Sunday, June 28, 2009

It's Never Too Early to Politicize Celebrity Death



Oh, hey, it's been a while since I've done a Michael Steele Roundup. Truth is, I've been a little upset about the recent death of a great musician, an influential man worshiped by some, reviled by others, a man who couldn't handle success and got increasingly bizarre over the years. I'm speaking, of course, of Sky Saxon.

I digress. Here's somebody explaining something to Michael Steele:

"Michael Jackson is dead. God rest his soul. I am not going to be the Michael Jackson of the Republican Party. You will not use me until I am dead."


Um, OK. Yeah, I'm not sure what that means, either. Steele's response? "We can watch good men and women leave. We can watch good men and women give up." Can we or may we?

Of course, my favorite piece of Steeliabilia from last week was his response to the Mark Sanford affair: "Here we go again." Haw.

Michael also did an interview in glamorous Grand Rapids on Friday, and he claimed that Republicans have "learned from our boneheaded mistakes," but neglected to identify what those mistakes were, which would have been hilarious. The best part, though, is where Steele tries to jump through a series of rhetorical hoops: we need to change but we must remain the same! See if you can make any sense of this:

"I'm a chairman who believes in multiplication and addition not division and subtraction. So I'm looking to expand and grow the party. I want Americans and certainly the folks in Michigan to know that this is a party that recognizes the importance and the value-added of individual initiative and ingenuity. This party wants those who can bring new, exciting ideas to the table. Yes we have some core principles and values that we have adhered to and supported that have branded us if you will as the Republican Party that are still important to us, but that doesn't mean that I can't reach across the table and talk to you and take in your ideas and welcome you to our table with those ideas to help us reflect more appropriately the changing demographics and dynamics of our country. We cannot stay static. I'm not afraid of expanding the party because I know I don't lose the value of my ideas and those values that I hold on to just by asking someone else to be a part of this."


Did you get through that whole thing? Me neither.

If you ask me, he's pushin' too hard.

15 comments:

Jon said...

Thank you for taking the time to remember Sky.

Lockwood said...

This was my favorite quote from Steele this week. The guy's simply an artesian fountain of gobbledy gook.

Matty Boy said...

Your ability to make new and fantastic puppy graphics with every Michael Steele post amazes and excites me.

Do you ever wonder if theres a RNC operative reporting back to the chairman what you have done to him each week?

I'm pretty positive there is. And I mean yakuza positive, like "cut off my pinky finger if I'm wrong" positive.

These guys are at least a little internet savvy.

Anonymous said...

whoa! Did I just lose the ability to read? Is this the power of the man or the party?

Anonymous said...

The last thing I read that made my head spin this fast was a lengthy quote from Sarah Palin. These people's sentences simply cannot be diagrammed.

Toriko said...

He reminds me of that character from "In Living Color" who would use big words in the wrong way. In Steele's case it isn't big words but its faux business-rhetoric. Lets all go out there and leverage some paradigms!!

coronaboomboom said...

Well, I'm a chicken sexer who believes in absolute value, factorial, and the cube root!

Madduane said...

He kept talking about tables and values. I think somewhere in the back of his mind, he was wanting to go to Denny's.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

LOL, Madduane. Rooty tooty fresh 'n' fruity!

Lulu Maude said...

That was the Michael Steele Moonwalk. He does his verbally.

desertwind said...

Woah. Pushin' too hard.

On me.

William K. Wolfrum said...

Boston Terriers in costumes!!!!9/11!!!

This is now my favorite blog evah.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Mattyboy. Someone at the RNC is scrapbookin'.

Anonymous said...

"We cannot stay static. But we can emit static at all times. Voters love it."

Karen Zipdrive said...

Listening to or reading Steele statements is kind of like watching my cousin's talentless daughter Vanessa dancing when she was a kid.
It was painful to watch, but too hilarious to look away.