Head Coverings In The News

(Above: PSP-on-Wonkette flashback to 10-26-07)

Here's a theme I haven't touched on for a while: everybody agrees that writing about political figures' clothing and hairdos is shallow, and yet these topics are amongst the most treacherous to navigate, and politicians ignore them at their own peril. These things "don't matter," and yet they are written about –passionately!– all the time! Hey, tell it to John Edwards, OK? Ah, but these things do matter to a lot of people. Make one wrong sartorial move and BLAM! Trouble.

And that brings us to the latest story in this saga: Obama may not visit some place in India because in order to do so, he might have to slap a scarf on his head. This is a big deal (Google News Search for "Obama Head Covering" brings back 134 news articles)! This will require meetings and negotiations and delicate diplomatic maneuvering and whatnot and at first blush seems so silly but, like I said, put the wrong thing on your head and you're in for a world of hurt.

And can you imagine? Imagine if Obama didn't put much thought into it and chose the wrong thing to place on his head! The US Chamber of Commerce would probably blow that picture up and rent the Times Square Jumbotron for a month to show it; Fox News would put it in the corner of their screen until November, 2012; Pam Geller would, you know, have twenty aneurysms. Enough digital ink would be spilled over this to make the Gulf oil spill seem like a bathtub full of Valvoline.

Head coverings! Gosh! Scarves in the news! Again!

Speaking of Ursula Plassnik...

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik (L) former Polish President Lech Walesa (2nd L) and Austrian Vice Chancellor Wilhelm Molterer (R) wait before the Group B Euro 2008 soccer match, Austria against Poland, at the Ernst Happel Stadium in Vienna, June 12, 2008. REUTERS/Kacper Pempel

Sometimes I wish Ursula would get out there in front of the cameras more often. There's just not enough Ursulaproduct! But then I have to remind myself that, as the AntiCondi, she has better things to do than to traipse from vapid photo-op to vapid photo-op. And that is, after all, a big part of why we love the affable Austrian giantess. We also love her brave, counter-intuitive choice of variegated red and white stripes. It works! Well done, Ursula!

But do you notice something extraordinary about the above picture? Everybody's wearing a scarf... except for Ursula! It's backwards day! Fun!

UPDATE: You Want More Scarfcentric News?

Um... OK, then!

Princess Sparkle Pony: Your Leader in World Scarf News

Photo: EPA

Most people think scarves are fairly unimportant, so why do they pop up in the news so regularly? And, my goodness, sometimes in quite contentious ways! Take the lovely Hayrunisa Gul, seen above, for instance: she's about to become Turkey's first lady, and she's simply got to sort out her scarves before she does. This much is obvious from the photo, right? Oh, but it's not that simple:

Her Muslim headscarf has symbolised a dispute pitting Turkey's secular elite and the military against her husband Abdullah Gul's bid to become Turkey's president in an election process that was due to begin yesterday.

The headscarf, seen by secular Turks as a threat to the separation of state and religion, is banned from public offices and schools although more than half of Turkish women wear it.

So what's a gal to do? Why, fashion it up, natch! That way, her dazzling scarves will be a wonder to behold, and all the dazzled citizens will understand. Clearly, then, Ms. Gul will require a scarf expert of the highest order:

But in an apparent effort to show her ideas about fashion reach beyond the controversial scarf, she has asked a designer whose collections adorn women ranging from Catherine Zeta-Jones to Naomi Campbell to update her appearance for her anticipated new role.

"I was approached with some wishes and I'm already working on designs now. They not only involve headscarves, but the general wardrobe for Mrs Gul," designer Atil Kutoglu said.

"I'm working on a very elegant, very modern wardrobe for Mrs Gul," he said in an interview. "I try in my sketches to bring together current trends and contemporary fashion with the seniority of her future role."

Wait a minute... Atil Kutoglu... that sounds awfully familiar. Where have I heard that name before? Ah yes:

Kutoglu, an Istanbul-born Austrian from whose collections Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik has also picked some of her trademark shawls and scarves, said he would meet Hayrunisa Gul later this week to discuss his designs.

You didn't honestly think a scarf discussion wouldn't come back to Ursula Plassnik, did you? Oh ye of little faith!

A grand, table-clearing swish of the sparkley, combable tail to Pony Pal™ Boris (in Austria!) for this fantastic tidbit!

Ursula Forgoes Scarves for Cummerbunds

Austria's former Chancellor Wolfgang Schuessel, Palestinian Foreign Minister Ziad Abu Amr and Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik on their way to the Salzburg Trilogue " Reason is God's Scale on Earth" on Sunday , Aug. 12 , 2007, in Salzburg, Austria. (AP Photo/Kerstin Joensson)

Pony Pals™ have been aching, pining, insisting on fresh Ursulaproduct, but you can't post what isn't there! Yesterday, finally, Ursula popped up before the cameras again, and, as ever, she thrills us with wonderful new peculiar fashions! Be still, my heart!

I can't help but wonder if her excellent red/black/white color scheme is inspired by the White Stripes' new album, Icky Thump? She's got de stijl, that's for sure. I'm particularly thrilled by the massive boulders which make up her necklace, but it's the cummerbund, obvs, which hits the couture ball out of the park.

It's like falling in love with the affable giantess all over again.

Ursula Meets Tiny War Criminal

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, welcomes former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, in the foreign ministry in Vienna, Austria, Monday, June 4, 2007. Kissinger is on a visit to Austria. (AP Photo/Hopi-Media, Bernhard J. Holzner)

Ursula opened her golden drawer and selected one of her mightiest scarves for the event, her meeting with Henry Kissinger, a man I'm told was kinda the Condi of his day. Whatever! Not all career diplomats are dwarfed by the mighty Austrian, however:

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, shakes hands with her Dutch counterpart, Maxime Verhagen, Tuesday June 5, 2007 in Vienna, Austria, where they met for political talks. (AP Photo/Hopi-Media, Bernhard J. Holzner)

This has been your Friday Ursula Roundup™!

Ursulavision!

In this picture made available by the Austrian Foreign Ministery Croatian Foreign Minister Kolinda Grabar-Kitarovic, retired senior official of United Nations Relief and Work Agency, UNRWA, Angela Williams, Burundi'd Foreign Minister Antoinette Batumubwira, her counter part from Austria Ursula Plassnik, Minister Delegate for Scientific Research from Algeria Souad Bendjaballah, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Karen Koning Abuzayd from the United Nations, from left, are seen during a conference called "Woman Leaders - Networking for Peace and Security in the Middle East" at Vienna's Hofburg palace on Thursday, May 31, 2007. (AP Photo/Austrian Foreign Ministry, Bernhard J. Holzner, handout)

Whoah, caption overload! Anyway, Austrian diplamazon/scarf enthusiast Ursula Plassnik threw a big party for all her girl world leader friends, and even though the theme was "networking for peace and security in the Middle East," they went ahead and invited Condi anyway! Why would you invite Condi to such an event? Probably because if they didn't, I guess, she'd mope, pout, and bomb Syria and then totally not share her brownie recipes. Tsk. I wonder if the wire photographers will be allowed to attend the inevitable giggly slumber party to follow? I'll be crossing my hooves!

Maybe inviting Condi to the event was simply a joke, an obviously incongruous "one of these things is not like the others" kinda deal? I mean, c'mon, one of those ladies must have hissed to her neighbor, "Ew, what's she doing here?" Perhaps her presence was intended as a handy visual aid so that each and every participant could start her speech with the phrase, "Unlike Condi, here...." Or maybe the affable giantess thought it would be great for everybody's morale to give Condi a queen-sized slap up on stage in front of just everybody? Maybe:

Maybe.

UPDATE: BTW, yes, Tzipi was there. Micheline was not! Must be either that "we're neutral" thing or maybe being president got her all uppity.

Ursula Plassnik's Scarf Obsession Reaches Tablecloth-Sized Proportions

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, welcomes her Palestinian counterpart Ziad Abu Amr for talks at the foreign ministry in Vienna, on Wednesday, April 4, 2007. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)

Also, do you want to see something really scary? Here's the results from One News Now's (formerly Agape Press) recent poll about how England should respond to their Iranian situation:

OMG, Brownback '08!!! The so-far results of their latest poll are funny, too:

Nancy Pelosi: scarier to some than Osama bin Laden.

Ursula 'n' Condi: Compare 'n' Contrast

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, left, welcomes her counterpart from the Czech Republic Karel Schwarzenberg for talks at the foreign ministry in Vienna, on Monday, March 26, 2007. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)

That's our Ursula this morning, breezy as a Breck Girl (complete with a sassy hair flip!) as she meets her Czech counterpart. See, when your policy is competence, work is fun! I wonder why Condi hasn't ever tried this approach? Things are so much more fun, duh, when the whole world doesn't hate you.

And make no mistake: people luv Ursula! What did she do yesterday? Why, she held an open house! Can you imagine? Seriously, can you imagine Condi throwing an open house at the State Department and inviting the local children and serving them cake? No? And yet that was the scene yesterday in Ursulaland:

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, center, cuts a cake on the open day at the Ministry for European and International Affairs in Vienna, Austria, Sunday March 25, 2007. (AP Photo/Hans Punz)

How long can this blog continue before changing the subtitle to "I keep track of Ursula's scarves so you don't have to"? Hey, at least I have my exit strategy prepared for 2008, if you know what I mean!

Anyway, so how was Condi's weekend compared to Ursula's special party day? I mean, she went on a trip and everything. As usual, a picture is worth 1,000 words:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) listens to a media question next to Egyptian Foreign Minister Ahmed Aboul Gheit during a news conference in Aswan, some 1,200 km (746 miles) south of Cairo, March 25, 2007. Egypt said on Sunday Arab states were ready to negotiate with Israel if the Jewish state accepts their 2002 peace initiative as a starting point. (Goran Tomasevic/Reuters)

Hmmm... maybe Condi should move to Austria? It seems like diplomacy is way more fun there.

Trans Ursula Express

EU-Commissioner Benita Ferrero-Waldner, Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and EU delegate of the Austrian Social Democrats Karin Scheele, from left, present a so-called Europe tramway, on Friday, March 23, 2007, in Vienna. (AP Photo/Hans Punz)

I love the contrast: Bush and company have their wagons tightly circled, biting their nails and cursing about the political siege they wished upon themselves; meanwhile, in Europe, various world leaders get together to have a party for a train! Yay!

And who better to play hostess than Bunyanesque bedazzler Ursula in a mighty scarf and an impressively pneumatic jacket! Double yay!

Ursula Goes Native in India

In this photo released by the Austrian Foreign Ministry Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik poses with an elephant during the opening of an Austrian Culture Forum in New Dehli, on Friday, March 16, 2007. (AP Photo/Austrian Foreign Ministry/Bernhard J. Holzner, handout)

See? This is why I don't have to worry about posting those boring pics of Condi from yesterday. India's foreign ministry obviously wanted to make the affable giantess feel at home so they sent the ambassador closest to her scale (see above) to greet her. We never get fun shots like this with Condi anymore. Of course Ursula can get out 'n' about a lot more than our Secretary of State, since she's bullet-proof and has super-powers (mighty-morphin' scarf power) and everything.

I think the Indians were hoping that after the photo-op, Ursula would hop on the elephant and conquer Pakistan or something.

But I know that Pony Pals really love pictures which emphasize Ms. Plassnik's most remarkable features, her height and her scarves, so here's a special treat also from Friday:

Austrian Minister for European and International Affairs Ursula Plassnik, left, shakes hands with Indian Foreign Minister Pranab Mukherjee before a meeting in New Delhi, India, Friday, March 16, 2007. Plassnik is in India on a five-day visit to India. (AP Photo/Gurinder Osan)

Note: Let's give Ursula a pass for the awful shoes, shall we? This ain't Dr. Ferragamo, folks. This is a real diplamazon!

Her Vermilion Majesty

Pakistan's Foreign Minister Khursheed Mehmood Kasuri (R) greets his Austrian counterpart Ursula Plassnik at the foreign ministry in Islamabad March 14, 2007. REUTERS/Mian Khursheed (PAKISTAN)

It's tough to say what my favorite thing is about the above photo: Ursula's blinding, out-of-gamut ensemble*, the look of terror on the face of the Pakistani Foreign Minister, or the secret allegiance to Satan expressed in the friendly Diplamazon's peculiar hand gesture. Let's just agree that nothing compares to Ursula, OK? What? You want the matching armchairs view, too? OK:

*Don't get too close, because I'm absolutely certain one could contract mercury poisoning from close proximity to that scarf, died a shade of vermilion so obviously poisonous that even the best Leica lenses melt in the attempt to capture it

Ursula Starts the Week the Ruffled Way

German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier, right, stands with Austrian counterpart Ursula Plassnik, left, and Dutch counterpart Maxime Verhagen, center, during a meeting of EU foreign ministers at the EU Council building in Brussels, Monday March 5, 2007. EU foreign ministers met Monday for talks focusing on Palestinian efforts to establish a unity government, following the failure of the latest round of negotiations between rivals Fatah and Hamas. (AP Photo/Virginia Mayo)

No scarf, but what a wonderful outfit! Of course it may not be ruffles; it may be that Ursula has at last consented to allow Mr. Stenmeier to elaborately cover her with Reddi-whip. Either way, what a great start for a new week!

Ursula Attains New Heights of Scarf Inscrutability

Vienna, AUSTRIA: Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik (R) welcomes Britain's Minister of State Kim Howells 06 February 2007 in Vienna. Howells is in Vienna on an official visit. AFP PHOTO/DIETER NAGL (Photo credit should read DIETER NAGL/AFP/Getty Images)

What secrets does the Austrian diplamazon encrypt in the borders of her mighty scarves? If Ursula's neck wear could speak, what would it say (EDIT: besides Helllooo down there!)?

Perhaps we can find out at Global Fashion Week? Don't laugh, because this article in the Telegraph offers tantalizing glimpses of The Man Behind the Scarves:

The Turkish designer, Atil Kutoglu, who is based in Vienna where he works part-time as a lecturer, mixed East and West influences in a manner which echoed the rich, cosmopolitan history of his native Istanbul.

Kutoglu, who counts the Austrian Foreign Minister, Dr Ursula Plassnik and a bevy of arch-duchesses among his clientele, concentrated mainly on cocktail and evening wear in rich, metallic brocades, striped silk and panne velvet, printed with geometric patterns inspired by the Ottoman empire.

Long dresses featured blouson effects in front and deep, draped cowl backs which exposed spinal cleavage. Coats and jackets had unusual two-tiered sleeves shaped like the lanterns in a sultan’s palace.

This does help explain some of Ursula's more... adventurous... ensembles, does it not?

Also, how great is the phrase a bevy of arch-duchesses?

Two-Timer

French President Jacques Chirac kisses the hand of Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik (R) upon her arrival at the International Conference for Support to Lebanon in Paris January 25, 2007. REUTERS/Charles Platiau (FRANCE)

OMG, Chirac was really slutting it up yesterday! Kissing all the girls, and probably the boys, too! I don't know whose hands he slobbered on first, Condi's or Ursula's, but shame, Mr. Chirac, shame.

Also, gosh, Ursula looks so naked with not even a necklace around her neck. I'm assuming that just to her left, out of the frame, stands a lady-in-waiting patiently holding a magnificent, amazonian scarf for our towering beauty.

What really makes me weep, though, is that obviously Condi and Ursula were at the same place at the same time yesterday, and nobody thought to take their picture together? Oh, Reuters, how could you?

EDIT: In other news this morning, are you all aware that this blog is racist and misogynist?
UPDATE: It turns out I'm not! Yay!

Ursula Totally Helps Vice Chancellor Cheat on Chemistry Exam

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and Vice Chancellor Wilhelm Molterer during the presentation of the government program during a parliament session in Vienna, on Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2007. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)

What's with the beaker, kids? Oh, I'm sure there's some totally boring, logical explanation for it all. What's even more difficult to interpret from the above photo is just what's going on with the fun-sized Foreign Minister's wardrobe? There appear to be knit elements, ropes, rectangular areas of crepe... possibly a piece of origami on her shoulder... it's all just so puzzling! And that's what makes Ursula so exciting, so beguiling, just so... so Ursula!

But it is hard to fathom the metaphors of La Plassnik's raiments, isn't it? That's why it's such a special treat when an enterprising AP Photographer has the gumption to do a little hot-dogging, going that extra distance to provide us with a fresh angle on what we seek to understand -- in this case, an ultra-rare, superspecial aerial view of the towering diplotaunte's scarf-deployment strategy:

German Federal Chancellor Angela Merkel, left, shakes hand with Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and greets with Luxembourgs Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker, top left, Slovenian Prime Minister Janez Jansa, center, Greeks Foreign Minister Dora Bakoyannis, bottom center, and Slovenian Foreign Minister Dimitrij Rupel, second right, at a ceremony marking introduction of Euro in Ljubljana, Slovenia, Monday, Jan. 15, 2007. The country of 2 million becoming the 13th nation to use the common European currency. (AP Photo/Denis Sarkic)

Micheline + Ursula = Best Friends FOREVER!!!

November, 2005 (AP Photo/KEYSTONE/Edi Engeler)

Last Thursday I introduced a new starlette in the Pink Pony Pantheon, fabulous Micheline Calmy-Rey, ceremonial girl President/Foreign Minister of Switzerland. I suspected this frisky little attention-getter could hold her own in the pink spotlight with such beloved Sparklefaves as Karen Hughes and Tzipi. And sure enough, I was gratified when Pony Pals™ responded excitedly in one voice: We love Micheline! And I do, too! OMG! I also sensed an extra frisson of pleasure amongst readers of this blog concerning the photo of Micheline with her slumber party-mate Ursula Plassnik, the amiable, herculean Austrian diplogiantess. Well! Consider this post porn for you, then! I love the above photo for the sheer magnitude of Ursula's scarf alone, but I'm sure you'll agree with me that its best feature is just how much the photographer had to tilt his camera to get the two gal-pals' heads level. You've gotta look up to Ursula, and I mean that physically! Mrrrowr! More? Prepare yourself:

July, 2006 (AP Photo/HOPI MEDIA/Bernhard J. Holzner, handout)

That's right, Pony Pals™, it's a hot diplomatrix sandwich. And who's the mayo? Why, that's Leichtensteinamarian foreign minister Rita Kieber-Beck! *sigh* Aren't you already imagining them in a giggly pillow fight with Condi 'n' Tzipi? OK, that's plenty of Ursula/Micheline fantasy material to last you all a while.

And, finally, I couldn't resist:

She Enjoys Being a Girl

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik arrives at the European Union heads of state and governments summit in Brussels December 14, 2006. REUTERS/Philippe Wojazer (BELGIUM)

You'll have to forgive me for missing this photo for a few days, but --VA-VA-VA-VOOM!-- I'm sure it was worth the wait. Some may say that combining ruffles with a scarf isn't a good choice, but those fashion nay-sayers need to realize that Austria's affable giantess plays by her own rules. Oh, it's going to be such a beautiful Winter!

Ursula Dazzles Tzipi, Us

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik (L) and her Israeli counterpart Tzipi Livni attend a conference marking 50 years of diplomatic relations between the two countries, in Jerusalem December 3, 2006. REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun

The Israeli Foreign Minister proves what Pony Pals™ already know: when Ursula Plassnik is in the room, she just totally owns it, and all one can do is gaze at her in wonder. OMG, why can't we have our own diplomatic giantess? This "dueling podiums" shot is wonderful because it highlights the towering Austrian superstar's height as well as her famous scarf-wearing skills:

Oh, Ursula, please don't ever change. Don't you wish she would get together with Condi 'n' Tzipi for an old-fashioned slumber party, with giggles 'n' cuddles and hair-braiding and naughty secrets? I think we all know who would win that pillow fight.

An Unexamined Scarf is Not Worth Wearing

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik (R) talks with her German counterpart Frank-Walter Steinmeier at the start of an E.U. foreign and defence ministers joint meeting in Brussels November 13, 2006. REUTERS/Thierry Roge (BELGIUM)

There are certain searches I perform daily (Condoleezza, Karen Hughes, Laura Bush, you know, all the hot chicks), but none of the results are ever more magical than the occasional surprise Ursula Plassnik appearances. Oh, how I love her. And, oh, how I love her scarves (new Pony Pals™ and nostalgic types may wish to catch up on the history of Ursula's scarves here, here, here, here and here).

Today, apparently, the fabulous Austrian giantess was caught unprepared and scarfless for a photo-op. Undaunted, she reached for the nearest beach towel, rolled it up and fashioned it, noose-like, around her mighty neck.

Bestill my heart.