Callista Gingrich Hairdo Origin Story! Plus Other Fab Recent Callistapics!

(From Fantastic Four #16, July 1963)

Pony Pal™ Matt has done something amazing! He has discovered the origin of Callista's mighty hair helmet in an unexpected place, the early renderings of Sue Storm, the Invisible Girl from the Fantastic Four! As you can see above, the coiffure is reversed, but otherwise the resemblance is so exact as to be downright stunning. So good. All four sparkly hooves AND a combable tail way, way up! Wow!

In Iowa, the "real" Callista has been making the rounds with that lumpy pale thing she married.  Here they are on Tuesday:

Republican presidential candidate, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, is accompanied by his wife Callista during a campaign stop at the National Farm Toy Museum in Dyersville, Iowa, Tuesday, Dec. 27, 2011. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

I know you all live for these close-ups:

I'm telling you, she really brings out the mean side of wire photographers, more so than even Michele Bachmann. But anyway, the National Farm Toy Museum? Something tells me Cally is looking forward to this campaign being OVER if it means hanging out in places like that.

Speaking of museums and Newt Gingrich, do you want to hear a funny Newt Gingrich museum story with the details only slightly obscured? Once upon a time there was a spectacular, once-in-a-lifetime exhibition at a major museum which had to temporarily close because of Newt's famous 1995 government shutdown. During the shutdown, Newt thought, "Hey, I'd love to see that exhibition since all the pesky general public is locked out!" So he called the curator and actually had the nerve to request a private tour. The curator, for whom this exhibition was the culmination of decades of study and literally years of begging for loans, and was less than thrilled (practically suicidal, in fact) about it being shut down, responded something like this: "Are you kidding me? Fuck off." Paraphrased, but true story, and you heard it here first!

Back to Iowa, 2011. I'm guessing that Newt makes allowances to his much better half, you know, one stop for you, one stop for me? So after the farm toy place, it was Callista's turn to choose a stop yesterday, and she naturally picked a nail salon. The result is this fabulously creepy photo-op:

(AP Photo)

Sieg Heil, Newt!

Movie Review: The Adventures of Tintin

Here's Your Godawful Gingrich Christmas Card

(Click for bigger)

I actually don't have much to say about this blatantly badly designed card. You don't need me to tell you why it's tasteless on several competing levels.

OK, maybe just a couple of observations:

• Callista looks like her head got Photoshop-swapped, and not very convincingly (look at the larger version).
• How tacky is it to use your Christmas card to promote your book?
• WHY ARE THEY STANDING ON A BLUE SPIRAL?

It's Already Time For ANOTHER Callista Gingrich Roundup

(All photos AP Photo, 12-21-11, cropped details)

Callistamas celebrations continue! Enjoy it while you can. OK, so first it's the Washington Post, because Jennifer Rubin and Kathleen Parker writing about Callista wasn't enough, I guess. It's a good thing, though, because this time it's Amy Gardner, on the ground in Des Moines, and there are fun new Callista quotes and you will just love this article, I guarantee it. At one point she says that something "was totally Newt's idea," (a website called "Pets with Newt," I kid you not), calls campaigning "fun," and, best of all, describes the important job of designing Newt's Ugly Tour Bus:

It’s clear that Gingrich is taking the job seriously and even enjoying it, focusing on particular projects such as the videos and the design of the Gingriches’ new campaign bus with a zeal and attention to detail. Showing a reporter a photograph of the bus design, which features the slogan “Rebuilding the America We Love” and an enormous picture of her husband’s head, Gingrich said with a laugh, “There’s the Newtster!”

And it turns out that Callista's big project is about music education in schools, which I can't find anything snide or mean to say about, so yes, you go, Cally! This is actually the first article I've read about her which makes her seem fun and kind of airheaded, so these are promising developments.

I'm a little worried about the whole "Pets with Newt" thing, especially after reading this bit at Politico in which Maggie Haberman brings up the specter of the political use of puppies. Longtime readers of this blog know that I'm somewhat of a specialist in the treacheries and futility of using puppies as political props: it generally doesn't work, even when every bone in your body tells you it should. In fact, the Gingrich YouTube Christmas card includes a stuffed puppy! Tread carefully, Newt. Try kittens.

Elsewhere, the Telegraph meanly describes Newt 'n' Cally's video Christmas card as "sickly sweet," and Pony Pal™ Jim at Gawker explains accurately how all this "running for president" stuff is really just a front for Callista's video 'n' book home shopping network. And finally for today, NPR goes on and on about Newt's conversion to Catholicism and how it's all Callista's fault here.

Everybody hop on board the Callista train! Toot! Toot!

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Callistapalooza

It's a shame that Newt has apparently already crested, as the nation says in one voice, "Oh, right, that guy. Now I remember why I hate that guy." The happiest side-effect of the Newtstravaganza was that a lot of people got all excited about Goddess Callista. A lot of people! I'd say that right now, about 80% of this blog's traffic is Callista-driven (the other 20% is interested mostly in inappropriately sexy children's toys and Angela Merkel porn). There's even an anti-Newt website run by conservatives (is that you, Sparkle Pony blogcrush Jennifer Rubin?) which links approvingly to PSP's coverage of Ms. Gingrich's crazy eyeballs.

Callista Gingrich superstar! I think Pony Pal™ Blue Gal is homing in on a great idea here: Callista biopic! They could get Charlize Theron with a prosthetic nose to star! Elsewhere, intrepid reporter Holly Allen at Slate wondered what it would be like to become Callista, but wasn't quite intrepid enough to pull it off –seriously, she didn't even come close– leading one to wonder why she bothered.

And what's-her-name McCain! The very nerve! "I'm sorry, but I don't find this woman terribly appealing," she blasphemed, proving that she is completely unfamiliar with all concepts of beauty and superior hairdo appreciation. And you'd think Meghan would know! She's the daughter of one of the galaxy's supreme beings (Cindy, not John, duh)!

Meghan, is that any way to treat the lady who bestowed this stirring and in no way robotic video Christmas card upon the world?

Speaking of blasphemers, PSP girlfriend Jennifer Rubin also hopped on the Callista train, calling her "Newt's enabler." I'll say! She enables him to be ten times more fabulous! You'll be surprised to hear that's not how Jen sees it:

Now let’s take a look at Callista. There was that interview when she begged for Marianne’s forgiveness. There was the one when she expressed remorse for having broken up a marriage. Oh, wait. She’s not done any of that.

[...]

How would she feel if another woman had an affair with Gingrich? And by the way, how did she manage to ring up six figures in Tiffany charges?

MeOUCH! But Jen was mostly just reacting to Kathleen Parker's thing about how Callista shouldn't tweet or something. Whatever.

And finally, the Huffington Thing has a "Callista through the years" slide show which they could have put a lot more work into; it's just pictures with no commentary. It's fascinating, though, because it's in chronological order, so you can see lumpy 2000 caterpillar Cally morph majestically into the gorgeous, brittle butterfly she is today, but it's frustrating because you wish they had started in the 90s and there's a lazy, abrupt jump from 2000 to 2007 (or perhaps that's when she was in her chrysalis?).

Sadly, this may be the crest of Callista Media Saturation, unless an unforeseen dramatic change happens in the Republican primaries, so let's hope Mitt Romney and Ron Paul get caught gay marrying each other at an Occupy Wall Street protest or harboring Mexican Al Queda jihadists in their basements, and then Newt 'n' Callista can have another chance (but only then, I'm afraid).

You Don't Have To Be A Genius At Wheel Of Fortune To Figure Out What Mediaite's Headline Is Trying To Say

Wait, called him a what? Flicking Arthole? If it said "F*cking A**hole," I'd totally get it, but that extra asterisk is confounding me.

This kind of cutesy censorship has become one of my pet peeves. It's one thing to delete expletives completely, but when you do that lame partial censorship, like saying "sh*t" or "c*nt" or, worst of all, "the f-word" or "the n-word," it drives me up the wall.  It's a completely hypocritical way to exploit vulgarity while pretending to be above it all. Who, exactly, is Mediaite trying not-very-hard to protect? All the toddlers who read their site?

Condi Veep Rumors: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

It is my sad... OK, actually fun duty to report to you that the monster that cannot die, the Condi Veep Rumor, has surfaced anew! Again! Now it's some idiot at the Washington Times, and it's a combination of hilariously wanton guesswork and pleading wouldn't it be great-iness, totally unfounded, completely contrary to everything we know about Condi, so naturally the blogosphere is reacting with great excitement and positivity.


Here, for instance, is The Root, in a post which basically says "here's why this Washington Times guy thinks Condi's the perfect veep choice," while at News One for Black America, "The Grio" claims that the Times "reports that Condi is ready to get back into politics," even though they do no such thing. Next we jump the pond to the Daily Mail, where they claim that "speculation is mounting" about the rumors. No, really, it's just one guy at the Washington Times clicking his heels and making a wish.

And that is how Condi Veep Rumors return from the grave, over and over and over and over again. Pony Pal™ Alex gets it exactly right, and offers yet more examples of false Condi Veep Rumors throughout the years over at Salon.

A Quick Note About Commenting On PSP

Hello! What's that you say? There's something perfect for me to write about? Here's a good idea: send me an email with the tip. Here's a bad idea that makes me sad: write about it yourself in the comments section before I even have a chance to get to it, thus scooping me on my own blog. God, I love that.

Watch Out, Michele! They're Right Behind You!

Republican presidential hopeful U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., makes her way to her bus after speaking to local residents during a campaign stop at the Merry Bees coffee shop, Monday, Dec. 19, 2011, in Hampton, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Obviously, I had to shove those Spinning Callista Heads™ down the page, fantastic though they are, because they were seriously interfering with my day. I'd start staring, and before I knew what was happening, my coworkers were shaking my shoulders and it was three hours later. Thanks, Spinning Callista Heads™!

But anyway! Here's Michele Bachmann looking not-at-all manic. But what's this? Somebody call Sheriff Joe:

Spinning Callista Heads!

UPDATE: The trend these days is to do profiles of Callista without interviewing her and without any new information. Politico did just that and managed to stretch it into three whole internet pages.

Catching Up With Jennifer Rubin, PSP's Latest Blogcrush

Remember how I recently admitted, because I feel like I can trust you, to having an embarrassing Jennifer Rubin problem? Ohhhh, I've still got it. Bad. Her blog is officially my most visited page on the Washington Post's website. She is just, like, a preposterous wind-up neocon doll twirling around in a badly designed music box and I love her. And, OMG, her obsession with Newt Gingrich has gotten even more severe! It is so good!


So anyway, here's a summary of what Jen's been writing about this past week:

• Friday question: Is Newt sexist or just a jerk?
• Newt is so scary that he's making Michele Bachmann and Mitt Romney perform flawlessly!
• Somebody calls Jen on the phone and explains that Newt is a liar.
• Congressional Democrats are hopeless pussies. This post is actually distressingly accurate.
• The New York Times hates Israel.
• Gingrich bad, Romney good.
• Santorum great!
• Morning "negative stories about Newt" round-up.
• Jen's debate predictions come true: Gingrich, Huntsman, Perry, Paul bad, Romney, Bachmann, Santorum good.
• Paul, Huntsman so bad.
• Jen and Paul Ryan agree: Obama is the worst.
• Gingrich, Perry bad, Bachmann ("remarkably nuanced on foreign policy" LOL), Santorum good. 
• Everybody in Iowa who talks to Jen on the phone hates Newt.
• Obama needs to make good with the Jews, but they shouldn't fall for it.
• Jen copies/pastes spam emails and press releases from Paul Ryan
• Jen's debate predictions: Gingrich, Huntsman, Perry and Paul will be bad, Romney, Bachmann and Santorum will be good.
• Five more reasons why Newt is bad.
• Congressional Democrats are hopeless pussies.

And that's just two days worth! How great is Jennifer Rubin?

Art Collection: More Fun With "TAD" Dorgan, Ca. 1918 - 1925

(Click for bigger. Highly, highly recommended)

Here are three more pieces of Hearst newspaper art from my collection of works by Thomas Aloysius "TAD" Dorgan. Once again, these pen, brush, ink, and blue pencil drawings are on TAD's typically rough-hewn, irregular 9"-ish by 12"-ish illustration boards. The above example shows, unfortunately, rubber cement staining left over from some foolish engraving assistant's bright idea to apply the Benday/Zip-a-Tone dot screens (which have since fallen off) directly to the original drawing rather than the photostat. Tsk.

Workaholic TAD's two daily features throughout the late Teens and Twenties were "Indoor Sports," his single-panel slice-of-urban-life, and "Judge Rummy/Old Judge Rumhauser", his multi-panel anthropomorphic philandering dogs strip. Usually they would run side-by-side at the top of the front page of the sports section in Hearst papers and King Features client papers, and this primo real estate is a good indication of just how popular Dorgan's work was. You can download a characteristic example of a TAD-dominated front page from 1919 (the Washington Times, of all things!) here.

Every once in a while, TAD's slice-of-urban-life panel took place outside, and so "Indoor Sports" became "Outdoor Sports" for the day. The one above (probably mid-1920s; I can't track down the exact date of this one or the next one) is one of my favorites, a classic city scene showing a meter reader under siege by the neighborhood dogs while onlookers, none-too-fond of the victim's occupation, do nothing to help him. Here are some details:

I love this dog gleefully making off with the meter reader's notebook:

TAD doesn't have to waste a lot of lines to create action and expression:

Next up is everybody's favorite monocled canine jurist, Judge Rummy, and his lisping wife in a pretty simple wise-cracky gag strip from 1918-20:

(Click for bigger)

This is a very typical Judge Rummy for this period. These strips were minimalistic and usually the drawings varied little from frame to frame, a real contrast to the more laborious and sophisticated Indoor/Outdoor Sports panels. I always imagined that Dorgan spent the majority of his time working on Indoor Sports and then dashed off the Judge Rummys, which at this point he could probably do in his sleep, quickly. As the 20s progressed, the cartoonist phased out ol' Rummy, by then an old-fashioned relic of the previous decade.

But speaking of Indoor Sports, here's today's last selection, another great speakeasy scene from 1922*:

(Click for bigger)

The speakeasy shown here doesn't seem quite as swanky as this one (note the spittoon on the floor and the cheap lighting fixture). I like how he shows a moment leading up to mayhem, rather than the mayhem itself. The cat appears to be using a variation of Cockney rhyming slang: "That's the anteater's trunk" = "That's the bunk." Seems like a mean and painful prank! I love the drawing of the sleeping guy:

You can see four more works from my TAD collection here and here. Next up: A rare book illustration by Dorgan, the fascinating woman who inspired it, and a horrible, fatal irony for TAD.

*Note how yellow the paper is? When I bought this, it was in a garbagey frame and I'm betting it was hung on a wall for years like that (the high-quality India Ink, unlike the board, is unaffected). Let this be a lesson to you about putting cheap glass on your drawings! If you can't frame a work on paper properly, don't display it.

Callista Roundup: 92 Out Of 100 TMZ Readers Would "Rather" Ann Romney Than Goddess Callista Gingrich

What is wrong with these people? I think TMZ is asking "Who would you rather fuck," which is... well, ew. What a charming regular feature!


Look, neither is bound to be much fun, but for the sake of comedy, I'd have to go with Callista.

Elsewhere! Would you like to read an error-riddled yet by-the-numbers "Meet Callista" article from the UK? I honestly don't recommend it, but if you must, here it is.

I Drew A Picture Of Callista Gingrich For You

UPDATE – Robin Givhan decided to examine Callistastyle at the Daily Beast, and it's pretty good, but she doesn't really say anything you haven't already read here. Givhan decides that Callista, whom she compares unfavorably to rival goddess Cindy McCain, appears to be out of touch, old-fashioned, and her appearance requires too much effort. She notes that Goddess Callista dresses older than she is, but doesn't connect the dots to arrive at the explanation I've given here: she does it in part to minimize the obvious age difference between her and Newt. Anyway, for the most part Givhan's observations are spot-on.

Your Monday Morning Callista Moment

Republican presidential hopeful former and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and his wife Callista, right, arrive at the Iowa Veterans Presidential Candidate Forum, Saturday, Dec. 10, 2011, in Des Moines, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

And, as has now become traditional, the close-up:

New York Magazine has a little trifle about Callista, but I couldn't read the whole thing. Why? Take a look at the beginning of the first paragraph:

The most crucial detail about Callista Gingrich isn’t how old she was when she and Newt began their six-year affair (27), or how old he was when she convinced him to convert to Catholicism (66). It isn’t her famous platinum helmet of hair [...]

So, yeah, that's where they lost me. The photo is fantastic, though, so you should at least click through for that.

Newt Gingrich Tries To Plant Big Wet One On Neocons, Misses, They Still Hate Him, Maybe Even More

I laughed and laughed earlier today when I read about Newt Gingrich's scary/funny promise that President Newt make John Bolton his secretary of state, an instant disqualifier if ever there was one. See, the GOP clown car made a trip to the Republican Jewish Coallition forum today, neocon central, and this was Newt's clumsy way of sucking up to them. The story soon became funnier when it was revealed that John Bolton's staff (let THAT phrase roll around in your mind for awhile, won't you?) claimed to know nothing about Newt's love for the bespectacled old warmonger.

"Will they fall for it?" I wondered. Will hot Boltonluv make the neocons, the most important group of establishment Republican Newt-skeptics, cut him some slack? I knew I'd have to wait for my new girlfriend, Sparklecrush Jennifer Rubin, to weigh in on the matter.

Well, she has. Did it work? Noooooo, it sure didn't! OMG, I think Newt's appearance at the RJC actually succeeded in making Rubin hate him more: "The speech certainly revealed Gingrich’s exaggerated regard for his own intellect," she sniffs. And to top it all off, she doesn't even mention the John Bolton thing! How could she leave out the single most noteworthy thing Newt said, the concept of appointing John Bolton to be US Secretary of State, something which surely Jennifer Rubin would love, love, love to happen! It's almost like she intentionally left out the one thing he said that her crowd would like in order to make him sound as bad as possible. Ha, ha: "It's almost like." I'm so charitable towards my Jennifer.

So anyway, whoops! Sorry Newt, no neocons for you.

And you know what's totally scary about all this? Even the people the neocons hate the most keep trying to suck up to them: Cain talked about admiring John Bolton; Perry supposedly hired Doug Feith as an advisor; Bachmann's been sucking up to Frank Gaffney; now it's Newt's turn. So it's like this: if a neocon GOP candidate wins (Santorum, Romney), he'll hire all the neocons. If a non-neocon wins (the rest, with the exceptions of Paul and Huntsman*), they will likewise hire all the neocons. Paul Wolfowitz must be totally licking his chops.

*And I'm not so sure about Huntsman's allergy towards the neocons. He's been doing plenty of "nuclear Iran" fearmongering.

Begun the Leesburg Courthouse Holiday Display War Has

(photo via Leesburg Today)

Leesburg, Virginia wanted to have a nativity scene on display at their courthouse, obviously, so to make everything "fair," they gave out slots, on a first-come first-served basis, for others to erect alternative seasonal displays. What could possibly go wrong?

I love the skeleton Santa on a cross, shown above, but Virginians decidedly did not: within hours, the stirring depiction of Saint Nick had been torn apart and destroyed. You can read some hilariously pearl-clutchy reactions (and nobody supporting it, naturally) here at the venerable Washington Times.

The really fun thing is that the other groups, including atheist groups, haven't even put up their displays yet! Should be entertaining to see what they come up with for the local Christians to vandalize.

Reuters Offers A Callista Round-Up

It's both exciting and frustrating that Reuters today has a "meet Callista Gingrich" article to help out those who are first encountering the existence of this goddess among us, this magnificent orb-coiffured vision. Obviously, the article doesn't do her justice, can't do her justice! It's frustrating because we learn all the things we already knew, about how she's a dedicated musician, that Gingrich Productions is "her baby," (which is sad, because I bet when she was a teenager she thought she'd end up with real babies, not production company babies), she wrote a children's book, spends a lot of time on her hair and wardrobe, etc., etc.


It's exciting, however, because there are some tantalizing glimpses of Callista past and Callista future. "She would even hold a beer bottle elegantly," a college friend says, which is surprising because I can't imagine her holding a beer bottle at all, so that leaves me wanting more. Those most thrilling phrase in the whole article, though, is this: "If the pattern holds, she would also be involved in most aspects of a Gingrich presidency."

Yes, please!

Another Kennedy Center Honors Night, Another Crazy Callista Gingrich Pic

Republican presidential candidate and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich and his wife, Callista Gingrich, arrive at the Kennedy Center for the Preforming Arts for the Kennedy Center Honors gala performance on Sunday, Dec. 4, 2011 in Washington. (AP Photo/Kevin Wolf)

About once a week, somebody will email me, saying, "OMG, have you seen THIS picture of Callista Gingrich?!" Before I click on the link in the email, I always know it's going to be this photo of Goddess Callista at last year's Kennedy Center extravaganza, because it's hard to get koo-kooier than that.

And so it's that time of year again, the Kennedy Center thing! It's not as much fun as when Condi used to host it (see here, here, and here, for instance), but Callista was there again, so that's got to count for something. So did the event bring out her nuttier side once more? You be the judge:

Don't ever change, Cally baby!

Note: those earrings aren't currently offered by Tiffany & Co., but are certainly in the $7,000 - $10,000 range. 

More Pulse-Pounding, Thrilling Adventures Of Glori, Your Movie Theater Concessions Customer Service Representative

This really happened:

And so did this, a lot:

(All drawings circa 1992, colored 2011)

Chicks Dig Herman Cain

I was very amused by this report at Mediasnack™ and this feature at the Atlantic about the new "Women for Cain" website's use of the hilariously generic stock photo seen in the thumbnail at left. Stock photo spotting has become something of a sport on the internets!

So I visited Women for Cain, and as many have already pointed out, it's a doozy, filled with heated female-bashing-female action. But where was the amusing stock photo? It was gone! The header just had "Women for [big blank space] Cain" on it. Now, today, as you can see, the space is filled with a picture of Herman Cain tightly gripping his tiny, smiling wife. (UPDATE: Jim Newell at Gawker documented the missing stock photo.)

So anyway, I was concerned. I'm sure Cain's team didn't let blog mockery of their stock photo intimidate them. They must have lost it! So as a service to the Cain Train, I've found some replacement stock photos of women giving Herman the ol' thumbs-up:

"We're having a pool party for Herman Cain"

"We're white. Not that that matters or anything, because it doesn't. But we love Herman Cain! And not just because he's black, because that doesn't matter either, honestly!"

"Speaking as your doctor, I recommend a good dose of Herman Cain!"

Two out of five Herman Cain supporters prefer pointy shoes!

"Who, me? I'm hitchhiking. Oh, and I LOVE Herman Cain!"

"This is how we share our mutual admiration for Herman Cain."

"I'm pregnant, and I keep a picture of Herman Cain tucked into my panties!"

I Think I May Have A Jennifer Rubin Problem

My Jennifer Rubin problem is embarrassing: against all better judgement, I can't stop reading her crazy/wonderful blog at the Washington Post! It's so good! It has honestly become my first stop when I visit the Post online. Given the state of the once great paper these days, that's not saying much, but still!

Rubin is so relentlessly neoconservative that she reads like a hilarious, deadpan parody. Mostly it's just, you know, Israel, Israel, Israel, Israel, bomb Iran, bomb Iran, bomb Iran, to the point where she makes John Bolton sound like an isolationist, but you never really know what Jen will come up with next.

And she's super prolific and always so obvious! When the rising popularity of Herman Cain alarmed her, she didn't just write a strongly worded condemnation of him, but post after post, numbering in the dozens, relentlessly flogging the hapless candidate. Before that it was Perry. Now she's currently doing the exact same thing to Newt Gingrich, and it is stunning. Here are some recent post titles: "In the Iraq War, Gingrich was with Obama, Clinton and Reid"; "Gingrich leveled by his own words"; "Gingrich's hand in the Washington cookie jar"; "Newt and NewtCare: The biggest liabilities for Gingrich"; "Gingrich wins the hypocrisy primary", and, hilariously just today, "The right begins to dissect Gingrich". 

Rubin is so much fun. She'll claim one moment that she isn't concerned with "social issues", but then will proceed to use them every chance she gets when they can be employed as a weapon. Just today, for instance, she approvingly linked to an article by somebody from Concerned Women for America to justify further bashing... you guessed it... Cain and Gingrich. Also enjoyable is her arrested name-dropping: people are forever emailing Jennifer and calling her on the phone to offer her hyper-insidery info 'n' opinions, in practically every post, but these people are almost never identified by name. Rubin is the anonymice grand champion! And wouldn't you know it, these anonymous sources, entertainingly, say the meanest things about everybody! Like, really funny mean things that sound like Jennifer wrote them herself.

But Jennifer Rubin doesn't hate everybody and everything! She luuuuuuuvs Rick Santorum, of course, since he's the purest neocon muslim-hater in the running, and still writes about him approvingly as if he's a viable candidate. When Santorum didn't gain any traction, she quickly jumped on the Romney train and rarely says a bad thing about him.

And... and... OMG, I could just go on and on about how great/horrible Jennifer Rubin is. She is the world's first and funniest neocon cartoon character! It's like... one of Josie's Pussycats grew up all wrong? They should make her a character in Archie Comics. You should read her blog all the time.

Callista Gingrich Goes To Airports, Just Like Regular People!

(Photo by: The Georgetown Dish)

Put the phrases "Callista Gingrich" and "next first lady" in the same article, and THAT is what I call hard-hitting Callistagoddess reportage: The Empress Gingrich, immaculately turned out, was spotted enduring Dulles Airport's shuttle train with bedazzled, gawking inferiors. Did she lash out at these ants, laying waste to those who dared speak to her, who even looked directly into her eyes? No! She managed to get through it all by acting perfectly pleasant and even making light chit-chat! It is exactly like a fairy tale. How does she do it? My god, she is totally even pulling her own wheelie carry-on thingy, like a saint. Just like a saint!

And everybody knows that old-timey saints got their powers from their halos, which were not just artistic conventions but real objects powered by a kind of technology known only by Jesus. And so, too, does this latter-day saint (LOL, sorry), this majestic, most aglitter point on the holy trinity that is Newt Gingrich's combined wives, have a halo of her own, a celestial orb of gossamer titanium with its magic Bézier tentacle forever reaching for the great beyond.

Whoops! Sorry, I fell into a Callista hairdo reverie again.

Here's Your Latest Recurrent Callista Gingrich Scream Nightmare Horror

Callista Gingrich, wife of Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, greets supporters at Gingrich's book-signing event at Books-A-Million in Naples, Fla., Saturday, Nov. 26, 2011. (AP Photo/Erik Kellar)