Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Newt Gingrich Tries To Plant Big Wet One On Neocons, Misses, They Still Hate Him, Maybe Even More

I laughed and laughed earlier today when I read about Newt Gingrich's scary/funny promise that President Newt make John Bolton his secretary of state, an instant disqualifier if ever there was one. See, the GOP clown car made a trip to the Republican Jewish Coallition forum today, neocon central, and this was Newt's clumsy way of sucking up to them. The story soon became funnier when it was revealed that John Bolton's staff (let THAT phrase roll around in your mind for awhile, won't you?) claimed to know nothing about Newt's love for the bespectacled old warmonger.

"Will they fall for it?" I wondered. Will hot Boltonluv make the neocons, the most important group of establishment Republican Newt-skeptics, cut him some slack? I knew I'd have to wait for my new girlfriend, Sparklecrush Jennifer Rubin, to weigh in on the matter.

Well, she has. Did it work? Noooooo, it sure didn't! OMG, I think Newt's appearance at the RJC actually succeeded in making Rubin hate him more: "The speech certainly revealed Gingrich’s exaggerated regard for his own intellect," she sniffs. And to top it all off, she doesn't even mention the John Bolton thing! How could she leave out the single most noteworthy thing Newt said, the concept of appointing John Bolton to be US Secretary of State, something which surely Jennifer Rubin would love, love, love to happen! It's almost like she intentionally left out the one thing he said that her crowd would like in order to make him sound as bad as possible. Ha, ha: "It's almost like." I'm so charitable towards my Jennifer.

So anyway, whoops! Sorry Newt, no neocons for you.

And you know what's totally scary about all this? Even the people the neocons hate the most keep trying to suck up to them: Cain talked about admiring John Bolton; Perry supposedly hired Doug Feith as an advisor; Bachmann's been sucking up to Frank Gaffney; now it's Newt's turn. So it's like this: if a neocon GOP candidate wins (Santorum, Romney), he'll hire all the neocons. If a non-neocon wins (the rest, with the exceptions of Paul and Huntsman*), they will likewise hire all the neocons. Paul Wolfowitz must be totally licking his chops.

*And I'm not so sure about Huntsman's allergy towards the neocons. He's been doing plenty of "nuclear Iran" fearmongering.


Major Mel Funkshun said...

18 U.S.C. § 599 : US Code - Section 599: Promise of appointment by candidate
Whoever, being a candidate, directly or indirectly promises or
pledges the appointment, or the use of his influence or support for
the appointment of any person to any public or private position or
employment, for the purpose of procuring support in his candidacy
shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one
year, or both; and if the violation was willful, shall be fined
under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

Glennis said...

Perry inviting Doug Feith - now THAT'S hilarious - talk about dumb and dumber (Feith being known as the "dumbest fucking guy on the planet" according to Tommy Franks)

Anonymous said...

This is almost the Grand Unified Theory of Sparklepony--combining Rubin, a Gingrich, and political commentary. If only Condi and some kind of retro comics could be tied in.

Anonymous said...

When Peter King says you are "too self-centered" (as Rubin quotes him w/respect to Newt), you must be really, really self-centered.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's called a "black hole" jg.

samael7 said...

I read yesterday that the Pearl Harbor survivor's group that meets every year is disbanding after 70 years. They're all getting too old. We've lost so much of the extelligence (i.e. people) that lived through things like the Great Depression and saw what led up to it and what was put in place to prevent it from happening again. And the success of such things and the passing of those who lived through it has allowed the memories of its causes and rationales of its remedies to fade . . .

That's by way of a very long introduction to saying that: if I live to be 100, I'm going to make sure everyone knows what complete warmongering bollocks the neocons stand for and what they allowed to happen when turned loose on our foreign policy. Phooey!

P.S. I think Huntsman is feeling the pull of the Black Hole of the GOP primary race. The Stupid Matter is escaping and he's getting pelted, despite his dodges.

zoe said...

I look at Calista and I think: "First Lady"?
Then I think " can the National Debt sustain her Tiffany's bill? Her hairdresser's bill?" I also think "How the hell did she get her teeth color to sorta match her hair color?"
If she ends up as FLOTUS, I am investing in peroxide....and lots of Barolo. Which I will drink every night until I drift away.