Time's Mark Halperin Misunderstands Dangers of Puppy Deployment

LOLZ! CNN's "The Ticker" has this ever-so-cute thingy where Time Magazine's Mark Halperin comes up with a "wish list" for all the most popular kids running for president. Hillary needs a suit of armor (where does he come up with these clever ideas?), Obama needs "magic fairy dust" (as opposed to, say, a wand or a monkey's paw), Huckabee needs money (Halperin ran out of clever ideas for that one) and Giuliani needs... a puppy!

Mark Halperin clearly underestimates the difficulties inherent in campaign puppy usage. It is an area fraught with peril. You can't just simply hand a puppy to a candidate and expect the best, as delightful as it sounds! PSP readers know that puppies must be used just right.

As impossible as it sounds, one may overdo it with the puppies! Failed Maryland senatorial candidate Michael Steele, for instance, relied too heavily on the adorable when he hoisted his entire campaign onto the back of a frail Boston Terrier, and no matter how "spectacular" people thought it was, he lost miserably to Ben Cardin, who didn't use puppies at all!

On the other hand, one can use puppies too little, too late, and appear cynical. Rick Santorum found this out when he was at his lowest and he tried to stage a photo-op with puppies. Santorum's approval ratings were in the toilet, and the attempt to surround himself with enchanting puppies came across as embarrassing and desperate, so the press stayed away.

As I said, Halperin dangerously oversimplifies the use of puppies in campaigns. He thinks that Giuliani will be "cuter" if he carries around a puppy. But couldn't the puppy, if it's too cute, merely make Rudy look more troll-like in comparison?

Please leave the political puppy distribution to the experts, Mr. Halperin!