Opposite Day for Stephen Hadley

National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley appears live in the FOX News Sunday studios in Washington, April 13, 2008. MANDATORY CREDIT REUTERS/Fox News Sunday/Freddie Lee/Handout (UNITED STATES)

Scary Neocon freak Stephen Hadley was on the TV today, and he said the funniest thing! He was trying to explain why it's stupid to boycott the Olympics opening ceremony, and, well, see if you can spot the irony:

The kind of "quiet diplomacy" that the U.S. is practicing is a better way to send a message to China's leaders rather than "frontal confrontation," Stephen Hadley said.

Did you catch that? This is an official in the Bush Administration advocating diplomacy over confrontation! OMG, whatever! Since when?

UPDATE: Hadley also had trouble distinguishing Nepal from Tibet.

OMG This NATO Stuff is SO MUCH FUN!!

US President George W. Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice smile together during a session with invitees, at the NATO Summit conference in Bucharest, Thursday April 3, 2008. The NATO allies agreed to put off a plan to put Ukraine and Georgia on track to join the alliance, but did invite Albania and Croatia to become members.(AP Photo/Vadim Ghirda)

Gosh, what could be more hilarious than a NATO meeting with Condi 'n' George? Besides cancer? Ha ha, but take a look at this photo, which seems to show a fight about to break out between La Secretary and Gordon Brown*:

(Pool photo by European Pressphoto Agency)

Alas, 'twas not to be, as other photos demonstrate the the above shot captures just a teensy split second where the politicians dropped their guards and allowed their true "emotions" to flicker ever-so-briefly across their facial features. They were otherwise as laughy and chatty as usual.

As for the summit, since George and, ew, Stephen Hadley were the leaders of the pack this time out, they actually accomplished something –their little missile defense thingy– despite Condi's presence. They didn't get NATO to invite Ukraine and Georgia to the party, though, so I guess since that part of the plan failed, it must have been Condi's baby. So why bother sending her at all? So that George can have fun! FUN:

(AP)

*A table-clearing swish of the gorgeous, combable tail to Pony Pal Mike B. for alerting me to this one.

Backtracking

U.S. President George W. Bush (L) walks with U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (C) and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley at the White House in Washington, March 28, 2008. REUTERS/Larry Downing (UNITED STATES)

OK, so I kinda figured that Condi would take it easy on Friday, since I knew she was going to the Mideast today and everything. But, wow, I just double-checked and OMG, she was totally busy yesterday! I'm assuming she was at the White House to get her old talking points refreshed and new ones implanted. I love the above picture because Stephen Hadley is so perfectly in step with the boss.

Later, Condi had not one, but two of those funny "have you met my friend? He was just leaving" photo-ops, where the guest star doesn't merit the whole matching armchairs experience. These are the saddest bunnies in Condiland. First, Kevin Rudd, scourge of Australia:

(AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)

The above is wonderful because you can clearly see the masking tape "marks" for this photo-op:

And last and probably least to America's Princess Diplomat, Norwegian Foreign Minister Jonas Gahr. Yawn:

(AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)

He's probably wondering why he came, and so are we! Condi allowed one question from the press, and it was wasted on her boring Washington Times thingy. Still, that was a busy Condiday for a Friday before travel. Why expend the effort? Have you figured it out yet? Yes! It's the Condibot! I'm guessing this was the labor-saving, Disneytronic, Animagic™ robot put into action while the real Madame Secretary had a spa day before flying to the Mideast.

Did you spot the Condibot?

Triple Header

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, talks with National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley, right, as Deputy National Security Adviser for Regional Affairs Judith Ansley, center, looks on during President Bush's meeting with Poland's Prime Minister Donald Tusk, Monday, March 10, 2008, in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Wow, it was a busy Monday in Condiland, a big triple photo-op extravaganza! It started off with one of the Standing Around in the White House and Not Knowing What to Do with Our Hands routine. And look! Condi is obviously conferring with her spherical, invisible friend! We haven't seen it in a while! Yay! But ew, Stephen Hadley, ew, ew, ew!

But it gets better, because now it's guest stars! Hooray! And it's none other than frolicsome Tzipi, Condi's erstwhile sapphic lover:

(AP)

Folks, I find this body language to be highly ambiguous. Are they blocking each other? Reaching out towards each other? Are they hurting inside but too proud to beg? Oh Condi 'n' Tzipi, you can work it out!

But if it doesn't work out, well... well, that brings us to our third fabulous photo-op of the day. Condi imported a whole harem and that'll show that Tzipi!

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, center, and Andrea Bottner, senior coordinator, Office of International Women's Issues, left, pose with recipients of the 2nd Annual International Women of Courage Awards at the State Department, Monday, March 10, 2008, in Washington. From left are, Bottner; Virisila Buadromo of Fiji; Valdete Idrizi of Kosovo; Farhiyo Farah Ibrahim of Somalia; Rice; Nibal Thawabteh of Palestine; and Dr. Eaman Al-Gobory of Iraq. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Hey, I won't knock it. And it's such a cute idea to have Condi there for contrast amongst these remarkable women with their peaceful achievements. It's kinda like that great Sesame Street song One of these things is not like the other in real life! Kinda!

Condi Confronts Old Nemesis at Festive Drink Palace

It's obvious that I have to make sure to post ALL of the photos featuring Condi selecting and then sipping a festive beverage this morning in Dubai. But that's not all! There's a funny anecdote, too! But first, hmmm, which one looks the least cyanidey?

(Reuters)

Let's face it: this is exactly the kind of picture we want. More photo-ops like this, please! Let's ALL have festive beverages right now, OK? I think Condi's date selected something mango:

(Reuters)

And OMG STEPHEN HADLEY IS HAVING A LITTLE DRINKY, TOO:

U.S. National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley compares juice drinks with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) during U.S. President George W. Bush's visit to the Sheikh Saeed Al Maktoum House in Dubai January 14, 2008. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (UNITED ARAB EMIRATES)

OK, so here's the funniest, best part! Condi came face-to-face with one of her old enemies... the falcon Remember the last time they met? No? With the scary smurf? OK, here:

October 11, 2005

Let's get the scoop about the return of the falcon from the Kuwait Times:

And what a tent.

A tent with thick carpets, pillows for lounging, blazing lanterns, and food. Lots and lots of it, from bread with honey to grilled meats and sweets, all served by uniformed staff. Before the feast with a small group of White House aides and Emirati elite, the crown prince showed the president around. Next to carpets laid on the sand stood small pedestals, each stuck in the sand like a beach umbrella and each holding a magnificent falcon. At his host's urging, Bush hoisted one of the birds, using a protecti
ve mitt, and held it as the news cameras whirred. When the bird shifted suddenly, a startled Bush jumped slightly, then recovered.

You're making him nervous," Bush told the assembled media. "He never had a press conference before." Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice trailed her boss and kept her distance from the fierce-looking birds. "I'm not good with animals," she was heard to remark. A few minutes later, however, she, too, was holding a bird, though not for long. Bush, who likes short meetings and early bedtimes, spent more than three hours at the tent encampment as a gray sky turned dark under a dramatic moon.

HA HA! OMG, Condi kept her distance from the fierce-looking birds! I am totally dying, here. A few minutes later, however, she, too, was holding a bird...!!! God, I thought this trip was going to be a total waste. I just knew Condi could be exciting again.

OK, one final gag. He's totally going, OMG, I bet she could totally suck a baseball through that thing:

Hadley Doody

U.S. National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley speaks about Iran from the White House in Washington December 3, 2007. U.S. intelligence has determined that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in 2003 but believes it is continuing to develop technical capabilities that could be used for building a bomb, a government report said on Monday. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (UNITED STATES)

Uh, oh! Do you know what time it is? It's time for Stephen Hadley Hand Turkeys! Yay!

Karen "Kick Ass" Hughes Sneaks Back for a Quickie

President Bush, second from right, makes a statement to reporters after a meeting regarding the U.S.-Palestinian Public-Private Partnership, Monday, Dec. 3, 2007, in the Roosevelt Room of the White House in Washington. From left to right are: Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson; Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice; National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley; Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes; White House Communications Director Kevin Sullivan; former Citigroup Chief Executive Officer Sandy Weill; businessman Walter Isaacson; the president; and Palestinian Minister for Youth and Sports Tahani Abu Daqqa. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Wait a minute, are you seeing what I'm seeing? Yes! It is! I knew she wouldn't really leave:

Yes! Yes! Yes! I wonder why Secretary of State Laura Bush was absent?

Condi Leaves Ladygarden Dangerously Vulnerable for Lebanese Visitor

From left to right, Chief of Protocol, Nancy Goodman Brinker, Vice President Dick Cheney, Deputy National Security Advisor Elliott Abrams, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley, stand in the back together during a meeting between President Bush and Parliamentary Majority Leader in Lebanon, Saad Hariri, in the Oval Office of the White House, Thursday, Oct. 4, 2007 in Washington. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

What gives? Condi usually likes to fold her hands discretely over her girlparts during awkward, free-standing photo-ops like this. Did Manners Czarina Brinker instruct her to mimic her subservient pose to make their Middle-Easterner feel more comfy? Ew, I don't like her standing like that so close to Cheney. Or, OMG, Hadley! Ew!

Also, it's fun to speculate why Brinker is present at all. Has George been particularly rude lately? I mean more than usual?

Forced Perspective

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley listen to proceedings during a meeting between President Bush and Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert in the Oval Office, June 19, 2007. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

This is really embarrassing, but sometimes one finds that one has perhaps... misrepresented... a certain public figure unfairly. That being the case, the above photo has forced me to issue the following correction:

In the past, I have referred to Secretary of Defense Robert Gates as tiny yet perfectly formed. Clearly, Mr. Gates is itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yet perfectly formed.

Princess Sparkle Pony regrets the error.

Nope, Nothing Awkward Going On Here

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley listen as President Bush and Lithuania's President Valdas Adamkus, both not pictured, make statements to reporters in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington Monday, Feb. 12, 2007. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Don't make it weird, Stephen.

Condi Bravely Endures Stephen Hadley's Proximity

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley, look on as questions are asked to President Bush and German Chancellor Angela Merkel, not pictured, in the Cross Hall of the White House in Washington Thursday, Jan. 4, 2007. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

See? He just can't. Stay. Away!

"Ok, Luvs, for This One, Everybody Clasp Your Hands Behind Your Backs and Look Uncomfortable."

White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten (C) is joined by National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley (R) and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in the Oval Office at the White House in Washington, December 14, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young

Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, you have to stop your endless pining. Seriously, Condi likes Josh now, OK? I hope you two can leave this awkward stage behind and remain friends.

In other news, Condi stood behind a podium today and spoke about human rights for almost fifteen minutes and totally didn't even crack up once:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice addresses a Human Rights Day Commemoration, Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006 at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/Lauren Victoria Burke)

Brava! Kudos, also, to the portrait of Jefferson for not bursting into flames during Condi's speech.

Let's Exclude Dick

Vice President Dick Cheney, left, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, second from left, along with National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley, second from right, and White House Chief of Staff Josh Bolten, right, take part in a meeting between President Bush and the Vice President of Iraq Tariq al-Hashemi, not shown, in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, Tuesday,Dec. 12, 2006. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

Is he really wearing a lemon shirt with a lime tie? I'm thinking it's the lighting, but just in case: Dick, that citrussy look may work for Ursula Plassnik, but not for you. Never for you.

Hadley Wants Some of That. Condi? Not so Much

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, talks with National Security Adviser Steve Hadley in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, Dec. 6, 2006 as President Bush met with Costa Rican President Oscar Arias Sanchez, not shown. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

I can just hear her hissing at him, "You want me to what? Oh, Stephen, honestly, give it a rest, OK?" But we've seen over and over that Stevie just can't stay away from her. He's drawn to her like a wonky moth to a glittering flame! And, ooooh, one of these days, he's gonna get so totally burned. I can't wait.

Stephen Hadley and Christopher Walken: Ever Seen Them in the Same Room at the Same Time?

With Sparklefave Stevie in the spotlight so much right now, I totally wanted to do something special about him, like a thrilling History of Stephen Hadley's Hair or something like that. Unfortunately, there's just nothing to be found on the web, so we'll perhaps never the answer to that crucial feathered or layered? question in regard to the 1970s. That obviously makes me sad. There could well even be a mullet or ponytail in his past, but I can't be sure. My God! I just can't be sure!

After recovering from my feelings of sadness and longing, I did get a laugh from the Google image search results for Mr. Hadley, the third page of which featured an anomalous Walken in the sea of wonks. Oh, it's so easy to mix them up, isn't it? Unfortunately, upon seeing the above my mind was suddenly flooded with images of Hadley dancing to Fatboy Slim, Hadley riding in a boat with Natalie Wood, Hadley seeing people's futures when he touches them, Hadley smuggling a pocket watch in his butt...

And then I screamed.

UPDATE: Stephen Hadley Still Getting in the Way

President Bush attends the NATO summit with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley in Riga, November 29, 2006. (Jim Young/Reuters)

I characterized Mr. Hadley as a cockblocker last week for standing in between Condi and a potential love interest. And look where he's sitting today! Seriously, Stephen, she just isn't that into you.

Stephen Hadley: Cockblocker

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley listen as President Bush and Indonesian President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono participate in a joint press availability at Bogor Palace in Bogor, Indonesia, Monday, Nov. 20, 2006. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Condoleezza-in-Chief

Condi 'n' Rummy in happier times earlier this year. You can tell she's totally already plotting his demise.

OK, so, yes, we know the story: Rummy resigned because he felt totally bad about the elections, and Bush said, like, OK bye! Ohhh, no, that's not how it went down according to the NY Times. It was --who else?-- Condi:

While Mr. Gates, a former director of central intelligence, had long been considered for a variety of roles, over the past two months Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and the national security adviser, Stephen J. Hadley, quietly steered the White House toward replacing Donald H. Rumsfeld with Mr. Gates, who had worked closely with Ms. Rice under the first President Bush. One senior participant in those discussions, who declined to be identified by name while talking about internal deliberations, said, “everyone realizes that we don’t have much time to get this right” and the first step is to get “everyone driving on the same track.”

White House officials said that goal may be difficult to accomplish in the seventh year of an administration. Ms. Rice and Mr. Rumsfeld never managed to resolve their differences, especially after their arguments over the handling of the occupation came into public view in late summer 2003. As national security adviser during Mr. Bush’s first term, Ms. Rice was unable to halt a war between the State Department and the Pentagon that put senior officials in the departments in a state of constant conflict.

The question now is whether it is simply too late to achieve President Bush’s goal of a stable and democratic Iraq, even if Mr. Gates and Ms. Rice are able to work together as smoothly in altering policy as they did 15 years ago on a very different kind of problem, managing the American response to the dissolution of the Soviet Union.

So Condi and that freak Hadley cooked this up in their own special little oven? Delicious.

Condi Contemplates Pulling a "Basic Instinct" at the White House

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice sits in the Oval Office at the White House in Washington September 14, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

Heck, she could do (and has done) a lot worse than picking Sharon Stone as a role model. Who do you think would run the fastest, Josh Bolten or Stephen Hadley? My money's on Bolten.

Hard Work

In this photo provided by the White House, President Bush meets with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and National Security Advisor Steve Hadley, right, at the Bush Ranch to discuss the Middle East, Saturday, Aug. 5, 2006, in Crawford, Texas. Bush has signed off on a draft U.N. Security Council resolution aimed at ending fighting in the Mideast, his spokesman said Saturday. (AP Photo/White House, Eric Draper)

Have you ever seen such a fine shot of fake working? And look! Hadley's wearing casual clothes, something I'm pretty sure we've never seen before. He looks thrillingly comfortable in civvies, am I right? I'm sure they've really been studying hard during their working vacation at the Bush Ranch, don't you? I bet Condi, especially, has cleared just TONS of brush so far in between helicopter rides to Neiman's in Houston.

Also, to continue the theme of working super hard, they transmitted footage of the Condibot to Meet the Press today:

This photo provided by NBC News shows Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on a video monitor, right, as she speaks during a remote interview from Crawford, Texas, by moderator Tim Russert, on screen, left, and a left, during a taping of 'Meet the Press' Sunday, Aug. 6, 2006 at the NBC studios in Washington. (AP Photo/NBC News Alex Wong)

I watched and let me tell you, the Condibot functioned without a hitch, never straying from its programmers' talking points and unflappably optimistic. Good ol' Condibot! It can take a tough Tim Russert licking and keeps on ticking!

OMG, I almost forgot to pass along the Condibot's pearls of wisdom this weekend! OK, one, there will be an Israel/Lebanon cease fire any day now and two, Iraq won't become an Iran-like theocracy. Neato, Condi!