(Andy Warhol: Before and After)
He skipped town for plastic surgery, obvs! Why hasn't anybody guessed this yet?
Sanford is a vain guy; all you have to do is look at pictures of him to tell that, like his compatriot, John Boener, he's got a serious Tanorexia problem.
He thought he'd be sneaky about it, and swore everyone to secrecy, and then went to Atlanta and got "some work done." Unfortunately, everybody noticed he was gone and freaked out, so he's not going to be able to stealthily sneak back. Now he'll have to give a press conference or something when he supposedly gets back tomorrow... or will he? Will he be willing to expose himself to HD cameras so soon?
This is all guessing, of course, but have you heard a better theory?
UPDATE: Argentina, not Atlanta! And from Talking Points Memo:
It's worth noting that Globetrotting guv Mark Sanford seems to have gone to some lengths to avoid reporters upon his return.
I'm sticking with my hypothesis!
UPDATE: Ha, um, exit Mark Sanford. It was sex, not Botox.