Newt Gingrich Tries To Plant Big Wet One On Neocons, Misses, They Still Hate Him, Maybe Even More

I laughed and laughed earlier today when I read about Newt Gingrich's scary/funny promise that President Newt make John Bolton his secretary of state, an instant disqualifier if ever there was one. See, the GOP clown car made a trip to the Republican Jewish Coallition forum today, neocon central, and this was Newt's clumsy way of sucking up to them. The story soon became funnier when it was revealed that John Bolton's staff (let THAT phrase roll around in your mind for awhile, won't you?) claimed to know nothing about Newt's love for the bespectacled old warmonger.

"Will they fall for it?" I wondered. Will hot Boltonluv make the neocons, the most important group of establishment Republican Newt-skeptics, cut him some slack? I knew I'd have to wait for my new girlfriend, Sparklecrush Jennifer Rubin, to weigh in on the matter.

Well, she has. Did it work? Noooooo, it sure didn't! OMG, I think Newt's appearance at the RJC actually succeeded in making Rubin hate him more: "The speech certainly revealed Gingrich’s exaggerated regard for his own intellect," she sniffs. And to top it all off, she doesn't even mention the John Bolton thing! How could she leave out the single most noteworthy thing Newt said, the concept of appointing John Bolton to be US Secretary of State, something which surely Jennifer Rubin would love, love, love to happen! It's almost like she intentionally left out the one thing he said that her crowd would like in order to make him sound as bad as possible. Ha, ha: "It's almost like." I'm so charitable towards my Jennifer.

So anyway, whoops! Sorry Newt, no neocons for you.

And you know what's totally scary about all this? Even the people the neocons hate the most keep trying to suck up to them: Cain talked about admiring John Bolton; Perry supposedly hired Doug Feith as an advisor; Bachmann's been sucking up to Frank Gaffney; now it's Newt's turn. So it's like this: if a neocon GOP candidate wins (Santorum, Romney), he'll hire all the neocons. If a non-neocon wins (the rest, with the exceptions of Paul and Huntsman*), they will likewise hire all the neocons. Paul Wolfowitz must be totally licking his chops.

*And I'm not so sure about Huntsman's allergy towards the neocons. He's been doing plenty of "nuclear Iran" fearmongering.

What's Good for the Goose is Good for the Crazy-Eyed Gander

First Lady Laura Bush speaks with US Ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton, after she addressed the U.N. General Assembly during the High Level Meeting on HIV/AIDS at the United Nations in New York June 2, 2006. (Chip East/Reuters)

OK, so some of you (well, all of you, I hope) were totally grossed-out by the idea of George 'n' Condi combining forces to create a horrifying beast with two backs, so how about if I raise a spector even more blood curdling?

Here goes: Laura, enraged, gets back at George by flying into the arms of... John Bolton!

As soon as you stop violently retching, have a good weekend!

Recess Appointment

I know I said Boltontalk was banned from here, but just one, OK?

I think "recess appointment" means that he can still bully the nerdy kids, but none of the girls will play with him. Also, who's that in front? The red outfit... the tall boots... that's our Condi!

Rootin' Tootin' Bolton

I loved this conflation of Yosemite Sam and John Bolton from Groove:30. Check it out!

Princess Sparkle Pony Scoops The Post... Again

Recently, I wrote about how things you see in this blog end up in the Washington Post almost a week later, and now it's happened again!

On Monday, I posted four pictures in a verticle row of John Bolton from his confirmation hearings, revealing his nervous habit of touching his glasses when cornered. Today, the Post's Style section (alas, only the print edition) ran a sidebar featuring... four pictures in a verticle row of John Bolton from his confirmation hearings, revealing his nervous habit of touching his glasses when cornered.

Inevitable Dumb Gag

Breaking News! John Bolton Touches His Glasses When He's Lying!

Unretouched photos:









OMG! This post is dedicated to Pony Pal™ and #1 John Bolton fan, Missy!

John Bolton Is Frisky And Adventurous!

John Bolton makes friends quickly!

Boys Will Be Boys

Unlike Condoleeza Rice, who, as we mentioned yesterday, enjoys being a girl, UN Secretary-designate John Bolton was never, ever, a real boy.