Sarah Palin Has Thoughts 'N' Stuff About Umbrellas

You may recall that nearly five years ago (!) I posted the above picture of La Palin, accompanied by a headline which read  What's So Great About Being Nominated for the Vice Presidency? Having Somebody Hold Your Umbrella for You, for One Thing. 

So have Sarah Palin's attitudes about umbrellas changed over the last few years? Evidently so:

Scandalous Hat TrickMr. President, when it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas. Today in... fb.me/zAZryzjj
— Sarah Palin (@SarahPalinUSA) May 17, 2013

Well, duh, if Obama can "evolve" on gay marriage, can't Sarah Palin evolve on umbrella use? 

UPDATE: My original posting of the wicked umbrella photo has gone somewhat viral, owing to the Huffington Thing, among others.  My goodness, that site drives traffic.

Product Placement?

Sarah Palin at CPAC, March 16. AP Photo (cropped)

2012 Review Interrupted By Important Commercial Announcement

Have you selected your 2013 calendar yet? I hope not, because the product shown above is a real thing that you can buy here.

ALL your holiday shopping problems are now solved. Bad, cheap shoes worn by an irritating has-been? What could be better? Forget Monet!

OMG Game Change LOL

OK, I just watched HBO's Game Change, their hilarious and campy and completely unnecessary answer to the question What if Douglas Sirk filmed a documentary about Sarah Palin? It is a world-class cringe-a-thon, ghastly and overacted, over-dramatized, and so hilariously filled with significant glances that there's your new drinking game, and within twenty years it will be the new Rocky Horror Picture Show. And I loved it!

I wish it were just a little campier, though. It could benefit, for instance, from some strategically placed "sad trombone" sound effects to accompany some of Woody Harrelson's and Sarah Paulson's more strident reaction grimaces. Also: was Zach Galifianakis unavailable even for a small role? Otherwise: PERFECT.

Best line: "Thank you for cutting your mullet off, Levi."

So good.

UPDATE: I almost forgot the funniest thing! This movie is sooooo tacky that it actually features a "trying on clothes" montage, which is probably a first for a "non-fiction" movie about politics.

Book Shelf: THE ROGUE By Joe McGinniss

Unlike some people, I thought it would be a good idea to actually read The Rogue before commenting upon it. It's unfortunate that a lot of coverage of the book merely trots out bullet points OF NEW FUNNY/OUTRAGEOUS REVELATIONS!! rather than taking a look at it as an organic whole, because there's a lot more to McGinniss' excellent volume than a simple laundry list of Sarahisms. Indeed, it's the overall structure of the book which makes it such an entertaining and fascinating read. The author skillfully interweaves two stories: the tale of Sarah Palin's life and career, and the personal narrative of his own journey to Alaska to research her alarming rise to prominence, his encounters with those who know/knew her, with the land itself, and, of course, the trumped-up media circus which surrounded his renting of the house next-door to the Palin's lakeside compound. One of the most delicious ironies in The Rogue is that the hysterical reaction to McGinniss' journey to Alaska from the Palins themselves, their deranged fans, and even the well-meaning locals who defy Palin to assist the author (in a hilarious running gag, they keep offering him guns: "Take all you want; I've got plenty!"), provided him with just the structure he needed to tie the whole thing together seamlessly. Perhaps a better subtitle for the volume would have been "Beneath the Valley of the Assembly of God," because it's not just a portrait of a person, but of a place, a place which Sarah Palin succeeded in single-handedly dividing and conquering.

I guess my main point is that Joe McGinniss is an outstanding writer, so if you think you "already know all about Sarah Palin"  due to all the spoilers and laundry lists of funny stories from the book here and there on the web, you're missing out on an absorbing and entertaining book. But beyond that, the author really succeeds in answering the question what makes Sarah Palin? in a fully-rounded way, taking a sharp look at how the state, the landscape (both physical and political), her family and friends, religion, and a fairly shocking case of arrested development all worked together to produce her, a quintessentially American story if there ever was one. Highly recommended!

Richard Cohen Is Totally Confused About This Sarah Palin Lady

Richard Cohen's editors, if there are any, have clearly thrown up their hands and given up on the dunderheaded typist. Maybe they simply run his stuff through a spell checker and call it a day?

He's got this totally confusing thing on the "Post Partisan" blog about Sarah Palin quitting/never getting into the presidential race. Lucky for us, it's only the second paragraph that makes us click "close tab" this time:

It would be a mistake, however, to bid her farewell without noting her accomplishment. She was maybe the first of our celebrity politicians — not, mind you, a politician who achieved celebrity but one who did it the other way around. It’s true she was governor of Alaska when John McCain selected her for his ticket, but no one knew that. She had the name recognition of a dead dog catcher.

Got that? Sarah Palin was an unknown politician who then became a celebrity. Wait, no, she was a celebrity who then became a politician! Which is it, Richard? It isn't the former, because plenty of people had heard of the Thrilla from Wasilla well before McCain chose her as his running mate: Wonkette had already, by that time, posted several items about this new, wacky governor who was dumb and funny; Talking Points Memo had already published, like, four hundred things about "Troopergate"; Vogue had already done a feature on her, not an honor generally bestowed upon "unknown" politicians. Oh, also: she was chosen by McCain to be his running mate.

How about the second concept, where she was "maybe the first of our celebrity politicians – not, mind you, a politician who achieved celebrity but one who did it the other way around"? Let's see: Sonny Bono, Ronald Reagan, Al Franken, Jesse Ventura, Clint Eastwood, and even Gopher from the Love Boat all spring quickly to mind.

So Cohen has managed to squeeze into a single paragraph two concepts which not only contradict each other, but are each inherently incorrect.  Good work if you can get it (you can't get it)!

Shorter Erick Erickson: Sarah Palin Is A Waste Of Time And Her Fans Are Insane

OMG, you have to actually go over to Red State and read Erick Erickson's highly entertaining post about Sarah Palin, because you will love it. Make no mistake: it's not that I think it's a good piece of writing; it's Erick Erickson after all*. Basically, Erick has just totally HAD IT with Palin's coy "will she or won't she run" schtick, and he wants it to stop. Also, he's upset that every time he writes about her, all her fans inundate his site with stupider and/or crazier comments than usual, and he wants that to stop, too. Shed a tear for Erick, won't you? Here's more of what I love about Erickson's rant:

• The hypocrisy: Erickson decries Palin's fans for their attackiness and venom, which is kind of a pot calling the kettle black situation, no? Also, his list of Sarah Palin's shortcomings sounds an awful lot like a list of Erick Erickson's shortcomings. Then again, he's not running for office (yet).
• The equivocating: the very, very negative post about Sarah and her fans includes the pussy phrases "There are many, many good people who support Sarah Palin" (can you hear the "But..." coming from a mile away?) and "Sarah Palin is a great person" (check the timetable, I think there's another "But..." due any second now).
• Sarah Palin's fans compared to Scientologists more than once.
• The comments! The positive comments demonstrate the same kind of loyalty to Erickson which he decries in Palin's fans. The negative comments from Palin fans easily prove Erickson's thesis. And then Erickson's fans point this out, and then Palin's fans call Erickson a sell-out/mainstream GOP shill, etc.

Next stop: Schadenfreude City!

*Can you believe that this guy is, like, SO totally influential?  I don't get it either.

Leave It To The UK Press To Put Yesterday's Palin/O'Donnell Dustup Into The Proper Context

(screenshot from the Daily Mail)

Did you watch that whole thing unfold yesterday? It was really funny: some dumb tea party event dumped Christine O'Donnell from their lineup, then they re-invited her, and then they dumped her again when Sarah Palin threatened to dump them. Got that? So Sarah will appear onstage with Michele Bachmann, but not with Christine O'Donnell. I guess that means some kind of threshold has been established.

But congrats to the Mail Onliine for putting it all into perspective: CATFIGHT! RAHHHHR! Fake fingernails and bobby pins flying everywhere!

Haw, it's always so funny when the gals get involved in the politics.

The Other White Meat™

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and his wife Callista grill pork chops as they visited the Iowa Pork Producers tent during a campaign stop at the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines, Iowa, Friday, Aug. 12, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

One thing I love about things like the Iowa Republican Circus is that you get to see totally wonky urbanites like Newt 'n' Cally struggle to appear like jes' folks for the cameras. The Pork Tent™ was an irresistible photo-op-stop for all the candidates, and here we see a hilariously contrived scene of two Washington boutique media figures wearing branded aprons and pretending to prepare food. Other photos of the event show other candidates stepping up and flipping the pork for as long as it takes, presumably, for the Associated Press to record the moment.

The Denver Post has done us all a favor and rounded up the best wire photos of the fair. My favorite shot shows a circle of reporters creating with their cameras and microphones a sphincter from which Sarah Palin emerges:

(Max Whittaker/The New York Times)

And, of course, Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging – Michele Bachmann edition:

(Scott Olson/Getty Images)

UPDATE: Telegraph blogger Toby Harnden captured the most magical moment of all:

She then shoved her wiener in husbeard Marcus' face:

There you have it: a graphic depiction of the Bachmanns' sex life. What fun those two have!

UPDATE: Over at Mediasnack, Frances Martel, offended, asks of the humorous wiener pic, "Is This The Best Picture Of Rep. Bachmann Eating A Corn Dog The Telegraph Could Find?" My response to Ms. Martel is how much better a picture of Michele Bachmann eating a corn dog do you want? Or is necessary?

You Can Learn A Lot About Sarah Palin By Staring At Her Bangs

(AP Photo. Click for bigger!)

I'm glad that this blog has gotten back to the things that really matter: hairdos! That's, obv, Sarah Palin earlier today at the Iowa State Fair. She's staring at a cow or something, wondering what it is, I don't know. What goes through Sarah Palin's peculiar mind? I imagine her thoughts to be like many little miniature Ty-D-Bol guys in their little boats sloshing around in an erratic sea, forever just out of hearing distance from each other, unable to communicate or correspond in any way.

Hellooooooooooo... Can anybody heeeeear meeeeeeeee...

And covering and protecting those thoughts is the Palin hairdo. What is that? Octo-fringe?  It's like tarantulas resting on her forehead. There's something so fake-casual about it, this hairdo is really annoying me. It's so manicured to look tousled. And if you click to see the larger picture, you'll see that the dye-job is quite elaborate and multicolored. This says something about Sarah Palin.

Quickie: Piper Palin THRILLED To Be On Bus Tour

(Photo: New Jersey Star-Ledger)

UPDATE: From Time Magazine:

At one point, Piper approached our photographer and said, "Thanks for ruining our vacation."

UPDATE: Pony Pals commenting on this post accurately describe li'l Piper as a "human shield" deployed cynically by Sarah Palin. They are correct. Let's not forget, however, that this isn't the first time she has intentionally used Piper this way.

Waiting For Sarah

The public gathers near the Pennsylvania Memorial on Hancock Avenue Monday evening as CNN news anchor John King prepares for a televised segment, in anticipation of a possible visit to Gettysburg by former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. (Bill Schwartz/Gettysburg Times)

Baby's First Big Media Payout

Aw, congrats to Track Palin, not for getting married; heck, straight people do that all the time, but for what must have been a hefty check from People Magazine for the *exclusive* use of the snowbilly wedding pics "courtesy the Palin Family".

Darn that lamestream media for being so mean to Sarah Palin and constantly invading her kids' privacy!

Daily Caller On The Fence About "C Word"

Ha ha ha... The Daily Caller, Tucker Carlson's redundant GOP bulletin board, can't seem to make up its mind about the vulgarities. Here's their article about evil Bill Maher calling Sarah Palin a cunt or, rather, "the 'c' word," and it's hilarious because later in the article they remind us that he also called her "a dumb twat," which I thought was also a dirty word. So "twat" is OK to spell out at the Daily Caller, but "cunt" is apparently just too much. Or is it? Because what's this? Here's the title bar for the page:

And elsewhere on the site:

Yes, that's a link to the same article which resolutely refuses to identify "the 'c' word" (Cannibal? Canadian?). Looks like somebody at the Daily Caller misplaced their "protect the children" style guide.

Sarah Palin's Israeli Product Placement

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin arrives at Ben Gurion airport near Tel Aviv, Israel, Sunday, March 20, 2011. Palin is in Israel on a trip that has raised speculation she is honing her foreign policy credentials ahead of a run for the U.S. presidency next year. Palin arrived in Israel Sunday afternoon after a stop in India. (AP Photo/Yuval Chen)

There she is in a foreign country, looking just like the tacky, frightened tourist she is. Apparently she put on a Star of David necklace and let that do most of the talking for her. But what is up with that awful, cheap vest? Is it not the ugliest? Oh, but there is, of course, something about that vest:

Ah yes, Rancho del Cielo, better known as the Reagan Ranch, one-time getaway of Ron 'n' Nancy and now the home of the ultra-conservative Young America's Foundation. So it's a "gimme" vest, probably gifted to her when she spoke at the ranch last month (I bet Dick Cheney got one, too). Most conferences pass out awful canvas tote bags; this one passed out awful synthetic vests. I bet she calls it her "Reagan Vest."

Between the necklace and the vest, it really shows that if it doesn't fit onto a bumper sticker or in a Tweet, or a cheap piece of jewelry or an embroidered patch or a Facething update, it's all just a bit too much for Sarah. Keep it simple; keep it branded.

Palin Reveals Breast Augmentation Plans In India

The 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin speaks at a conference organized by a media house in New Delhi, India, Saturday, March 19, 2011. Palin highlighted U.S.-Indian relations while sounding a warning note on China during a speech Saturday night at a conference in New Delhi. (AP Photos/India Today)

Haw, sorry, I couldn't resist. But anyway, yes, Sarah did her thing in India and it was just totally boring, Sarah-boilerplate material. I think my favorite thing is that the organizer/host of the event, basically introduced her as an obvious stunt/comedy joke/found object, on a par (below, actually) with having Steve Colbert appear:

As she got up to head to the podium, Aroon Purie, the editor-in-chief of India Today, the weekly magazine that organized the conference and invited Ms. Palin to India in a rare overseas visit, halted her, saying, “Not so fast. I’ve got lots more nice things to say about you.”

In his highly flattering introduction, Mr. Purie did make a gentle dig about her having a creative vocabulary, saying, “Madam, I hope you won’t refudiate me if I say so.”

Handle the idiot carefully!

In more disappointing news, I have found no evidence that Sarah's path crossed with Germain Greer, also present at the event. Pity.

"A Lot More Agnew Than Reagan"

(Fear my mad image research skillz)

Todays must read? In the Politico, of all places! The article is hilariously titled "She's becoming Al Sharpton, Alaska Edition" and it's about one of our favorite subjects, the growing hatred of Sarah Palin by elite conservative intellectuals. This article has so many funny/mean quotes from named sources that it will touch off at least one-hundred Twitter/Facething feuds, Sarah's natural element. Her enemies list, the one you know she diligently maintains, will grow and grow forever.

My second favorite thing about the article is the unmistakable sense of panic you can sense in the increasingly irrelevant "boutique Washington conservative" set as they realize that they have totally lost the GOP to Glenn Beck, Andrew Breitbart and,  yes, Sarah Palin.

But my very favorite thing is when one aggrieved pundit says that Sarah's way more like Spiro Agnew than Ronald Reagan (See above. It's true!). Ha, ha, ha, ouch.

Quickie: "C Word" In The News

PSP Flashback to 09-15-08

Haw, everybody always loves it when I feature the word "cunt" in my posts, particularly when combined with Sarah Palin, so here we go again! Actually, this time I'm not generating it; it's a collusion between Media Matters and one of Andrew Breitbart's terrible sites. But anyway, enjoy, because this is really funny.

Universe Awaits Meeting Of Sarah Palin And Germaine Greer

This is pretty exciting! Yes, everybody is reporting that Sarah Palin will travel to India (!) next month to attend some tiresome sounding confab. She'll be presenting "My Vision of America" as the keynote address for the event's closing dinner. Should be fun! Supposedly people will be allowed to ask her questions, so this could actually be really interesting.

But really, why is she going to this thing? Mostly to pose for photographs with little brown babies, I'm guessing. But the really intriguing part, the under-reported part, is that fabulous Germaine Greer will be at the same event on the same day! Remember, Sarah likes to call herself a feminist, so it's hard to imagine Greer missing the opportunity for a confrontation with the Mama Grizzly. Oh! To be a fly on that wall!

Better yet, this has all the makings of something great. Remember in the 80s when "body switch" comedies became all the rage? Now just picture that scenario applied to Palin and Greer! Wow, that's box office gold.

Palin News Abhors A Vacuum

God, it is so much fun writing about Sarah Palin! Everybody has new and fresh insights about the Mama Grizzly. I am right now, this very second, writing a sentence about Sarah Palin! And now I'm writing another sentence about Sarah Palin! Have you heard of this woman? No? She's from Alaska, and she... well, wait, no. Why don't you go and read this stunningly pointless Associated Press "the story so far" article, just posted minutes ago, and catch up. It turns out she's pretty interesting! Why aren't more people hopping on the bandwagon and writing about this Sarah Palin lady?