Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Tangerine

Click for bigger.

This was an experiment: I tried using a zoom lens so that it would be easier to avoid catching my own reflection. Experiment successful! Yay!

Richard Cohen Has Never Won a Pulitzer, and His Latest Column Demonstrates Why

OMG, it's been a bit of a dry spell lately over at Cohenland. He's been dumb, he's been boring, but he hasn't been as dazzlingly stupid as we've come to expect. Pony Pals™, the wait is over, because his latest is unbelievably, jarringly, sensationally idiotic. Seriously, it's so asinine that I had to check to make sure it wasn't a brilliant parody masquerading as the real thing.

OK, so here's the conceit: Richard Cohen announces that he's won a special Pulitzer Prize for not having conducted an "exclusive" interview with Obama on health care. That's the joke, the single joke, that he's somehow stretched, excruciatingly, into eight horrible, unfunny paragraphs. Here's a sample of the hilarity:

For a person of my age, this was a sea change, or maybe a watershed or even a tsunami -- something big and aquatic. There was a time when I would have jumped at the chance for an exclusive interview with the president of the United States and would have watched with immense interest or great anxiety if his visage appeared on the screen. It meant war or price controls or maybe a refusal to seek another term. Presidents once were awesome figures, and just to interview one of them was enough to win a Pulitzer Prize.

Notice anything? That's right: it makes no sense whatsoever, and is not humorous!

What entertains me, however, is how easy it is to sense Cohen's seething jealousy towards people who 1. have interviewed Obama, and 2. have won Pulitzers.

Look, Richard, maybe you would be invited to interview Obama if you hadn't wasted all those columns whipping up fear of a black president last year. You remember, right? Those times you kept bringing up Louis Farrakhan, saying Obama should disavow his ideas after he already had?

As far as winning a Pulitzer Prize, well Richard, try this: become a good writer. Wait, scratch that: become a mediocre writer. Hey, it worked for your pal Steven Hunter!

And finally, am I supposed to be impressed that you read "six newspapers a day" but don't understand the health care debate? I can explain that: you just aren't very bright.

UPDATE: Obsessive WaPo commenter "WhatHeSaid" points out the following:

Starting with "My" Big Exclusive, Cohen went on to self-reference himself 37 times through the use of "I", "Me," "My."

There is a point where self-absorption becomes narcissism.

Cohen seems to have breezed past that point many, many years ago.

UPDATE: OMG, you have to read Jim Newell's take on this over at Wonkette. He reaches pretty much the exact same conclusions as above, but really runs with it. So good.

Quickie: What He Said

So totally true.

How to Get a Headache, Part II

This is a follow-up, kinda, to something I wrote recently which had to do with some of the confusing vagueries of my job. All the names/specifics have been censored to protect the... well, to protect somebody.

But anyway, in publishing these days, it's not enough to simply publish a book, particularly a textbook. Oh, no, you have to have an ebook, a website, a teacher edition, and I'm sure iPhone apps can't be far behind. These days when I get a request to reproduce a work of art in a textbook, sorting through the myriad add-ons and derivatives can be confusing, but I've never seen anything as totally baffling as the below. Please try, if you can, to make sense of this:

Project-info: Book title: [redacted] Author: [redacted] Publisher: [redacted] Print run: 1 million Rights requesting: Rights Statement: Non-exclusive World distribution, English and Spanish language rights for use in print/hard copy, CDs and other electronic media, internet and online use, VHS and video and specialized accessible formats for use by students with disabilities within the primary program and component and in all derivative programs and components limited by the number of units which is calculated by the total number of unique end users of all components for the life of the programs and components for as long as the edition is in print including reprints, abridged and custom published versions and minor revisions in which no more than 10% of the aggregated photographic content is changed unlimited promotional use in advertising and marketing materials where the pagess and/or format in which the photo originally appeared in any component is reproduced in whole or in part. Usage: RD10, SR08 RD11/Skill Based Practice Readers Teacher's Annotated Edition, Leveled Readers, Leveled Readers Teacher's Annotated Edition, Teacher's Edition, Home School Connection, ELD Teacher's Guide, ELD Retelling Card BLM booklet, TeacherWorks Plus, Online Teacher Edition ELD TeacherWorks Plus.

Please kill me now.

Quickie: 6'4" Pink Pony Finds Yet Another Reason to be Smug

(Ursula Plassnik, 04-22-08, AP)

Via Matt Yglesias comes this fun study:

According to the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index daily poll of the US population, taller people live better lives, at least on average. They evaluate their lives more favorably, and they are more likely to report a range of positive emotions such as enjoyment and happiness. They are also less likely to report a range of negative experiences, like sadness, and physical pain, though they are more likely to experience stress and anger, and if they are women, to worry. These findings cannot be attributed to different demographic or ethnic characteristics of taller people, but are almost entirely explained by the positive association between height and both income and education, both of which are positively linked to better lives.

Sarah Palin, Stuporstar

(Pic via AP)

So much being said about Sarah Palin these days! Everybody is excited that her last day as governor of Alaska is coming up, and her inanity and dullness will be unleashed, unencumbered by... well, by what? Governing? Ha.

The Washington Post is a virtual extravaganza of Sarahproduct today. First, they released their new poll figures which reveal that she's got quite an uphill battle to be taken seriously. What's shocking to me isn't that 57% of respondents think she's incapable of understanding complex issues, but that 37% think she is. But whatever: bad numbers.

Next, the Post allowed Barbara Boxer and John Kerry to refute Sarah's recent op-ed on energy. Fine. OK. Why did they run it in the first place?

And finally, a charitable piece in which some religious guy with big hair says the most hilarious and accurate thing:

Amid all the babble about Sarah Palin's recent resignation as Alaska's governor and amid all the speculation about her potential presidential bid, few have noted a new job for which she is eminently qualified: civil rights leader for people with intellectual disabilities.

OMG, so true! So hilariously true! She certainly is a leader for people with intellectual disabilities! But wait, that's not what he means; he means that she would be a great spokesmodel and advocate for parents of children with Down Syndrome. This is so, I guess, but it would hardly bring Sarah the celebrity she so desperately craves. Plus, she herself is so incredibly cretinous that it's difficult to imagine her advocating effectively for anything.

But forget the Washington Post. My favorite Sarah thing today is this utterly, wonderfully ridiculous column by the Examiner's "expert" on astrology, who wants to know if the stars and planets confirm that Sarah is a big ol' quitter. Well, since the author begins with the overwhelming evidence that Palin is, in fact, a quitter, then all she has to do is shuffle around her Tarot cards or star charts or whatever and concludes that, uh huh, she is. See how astrology works? Don't you love science?

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah! What did I ever do to deserve you?

PSP Workplace Struck by Lightning!

At about 2:30, the National Gallery of Art was briefly, thrillingly, plunged into darkness! Very exciting! It was raining and thundering and lightninging like crazy, too!

When the power came back on, we fired up our computers and tried to find out what had happened, and... well, nothing. No mention of power outages on DCist, nothing in the Washington Post, etc. Puzzling! We then found out that the outage had only affected the West Building, and the working theory was that we had been struck by God as punishment for all the nudies in the sculpture gallery.

I'll post a photo dramatization when I get home. Neat!

UPDATE: I'm crushed to report that it was apparently some highly localized PEPCO issue, not lightning at all. Tsk!

Richard Cohen is Kinda "Meh" on This Wise Latina Chick

I almost forgot that it was Richard Cohen day today! He's late to the Sotomayor party, but he's going to have his wishy-washy say!

According to Richard, she is smart, but not brilliant. And that's pretty much it, and we have to take his word for it because he then proceeds to not really say anything to convince us that it's true. The end.

Oh, wait, not the end! Richard says that it's too bad Sonia isn't as brilliant and inspiring as Antonin Scalia or John Roberts.

And that's that. No wistful high school memories, no cocktail party anecdotes, no ironic allusions to marital infidelity, none of those things that make us really love to hate a Richard Cohen column.

I probably should have put his head in the upper, lighter pan of the scales.

"I Don't Do Policy," Michael Steele Declares After Policy Speech

I had the day off yesterday (PSP dental recovery plan 70% complete!), so I was able to enjoy Michael Steele's wonderful appearance at the Press Club live. Oh, it was classic Steele: he gave a recitation of anti "Obamacare" talking points and then, thrillingly, was unable to answer a single question about his chosen topic. I will love you forever and ever, Michael Steele! There have been some great reactions, but Talking Points Memo puts it best:

"...it seemed like not only was he trying to get his bit in on this week's health care debate but also rebrand himself as a serious policy thinker rather than just the political comedy relief he's embodied over the last six or so months. But that was a bit undermined when he got a question on whether the bill should include an individual requirement to purchase coverage and he didn't know what that meant."

One thing Michael didn't count on, though, was that naughty Dana Milbank, glutton for punishment, would be in the audience of 20-or-so. I know all of us lefties are supposed to be VERY ANGRY!!! at Milbank these days, but his reporting on the event is a classic must-read:

"Slow down, Mr. President: We can't afford to get health care wrong," said the [month-old GOP] memo.

"Slow down, Mr. President: We can't afford to get health care wrong," said the chairman.

Memo: "The old, top-down Washington-centered system the Democrats propose will empower Washington to restrict the cures and treatments your doctor can prescribe for you."

Steele: "The old top-down Washington-centered system the Democrats propose is designed to grow Washington's power to restrict the cures and treatments your doctor can prescribe for you."

Haw, and if there's anything Milbank knows, it's the opportunity for a humorous metaphor:

In the back of the room sat the ventriloquist, admiring his work. [GOP talking points author Alex] Castellanos used the word "experiment" six times to criticize Obama's plan; Steele, the eager pupil, used it 30. Only one thing would have made the performance more impressive: if Castellanos had been able to drink a glass of water while Steele was talking.

And then you can see it coming a mile away, but Milbank's conclusion is still satisfying:

As a voice-throwing act, Castellanos and Steele were quite a duo. But if Castellanos is the ventriloquist, what does that make Steele?

Ooh, ooh! I totally know that one!

Like Sarah Palin, Michael Steele is simply incapable of being either serious or taken seriously. And that's why we love him.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Now with META Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging Photoblogging

Click above or below for bigger.

UPDATE: Picture of me photographing the bus removed because people are really, really mean.

Quickie: Sarah Palin Promises to Get Crazier, and For Once, I Believe Her

This just in from "AKGovSarahPalin" on the Twitter:

Ak WILL progress! + side benefit=10 dys til less politically correct twitters fly frm my fingertps outside State site
about 9 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Hmmm, so until she's no longer "AKGov," she'll continue to be the picture of restraint and dignified statesmanship we've come to know and love, but once she's unshackled from her political bonds, she's just totes going to bust out all over.

I can't wait.

I Know, Let's Send Charles Krauthammer to the Moon

Today's dose of seriously, what the hell? comes from Charles Krauthammer in his latest Washington Post column*.

It's appears that one night, Charles was rolling along, singing a song, muttering things about Obama, and then he looked up! He looked up and saw a big orb in the sky! He consulted Conservapedia and discovered that it was "The Moon."

"Didn't we used to go there all the time?" he asked nobody in particular:

So with the Apollo moon program long gone, and with Constellation, its supposed successor, still little more than a hope, we remain in retreat from space. Astonishing. After countless millennia of gazing and dreaming, we finally got off the ground at Kitty Hawk in 1903. Within 66 years, a nanosecond in human history, we'd landed on the moon. Then five more landings, 10 more moonwalkers and, in the decades since, nothing.

The people at NASA will no doubt be surprised and embarrassed at this revelation that since they stopped making pointless repeat trips to the Moon, they've just been twiddling their thumbs, doing nothing. SHAME:

So what, you say? Don't we have problems here on Earth? Oh, please. Poverty and disease and social ills will always be with us. If we'd waited for them to be rectified before venturing out, we'd still be living in caves.

Yes. Poverty and disease and social ills will always be with us, unlike the Moon, which could vanish at any time, so we should totally get back to it.

And then the Moon looked down at Charles Krauthammer and laughed.

*Sorry, I just can't link to the Post right now.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: And They Stayed the Chariot Outside the Gate of the King's Dwelling

Click for bigger

Knoxie™ and Trotski Perform Matt Yglesias for Your Dining Pleasure

Washington Post Graciously Allows Sarah Palin to Pretend to be a Writer

(AP Photo/Kiichiro Sato, 10-29-08)

The Post's editorial page continues its downward spiral, and I'll be damned if I link to it. So they got Sarah Palin (she's so hot right now!) to write an op-ed about how awful Obama's cap-n-trade thingy is! Neat!

So... does anybody –anybody at all?– believe, even for a second, that Sarah actually wrote this stuff? One imagines the order for "standard industry boilerplate with a pseudo-folksy twist," but I'd love to know who placed/received the order. Sure, sure, there's the obligatory mentions of this "God" person, but I refuse to believe Sarah sat down behind a word processor and typed the word "ardent."

This must be some of that constant Palin-bashing by the Liberal Press™ all the kids are talking about.

Only You, Sam Brownback, Can Prevent Mermaids, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Martin Schongauer: The Archangel Gabriel, 1490/1491, engraving

Yay! Sam Brownback is... back! He's super-worried about human-animal hybrids, which are bad, except it's fully OK to get you some pig heart valves 'n' such. Standards! What we need are some human-animal hybrid standards in here! Brownback is right. I, for one, don't want to get run over by a centaur on my way to Target.

Memories

Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, holds back a flag that was blowing onto her during the 9th Annual John W. Rice Diversity and Equity Awards ceremonies in Sacramento, Calif., Monday, July 13, 2009. The award is named in honor of Rice's late father, Dr. John W. Rice who was a former member of the California Community Colleges Board of Governor's. It is awarded annually to the individuals or programs that demonstrate outstanding contributions toward achieving diversity and equity within the community colleges. (AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

This is the saddest photo ever. Once, during Condi's reign at Foggy Bottom, it was a magical time, an era when the art of the holy Matching Armchairs Photo-Op flowered like a rare orchid under her watchful guidance. And now? Now, Condi?

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Quadruple Bypass

Click each for bigger.




Especially click the above for bigger.

Gross-Out of the Year (So Far)

(Gov. Sarah Palin last week at a signing event, for legislation and other items, in the village of McGrath, Alaska. Jim Wilson/The New York Times)

Oh, right, hey! I almost forgot I had a blog!

The NY Times has a great Sarah Roundup today about the events which brought about her resignation. I simply had to share the above photo, an absolutely superb gross-out featuring Sarah autographing a disabled child. You're welcome.

The article is very good and quite even-handed, probably more than clown-like Sarah deserves. All you have to do is read between the lines, however, to catch glimpses of truly the most bizarre political character since... well, since Condoleezza Rice (remember her?)

The Sarah Show is going to continue indefinitely, with growing ratings yet decreasing returns. All we can do is sit back, slack-jawed in wonder, and enjoy the garish spectacle.

Lemon Fresh

From left, Margarita Zavala, wife of Mexican President Felipe Calderon, Michelle Obama, and Filippa Reinfeldt, wife of Swedish Prime Minister Fredrik Reinfeldt, are seen during a visit at the Capitoline Museums in Rome, Wednesday, July 8, 2009. The wives of leaders attending the G8 (Group of Eight) Summit in L'Aquila visited the Capitoline Museums and on Thursday will travel to the quake-hit areas in Abruzzo. (AP Photo/Domenico Stinellis)

Crazy Christian Lady Thinks Sarah Palin is Wicked, Needs to Retire Some More

(AP Photo 10-14-08)

OMG if you want to read the funniest, meanest Sarah Palin bashing ever, forget the Americablogs and the Koses and the Daily Dishes, y'all, and head on over to, believe it or not, World Net Daily and marvel at the venomous Olivia St. John's merciless scorn:

Palin's history over the past 17 years tells another story. Three years after the birth of the first of her five children, she entered the rough-and-tumble world of Alaska (and eventually national) politics and has never looked back.

Has America become so emasculated that our only hope of getting another Ronald Reagan into the Oval Office is to idolize Palin as a political Madonna? Hardly.

Do we have no men who can match her intelligence, charisma and leadership skills? To the contrary, we have better.

Have conservatives become so desperate for a passionate leader that they forsake their most basic values of home and hearth? Yes, but it's more than that.

Sarah Palin represents the empirical self of millions of women working outside the home. They live vicariously through her supposed success. Seeing such a woman extolled gives credibility to their frantic lifestyle juggling job, children, husband, church, and housework.

It has been said that part of Palin's appeal is that her family is like so many other families. She is today's American woman, who works outside the home and does it all. Whose daughters get pregnant out-of-wedlock. Whose husbands wear the aprons.

Have we gone insane? Is this something to celebrate?

YES, PLEASE. Sarah Palin is indeed something to celebrate. She is pure poison, spreading inanity like a virus, tainting everything she touches with ridiculousness, and I will always love her for that.

Speaking of which, I recently enjoyed taking a stroll down Palin Memory Lane (see photo, above), and was struck again by the ferocity of her banality. Everything about her is always so obvious, I was hardly surprised to see that that all my observations of her over the last ten months have held up. Here are some of my favorite revealing older Palin posts:

• 06-09-09: Uncooperative Sarah is unable to attend a simple fundraiser without causing problems for everybody involved, resulting in much animosity.
• 12-10-08: Media-starved Sarah has open house for the press to discuss her disdain for politics and the press and then is photographed with her kids by an AP photographer right after complaining about the invasive press. Phew! See? This is what happens when Sarah is around. She's like a magical banality vortex.
  
• 11-13-08: Inept Sarah is unable to attend a simple meeting of the Republican Governors Association without causing problems for everybody involved, resulting in much animosity.
• 11-12-08: My take on post-election Sarah: "Sarah Palin remains utterly, completely self-obsessed, and she will never, ever admit that she did anything wrong or even that she could have done anything better. Never once was there a moment of self examination apparent in these TV appearances, neither a whiff of regret for a stumble nor an acknowledgment that, you know, maybe she should brush up on a thing or two so as not to look like an overreaching cheerleader trying out for the debate squad. This magical combination of personality flaws guarantees that Sarah will continue to be entertaining for years to come."
• 11-10-08: Picture of unhappy, uninterested Sarah sitting at a table with non-glamorous Alaskan politicians inspires this advice: "Girl, you have GOT to get out of that den of balding bores."
• 11-08-09: More-trouble-than-she's-worth Palin's return to Alaska is celebrated by her staff's purchase of one (1) flower and a bunch of balloons which aren't even filled with helium.

Sarah Palin Namechecks Obscure 80s Irish Goth Classic

KOTZEBUE, Alaska (AP) - Sarah Palin says she's not a quitter, she's a fighter, but adds that, politically speaking, "if I die, I die. So be it."

Sarah, to quote the song "Baby Turns Blue" from the album shown above, you don't seem to make much sense.

How They Think

It's funny and sad to see people trying to defend Sarah Palin. Here's some hack from the Heritage Foundation giving it a go. You have to read the whole thing:

Governor Palin gives every elite East Coast or California liberal the ability to openly mock middle American values while acting like they are above the fray. They point at her and say she wasn’t qualified, because apparently in 2008, the election was about experience. Senator McCain had decades; President Obama…did not. They point at her family, and laugh at how they wouldn’t fit into their country club. They point at her daughter, and somehow draw a conclusion that Palin is a hypocrite because life experience doesn’t always match our prayers. They nudge their buddies at the MoveOn meeting, and snicker that she doesn’t speak like them, didn’t go to Harvard, never interned for a Senator. Unfortunately for the elite liberals, America is comprised of a majority of people who relate to Palin. She is their next door neighbor. Liberals will laugh, and look at the November election results, and say never. America is like them, they voted so. They want big government, big taxes and international apologies. But this dismissive hand wave of the American heartland from the shores of Martha’s Vineyard will come back to bite them.

I love how his only defense of Palin is that, basically, Democrats are assholes, forever pointing and laughing. Note that he offers not one example of Sarah's positive qualities other than her ability to be disliked by liberals. His portrayal of us as Harvard-educated country club members in Martha's Vineyard is so hurt sounding. And, um, so Republican sounding, really. Who, for instance, is more likely to belong to a country club, me or the Heritage Foundation's director of strategic communications, hyper-insidery Rory Cooper? It's ridiculously easy to imagine Cooper complaining about "elitists" with his golfing buddies.

Also: Most Americans love Sarah so much, and that's why she won!

Richard Cohen is Concerned About This Sarah Palin Lady

It's Tuesday, Richard Cohen day! This week's column is weird, because I agree with every last thing in it, and you probably will, too. What's noteworthy is just how badly composed it is even by our admittedly low standards for Cohen's writing.

First, Richard introduces us to the concept of "alternative reality" fiction, and then announces that he's going to give it a whirl: "Here is my contribution to the genre: Sarah Palin becomes president of the United States."

And then... well, no, that's it. That was his contribution. The rest of the column is filled with revelations of Sarah Palin's inadequacy and a rambling have you heard? Republicans are in disarray observation. This thing is so lightweight that I'm pretty sure Cohen composed it on his cell phone while sitting on the toilet. So we don't actually get to hear what would have happened if Sarah 'n' John had won; we'll have to wait for a less lazy writer to tackle that one*.

There is one tiny little thing that makes it hilarious:

Almost as interesting as Palin is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford. Never mind his affair. These things happen.

Haw, these things happen! They do, don't they, Richard?

*As will happen, inevitably. My version of "What if McCain/Palin had won?" would feature, like, John starting eight more wars and Sarah getting interviewed by Ladies Home Journal for two years straight.

Same Subject, Same Response, Only the Cast Has Been Slightly Changed

Quickie: Too Late

Politico's Mike Allen has some advice for Sarah Palin:

Danger: She has to be sure she doesn’t become a self-caricature.

OMG, Mike, that ship has so totally sailed!

Real Food: Hallucinatory Candyland

Click for bigger

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Indian Blue

Click for bigger (recommended)

UPDATE: These Whorses are Ready for the Glue Factory

Of all the things I've written about on this blog, none have had as much longevity, gravitas or lasting impact as the discussion of Struts, the fashion-forward toy ponies which combine little girls' love for horses, shopping, eating disorders and sexual availability. These whorses, it turns out, really had legs.

I first wrote about these creations last March, shortly after their debut, and pondered whether maybe they had been designed to intentionally instill neuroses in budding young minds (they were). A few days later, I posted four full frontal shots, if you will, of the individual models, and we all rocked back and forth in the corner for a little bit. At the end of the month, I noted that accessory packs of new slutty outfits were available and that the disturbing polyvynl chloride fillies had acquired quite a following on the interwebs, but the reaction was not quite the delighted response, I imagine, that Playmates (seriously!) Toys had hoped for.

And ever since, over and over, like clockwork, new people discover the story of the sexy toy horses: here a feminist blog, there a livejournal page, here a tsk, there an indignant rant about juvenile sexualization, etc. Each month or so there's a new little flare-up of alarm over the poor Struts Runway Magic line; there's one zipping around the web right now.

So I just want to say to you all: they are totally ew, right? I mean, OMG. But get this: they are gone. Don't worry. It's over. Playmates Toys has abandoned the line and I believe that very few actual little girls were exposed to the forbidden sexy whorses. Most of the projected products in the line were never even made (I kept checking for the boudoir set), as far as I could tell. In fact, it seems to me that it wasn't just on the web that the toys flopped; it flopped on the shelves, too.

The crisis is over. The failure of Struts should be celebrated with a sigh of relief.

(There are still a few around, here and there, so get 'em while they're still totally hot.)

Mark Sanford Family Circus

Is It Still Pride Month?

I was so inspired by John McCain's brother's hilarious attack on erstwhile PSP employer Wonkette that I decided to commemorate the strangely-chosen "insult" (is it really an insult?) with a thrilling new range of products on Café Press. Wear your pride:

How to Get a Headache

René Magritte: La Reproduction Interdite (Not to be Reproduced), 1937, oil on canvas, Museum Boijmans Van Beuningen

I just had to explain to a client that I do have a photograph of the photograph they wish to reproduce, but the photograph I have is a photograph of the photograph which was lent to our 2002 exhibition but is not in our collection, and not a photograph of the photograph which is in our collection, which was printed in 2006 and which hasn't been photographed.