Vendor Cart Hot Dog Photoblogging!

(Click for bigger.)

Double Loss For Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face

Two of the most noteworthy exponents of Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face (see above) lost.... whatever it was they were running for with their frowny, sucked-in lips faces. This is a... tragedy? It is for Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face aficionados.

A public service reminder: NEVER make Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face. Just ask Charlie Crist and this guy. Oh, or this guy.

Never Mind Condi On The Piano, Here's Madeleine Albright On The Drums!

(Photo: Washington Post)

Who knew? OMG:

A longtime supporter of jazz who has worked with the Monk Institute for years, Albright received the annual Fisher Founder’s Award. After the customary speech of thanks, she went to a drum set and pounded away on tom-toms and cymbals — quite creditably — as trumpeter Chris Botti performed an instrumental version of “Nessun dorma,” the aria from the Puccini opera “Turandot.” 

My mind is blown. I'm not surprised that Albright is into music, however, because I once personally witnessed her thumbing intently through the racks at Tower Records (RIP) in Georgetown Foggy Bottom. Way to go, Maddie!

Goats Think They're Birds

(Image via)

If I keep those animated gifs at the top o' the blog, people are going to get angry, so here are some goats in a tree.

Oh, sure, there's a perfectly logical reason for it, but I prefer to think of it as this Monty Python sketch turned fabulously true.

Over Here, Michele. Michele? Hellooooooo, Michele?

Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., stands during the "Hot Dish Off," cooking contest in the office of Sen. Al Franken, D-Minn., on Capitol Hill in Washington, Wednesday, Jan. 26, 2011. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

This is absolutely 100% my favorite new Michele Bachmann photo EVER.

UPDATE – As a special treat, a high-res (not retouched in any way!) closeup: 

PaladinLOL

(Photographer uncredited, via this Tumblr)

Haw, this has got to be my favorite "head blocks part of word, thereby creating different, funnier word" shot EVER.

It just goes to show, though, that if you use the word "country" in your slogan, you are basically feeding filthy jokes to comedians and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Photoblogging: Chain Link Smile

Click for lots bigger.

Real Food: Strawberry Scrape

Click for bigger.

This series, photographs of photographs of food on delivery vehicles, is a little more challenging than the tour bus photographs, but getting a shot like the one above makes it worthwhile. Click on the "food photography" tag below for more!

Fashion Victim: Lacoste Hops On The Oversized Logo Bandwagon

Danger! Danger! Do not let this garment touch your flesh!

Oh, god, no. Remember? It was just recently, we banged our little gavels and pronounced the Ralph Lauren Polo shirts with the supersized logos to be tasteless and unacceptable to wear with the sole exception that you need to wear one to blend in undercover amongst douchebags. And then we moved on to other topics (Sarah Palin, paintings of big-eyed puppies and kittens).

But, lo! Now Lacoste is doing it too, and it seems maybe twice as bad! Who in their right mind would sport that huge alligator? How is the universe going to correct this?

How Not To Stage A Photo-Op

Gov. Paterson makes an appearance at the opening of Palm Bar and Grille in Kennedy Airport. (Goldfield for NY Daily News)

This guy should take some lessons from Condi:

For an already under siege Paterson, the planned photo op couldn't have gone worse: He stood beneath a mural depicting a belching dog at the event at the Palm Bar and Grille.

A belching dog AND Paris Hilton (not that there's much of a difference).

Random Nancy Panel

I Am Born Again! I Have Accepted Bat-Dog as My Personal Savior!

A dog barks though a hole in the wall of a hardware store decorated with a bat painting in Bogota, Tuesday, March 3, 2009. (AP Photo/Fernando Vergara)

There will be no better wire service photograph this year. Or possibly ever. It's like bad Photoshopping... live!

Jeff Fortenberry: The Mystery & Majesty (& Dry, Itchy Scalp)

(C-SPAN. All others: house.gov)

Here is your champion! Yes, Jeff Fortenberry is clearly the winner of the prestigious "Best Congressional Hairdo – Male Division" trophy*. It's almost identical to Blago's coiffure, but salt-n-pepperier! And also like Blago's magnificent hair, I believe that despite all common sense and appearances, Fortenberry's 'do is real, real, thrillingly real (I'll show the evidence below).

Before we discuss the hair any further, though, I know all of you are growing impatient, saying Yes, yes, the hair is great, but does he appear in photo-ops with oversized novelty checks? I'm so glad you asked! Yes he does:

OK, that's out of the way. Here's a 3/4 "lost profile" view to show the back:

This is a very well-maintained cut! Also: Fortenberry should appear in photographs with men wearing chaps more often. Anyway! This view doesn't inspire confidence in the "is it real or a wig" debate. I'm tempted to think it's fake, a toupee. All the edges are so blunt! Wait, we need another view:

It really looks like something placed upon his head rather than something growing out of it, doesn't it? Particularly the "sideburns" are clearly styled down from the principle mass of the coiffure.

Finally, let's take a look at the authoritative, official headshot:

Hmm... it looks more convincing here, and you can see hair growing directly out of the head right next to the ears. Still, though, wigs, especially expensive wigs for insecure congressmen, can be very skillfully and cleverly blended. What we need is more evidence, and the picture above provides it! Go ahead and click the picture to open up the high-res pic, OK? What do you see all over his coat? That's right! Dandruff! Absolutely TONS of dandruff all over his suit! Enough to powder a donut:

Honestly, that is not Photoshopped. Ha, ha, THIS is Photoshopped:

To me, the sheer amount of it tends to support the idea that the hair is real, because I can't believe that all came from his eyebrows. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

Most importantly, however, is that Fortenberry's hairdo appears to be expanding, as fantastically captured in the C-SPAN shot up top provided by Pony Pal™ Fritz. How much larger will it get? Oh, we can dream, can't we? If he didn't learn anything from Blago's recent multiple hair-related humiliations, I don't expect him to rein in the follicles (??!) anytime soon.

Oh, and just in case you think I'm making fun of a wonderful person, Fortenberry is a rank-and-file right winger: 0% from NARAL, anti-gay, anti-labor, etc., etc., and took a special interest, apparently, in banning poker from the internets.

So what do you think? I know hairdo isn't as spectacular as Traficant's (few are), as hilariously fake and weird as Ney's, nor as disastrously mismanaged as Feeney's, and it doesn't look like hardened Cool Whip™, like Jerry Lewis's, but you've got to admit the man gives impressive head. So I say here's to Jeff Fortenberry's Incredible Expanding Hairdo! For great justice!

Please feel free to compose a Haiku inspired by the mystery and majesty of Jeff Fortenberry's hair in the comments section.

*To be totally fair, if any Fortenberry staffers would like to collect an actual trophy to commemorate this honor, please contact me and I'm sure I can come up with something wonderful.

LOL Paul Krugman

U.S. President George W. Bush welcomes the 2008 Nobel Prize winners to the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, November 24, 2008. From L-R are: Economics winner Paul Krugman, of Princeton University; Bush; Chemistry winner Martin Chalfie, of Columbia University and Chemistry winner Roger Tsien, of University of California San Diego. REUTERS/Larry Downing (UNITED STATES)

The Penultimate Indignity

Wheee! Some hacker did a funny on the McCain/Palin interweb site.

Seriously Lacking Tongue Discipline

(AP Photo)

And let's show it again, the most hilarious photo in a lonnnnng string of hilarious McCain photos:

(Reuters)

What Does it Look Like When a Man Realizes That None of His Craziest Dreams are Going to Come True? It Looks Like This:

In this photo released by the McCain 2008 campaign, Republican vice presidential candidate Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband Todd Palin watch the final presidential debate from their hotel room in Manchester, N.H., Wednesday, Oct. 15, 2008. (AP Photo/McCain 2008 Campaign, Shealah Craighead)

UPDATE: I changed my mind; it looks like this:

US Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain (R-AZ) reacts to almost heading the wrong way off the stage after shaking hands with Democratic presidential nominee Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) at the conclusion of the final presidential debate at Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York, October 15, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Bourg

Jim Bourg must have thought he had died and gone straight to heaven. Is there such a thing as an instant Pulitzer?

Sweet Dreams*

President Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice leave the East Room of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, May 21, 2008, after the president spoke about Cuba. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

See these blatantly scary, crazy people? Would you believe that's the president and the secretary of state? OMG, for reals!

Be sure to check out Pony Pal™ John H. Brown's exhaustive (and yes, a little exhausting) analysis of Condi's tenure as America's Princess Diplomat here at prwatch.org. "10 Percent Intellectual" may be a little charitable.

*I was tempted to use the headline Sweet Dreams are Made of This, but then I remembered that important lesson I learned from Attackerman about using song titles as blog headlines (don't do it!).

I'm Sick of the Primaries, so Here's a Mop with a Face Jumping Over a Pole

Hungarian Puli sheep dog, Fee, jumps over a hurdle during a preview for a pedigree dog show in Dortmund on Thursday April 24, 2008. (AP Photo/Frank Augstein)

OK, it's a couple of weeks old, but olé! Or, rather, Odelay!


Speaking of unbelievably not photoshopped, have you seen the blog dedicated to the opposite concept, painfully, obviously photoshopped? Fun!

Lindsey Lohan and Charles Manson: Together at Last

Actual screenshot from E! Online!:

OMG, a new movie called Manson Girls! That title is so totally cute! I've long lamented that the Manson Family hasn't gotten the musical comedy treatment*, but maybe this'll be it! Yay! Please hire John Waters to direct.

*The wonderfully bad TV remake of Helter Skelter came close: in one probably wisely deleted scene included as a bonus on the DVD, Susan Atkins breaks into torrid go-go dancing when she's booked into the women's prison. Hott!