," Lutz said.

"You can't believe the stuff we see," said Robert Becker, 25, of Brewster, a maintenance worker at the rest stop. "We're always calling the police."

John M. Canzio, 47, of Bedford Hills, president of the Katonah Rotary Club, was charged with exposure, loitering and trespass. Canzio has an unlisted telephone number and could not be reached for comment.

With the exception of Mead, all of those charged are married, police said. Although most of the illegal activity takes place at night, the crimes occur throughout the day, Lutz said.

One of These Days, She's Going to Twist Them Legs Right Off

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice meets with Spanish Foreign Minister Miguel Angel Moratinos at the the State Department in Washington October 29, 2007. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (UNITED STATES)

Poor Condi has had a rough time lately, so it's nice to see her settling back into the State Department's matching armchairs where she can just chat and do nothing. And you know, I've been looking at these shots for so long now, that sometimes I find myself twisting my legs together in sympathetic response! Ow, my crotch!

And I know it's unseemly to laugh at my own jokes, but I've just got to repost the JibJab thing I made for Wonkette last week, but every time I see Dr. Ferragamo dancing the Charleston with Charles Manson, I just collapse into giggles:

Why I Hate Listicles, Reason # 562

OK, so normally I ignore "listicles", those annoying "best of" this 'n' that articles usually better left to December magazines where everybody can safely ignore them, or to Rolling Stone Magazine, where people can ignore them year 'round.

But Time Magazine's list of "Top 25 Horror Films" by Richard Corliss is so awful, so wrong and bad for so many reasons that I just can't sit by idly and not comment on it. Let's enumerate just a few things wrong with this list:

• Corliss tries to be "perverse" by including Bambi. Oh! Aren't you clever, Mr. Corliss! Fuck you!
• He includes Frankenstein (a film I love), when anybody who knows anything about horror movies knows that Bride of Frankenstein is far superior in every way.
• He tries to be intellectual by throwing in foreign films like Men Behind the Sun and Diabolique (again, films I love) and Arrival of a Train at La Ciotat, even though they just aren't horror films.
• His list has several items which simply don't deserve to be there: Carrie, Red Dragon (seriously: WTF?), Audition (incorrectly-chosen token Japanese film), Halloween (wouldn't The Thing be a better John Carpenter choice?).
  
• Blood Feast? I mean... come on! I love Blood Feast, but there's simply no reason for this idiotic movie to be on the list other than to show how "hip" the author is.
• Corliss selects Black Sunday as his token Italian film. Hello? Suspiria?
• He includes Night of the Living Dead (correct!), but then is redundant and includes Shaun of the Dead and Dead Alive* (both of which I love, OK?) over Dawn of the Dead, which is funnier, scarier, and more subversive.
• He only manages one correct surprise: Peeping Tom.

I'm not going to say which other films should be on the list, but I really want to stick a splinter through Corliss' eyeball in one long, excruciating close shot, like in Lucio Fulci's Zombie (which wouldn't be on my list, but that's just what came to mind).

*Bad fact checking: in the entry for Dead Alive, he mentions Peter Jackson's Meet the Feelies, but I wasn't aware that Jackson had done a documentary about the New Jersey post-punk band of "Crazy Rhythms" fame. Perhaps he meant Meet the Feebles?

Guest-Blogging Roundup

Ha ha! Heard any good ones, lately? It was loads of nerve-wracking fun blogging at Wonkette yesterday and today. My goodness, people certainly got a kick out of the Larry Craig scoop! And some people maybe vomited! Wheee! I didn't figure out how to get a byline (I'm lazy and kinda stupid that way), so here are links to most of the other stories I wrote:

• Chris Dodd has really, really white hair, because of Republicans!
• Does the Huckabee messenger bag come in pink?
• The FTC hates hippies, natural produce.
• Dana Perino looks at the sunny side of global warming.
• Condi and Charles Manson: together at last!*
• California wildfires? Blame the fags.
• Obama primes homo grudge-match.
• Bloggers and college students more dangerous than terrorists!
• Nap time for Dick Cheney.
• Don't ask Condi about Iraqi corruption. She'll get mad!
• Be a bloodthirsty mercenary, or look just like one!
• National Slut Day? Yes, please!
• Obama's "ex-gay" gospel singer maybe not so ex-gay after all!
• Lesbians can't get married in Florida unless they're incarcerated.
• A modest proposal for Jonathan Demme to improve his boring Jimmy Carter movie.
• FEMA pretends to have a press conference.
• David Brooks claims he's outsourced his brain, and I believe him!
• Hello? Washington Post? This is how you write a gossip item.
• Condi poses with unhappy dead guy.
• French people don't exactly love Donald Rumsfeld.
• Laura Bush: Islamofascist asskisser.
• Did the CIA give eBay positive feedback?
  

And there are a couple more which haven't been posted yet, but I'll update the links when they do. Phew! Holy cow, did I really write all that?


*This effort was denounced by a Wonkette commentor thusly: "God, how dumb. Doesn't even rise to the level of witless."

UPDATE: All these links went dead when Wonkette changed servers. They have been fixed.

The Awful Truth

On the left is Princess Sparkle Pony's (platonic) pal Jim. And on the right is... Princess Sparkle Pony! It's from this week's issue of Metro Weekly. Oi!

Join Me at Wonkette for the Rest of the Week

Yay! I'll be at Wonkette on Thursday and Friday, spreading a little glitter here, a little glitter there, and a big, heaping bucket of hoof polish over poor, unsuspecting Larry Craig's head. Whee!

ACK! OMG! The Hair! The Hair! Blood on the Hair!

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, center, is confronted by CodePink member Desiree Anita Ali-Fairooz, her hands painted red, as Rep. Tom Lantos, D-Calif., right, Chairman of the House Foreign Relations Committee, right, looks on before Rice testified regarding US policy in the Middle East where she spoke about Iraq, Iran, and the Israel Palestinian conflict on Capitol Hill in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 24, 2007. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

OMG, I'm too busy today to deal with this, but here you go. There's video, too. OMGOMGOMG. I'm calling this a FLASH HAIRDO ALERT, but I'm just too busy right now to deal with it.

Pony Pal™ Uncle Splatty has an alternative explanation:

Code Pink suggests crimson styling gel for those bad hair days.....

CNN has the video here.

CIA Unveils Innovative "Beware of Darkies" Logo

Unbelievably true! Most will comment on its similarity to the Ghostbusters logo, but I think it looks more like Gumby's Negro cousin.

Picture of the Day

U.S. first lady, Laura Bush, centre, poses before the Pink Majlis conversations with Emarati breast cancer survivors at the Sheikh Khalifa Medical City in Abu Dhabi, UAE, Monday, Oct. 22, 2007. Laura Bush arrived in this oil-rich Persian Gulf nation Sunday to begin a four-day trip around the Middle East to raise breast cancer awareness. Breast cancer, is the number one killer of women in this Gulf state according to government statistics.(AP Photo/Kamran Jebreili)

Tagalong

US President George W. Bush (C) arrives to make a statement on Myanmar with First Lady Laura Bush (R) and US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) at the White House. Bush announced tighter US sanctions on Myanmar's military rulers Friday and urged China and India to step up pressure on the junta to end repression of pro-democracy activists.(AFP/Jim Watson)

Condi's back in DC, and it's as if she never left, seeing as how her trip to the Middle East was pretty much totally pointless.

Meanwhile, busy cabinet official Laura "Crazy Eyes" Bush has pretty much taken over the entire administration. It's strange that you don't really read or hear much skepticism in the media about Laura's unanticipated foreign policy expertise. How did she all of a sudden 1. know about and 2. care about whatever is going on in that distant, possibly fictitious land of Myanmar? Or is it Burma? I wish they'd decide!

Love Condi's kicky, English-style jacket, though! It's important for her to look fabulous while her duties are handed to the boss's wife.

Brownback Packs It In

It with not one, not two, but multitudes of large, glistening tears rolling down my face and splattering my Prada bowling shoes that I must report that, alas, Sam Brownback is no longer running for president.

*sniff*

It will take a while, and none of us will ever fully recover, but together we can work through this!

Huckabee 4EVER!!!!!

Red Dress of Grievances

Kevin Wolf -- Associated Press

The other day, I wrote about the to-do in Great Britain about the big birthday party they threw for Condi, a fabulous affair in which they even provided the glittering diplomatrix with a sensational couture gown to wear. Well, like all of you (I'm assuming), I really wanted to see that dress after reading about it! And now (above) we can, thanks to the Washington Post.

I've been waiting, like, totally forever to use that headline!

UPDATE! Did Condi end up having to pay for the gown herself? LMAO! From today's (Friday's) Al Kamen column:

There's no such thing as a free lunch. Or a free dress, it seems. Turns out British Ambassador David Manning, who arranged that surprise -- and lavish -- 50th-birthday party here for Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice back in '04, bought her that beautiful scarlet gown designed by Oscar de la Renta.

Word has gotten out in London recently that British taxpayers paid $9,512.05 for the do, attended by more than 100 of Rice's friends -- including President Bush. The Guardian newspaper reports that a "Foreign Office spokesman said that figure did not include the dress, which was a personal gift from the then British ambassador, Sir David Manning."

But a State Department spokesman said yesterday that Rice paid for the dress, which we hear may have cost more than the event itself.

That could be a contradiction, but it's more likely that Manning bought the dress for Rice as a surprise gift and that federal rules would not allow her to keep it unless she paid for it.

O Little Pant-Suited Star of Bethlehem!

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, center, is seen during her visit to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, Wednesday, Oct. 17, 2007. Rice, a devout Christian, visited Jesus' traditional birthplace Wednesday in a symbolic bid to urge Israel and the Palestinians to move quickly to resume formal peace negotiations. Rice has been meeting with Israeli, Palestinian and Egyptian leaders this week as part of preparations for a U.S.-hosted peace conference in November or December. (AP Photo/Oleg Popov, pool)

Well, finally, we see our head tourist doing some sightseeing! I love the off-hand reference to Condi's "devout" Christianness, you know, in a kind of "well of course she is" kinda way. Is that really true? Has Condi really accepted Jesus as her personal shopper? Ew!

Photoblogging: The Larry and Suzanne Variety Hour

Shot from the TV screen! Hey, digital! But anyway, I'd like to say an apparently belated hello to Pony Pal™ Matt Lauer! Yay! I think it was great that Matt was so nice and even said "I'm sorry" about one of his not-very-hard-hitting questions. So nice, that Matt! If it had been anybody else doing the interview --anybody at all!-- it could have been totally uncomfortable.

Best quote: "He jerked me out of the bathroom..." LOL, TMI, OK?

Flashback: Condi's Bestest Tea Party EVER!

President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair hold a joint news conference in the East Room at the White House, Friday, Nov. 12, 2004, in Washington. Seated left to right are, Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of State Colin Powell, British Ambassador Sir David Manning, and National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

Why the old photo? Well, it's always fun to look back, especially when prompted by the wonderful news of just how much our English friends love Condi. Well, how much they used to love her, right around the time of the above photo, anyway:

LONDON (AFP) - Britain spent more than 9,500 dollars on a 50th birthday party for US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in 2004, the Foreign Office said Tuesday.


The party, hosted by the British ambassador to the United States David Manning at his official residence in Washington, saw Rice presented with a dress as a gift.

US President George W. Bush and his wife, Laura, were among guests at the surprise party.

In a written reply to a Labour Party question in the House of Commons, Foreign Office junior minister Kim Howells, said: "There were 111 guests and the cost was 9,512.05 dollars (4,682.73 pounds)".

The reply came after an article in the September 6 issue of the centre-left political weekly New Statesman magazine criticised the party as a "ludicrously lavish extravaganza".

And believe it or not, the AFP article quoted above actually kinda makes it sound not quite as TOTALLY AWESOME as it actually was! Oh, it must have been like a dream! Here's the luscious report of the sensational fairy party from what is otherwise maybe the meanest article about our Condi EVER in the New Statesman:

How things change. It was less than three years ago that the British embassy here put on a ludicrously lavish extravaganza to mark the 50th birthday of the person whom they wrongly considered to be the most powerful woman in the world. "Dr" Condoleezza Rice, then George W Bush's disastrously inept national security adviser and now his equally feckless secretary of state, walked into the ambassador's residence and gasped when she was met by more than a hundred guests lining the curved Lutyens double staircase, applauding fervently and singing "Happy Birthday to You".

The British ambassador, Sir David Manning, had thought of everything with his team: much to the relief of the woman who had arrived in slacks and a suede jacket, thinking she was going out for dinner with her aunt, Manning and his staff had obtained her measurements beforehand and were able to whisk her away so that she could change into a scarlet ballgown, specially made for the occasion by her favourite designer, Oscar de la Renta. Her very own hairdresser, whom the embassy had also thoughtfully provided, snipped away. And the honoured guest finally joined the throng as Van Cliburn, considered (again wrongly) to be America's greatest pianist, hammered out the national anthem.

OMG, that writer is so mean, right? But even that cynical writer couldn't disguise what a superfantastic dream of an event that night was, and you know what, I'd say that party (and others like it) makes it TOTALLY worth it all! And you know what, just a few days after that party, Condi was named first black girl secretary of state! So OK, maybe she got some stuff wrong about Iraq and Afghanistan, but a great party like that every now and then is always going to be around the corner for Condi! Forever and ever! Hooray!

I'll Say!

Bonus! Did you know that Blackwater has a fabulous boutique featuring thrilling fashions for him, for her... and baby, too!* All your holiday gift-nagging needs are fulfilled in one place! Yay!

*I wonder if Blackwater Onesies™ come in "adult baby" sizes?

EDIT: These are so good, I'd be remiss not to post a couple. The Blackwater Girl Baby Mercenary costume:

The Blackwater Christmas ornament (yes!):

Condi Overwhelmed by Complexity of Middle Eastern Hats, Other Ceremonial Head Coverings

In this photo made available by the U.S. Embassy in Tel Aviv, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, sits with Jerusalem religious leaders at the U.S. consulate in Jerusalem, Monday Oct. 15, 2007. The time has come for establishing a Palestinian state and it is in the interest of the U.S. to do so, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Monday in one of her most forceful statements yet on the issue. (AP Photo/U.S. Embassy, Matty Stern, HO)

I've got to hand it to Condi, OK? Because that just doesn't look like a very fun, chatty kind of crowd. In a perfect world, our Princess Diplomat would arrive at this dreary little confab sporting the tallest, glitteriest, most fabulous creation EVER on the top of her fairy tale noggin. Because she is like something out of a fairy tale, once you stop and think about it!

Also, see if you can spot the ghost of Arafat smiling down on Condi:

In this photo released by the Palestinian Authority, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, also known as Abu Mazen, right, stands with U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during their joint press conference in the West Bank city of Ramallah, Monday, Oct. 15, 2007. The time has come for establishing a Palestinian state and it's in the interest of the U.S. to do so, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Monday, after meeting with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas. (AP Photo/Thaer Ganaim, Palestinian Authority)

Ha ha! Framed! Wheee!

Now THAT is Funny: Condi Defends Rumsfeld

REUTERS/Jim Young 06/13/06

LOL! Condi, who practically booted Rummy out the door with her own Ferragamos, was put in the unenviable position of having to defend him this morning. What a funny way to start the week!

Oh, and Condi's somewhere today. Pakistan? Lebanon? Palestiniastan? Somewhere like that. She was just in Russia, and her trip was so boring and such a failure that I barely paid attention.

Maybe Ursula Plassnik with get up to something this week? Please?

Wasp Queen

Look! Condi got married today! To a classy lady! By... um... a cute Jewish gay priest!

Ha, ha! Just kidding! Here's the totally real caption:

Ambassador Nancy Goodman Brinker, left, is sworn in as the new Chief of Protocol of the U.S. by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, during a ceremony at the State Department in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007. At center by her son Eric Brinker. The chief of protocol assists the president and the secretary of state on official diplomatic procedure and is responsible for activities including the planning, hosting and officiating of ceremonial events for visiting chiefs of state and heads of government. Ambassador Brinker is the founder of Susan G. Komen for the Cure, an organization to help victims of breast cancer. It is named after Ambassador Brinker's sister Susan who died from breast cancer in 1980 at age 36. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

OK, so here she is, the new politeness lady, the one who showed Condi how to be a little more open about her vulva:

... and I want to say a few words about Ms. Brinker, I really do, but I just can't. She created the Komen thingy. So I'm just going to say two sparkley hooves up! Way up!

Mauve Power

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, and Defense Secretary Robert Gates, left, walk from the West Wing of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007. The Bush administration strongly urged the U.S. Congress on Wednesday to reject legislation that would declare the World War I-era killings of hundreds of thousands of Armenians a genocide. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

Oooooh, Condi looks steamed! And you know what's so fabulous about being all pissed off and having to work with little people? OMG, what you do is dress all totally in violet and be f.i.e.r.c.e., fierce! Yay!

But, hello? Condi? I have a message to you seriously from outer space! Condi, honey, direct sunlight is no longer the friend it used to be:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, listens to Defense Secretary Robert Gates, left, outside the West Wing of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 10, 2007, following their meeting with President Bush. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Pssst! Condi, honey, keep it indoors and hire a new lighting director.

Crazy Eyes Allowed, Adorably, to Pretend to Write Op-Eds

First Lady Laura Bush, left, poses with daughter Jenna Bush and Caryl M. Stern, president and CEO, US Fund for UNICEF during the book launch for Jenna's recently published Ana's Story at UNICEF House in New York on Monday, October 1, 2007. The book based on Jenna Bush�s work with UNICEF in Latin America and the Caribbean.(Jeff Connell/Camera One via newcast)

What fun! The Wall Street Journal can always be counted on to publish Bush Administration talking points on their editorial page, but now there's a fun new way to do it by pretending that the First Lady wrote them. Wheee! And I just totally know that Crazy Eyes sat down and wrote that editorial all by herself, definitely not a team of White House speech writers! People are so cynical! Stop it!

This is kind of a slap at Condi, isn't it? You'd think the secretary of state would get the byline on this one, but her credibility these days is... well, they should probably just stick to sending Condi to test drive electric cars from now on, OK?

McCain Lapel Watch Day 5! Still Gallantly Pinless!

Republican presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.,speaks during the GOP Presidential candidates debate at Ford Community and Performing Arts Center Tuesday, Oct. 9, 2007 in Dearborn, Mich. (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

Up-to-the-minute news! John McCain is still bravely sporting his naked lapels for all to see at tonight's debate, seen above. I'll hand it to him: he didn't cave!

But! He's aware of it, because when he feels a little insecure about his pinlessness, out come the bracelets:

Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., talks about the bracelet he now wears in memory of SPC Matthew J. Stanley, of the U.S. Army, from New Hampshire, who recently died in Iraq, during a news conference at his local office Friday, Oct. 5, 2007 in Phoenix. McCain met Stanley's mother on the campaign trail while in New Hampshire where he was given the bracelet. (AP Photo/Ross D. Franklin)

Pony Pals may recall that we've seen this wrist accessory as protagonist act before here at PSP:

(Reuters 04-08-06)

The band has changed, but the song remains the same! Hooray for Walnuts!

"Why Did I Invite Her? I Thought You Invited Her!"

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks to the Council on Foreign Relations at the Organization of American States, Tuesday, Oct. 9, 2007, in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

I don't really have much to say about today's Condiproduct. Why do they keep inviting her to speak at these things? I guess she's handy in a "don't do things this way" kinda way.

Condi Nervous She Isn't Photographed Enough

If this blog has proven anything, it's that there will never, ever be a shortage of photographic coverage of Condoleezza Rice. I believe she's snapped more often than her boss, but that would be totally boring to research, so let's just decide it's true. Could Condi, seen above at a 2005 event so choked with photographers that they were shooting through each other's tripods, be the most photographed politico in American History? Mmmm... probably not; that honor goes to JFK, I'm sure. But I bet Dr. Ferragamo is in the top five!

So anyway, I'm sure you can just imagine how much I laughed this morning upon reading this in Al Kamen's column:

In contrast to the vice president, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has been much more accessible to the media both here and abroad. And the buzz is she's even going to take a photographer from State's public affairs shop along next week on her trip to Moscow and the Middle East.

"She wants to start documenting stuff," we were told by a source. Hauling around your own photographer may be unprecedented -- though she used to have an aide who was handy with a camera to record trips.

She wants to start documenting stuff? It's hard to imagine what has gone undocumented, but presumably we can now look forward to the previously guarded secrets of Condi's tooth brushing and feminine protection techniques. Thank goodness! I can't wait!

Conventional Wisdom

A U.S. soldier walks past the U.S. embassy in the Green Zone in Baghdad, Iraq, on September 3. (Getty Images)

I spotted the above picture on CNN, used to illustrate the Associated Press' article about how --surprise!-- the massive, "Vatican-sized" US Embassy compound in Iraq is experiencing delays and cost overruns.

Neato that such obvious advice requires posting! I wonder how many signs they put up?

McCain Lapel Watch Day 1!

(AP Photo/Willis Glassgow) 10-03-07

I wrote a stupid item over a year ago about how Walnuts McCain is obviously an America-hater who would destroy the World Trade towers all over again if he could because --OMG-- he doesn't wear one of those stupid flag lapel pins. As you can see from the above picture, shot Wednesday, he still doesn't and, therefore, is a Communist.

I was being silly, of course. But now, all sorts of people are writing real articles in real newspapers (and dumb blogs) about how Obama doesn't wear one, either!

I'm assuming the Coulters and Limbaughs of this once-proud nation with be using this ridiculous observation as a springboard to question Obama's patriotism over the next couple of days (Michelle Malkin already has!), but here's my question: will McCain come to Obama's defense? Probably not. Better yet, will Walnuts quietly start wearing one of the unfashionable accessories in the next couple of days? Would his gay sweaters allow it?

Stay tuned!

Condi Leaves Ladygarden Dangerously Vulnerable for Lebanese Visitor

From left to right, Chief of Protocol, Nancy Goodman Brinker, Vice President Dick Cheney, Deputy National Security Advisor Elliott Abrams, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley, stand in the back together during a meeting between President Bush and Parliamentary Majority Leader in Lebanon, Saad Hariri, in the Oval Office of the White House, Thursday, Oct. 4, 2007 in Washington. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

What gives? Condi usually likes to fold her hands discretely over her girlparts during awkward, free-standing photo-ops like this. Did Manners Czarina Brinker instruct her to mimic her subservient pose to make their Middle-Easterner feel more comfy? Ew, I don't like her standing like that so close to Cheney. Or, OMG, Hadley! Ew!

Also, it's fun to speculate why Brinker is present at all. Has George been particularly rude lately? I mean more than usual?

George Reveals Techniques for Keeping Uppity Condi in Her Place

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, meets with Dermot Ahern, Minister of Foreign Affairs of Ireland at the State Department in Washington, Wednesday, Oct. 3, 2007. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)

Yes, yes, standard matching armchairs stuff, OK? And she's wearing that oddball yellow houndstooth suit with the exaggerated frayed seams, the one in which she tried to woo hunky Canadian diploguy Peter MacKay in. I hope it works better with this one!

But anyway, George Bush is such an asshole! I'm sorry, but I just had to blurt that out! Here's what he had to say today about how he treats his Mocha Princess:

”I delegate to good people. I always tell Condi Rice, ‘I want to remind you, Madam Secretary, who has the Ph.D. and who was the C student. And I want to remind you who the adviser is and who the president is.’

I don't think I've ever had a boss say something like that to me, the meany! Oh! I am just livid!

Whoops! I Had Computer Problems!

Hey, Pony Pals™! This is just a quick note to say that I had some annoying computer problems. They're all fixed now! Yay! But now I'm exhausted by figuring them out! I'll get back into the swing of things soon.

Inadvisable Comparison

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is seated on stage beneath a school banner as she listens to introductory remarks during her visit to the Harriet Tubman School P.S. 154 in Harlem, New York, Monday Oct. 1, 2007. Congressman Charlie Rangel, D-NY, hosted the visit for Rice to observe the progress being made in improving academic performance through the leadership of Jarrett, according to an official statement. (AP Photo/Bebeto Matthews)

Did you know that Harriet Tubman was a hairdresser? No, I mean a real hairdresser who dressed people's hair, not a hairdresser like I use the word on this blog? The more you know! She was also, of course, probably one of the ten greatest and bravest Americans of all time. And Condi? Well... um... she's fighting for whitey! Dr. Secretary should probably avoid sitting anywhere near depictions of Tubman lest bolts of lightning erupt from the portrait and incinerate her (nothing was left but her shoes!).

Also, one last indignity, this never, ever gets less funny:

Somebody needs to pull that little girl aside and explain a few things to her! Tsk!