Prediction: Tomorrow's Richard Cohen Column Will Be About Michael Jackson, and It Will Be Painful

My prediction record has been dismal lately, but I'm feeling good about this one. He will also mention Farrah, but not Sky Saxon. Stay tuned!

UPDATE: Fail. I'm so totally through with the prognostication game.

Even more startling is that Richard wrote, instead, a perfectly good column about lifting the ban on hairdressers in the military.

Excuse Me?

All photos: Getty Images

I'm a thin guy. I'm a VERY thin guy. Basically, I look like a normally proportioned 5'8" person who somehow got stretched to 6'4". I'm not sick (thanks for asking!); I'm not anorexic (thanks for asking!); I'm not a junkie or speed freak (no, really, thanks for asking!); I'm just really, really, abnormally thin. So anyway, you'll have to excuse me, ladies, for not being delighted by this conversation, one which I've had approximately ten gazillion times (usually in the cafeteria):

Female* friend/coworker: Oh my god, I HATE you, you're so SKINNY!
Me: Um... thanks?

This is usually followed with a pronouncement that "You're so lucky, you can eat anything you want!"

Lucky! Oh, lucky me! How did I ever get so goddamn lucky?

Image via. OK, I'm not this thin.

Lately, though, I've gotten a tad militant in response to this conversation. I point out that the word "skinny" is never ever a compliment in our society when applied to males. Then I bring up that they combined the insult with a declaration of hatred. Nice. Next, if they haven't run away yet, I reveal that, in fact, being skinny –as skinny as I am– is hardly what is considered to be the masculine ideal.

I'm fairly comfortable with my renegade skinniness these days, despite the constant well-intentioned reminders, but it wasn't always the case. I used to be ultra self-conscious about it. I used to wear boxy, baggy clothes all the time in a ridiculous attempt at disguising the undisguisable, not unlike a 300-pound person wearing vertical stripes. Have you ever seen the movie Zodiac? In one scene, investigators puzzle over the fact that a male victim is wearing several shirts and pairs of pants in the middle of a heat wave (a true detail). They never explain it, but people like me nod our heads: we know what that's all about. In fact, cartoonist Dan Clowes, my physical near-twin, once told me that he used to do that.

I'm glad I got over the self-consciousness that used to practically paralyze me. And I'm pleased to report that, as a gay man, there are plenty of guys (even bears!) who actually find my freakish scrawniness attractive. But seriously, I would love to not be reminded of it on a weekly basis.

Oh, boy, there is so much more I could say about this subject! I'll spare you.

But anyway, do you know somebody like me? Are you tempted to tell them how "lucky" they are that they can "eat anything they want" and that you hate them because they're so skinny? Just don't, OK? We know.

*Sorry, but it's always a female. Men know that the word "skinny" isn't a compliment.

EDIT: Also, don't offer to "help" by suggesting dietary and/or exercise regimens in the comments section.

It's Never Too Early to Politicize Celebrity Death

Oh, hey, it's been a while since I've done a Michael Steele Roundup. Truth is, I've been a little upset about the recent death of a great musician, an influential man worshiped by some, reviled by others, a man who couldn't handle success and got increasingly bizarre over the years. I'm speaking, of course, of Sky Saxon.

I digress. Here's somebody explaining something to Michael Steele:

"Michael Jackson is dead. God rest his soul. I am not going to be the Michael Jackson of the Republican Party. You will not use me until I am dead."

Um, OK. Yeah, I'm not sure what that means, either. Steele's response? "We can watch good men and women leave. We can watch good men and women give up." Can we or may we?

Of course, my favorite piece of Steeliabilia from last week was his response to the Mark Sanford affair: "Here we go again." Haw.

Michael also did an interview in glamorous Grand Rapids on Friday, and he claimed that Republicans have "learned from our boneheaded mistakes," but neglected to identify what those mistakes were, which would have been hilarious. The best part, though, is where Steele tries to jump through a series of rhetorical hoops: we need to change but we must remain the same! See if you can make any sense of this:

"I'm a chairman who believes in multiplication and addition not division and subtraction. So I'm looking to expand and grow the party. I want Americans and certainly the folks in Michigan to know that this is a party that recognizes the importance and the value-added of individual initiative and ingenuity. This party wants those who can bring new, exciting ideas to the table. Yes we have some core principles and values that we have adhered to and supported that have branded us if you will as the Republican Party that are still important to us, but that doesn't mean that I can't reach across the table and talk to you and take in your ideas and welcome you to our table with those ideas to help us reflect more appropriately the changing demographics and dynamics of our country. We cannot stay static. I'm not afraid of expanding the party because I know I don't lose the value of my ideas and those values that I hold on to just by asking someone else to be a part of this."

Did you get through that whole thing? Me neither.

If you ask me, he's pushin' too hard.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Stars and Slots Forever

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Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: FUN Trilogy Completed

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Previously.

Knoxie™ Presents Pearl Drops of Wisdom

OK, so I saw the above quote in the Washington Times this morning and laughed and laughed. And then TPM highlighted it and I thought, OK, that's that. And then later I saw The Stranger joining in the fun and I laughed and laughed all over again. So I thought, like, what can I do with this quote to make it PSP worthy? And then it hit me: have Knoxie, the lovable corporate deer, deliver the line! I think Knoxie should come around more often, and maybe he will!

Excellence in Customer Service

Here's a bit of PSP trivia: I have never owned a cell phone. OMG, wild, right?

But finally I decided that the new iPhone is just such a desirable object that I had to get one. Unfortunately I then found myself practically begging for somebody to take my money!

First I went to ATT's web site to order the service. Now, here's another bit of PSP trivia: I don't have a credit card; haven't since college! I do have a debit card, of course, but I simply don't use credit. So at the ATT site, they did a "credit check" and found me wanting, and decided that the iPhone wasn't for me. So I "spoke" to an online rep, and the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi, I want to get an iPhone, but failed your credit check.
Rep: Sorry, then you are ineligible for the service.
Me: Really? Just like that? But I was going to pay with a debit card.
Rep: Sorry, if you fail the credit check, you're ineligible.
Me: Seriously? What if I pre-pay for the whole two-year plan?
Rep: We don't offer that.

Basically: no iPhone for me!

This morning, I decided to actually call ATT on the phone and find out if this was really true. And, of course, it isn't. The person on the phone said I could, indeed, get iPhone service, but I'd have to go to an ATT store and would probably have to tender a $750 deposit (!!) as a punishment for being sensible with my money and not buying things I can't afford.

That seems a bit steep, but OK. iPhone for me!

So I jumped on the Metro (scary!) and went all the way to the Apple Store in Pentagon City to purchase the fabled device. Imagine my chagrin when I arrived to discover that they're all out of them and have no clue when they'll be getting more.

No iPhone for me.

Dear ATT and Apple: I would love to divvy up many, many hundreds of dollars between the two of you, but I've gotta say, you sure aren't making it easy.

UPDATE: Lord phone and savior achieved.

My Theory on Mark Sanford's "Disappearance"

(Andy Warhol: Before and After)

He skipped town for plastic surgery, obvs! Why hasn't anybody guessed this yet?

Sanford is a vain guy; all you have to do is look at pictures of him to tell that, like his compatriot, John Boener, he's got a serious Tanorexia problem.

He thought he'd be sneaky about it, and swore everyone to secrecy, and then went to Atlanta and got "some work done." Unfortunately, everybody noticed he was gone and freaked out, so he's not going to be able to stealthily sneak back. Now he'll have to give a press conference or something when he supposedly gets back tomorrow... or will he? Will he be willing to expose himself to HD cameras so soon?

This is all guessing, of course, but have you heard a better theory?

UPDATE: Argentina, not Atlanta! And from Talking Points Memo:

It's worth noting that Globetrotting guv Mark Sanford seems to have gone to some lengths to avoid reporters upon his return.

I'm sticking with my hypothesis!

UPDATE: Ha, um, exit Mark Sanford. It was sex, not Botox.

I Don't Have Much to Say About Richard Cohen's Latest Column, So Here's Another Rude Photoshop

It turns out that Obama is doing the right thing about Iran 'n' such, but he's a cold bastard. And by cold, Richard means cool, like Fonzie. But with less feeling. Or something.

Basically, it's like a half-hearted blog post, like something Josh Marshall could do in his sleep, but way more expensive.

Bible-Belter Melter

John Ensign and Friends, Spahn Ranch

I absolutely love this piece at Talking Points Memo about John Ensign's Jesusyness because it just descends into kinda funny and wonderful sounding left-wing conspiracy theories, the kinds we like, the kinds where shadowy Christian cabals of lobotomized GOP drone senators and representatives meet and cast dark spells and... well, and confront each other about fucking other people's wives.

The best part, besides not being able to tell what's true and what's, like, woooooo, is the name of the secret society: The Family. Ha, no really! So rules, right? So for all the rest of the article, it's The Family this and The Family that, and it's all just so hilarious that I totally had to check I wasn't reading The Onion.

But oooooh, they are so shadowy! LOL.

Rumsfeld Gets Petulant

(AFP, 03-09-06)

I recommend reading Time's profile of Donald Rumsfeld in decline, an excerpt from Brad Graham's new book, because it's so sad and funny. Mostly it's sad:

Rumsfeld wanted to be sure I saw the many letters of praise and kind words he had received following the announcement of his resignation. He had sorted the letters according to source — members of Congress, foreign dignitaries, U.S. military personnel, former associates, friends — and filed them in large, three-ring binders.

And what about Condi? Any bitterness? Oh my, yes:

Another longtime friend reported that Rumsfeld was not happy with how abruptly his removal had come about. A former subordinate who spent several days with Rumsfeld in Taos heard him fume about disagreements with other top administration officials, particularly Rice.

This, of course, doesn't tell us anything we didn't already note at the time. Let's hear Rummy complain about Condi some more:

Rumsfeld has ascribed much of the negative perception of him and the Bush administration to distorted media coverage. "The intellectual dishonesty on the part of the press is serious," he asserted. He groused about "a strong incentive to be negative and dramatic" that had infused much of the coverage. "It's a formula that works. It gets Pulitzers; it gets promotions; it gets name identification on the front page above the fold."

Part of the formula, Rumsfeld added, involved pillorying him along with Bush and Cheney but sparing Powell and Rice. As an example, he noted accusations that Bush and Cheney had lied about Saddam Hussein's possession of weapons of mass destruction in making the case for the invasion of Iraq. "They never say Colin Powell lied," Rumsfeld asserted. "They don't say Condi lied."

Hmm, well, I said Condi lied all the time, but whatever.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Opposites Attract

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I took more or less the same picture on both sides of today's ugly tour bus, with radically different results. I like both of them. Tangeriney!

Reading Assignment

Photo via Walker Art Center

Make sure to read Jessica Valenti's excellent "catching up with the abstinence freaks" piece in The Nation. It's the same old thing, but the virginity cultists' attempts to "rebrand" themselves are amusing, and none of it is getting by Ms. Valenti. Good stuff.

Just a Couple of Chicks with Corrective Braces Sitting Around Talking

Sen. Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska, left, show off their leg brace during her meeting with Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, Thursday, June 18, 2009, on Capitol Hill in Washington. Murkowski is recovering from a knee injury, Sotomayor is recovering from a fractured ankle. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

I kinda love this picture! I like Sonia's way understated style. I'm all, like, whatever about Murkowski, obvs.

John Ensign: Bondage Enthusiast?

via Talking Points Memo.

I decided to use Fox Nation's favorite trick in the headline for this post: hey, I'm not saying that John Ensign is a bondage enthusiast; I merely asked the question!

But then again, that's the bed in his ex-lover's house...

He is totally, obviously into bondage.

And at some point, did his lover's teenager son walk in on them? Hey, I'm just asking:

Meanwhile, their 19-year-old-son, Brandon, was paid $5,400 by the National Republican Senatorial Committee between March 2008 and August 2008. The payments, for "research policy consulting," ended the same month as the affair reportedly did, federal election records show.

It seems like there's a lot more to this story than first met the eye!

The Yahoo News Photos Search Result I Never Thought I'd See

Wow, it finally happened.

She said she'd stay out of the spotlight, and I'll be darned, she was right.

Or maybe people just totally got sick of her. The Condibot's talking point gears have worn smooth. She's, like, totally MySpace.

Oh dear, it's time to savor the irony of this Condimoment past, when I suggested that the wire photographers would always be there for her, even after the TV bookers stopped calling. Where are they now? Where is Condirazzi superstar Yuri Gripas now? Oh, right, he's shooting Hillary. How about Larry Downing? He's on the Obama beat. Jim Young? Doing double-duty on both of the above. Carry on, then!

I Am the Palins. You Are the Palins. We Are ALL the Palins.

Susan Wynalek, right, of Coltsneck, N.J., her daughter Stephanie, center and son Brett participate in a 'Fire David Letterman' rally to protest his jokes about Sarah Palin and her family across from the Ed Sullivan Theater, Tuesday, June 16, 2009 in New York. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

I take it back: I totally am NOT the Palins. Seriously. I can prove it.

But whatevs. Oh, speaking of Sarah Palin, I was impressed with Kenneth Walsh's perfectly summarized "State of the GOP" piece in US News. Walsh just boils the whole thing down so well. Two glittery hooves way up! My favorite part is how he says Sarah "mystifies and annoys" the GOP bigwigs. My second favorite part is how he doesn't even mention Bobby Jindal. My third favorite part is that he accurately describes Mitt Romney as an "also-ran" in the last election. So the article is mean, concise, and accurate, and we love those.

Meanwhile, Debra Saunders, who used to defend Sarah from all us meanypants, says the victim act is tired and has got to go, and PS: please take Newt Gingrich with you. So there's that.

Pete and Repeat

Anne Schroeder has a funny item about one of Jim McDermott's staffers who unleashed the hounds of Hell on an unfortunate correspondent who made the mistake of shortening her name, Elizabeth, to Liz in an email. "Liz" just goes on and on, won't let it drop, is obviously an unhinged bitch, etc., etc.

But I totally know how she feels. I've got one of those names, Peter, which people routinely decide to alter. Most people don't, but some just cannot stop calling me Pete*! Why do they do this? It's a mystery, but it's a persistent mystery, one which I'm sure any Pony Pals™ with commonly shortened name forms can confirm. Any Barbaras out there?

Of course it's not that annoying, and I've found that The People Who Will Always Shorten Your Name are such a small minority that it's not worth getting worked up about. The People Who Stand on the Left on the Escalator, for instance, are a much larger, way more irritating group.

So anyway? That lady in McDermott's office? She's crazy, sure, but she's right.

On a side note of BONUS! PSP trivia, it was my aversion to "Pete" which led to this conversation with a coworker in the early 90s:

Fletcher: So anyway, Pete, blah blah blah...
Me: Um, Fletcher? No offense, but I really dislike "Pete."
Fletcher: Oh, right, you already told me that.
Me: You just can't help yourself, can you?
Fletcher: I can't explain it.
Me: Well, I can't explain my dislike of "Pete" either. It just makes me cringe.
Fletcher: How about "Peteykins"?
Me: Oddly, that doesn't bother me at all.
Fletcher: OK, so "Peteykins" it is.

And ever since, off and on, and especially on the web, I've been known by a certain number of people as "Peteykins." And it's all because I can't stand "Pete." The end.

*I'm looking at you, Andrew. I never call you Andy.

Never Eat Anything Bigger Than Your Head

Oh, look, Richard Cohen's latest column is up a little early, YAY! In this column, Richard reveals that there is Antisemitism in this world, both shooting up museums here in DC and, oh, just tons of it in the Arab world. Richard doesn't like this, and you know what? That's perfectly fine. He's right, and it is upsetting. So, honestly, for once, I don't have any big deal with this latest column*.

But!

This part struck me as totally odd:

We have almost 2,000 years of experience with anti-Semitism and know by now its immense power. It lays the groundwork for the horror that inevitably follows.

And from that, I am forced to choose between two unappealing conclusions:

1. Richard Cohen is unaware of Antisemitism in the ancient world.
2. Richard Cohen thinks Antisemitism in the ancient world wasn't so bad.

Probably, though, the real answer is just, simply, that even if (?) he's right, Richard Cohen just isn't very bright.

*To be honest, though, I'm really just using this week's Cohenproduct as an excuse to combine that headline with that illustration.

This Can Only End in Tears

I'm sorry, but I know an obviously bad idea when I see one.

Get Ready to Swoon

Here, according to Politico, in perhaps the single stupidest thing they've ever published, are the Hunks of DC:

The "article" required two authors and an additional reporter.

Note: the article does not appear to be an intentional parody.

EDIT: it occurs to me that a better title for this would be "People Politico Reporters Will Compliment in Order to Get a Siren on Drudge."

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Parting the Red C

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Both Sides Now

Whoops, there seems to be a problem with an insufficiently god-despising school teacher in Ohio.

See how I did that? Wow, that was fun writing like Ann Coulter for a second.

Back to the story! One News Now reports:

A Christian teacher in a public school is being hailed as "a hero of the faith."

John Freshwater, an eighth-grade teacher in Ohio, filed suit this week against the Mount Vernon City School District and district officials, claiming they violated his free-speech and civil rights when he was released. The $1-million lawsuit claims he was fired by the district last year over accusations that he preached Christianity in class. He also says he was harassed because of his religion and was discriminated against because of his involvement with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

That sounds unfair! Let's see what the representative from the Christian Educators Association has to say about this:

"I am pleased to see a public school teacher like John Freshwater willing to go outside his comfort zone and fight for the religious freedoms our forefathers guaranteed is through the U.S. Constitution," says Laursen. "It is imperative that all Christian educators, students, and parents be willing to step forward to insist on their rights -- or those rights will slowly be forfeited.

"John is proving to be a hero of the faith," he adds.

In firing Freshwater, the Mount Vernon school board cited an internal investigation that found he had preached his Christian beliefs in class. Freshwater, a teacher for 24 years, was also accused of using a scientific device to burn a cross image onto a student's arm and of keeping a Bible on his desk.

Surely a teacher can simply have a Bible on his desk, and... wait a minute... what's all this about burning crosses into students arms?

Time to switch to another source. Hey, fair & balanced! Here's more from Americans United for Separation of Church 'n' State:

In Mount Vernon, Ohio, science teacher John Freshwater is suing the school district, saying he was improperly fired. District officials say Freshwater preached in class, disparaged evolution and criticized gay people. He’s also accused of using an electrostatic device to burn crosses into the arms of students. One child reportedly had blisters for several days.

The Mount Vernon School Board took this matter seriously. When complaints were raised against Freshwater last year, the board investigated them.

The Columbus Dispatch reported, “The board announced last June that it intended to fire Freshwater for preaching his Christian beliefs about how the world began, discrediting evolution and deviating from the required science curriculum. An investigation initiated by the board found that Freshwater used a high-voltage lab tool to burn crosses into the arms of students and that he told them gays were sinners.”

I'm still intrigued, and I totally want to know more about the circumstances in which a public school teacher literally brands students with the sign of the cross.

He is "a hero of the faith" indeed.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Silhouwhat?

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You're probably thinking, "PSP, when you shoot these tight details, there's no context; we can't tell if there's a reason for the seemingly random silhouette on the side of that bus."

But trust me, it did seem to be just a totally random silhouette. If there's one thing I've learned while doing this project, it's that 90% of the designs on tour busses really are just totally random.

Criticize Sarah Palin's Toenails and Unleash the Fury of 10,000 White-Hot Suns

Oh fun, ha ha, Stylelist wrote a little piece about Sarah Palin's funky toenail polish. Uh oh, don't look now, here come the Anger Bears, exploding with outrage:

• Whats wrong with you people, you got more to worry about then Palin's toes. YOUR FREEDOM, YOUR CHILDRENS FREEDOM and He doesn't even make a good Muslim letting his wife do the things she does.
• MY GOD YOU LIBERIALS HAVE NOTHING TO DO BUT NOW COMPLAIN ABOUT PALINS TOE NAIL POLISH. YOU ARE REALLY A BUNCH OF BORED STUPID PEOPLE WHO CANNOT PUT 2 SENTENCES TOGETHER AND VOTE IN A MUSLIM WHO IS RUINING OUR COUNTRY. WHY DON'T YOU DEMOCRAPS ALL GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND LEARN WHAT IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE INSTEAD OF USELESS COMPLAINING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO YOU COULD NOT BE THE TRACKS ON HER UNDERWEAR . YOU ARE SOOO LOW STUPID UNEDUCATED IDIOTS LIKE YOUR PRESIDENT WHO CANNOT TALK WITHOUT IT BEING WRITTEN DOWN IN FRONT OF HIM
• Obama is Destroying America and needs to be stopped. Who ever heard of so many Cazrs in This day and age, and in America? whats up with that?
• The news media has gone completely insane. They have kissed OBAMAs ass so much they can't tell the truth anymore. They will slander SARAH PALIN like they are told to do. She is a threat to them. If she wins the presidency, a lot of liers will go to jail for slander. They put this idiot in office and now see what he is doing. He was taught to hate the United States and he learned his lesson well. He is out to kill this country starting with the ECONOMY and being merciful to his ISLAMIC pals in jail. LORD help us.
• All these media eyes on Sarah Palin's toenails.... but not a one looking at Obama's original birth certificate

OK, OK, I didn't mean this blog to turn into the posting-amusingly-psychotic-Republican-blog-comments blog, but please keep in mind that the fury displayed above is in response to a tiny article about Sarah Palin's toenail polish.

We're all doomed.

Michael Steele: The GOP is Not About How You Wear the Hat, But the Fact That You Want to Wear the Hat.”

So profound, our Michael. Watch him work through his metaphor here.

I should warn you, though, that if you do make it through the entire video, you probably shouldn't operate heavy machinery for the rest of the day.

UPDATE: Fox Nation Decides to Cover the Holocaust Museum Shooting After All

There's been a terrible attack! An attack against Bill O'Reilly, Michelle Malkin and Rush Limbaugh:

How awful that they have to suffer such anguish!

Let's look at just a few comments from Fox Nation's thoughtful readers, because honestly, it's just too easy:

• Aint nobody responsible for the shootin but the evil man who did the shootin. Nobody has the right to take a life except the Lord. I may think the Jews would be better off back in Israel per the scripture rather then be in this country, but I would never approve of violence and neither would any other good Christian.
• Maybe government should tone it down some - STOP RAISING TAXES!!
• Fox is fair and balanced , they tell it like it is and if you are not used to thinking for yourself. I can understand way you think Fox News misrepresent the news. So go back to PMSNBC and they can tell you how to think.
• the left-wing liberal media and their cronnies were responsible for "whipping up" the 9-11 attackers......
• My wife feels the holocaust meuseum should be in Germany or somewhere in Europe,thats where the holocaust happened,she had no idea it was in DC.
  Why isn't it in Europe?
• I was wondering what if ACORN paid this 82 year old nut case to commit this act of senseless violence so their boy,BO,could push through draconian anti gun legislation.

Oh, A++, last commenter, for bringing ACORN into this. Well done.

So anyway, mourn the slain guard if you must, but don't forget the REAL victim: Fox News.

Examiner: That White Supremacist Killer? Just Another Typical Liberal

You have to read this whole thing to believe it:

For example, he unleashed his hatred of both Presidents Bush and other "neo-conservatives" in online essays. As even some "progressives" such as the influential Adbusters magazine publicly admit, "neoconservative" is often used as a derogatory code word for "Jews". As well, even a cursory glance at "white supremacist" writings reveals a hatred of, say, big corporations that is virtually indistinguishable from that of anti-globalization activists.

[...]

None of this will surprise readers of Jonah Goldberg's bestseller Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Change* , which clearly demonstrates that "fascism" of the kind advocated by the British National Party (BNP) and the likes of James W. von Brunn is just as likely to reflect "leftwing" views as "rightwing" ones.

It really takes one's breath away.

*Note that this originally contained a link to purchase Goldberg's sacred writings at Amazon.

Fox Nation Roundup

What's featured on Fox Nation, my favorite new Right-Wing parody site, is almost as interesting as what's not on it.

Pony Pals may remember that I recently highlighted some rather spirited opinions posted by Fox Nation's readers regarding the murder of George Tiller. Later that day, those comments mysteriously disappeared and the comment thread was locked. It was almost like cooler heads were prevailing or something!

Mysteriously absent right now at Fox Nation: the major story you may have heard about a White Supremacist murdering a guard at the Holocaust Museum. Curious that such a big story would be missing!

Also currently missing: the ability to leave comments on this article about "Why White Men Get Paid More." Gosh, imagine the spirited comments this topic could elicit from Fox viewers! What a shame the site's insightful commenters are denied this pleasure to weigh in on a topic they care about in an even-handed, logical and calm manner.

It's almost like they just knew no good would come of it.

LOL. So the site's moderators obviously know they're whipping up a bunch of lunatics, and they totally have to deal with it. A lot, probably. Look at the stuff they let through! So they scrub the most embarrassing and over-the-edge stuff, shrug, and then they go ahead and bait 'em some more (Repulsive Bill Maher Panel Slanders Reagan!) And more (Obama Tells America to Get in Shape!), and more (Obama Insults Israel With This Photo!), etc.

Oh, here's what Fox Nation commenter "Mary" thinks about that last one:

HE OFFENDS ISREAL WELL NEWS BULLITEN HE OFFENDS ME ALSO.
NEVER HAVE WE HAD A PRES. TO SHOW NO RESPECT FOR ISREAL, WHEN NETANYAHN WAS HERE REMEMBER ON A TV INTERVIEW BHO WOULD NOT EVEN LOOK AT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE MUST GET HIS BIRTH CERT. AND GET HIM OUT OF HERE. YOU CAN TELL HE IS MORE THEN REV. WRIGHT MARRIED US , THEY ARE BOTH A DESCRACE TO AMERICA.
THEY HATE WHITES JEWS AND ALL AMERICANS IN GENERAL.
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing, Mary.

So anyway, that's the kind of funny thing on that site that I was thinking about when I saw this video of Shepherd Smith totally saying, whoah, you should SEE the kind of crazy letters we get here at Fox. And then he promises to show some.

Shep, thanks for the offer, but really, we've already seen plenty enough.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Self Portrait with Bridget Riley Painting

Click for 1200x900

Ha, no, it isn't really a Bridget Riley painting, but it sure did remind me of one.

Jon Voight Photo Funnies

Oh, sure, I enjoyed Jon Voight's totally restrained speech at last night's GOP wingding, but I hated the pictures of him giving it. What to do? I know, let's reproduce part of the speech verbatim and use prettier, older photos of Voight instead:

EDIT! Bonus:

Programming Note: Brown on Steele

I don't have cable, tsk, but this looks promising:

UPDATE! It was boring, but I will note that Steele again issued his concerns about what happens to White Men when they face Sonia Sotormayor, and how it is something about which to be concerned.

Kind of a "We Told Ya So"

Republican Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin arrives at a Republican congressional fundraiser, with her husband Todd Palin, Monday, June 8, 2009, in Washington. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

There it is, the big deal. It was merely a fundraiser, but OMG did Team Palin milk it for all it's worth. After all the back-and-forth, the brain-dead Alaskan spokesmodel got a lot more press for merely showing up than she ever would have by actually talking. And if you think about it, this is a really good strategy because opening her mouth and putting together intelligible sounds is not her strong suit. But did they plan it that way? I doubt it; to paraphrase former Coca Cola CEO Donald Keough, They're not that smart but they are that dumb.

So! OK, here:

• Politico, of course, pretty much invented this whole kerfuffle, so they've got a twofer today: Sarah not getting along with Mark Begich, and last night's fundraiser, where Palin was "little noticed," not really being a big deal.
• Well, Sarah was in town, so why not hang out in the woods with Sean Hannity?
• Dana Milbank was there! He reports on boring Sarah and the "offend nobody" music played by the band, and an appearance by Jon Voight, who passes for a celebrity in these circles. Bonus line: "The applause was polite but didn't entirely replace the sound of cutlery on china."
• What about Newt? "I am not a citizen of the world," he offered last night. Phew!

So there you have it. It was obviously awesome.

Also in Sarahnews today, somebody is going to write a whole book on how unfairly she was treated in the 2008 campaign and how she's so great and everything. And would you be surprised to learn that the somebody who is writing this book is an editor for the Weekly Standard? Not that Bill Kristol assigned him to write it or anything. I'm sure it'll be great.

Gingrich/Palin Rivalry is Both Delightful and Stupid

Former Republican Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich delivers the main address at the Prescott Bush Awards Dinner in Stamford, Conn., Thursday, June 4, 2009. Gingrich warned his audience not to lose sight of the principles of the Republican Party as they face the present day challenges. (AP Photo/Bob Child)

So you thought the big GOP rivalry was Steele versus Limbaugh? Or Cheney versus Powell? Or Kathleen Parker versus Everybody Else? No, it's so much better: Newt versus Sarah!

You just have to enjoy this hilarious article at Politico about, seriously, a benefit dinner tonight and how much clothes-rending and cries of "Calgon, take me away!" it is causing. You're going to have to read between the lines, because this is Politico, after all, but once you figure out what's going on, you'll laugh and laugh. Some observations:

• How do you solve a problem like Sarah? You can't. She has become the albatrossiest albatross in the history of the Republican Party.
• This isn't really Newt vs. Sarah. This is Washington vs. Sarah.
• It is the job of Sarah's Washington and Alaska staffs to coordinate together to make everything impossible.
  
• Newt Gingrich thinks this is his big comeback.
• Pete Sessions is a vindictive hostess.
• New GOP slogan: "We're stuck to the base and can't get up!"

Watch Out for Sonia Sotomayor, or She'll Use Her Wise Latina Krishna Buddhist Voodoo on You

The latest cover from The National Review:

Plus: she's fat.

The GOP makes fun of itself so that we don't have to. Unfair!

UPDATE! Michael Steele doubles down on Sonia:

And God help you if you’re a white male coming before her bench.

Klassy!

HRC Lobbies AGAINST Repeal of "Don't Ask Don't Tell," Then Lies About It

It's the Human Rights Campaign's way or the highway, I guess. Say you're a hairdresser club who wants to make it OK for hairdressers to serve in the military. Well, too bad, because it turns out the the HRC folks are going to Capitol Hill and saying, "Don't do that, because we want to work on hate crimes legislation right now."

So, in other words, hairdresser orgs? Don't work on anything the HRC doesn't want to work on right now, because they just might lobby against you.

Pony Pal™ Joemygod heard about this and asked them about it. They said Nuh-uh, that's not true, but then Michelangelo Signorile is all, totally, ORLY? Because that's what I heard, too.

So anyway, if you're not working on the HRC's schedule, you might be totally wasting your time. But, to be fair, on the other hand, if you DO work on what the HRC wants you to work on when they want to work on it, there's always a chance they'll throw you a cocktail party, so there is that. The important thing to remember is that their priorities are your priorities.

Evil Nancy Pelosi Stages Photo-Op Guaranteed to Make Republican Heads Explode

Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi (L) greets the media with former first lady Nancy Reagan during the unveiling ceremony of a statue of the late former U.S. President Ronald Reagan in the Capitol Rotunda on Capitol Hill in Washington June 3, 2009. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

Um, Yay! Nancy 'n' Nancy!

And look, it's shot by erstwhile Iron Condi Photo-opographer champion Yuri Gripas!

Be a Supreme Court Justice... Or Look Just Like One!

I've been really down on Politico, the publication where insiders interview each other, lately, but I really enjoyed this report on the judicial robe factory. It's cute and interesting! It's just one of those "I never thought of that" kinda things:

“The J-71 is the J-71, and it’s been the J-71 since long before we acquired Bentley and Simon,” said Hodges. “The gown often outlasts the judge.”

Since its start in 1912, Bentley and Simon has robed an ever-increasing number of Supreme Court justices. Thurgood Marshall wore a Bentley and Simon robe, as did Potter Stewart. And Sotomayor herself purchased a J-71 back in 1998, when President Bill Clinton nominated her to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 2nd Circuit.

At 11 years old, that gown is likely in need of refurbishing, the company says; the sleeves are usually the first to go. And Sotomayor’s J-71 probably isn’t her only robe; judges often have several — including lightweight summer gowns made of tropical wool and heavier ones for winter and special occasions

Dick Cheney: Anything Goes

Matt Barber, director of cultural affairs with Liberty Counsel, says Cheney's love for his lesbian daughter has "clouded his judgment."

"If freedom to marry means, as he said, that people ought to be free to enter into any kind of union they wish, well then, he's virtually endorsing polyamory and polygamy, and incestuous marriage, and bestiality," Barber claims. "[There are] no holds barred here."

Noted!

Also, warning: if you click on the "dirty pictures of Dick Cheney" link, well, you get exactly what you deserve.

Bill O'Reilly is Totally the New Marilyn Manson

Uh oh, if this guy at the Huffington Thing™ is right, and Tiller's murderer mounts an "O'Reilly defense,"then Bill O'Reilly is about to have his bad publicity nightmare to end all bad publicity nightmares.

Part of me, of course, delights at the prospect of Bill O'Reilly's squirms-to-come as every single other media outlet in the Western world continues to obsess over this story, an obsession which will quadruple if the concept really does end up in the trial. It'll be a PR disaster, terrible for Fox, and O'Reilly will suffer. For a little while.

But the other part of me, the less vindictive, less mean-spirited part of me, knows that this is all bullshit, an exploitative sideshow, exactly like blaming school shootings on Marilyn Manson and Grand Theft Auto.

Ooh... that sounds like fun.

*runs off to listen to Marilyn Manson and play Grand Theft Auto*

Whippin' Up the Base Until it Forms Stiff Peaks

Here's a hilarious example of how Fox Nation feeds the never ending flame-wars which comprise the site:

Wow, really? Did Obama really call the US a Muslim Country? Haw, well, no. If you actually go to the linked article at the NY Times, what Obama is saying is that due to the United States' large Muslim population, we could be seen as "one of the largest Muslim countries in the world." Quite a different statement from that offered by Fox!

But, of course, everything at Fox Nation is geared towards maximum flammability, to encourage the most outraged reaction from their lunatic followers. Hence, the predictable reactions:

• Original birth certificate!!!!
• ATTN: FOX News & AMERICA!!! It's time to take back our country & HONOR the Constitution of the United States of America! AMERICA is sick of the deception, lies, "IDENTITY Politics........the HOAX! Acorn - bust this story wide open. POTUS - produce the birth certificate. FOX & AMERICA, it's time we stand up for our constitutional rights
• Does this explain to all of you why he has not chosen a chuch to attend in Washington????? It is time to have him impeached
• Could this man be any BIGGER an enemy of the United States of America?
• This makes me sick!! I really wanted to puke when I heard this!!

Mission accomplished, Fox. The SECRET MUSLIM strikes again! Wheee!

Edited to include this image from Fox Nation's current top story, thanks to Jake Tapper:

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Think Pinker

Click for 1200x900

Coming Soon to Politico: Michael Steele Interviews Jonathan Martin About What It's Like to Interview Michael Steele

There's a barrier between author and subject at Politico, sure, but it's a barrier which takes the form of a highly permeable membrane, one which is easy to traverse. Today they're interviewing you, tomorrow you're interviewing Grover Norquist. Is it a daisy chain or is it the Ouroboros? Can't it be both? Politico loves, for instance, to report about Michael Steele, but sometimes, I guess, they get too busy and they just go ahead and give Steele a byline and let him say whatever. Today it's his list of talking points about –guess who?– Sonia Sotomayor. It is boring.

It turns out that, unlike other Supreme Court nominees, Sotomayor's record should be scrutinized. Closely scrutinized, even!

Microsoft's "Bing" Search Engine is Off to an Obviously Promising Start

From my Sitemeter stats:

Ahhh, good to know people can still find me.