From Rummy 2 Condi

PSP flashback to June 13, 2006

So much Condi lately! Yay! Just the other day I laughed when the erstwhile spokesmodel of state claimed to be "friends" with Donald Rumsfeld, when all of us Pony Pals™ knew that to be utterly false (see above and here, for instance). And now we have a new treat, a cache of FOIAed emails from Rummy to or about Condi, expertly presented at Esquire, of all places, by Peter Nelson. Oh, they are really good, really mean, and really funny because they are just hilariously passive-aggressive. My favorite, to Stephen Hadley:

I think we better get some talking points on what Condi thinks she meant when she said we have made "thousands of tactical errors."

Ha ha ha: what Condi thinks she meant. I just love that. Even better:

I don't have any idea what she is talking about...

Join the club, Rummy! Was he forgetting that nobody ever, ever knew what Condoleezza Rice was talking about for, like, the entirety of the Bush Administration? It was the secret to her success!

Rumsfeld Gets Petulant

(AFP, 03-09-06)

I recommend reading Time's profile of Donald Rumsfeld in decline, an excerpt from Brad Graham's new book, because it's so sad and funny. Mostly it's sad:

Rumsfeld wanted to be sure I saw the many letters of praise and kind words he had received following the announcement of his resignation. He had sorted the letters according to source — members of Congress, foreign dignitaries, U.S. military personnel, former associates, friends — and filed them in large, three-ring binders.

And what about Condi? Any bitterness? Oh my, yes:

Another longtime friend reported that Rumsfeld was not happy with how abruptly his removal had come about. A former subordinate who spent several days with Rumsfeld in Taos heard him fume about disagreements with other top administration officials, particularly Rice.

This, of course, doesn't tell us anything we didn't already note at the time. Let's hear Rummy complain about Condi some more:

Rumsfeld has ascribed much of the negative perception of him and the Bush administration to distorted media coverage. "The intellectual dishonesty on the part of the press is serious," he asserted. He groused about "a strong incentive to be negative and dramatic" that had infused much of the coverage. "It's a formula that works. It gets Pulitzers; it gets promotions; it gets name identification on the front page above the fold."

Part of the formula, Rumsfeld added, involved pillorying him along with Bush and Cheney but sparing Powell and Rice. As an example, he noted accusations that Bush and Cheney had lied about Saddam Hussein's possession of weapons of mass destruction in making the case for the invasion of Iraq. "They never say Colin Powell lied," Rumsfeld asserted. "They don't say Condi lied."

Hmm, well, I said Condi lied all the time, but whatever.

Must Read: Donald Rumsfeld's Flying Circus

(Reuters/Yuri Gripas, June 1, 2005)

Happy Monday! You absolutely have to start the week by catching up on the new scandal, the one where Donald Rumsfeld issued Biblical commandments or something. It's in GQ, the magazine formerly mostly known for hair mousse coverage and soft-porn Armani advertisements. Make sure to check out the slide show. Your jaw will drop and hit the floor. You will want to start kissing your "I Voted" sticker all over again.

Now THAT is Funny: Condi Defends Rumsfeld

REUTERS/Jim Young 06/13/06

LOL! Condi, who practically booted Rummy out the door with her own Ferragamos, was put in the unenviable position of having to defend him this morning. What a funny way to start the week!

Oh, and Condi's somewhere today. Pakistan? Lebanon? Palestiniastan? Somewhere like that. She was just in Russia, and her trip was so boring and such a failure that I barely paid attention.

Maybe Ursula Plassnik with get up to something this week? Please?

Condoleezza-in-Chief

Condi 'n' Rummy in happier times earlier this year. You can tell she's totally already plotting his demise.

OK, so, yes, we know the story: Rummy resigned because he felt totally bad about the elections, and Bush said, like, OK bye! Ohhh, no, that's not how it went down according to the NY Times. It was --who else?-- Condi:

While Mr. Gates, a former director of central intelligence, had long been considered for a variety of roles, over the past two months Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and the national security adviser, Stephen J. Hadley, quietly steered the White House toward replacing Donald H. Rumsfeld with Mr. Gates, who had worked closely with Ms. Rice under the first President Bush. One senior participant in those discussions, who declined to be identified by name while talking about internal deliberations, said, “everyone realizes that we don’t have much time to get this right” and the first step is to get “everyone driving on the same track.”

White House officials said that goal may be difficult to accomplish in the seventh year of an administration. Ms. Rice and Mr. Rumsfeld never managed to resolve their differences, especially after their arguments over the handling of the occupation came into public view in late summer 2003. As national security adviser during Mr. Bush’s first term, Ms. Rice was unable to halt a war between the State Department and the Pentagon that put senior officials in the departments in a state of constant conflict.

The question now is whether it is simply too late to achieve President Bush’s goal of a stable and democratic Iraq, even if Mr. Gates and Ms. Rice are able to work together as smoothly in altering policy as they did 15 years ago on a very different kind of problem, managing the American response to the dissolution of the Soviet Union.

So Condi and that freak Hadley cooked this up in their own special little oven? Delicious.

Vote! Vote! Vote!

Happy Day-Before-Elections Day!

I first posted the above photo of Rummy (by sparklefave and frequent Condiographer Yuri Gripas!) in June, 2005. Since then, it has become one of the most-linked photos on my server. I wonder why?

Update: Where's Condi Been? On the Radio! Also: the Iraq Thing? It's All Her Fault!

Last Tuesday, I wondered where Condi was amid all the election madness. I wasn't aware that the Secretary of State is supposed to be a non-partisan position, and they're not supposed to be involved in that kinda thing. Who knew? Well, it turns out that Our Favorite is a renegade, and she was all over conservative talk radio like a cheap suit, so no wonder I didn't notice:

Two weeks before crucial midterm elections that could tip the balance of power in Congress, Rice has been on a media blitz that appears aimed mainly at conservative media outlets, particularly radio talk shows. Secretary of state is traditionally a nonpartisan position, and Rice's media itinerary differs sharply from the practice of her predecessors during election campaigns, according to State Department records.

Rice has given nine interviews on radio, starting with three appearances on Oct. 24 during "Radio Day," when 42 radio hosts, most of them conservatives, were invited to the White House to spread the administration's message to President Bush's political base.

Clever girl! And although she avoided all of the (political) race baiting, her message was crystal clear: staythecoursestaythecoursestaythecourse. It's, like, totally her mantra.

And all the kids are talking about the new article in Vanity Fair, and it's a pretty messed-up read. You know how all of us thought it was Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld who pushed us into Iraq? Wrong:

Michael Ledeen, American Enterprise Institute freedom scholar: “Ask yourself who the most powerful people in the White House are. They are women who are in love with the president: Laura [Bush], Condi, Harriet Miers, and Karen Hughes.”

OMG, the chicks did it! Figures.

Newsflash: Donald Rumsfeld is NOT Santa Claus

Well! I'm glad he's cleared that up for us! Here are some other things that Donald Rumsfeld is not:

• Venerial warts
• Jayne Mansfield
• The fifth incarnation of an important Buddhist lama
• Pop sensation Li'l Bow Wow
• Beloved children's book author Beverly Cleary
• The director of Saw II
• Gum stuck underneath a diner counter*
• Jesus Christ
• Competent

*I mean literally, not figuratively.

UPDATE: We had a lot of fun the other day talking about people searching for pictures of buttholes on the Pink Pony, didn't we? Well, since I took the megapopular "butthole.jpg" picture off my server, it has been super-easy to track the failed requests for it. Yesterday alone there were more than 500 tries! People, invest in a hand mirror; it's easier.

Condi's Having So Much Fun in Malaysia, She Wants to Stay

Demonstrators burn an effigy of U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a U.S. flag and an Israeli flag during a protest in Kuala Lumpur July 28, 2006. Thousands of Malaysians protested against Israel on Friday at the front door of a global security forum attended by U.S. Secretary of States Condoleezza Rice and ASEAN and Asian counterparts. MALAYSIA OUT NO ARCHIVE NO SALES REUTERS/Stringer (MALAYSIA)

Never mind those mean protestors, Condi's having a simply divine time in Malaysia, so why would she want to go back to Lebanon? Indeed, the State Department revealed this morning that Condi's not leaving until tomorrow, because things "aren't ready" for her to go back to the Middle East:

All the bags were packed and ready to go when the schedule was suddenly changed, suggesting that negotiations in the Middle East had not reached a point where her presence could push the warring sides in the conflict to a deal.

In other words, our heroine wisely doesn't want to go until everything is pretty much resolved (as resolved as it can be at this point, anyway), setting the stage for her to swoop in, dominate all the photo-ops and take all the credit. You've gotta admit, she's no fool! After all, if she went now, she have to actually participate in all those totally boring negotiations, and we all know that isn't in anybody's best interests.

UPDATE: From Eugene Robinson's editorial in this morning's Post:

Now, in her first real test as secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice will be judged on more than her impressive résumé, her obvious intelligence, her poise on the world stage and her fashion sense. Now she has her own war to sort out, and all she's done so far is scare people with her talk of somehow making the world's tinderbox into something "new."

She should remember the famous dictum from philosopher Rumsfeld, which I paraphrase: You go to war with the Middle East you have, not the Middle East you might want.

Oh Yeah? Well Condi Doesn't Like Sitting Next to You Either, Rummy!

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (R), Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (C) and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff U.S. Marine General Peter Pace after a briefing to Senators on Capitol Hill in Washington, June 13, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

Sometimes it seems like Condi 'n' Rummy have a running contest to see who can be the most unphotogenic, and yesterday Donny won hands-down, as you can see above. I like to call that his "Oh-oh, my meds ran out" face, and we've seen it before.

In more up-to-date matters, Condi got to play ambassador today... ambassador to Jesus:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks to the crowd during the 2006 annual meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention at the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, North Carolina, June 14, 2006. REUTERS/Sam Roberts (UNITED STATES)

Wow, both barrels, baby! Alternative caption: Secretary Rice exaggerates when asked to describe her more intimate moments with George.

Don't Bother Stealing Condi's iPod

So, OK, some boring Irish rock star with a sunglasses dependency got to edit The Independent over in Merry Olde England today. *Yawn* But anyway, filling up pages is hard, darn it, so said rock star thought it would be just a hoot to ask Princess Ferragamo about her favorite music. Normally, one would expect to learn something from this process, but then one would be forgetting how tightly our heroine controls her image. The result is the most boring and safe selections possible. Here's Editor and Publisher's conveniently condensed list:

1. Mozart
Piano Concerto in D minor

"I won my first piano competition at the age of 15, playing this work."

2. Cream
'Sunshine of Your Love'

"I love to work out to this song," says Rice. "Believe it or not, I loved acid rock in college - and I still do."

3. Aretha Franklin
'Respect'

4. Kool and the Gang
'Celebration'

"It's just such a great song."

5. Brahms
Piano Concerto No 2

6 Brahms
Piano Quintet in F minor

7. U2
Anything

Rice, a big fan, is happy to listen to any of their tunes.

8. Elton John
'Rocket Man'

"It brings back memories of college, friends, my first boyfriend."

9. Beethoven
Symphony No 7

"Quite simply the greatest symphony of all time," is how Rice describes Beethoven's Seventh.

10. Mussorgsky
Boris Godunov

OK, so Russian modernism, predictable classical... Celebration by Kool and the Gang? Oh, come on. What a cop-out! And if the inclusion of U2 isn't just bare-faced pandering, then my bare-faced pandering detector is totally broken.

And I suppose we're supposed to say, "Whoooooah!" about the Cream song? OK, it was a huge hit, and it's almost 40-years-old, so let's not get too startled.

The key to the whole thing, of course, is the most clichéd selection on the list: Respect by Aretha. And that's what Condi keeps getting, even from people like Bono who should know better. Why is it? Here's a person who has helped --actively helped-- bring the world to the point of armageddon via a web of lies, deceit, trickery and obfuscation. But that's OK, because she's a strong woman who has come a long way, Baby. Maybe if more people saw through her gender and ancestry, they'd see her less as Oprah and more as... Donald Rumsfeld in a Chanel suit.

Oops, I dropped character! I meant to say, OMG, Rocket Man! I totally love that song!

Rummy Grins While Condi Spins

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (L) stands behind Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as they speak to reporters in the Capitol in Washington May 3, 2006, after briefing bipartisan members of Congress about the situation in Iraq . The two secretaries made a surprise visit to Iraq last week. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Yes, I'm sure Rummy 'n' Spendoleezza had nothin' but good news after their secret so that they wouldn't get killed surprise visit to the ultra-fortified Green Zone. Everything's awesome! And, um, could we have a ton more money, please, you know, because... everything's awesome! And who else was there to join in on the fun and to bask in Dr. Ferragamo's reflected hair-care product sheen? Why, it's Virginia's silver fox, John Warner:

I don't think Condi's having any of it, though. I mean, talk to the hand, Warner:

Ewww, he's just totally leering at our Special Princess. Oh, Condi... you've got to find a better class of men to be photographed with.

Live! On Stage! In Iraq!

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice , center, speaks to the press as Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, second left, and U.S. Ambassador to Iraq Zalmay Khalilzad, right, and Gen. George Casey look on after morning meetings at the U.S. Embassy Annex in Baghdad, Iraq, Thursday, April 27, 2006. Rice and Rumsfeld are in Baghdad to meet with U.S. officials and in support of the new Iraqi government officials. (AP Photo/Jim Watson, Pool)

Can you imagine what it would be like if Dr. Sleezza put as much work into diplomacy as she does into staging elaborate photo sessions? Would it be better or a lot worse? Given our Sparklomat's track record, I'll opt for more photo ops and less negotiating. So bring on the cameras! For great justice!

Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before

Iraqi President Jalal Talabani (R) speaks with U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (2nd R), U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld (2nd L) and U.S. ambassador to Iraq Zalmay Khalilzad prior to a meeting in Baghdad, Iraq April 26, 2006. Rice and Rumsfeld flew in to Baghdad on Wednesday in a double push by the United States' diplomatic and military chiefs to ensure Iraq's new Shi'ite prime minister forms a national unity government. REUTERS/Mohammed Hato/Pool

Hmmm... matching striped armchairs, glass-topped table, generous portions of Kleenex... haven't we been here before? I liked it so much better with Jack Straw instead of Rummy, didn't you?

Princess Epilady Stages Surprise Matching Armchairs Photo-Op in Iraq

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) meets Iraqi Prime Minister-designate Jawad Al-Maliki at the US Ambassadors House in Baghdad, Iraq, April 26, 2006. The United States' diplomatic and military chiefs both flew in to Baghdad on Wednesday to meet Iraq's new prime minister, emphasising the importance Washington attaches to his success in forming a national unity government. REUTERS/Jim Watson/Pool

Hee hee! Hey, wait a minute you two, what's so funny? Haw, Iraq is a hoot!

UPDATE:

Can't you just hear her? "There's only room for two of us in this photo-op, Rummy!"

So Happy Together

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice(R) listens as US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld(L) testifies during a Senate Appropriations Committee hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington. A national unity government must be formed promptly in Iraq to avoid a civil war but if one does break out the United States will rely on Iraqi security forces to contain it, Rumsfeld said.(AFP/Paul J. Richards)

Just a Thought...

1. Maybe the US Military would be less hated by the rest of the world if they focused on problems bigger than editorial cartoons of Donald Rumsfeld.

2. Maybe Muslim fundamentalists would be less hated by the rest of the world if they focused on problems bigger than editorial cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed.

Also, credit where credit is due: huge congratulations to all the Republicans and Christian fundamentalists who worked so hard to create the atmosphere of hatred, terror and loathing toward hairdressers which made last night's horrific attack of patrons at a hairdresser bar possible.

Holy cow, what a depressing news week it's been!

Just Sit Right Back...

Pony Pal™ Ian writes:

I was thinking today about the relationship of our ruler to his subjects, and it struck me that the present White House denizens might reflect the plucky corps on Gilligan's Island. I kind of want to say that Cheney is Skipper and Bush is Gilligan, with Condi as Ginger and Harriet as Maryanne. However, here's where it gets difficult. Should Rove be the Professor, or should he be the Skipper [can't you see him smacking Bush with that captain's hat?] and Cheney Thurston Howell III? Or should the latter be Rumsfeld? Is Karen fuddy enough to be Mrs.Howell? I'm so confused.

Please help.

Welllll... first of all, I would swap Condi and Harriet for Maryanne and Ginger, instead of the other way around, but I would definitely have Cheney and Bush as the Skipper and Gilligan (see above) and Rove as the Professor. Thurston and Lovey? Rumsfeld as the former and Scott McClellan as the latter! Casting issues solved!

UPDATE:

Parlor Trick

This morning's Condi Update got a rise out of Pony Pal™ z7q2:

The Condi and Karzai photo blows my mind. Please see the image, below, from April 2005:

The caption for this image is "Rumsfeld attempts to hypnotize the flower arrangement while Karzai waits patiently."

Which means the follow-up caption for the bottom photo on the "Walk this way" entry is "Karzai demonstrates for Condi how to hypnotize the flower arrangement. 'Rummy showed me this,' he quips."

Notice how they re-upholstered the chairs since Rumsfeld's visit.

Neato, z7q2!