Wasn't There a Michael Jackson Song About This?

In this photo provided by CBS News, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks to Rep. John Murtha, D-Pa., before their seperate appearances on CBS's 'Face the Nation' in Washington, Sunday, April 29, 2007. (AP Photo/CBS Face the Nation, Karin Cooper)

Oh, I'm sure that little meeting wasn't awkward in the slightest! It's too bad they weren't on the show together.

And that was quite the lie-a-thon Condi had yesterday on TV, wasn't it? Whew!

Crazy Lady Gets Honorary Law Degree

Chancellor Emeritus Charles B. Runnels (R) places a hood on U.S. first lady Laura Bush as she receives Pepperdine's Honorary Doctor of Laws degree during the 2007 Seaver College commencement at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California April 28, 2007. REUTERS/Phil McCarten (UNITED STATES)

Laura Bush: the next attorney general of the United States of America!

Quickie: Everybody's Favorite Dreamboat Marine Strikes Again!

Sparklefave hunky Marine Adam Kokesh (or, as I like to call him, Tally McArmstrong) got arrested on Capital Hill this yesterday morning! Would you like to see lovely Mr. Kokesh in handcuffs? Would that fuel your less wholesome military fantasies for the morning? Say no more.

Hairdo-Obsessed Blogs Suddenly Relevant Amidst the Ruins of John Edwards' Campaign

Seriously, is the Edwards campaign effectively dead due to hairdo issues? Yes. Yes it is:

Thursday, April 26, 2007
Brushing the "Hair Issue"
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Did New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson take a swipe at former Sen. John Edwards when he said, "I think the American people want candor. They don't want blow-dried candidates with perfection." With only Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Connecticut, between Richardson and Edwards, the governor made the comment in response to a question over why he took so long before calling for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' resignation. Only moments earlier, Sen. Edwards was asked to explain why he used campaign funds to pay for two $400 haircuts.

-- CNN Senior Producer Alex Wellen

Annnnd a simple Google News Search tells the rest of the tragic tale. It is my sincere opinion that those two coiffure adjustments will be forever etched on the tombstone of the presumably unmanly candidate's bid for the big one. Tsk. If this blog has any "message" at all, it's this: hairdos matter. Hairdo mishaps ruin lives! Totally. Hairdo presentation management is a crucial aspect of any public figure's career, and the delicate balance of all possible hairdo arrangement factors (including, obvs, choice of follicle consultant) is upset at the unwary politician's peril.

But besides the whole making him lose thing, were the profligate trims worth it? Mmmm... well, yes, they were necessary. The best way to demonstrate the crucial role the candidate's hairstyle played in his public persona is to show a recent photo in which the spendy locks aren't included:

April 23, 2007. AP Photo/Kevin Wolf

Now it should all make sense.

We Have a Runner-Up for the Greatest Condishot of the Year (So Far)

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice looks up at the start of NATO's foreign ministers meeting in Oslo, Norway, Thursday, April 26, 2007. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice dismissed Russians concerns over Washington's plans to deploy anti-missile defenses in Europe on Thursday, saying the American interceptors would pose no danger to Moscow's nuclear arsenal. (AP Photo/Yves Logghe)

There's nothing forced about that dazzling smile! After all, nothing could be more fun for Condi than to be surrounded by all those other foreign ministers who surely think she's just SUPER-DUPER. Oh, I just know she was the belle of the ball.

But where are Micheline and Ursula? Well, hold on to your hats, because Switzerland and Austria aren't members of that little NATO club. Can you believe it? Who would want to be in a club without Micheline and Ursula? That Dutch Hoola-Hoop guy was there, though. Watch out, Condi!

BONUS! As mentioned in the title of this post, the above photo, wonderful as it is, is but an also-ran compared to this especially magical shot from two weeks ago. Pony Pal™ Drew in SF, dazzled by Condi's pixie-ish charm in that photo, wanted more of a good thing, so he has selflessly provided us all with a gargantuan blow-up of the best part of it. Click the detail below to fill your screen with marvelous Condilove, the greatest love of all. Pony Pals™, meet your new desktop picture:

Oh, Snap!

Nice Rack, Ma'am!

French socialist presidential candidate Segolene Royal, left, welcomes Jacques Delors, former European commission president, at her campaign headquarters in Paris Tuesday April 24, 2007. The battle between French conservative Nicolas Sarkozy and Socialist Segolene Royal heated up Tuesday as their camps tried tactics to woo voters in the political center, the key decision-makers in the presidential race. (AP Photo/Francois Mori)

I really had high hopes that Ségolène Royal would turn out to be a fabulous, glittery Sparklefave, but alas, she's kinda classy and boring. But I loved this shot of her the other day! He's looking at her hand, people, OK?

But anyway, that photo would be tons funnier if one were to crop out the bottom half, don't you think? Lucky for us, Le Monde thought the exact same thing.

Big ups of the combable mane to Pony Pal™ Judah for spotting this one.

Condi Flies to Norway to Hide from Henry Waxman

The US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice alights from the plane as she arrives at Gardermoen Airport outside Oslo Wednesday April 25, 2007, to participate in the Informal meeting of NATO Foreign Ministers in Oslo on April 26 and 27. (AP photo / Bjoern Sigurdsoen, SCANPIX)

Good thinking, Dr. Ferragamo! Do you think we'll get a Condi 'n' Ursula meet-up? A Condi 'n' Micheline confab? Poor Condi: she trying the best she can (really), and all these mean people want her to respond to their silly letters and to totally appear in Congress and -- Really! Who do they think they are? Get on a plane, girl, and fly, fly away from those awful people.

Jesus via Orwell

Several other bloggers (Jesus' General, for instance) have written about the delightfully manly Jesus action figures offered by wearefishermen.com, but I haven't seen anybody else comment on the "War is Peace" theme of the figure above, a toy which enthusiastically earns the "unbelievably not photoshopped" label. I love how fashion-forward Jesus nonchalantly throws his robe over his combat fatigues almost as an afterthought. Maybe it's a Kevlar robe? Also, the IED in the form of a dove? Genius! I can't wait for the "Freedom is Slavery" and "Ignorance is Strength" figures. God in three persons, indeed! Yay!

I also think that all our troops should be immediately equipped with shiny golden crowns o' thorns and robes. I mean... how conceptually accurate would that be?

What Would Sarah Silverman Do?

It's no secret that people in San Diego tend to be very, very stupid*, and part of the reason is that they're reading the San Diego Union-Tribune, upon whose editorial board sits Ruben Navarrette Jr., a dependably Republican apologist's apologist.

Ruben has really outdone himself with his bizarre, attack-the-attackers take at CNN.com on all this hubbub going on lately with all those megapopular racist conservative radio hosts. Did you read it? This has got to be one of the most peculiar op-eds I've read in a while. So... let me get this straight, Ruben: when people criticize Bill O'Reilly for using the word wetback, they're just as bad as he is because they're repeating the word by quoting him?

Wait, let me try:

Wetback.

Nope, it's still worse when Bill O'Reilly says it.

*I should know because I lived there for over 15 years, and I was totally way stupider then.

Have You Ever Seen Something Eat Its Own Head?

I just don't have much to say about anything at the moment, Pony Pals™, but I invite you to ponder the above. It's a screenshot from Yahoo showing their link to a Reuters article about how the Huffington Post and Slate are going to team up with Yahoo and it features a tiny screenshot from the Huffington Post! Yay!

The only thing that could make it a more perfect implosion would be if the tiny HP screenshot featured a screenshot from Slate. Or Princess Sparkle Pony.

Pointless Condishot

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (2nd R) speaks with guests at the White House Correspondents Association dinner in Washington April 21, 2007. Rice urged Iran to take part in a meeting on Iraq next month, telling the Financial Times it would be a 'missed opportunity' if Tehran failed to attend. (Yuri Gripas/Reuters)

I don't really have much of a reason to post the above other than getting some complaints about having a picture of Harriet Miers at the top of the blog all weekend. And, you know, that's a totally reasonable complaint. Sorry about that!

On the other hand, it's nice to see that Sparklefave Yuri Gripas got to cover the WHCA dinner, even if it was a total dud.

OMG, I Know Who Can Replace Alberto Gonzales!

Also, I know this has been posted elsewhere, but I simply have to add to the chorus of approval for the sexiest protester of the year:

Who is he and where do we see nude photographs of find out more about him? Bad form wearing the hat inside, though.

UPDATE: His name is Adam Kokesh, he's with Iraq Vets Against the War, and there's another picture of him here.

Gosh, he's adorable!

UPDATE: They were a little slow, but Wonkette caught Adam Fever, too!

Fuel for Feverish Theme-Park Fantasies

Protesters wear masks of President Bush, left, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and Vice President Cheney at a rally to oppose the Iraq oil law at a Chevron gas station in San Francisco, Thursday, April 19, 2007. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

Well, OK, sure: that's the scene in communesque San Francisco today. But whenever I see giant-headed facsimiles of Condi 'n' pals, I instantly fall into a reverie, a misty-eyed mental journey to a post-Bush Republican theme park. And if you think about it, that's totally what they should do instead of a dumb, boring library. I mean, who do they think they're fooling? You could have friendly, waving giant-headed George 'n' Dicks welcoming the converted to fabulous Neo-Contazia, and roaming cuddly Grover Norquists and comical Scott McClellans for photo-ops, a twenty-minute wait in line to sit ever-so-briefly in Condi's Matching Armchairs™ and --Uh, oh!-- watch out for the big bad Wolfowitz! It makes me feel all warm and family-valuable inside, like I'm a toddler snuggling in Jean Kirkpatrick's lap, all safe and cuddly.

*sigh*

Um... but everybody feels that way sometimes, right?

Patriotic Cement Mixer Photoblogging Continues!

Click for bigger!

What can I say? I'm a sucker for patriotic vehicles, but this one sends very mixed messages, so I'm hesitant to interpret its metaphors.

"War on Terror or Whatever"

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice meets with Indonesia's Defense Minister Yuwono Sudarson at the State Department in Washington April 16, 2007. (UNITED STATES) REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Never mind the Indonesian guy; he's just another body to balance out the matching armchairs photo-op. Today's fun Condiread is Dana Milbank's latest in the Washington Post. So the people at the State Department who are, like, totally in charge of spreading democracy had a meeting, and Condi showed up! Yay! But, you know, talking about Iraq is too boring 'n' depressing, so what's a bunch of diplopals to do? Why, sit around complimenting each other, natch:

To help fill the time without talking about Iraq, the committee members took turns bathing Rice in praise.

"You had no notes. You just spoke honestly to us. I was very impressed," said Mark Palmer.

"I have to say, as I listen to you, Madam Secretary, that something comes through that's very genuine," said Brian Atwood.

"Very comprehensive and coherent," commented Carl Gershman.

"Powerful," agreed Crocker.

"Your insightful words," said Kenneth Wollack, "come from the heart as well as the head."

Wow, that's some strong criticism they're throwing at Dr. Ferragamo! See, this is why the State Department doesn't get much done: they simply love each other too much! And how did Condi respond to their not-so-tough love?

Rice reciprocated by praising her committee. "We've already gotten some outstanding recommendations. . . . I think the other recommendations are great. . . . I couldn't agree more. . . . I agree completely. . . . Great comments. . . . I find myself in violent agreement with what's been said around the table."

The secretary of state offered the committee members a provocative thought to start their deliberations. She asserted that the "first goal" of American foreign policy should be developing democracies. "Now, why don't I say 'war on terror' or whatever?" she continued. "Because without well-governed, democratic states, you're likely to have failed states or authoritarian states that are going to submerge but not deal with the unhealthy political forces that lead to extremism."

OMG, 'war on terror' or whatever! I fully couldn't have said it better myself!

Obama Inspires 10 Commandments Judge to Erupt in Doublespeak

Uh, oh: Obama's in trouble, because everybody's favorite lunatic Jesusy fired judge, Roy Moore, has looked upon him and found him lacking. Barack was asked about the commandments kerfuffle in Iowa, and sensibly responded that, "the monument would tend to give non-believers the "feeling that [they] wouldn't be treated as fairly as a Christian." He went on to state that, "We want everybody to feel they are treated equally."" The nerve! Moore, distracted momentarily from handling snakes and speaking in tongues, responded with one of the most wonderful eruptions of Christian doublespeak I've seen in quite some time:

"He doesn't understand, obviously, that religious freedom comes from God," the judge contends, "and we must acknowledge God as a state and as a people. This type of feel-good philosophy that he's espousing leads to things like taking 'under God' out of the Pledge, and 'in God we trust' off our money, and Christianity out of our lives, and it should be stopped."

Umm... got it! The cretinous unemployed judge then went on to challenge Obama to a debate. Yes, please!

Photoblogging: Return of the Star-Spangled Cement Mixer

Click either or both for desktop-size!

I've shared pictures of my favorite vehicle with you before, but my heart skips a beat every time I see it (or its twin... yes! There are more than one!), and this time I was able to get really close to it and take even more obsessive pictures! Yay!

Condi 'n' Walnuts: Together at Last

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, reaches out to shake hands with Republican Presidential hopeful Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., prior to their speaking with reporters about Iraq, Thursday, April 12, 2007, at the end of their meeting at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

OMG, why didn't I think of this before? They're perfect for each other! Maybe Condi's the pony McCain was searching for earlier? I'm assuming their conversation went something like this:

Walnuts: So the Iraq thing, that's all going great, right?
Condi: Oh, gosh yes, Wally, swimmingly. You don't mind if I call you Wally, do you?
Walnuts: As long as you call me!
Condi: [LOLs]
Walnuts: OK, so Nancy Pelosi really is...
Condi: ...a bitch, yes.
Walnuts: I was going to say a cow.
Condi: Don't use animal metaphors; you suck at them.
Walnuts: Well, OK, but "bitch" is also technically...
Condi: Be quiet and smile for the photographers, Wally.

Yay! Try not to think of the specifics of their imminent coupling, however, because that can only end in tears and violent nausea.

Oh, and the "Walnuts" thing? If, for some reason, you haven't seen it yet, be sure to view the third-party ad for McCain which started that whole thing. Seriously, I've watched it dozens of times, and it never fails to bring a tear to my eye.

Photoblogging: Slightly Larger-than-Average Rat Menaces Downtown DC!

Click for bigger!

Few things have the power to send me running back to my office for my camera during my lunch hour, but oversized inflatable novelty rodents with disgusting, diseased stomachs are among them.

I've seen the picket rat before (at Pony Pal™ Joe's place), but the metaphor really confuses me. Supposedly the rat is enlisted when an employer is... well, rat-like. OK, so the rat represents the wayward employer, but then why is the rat holding picket signs? Which side is the rat on, anyway? I so don't get it. I think the rat is a flip-flopper. Let's call him Mitt!

Has Anybody Seen John McCain's Pony?

Everybody loves ponies, duh! Especially John McCain:

McCain thinks Sadr is mostly bluffing; he waited too long and has not made a personal appearance for too long, and a defeat at the hands of the American and Iraqi forces would finish him. Joking that he was “digging for the pony here,” he predicted that Sadr would back down as he has in the past rather than take that big of a gamble.

Oh, John, tsk! Maybe you should get your pal Joe to help you dig for that pony? Keep digging, guys, keep digging!

Also, about that Sadr guy not making any "personal appearances" for so long? Hello? It's American Idol season, doy!

Wait a minute... digging for pony? Why does that sound familiar?

Condi Photo of the Day... Week... Month... Probably Condi Photo of the Year

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is seen through the viewfinder of a video camera while speaking to the Edward R. Murrow Journalism Program participants at the State Department in Washington April 10, 2007. REUTERS/Molly Riley (UNITED STATES)

Molly, honey, I am totally your instant #1 fan! Hand it to Reuters for having the best Condirazzi squad of all, thanks to team captains Larry Downing and Yuri Gripas. AP and AFI are going to have to seriously step up their games to compete with this talented new Condiography superstar!

Whew! Was it good for you, too? It kinda reminds me of that movie They Live.

UPDATE: The more I look at this magical photograph, the more I'm prepared to say that this may be, in fact, the single most unflattering picture of Dr. Ferragamo I've ever seen. And that's saying something.

Story Time

Ah yes, that was the scene yesterday at the White House: Interior Secretary Dirk Kempthorne, on top of the Bush Administration's short list of the so-far unshamed, reading an important message to America's children. (Original photo at www.whitehouse.gov.)

Photoblogging: Sometimes It Snows in April

I woke up to a snowy morning! Click for bigger snowy pansies!

Unpleasant Condibot Malfunctions

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, meets with Haiti's Prime Minister Jacques Edouard Alexis to discuss immigration and job creation, Wednesday, April 4, 2007, at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

I think it just wasn't Team Condibot's day, that's the only way to explain it. I mean, look at that picture! That's clearly not the real Dr. Secretary, so it must be the labor-saving, Disneytronic Condibot, and just as clearly the programming has gone horribly awry. Tsk.

You want more evidence? Well, as Pony Pals™ know, I've categorized the different kinds of Condiography setups: the matching armchairs, the dueling podiums, the have you met my friend? He/she was just leaving (also known as the Bum's Rush), etc. I think my favorite photo-op is the Madison Time, in which Condi 'n' pals appear to be treating the Condirazzi to a rousing performance of the early-60s dance craze. Madison Time is a tricky photo-op, and as you'll see below, the Condibot, accompanied by the Dutch Hula-Hoop guy and wee yet perfectly-formed Robert Gates, simply wasn't up to the task:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, center, walks with Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, right, and NATO Secretary General Jakob de Hoop Scheffer at the State Department Wednesday, April 4, 2007 in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Oh, terrible footwork! They're all over the place! I believe the Condibot is a poor choice when performing the Madison is required; let the real Condi shine in these situations. Anyway, then those three crazy kids did their stand-up routine:

Watch out, Condi! The Hula Hoop guy has a pie behind his back!

Ursula Plassnik's Scarf Obsession Reaches Tablecloth-Sized Proportions

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, welcomes her Palestinian counterpart Ziad Abu Amr for talks at the foreign ministry in Vienna, on Wednesday, April 4, 2007. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)

Also, do you want to see something really scary? Here's the results from One News Now's (formerly Agape Press) recent poll about how England should respond to their Iranian situation:

OMG, Brownback '08!!! The so-far results of their latest poll are funny, too:

Nancy Pelosi: scarier to some than Osama bin Laden.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: It's Going to be a Good Season

Click for desktop-size!

And a bonus, one more photo of the goddamn cherry blossoms, because they're just so beautiful that you can't help loving them despite yourself:

Click for huger, more detailed.

Sparkle Pony Poetry Corner, Michael Steele Edition

YOU CONTINUE TO BUILD AND REACH
OUT AND BRING NEW MEMBERS TO THE
FOLD AND AGAIN, TO SHARE SOME OF
THE CORE BELIEFS OF OUR PARTY
AND WHAT WE'RE ALL ABOUT.
CERTAINLY TO THE LEADERSHIP OF
THE RNLA AND MY BUDDY BOB, THANK
YOU FOR THE CHANCE TO BE HERE,
TO SHARE SOME INSIGHTS.
NOW, I HAVE GOT A LEGAL PROBLEM
THAT I NEED YOUR HELP ON.
HAS ANYONE SEEN MY PUPPY?
BECAUSE I HEARD HE WENT
HOLLYWOOD AND I'M TRYING TO GET
ALL THAT WORKED OUT BECAUSE IF
HE GETS PAID, I WANT TO GET
PAID.
AND THAT'S HOW THAT SHOULD GO.

The above, sent by Pony Pal™ Supreme/CSPAN secret operative Fritz wasn't meant to be gripping, surrealist poetry, but is in fact the closed-captioning from Michael Steele's speech to the Republican National Lawyers Association (scared yet?) on March 30, 2007. What was he really saying? With verse like that, who cares! Somebody, please give that captioner a Pulitzer!

Vice Chancellor Recalls the First Time He Met Ursula

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and Vice Chancellor and Finance Minister Wilhelm Molterer, from left, are engaged in conversation during a session of the national assembly at the parliament in Vienna, on Thursday, March 29, 2007. (AP Photo/Hans Punz)

I know, I know, the above is a few days late and the gag is a few dollars short. I hope our favorite diplamazons are entertaining this week, because Congress is on vacation, so it may be slow one. Happy Monday!

April's Fools

A Lebanese activist, burns posters OF U.S President George W. Bush and Secretary of States Condoleezza Rice during a demonstration against the alleged abuse of prisoners at Iraq's Abu Ghraib jail, in Beirut, Lebanon on Sunday, April 1, 2007. The activists belong to The Lebanese Youth Campaign Against U.S. Guardianship which rejects alleged U.S. intervention in Lebanese and Arab political affairs and are campaigning against Lebanon becoming another Iraq. (AP Photo/Hussein Malla)