Tuesday, March 04, 2008

PSP Worried about Slutty New Pony Rivals

The New York Toy Fair happened recently, and it was THE place to be to see all the hottest new lead-drenched confections for the kiddies. The Washington Post's Kidspost section today included a roundup featuring one of the most horrifying things I've ever seen, a toy which combines the most unholy aspects of My Little Pony and Bratz. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Struts, (UPDATE: I initially reported the name, spuriously, as "Strutz" with a "z".) the fashion model whorses:



Pictures are scarce so far, and that's probably a good thing. The photo in the Post's print version was different and really something else, a sexy, busty horse apparently wearing a halter top. Below is an artist's conception of the appalling successors to (the real) Princess Sparkle Pony's throne:



These appear to be wrong on an unprecedented number of levels. Hold me.

UPDATE: My horror still has not abated. Were these things developed by mean-spirited psychoanalysts or what? OMG.

UPDATE: Please enjoy the hilarious reactions from the commenters at the wonderful, wonderful Jezebel here.

UPDATED AGAIN! More pictures of the sensational, sexy fillies here.

ONE FINAL UPDATE: This post keeps getting passed around the internets, but maybe you should all look at the date on this post and realize how old it is by now. These toys, basically, failed and are no longer available, so you may wish to seek more current inappropriately sexy toys to worry about.

21 comments:

Dusty said...

Do not fret PSP..perhaps they will get a sexually transmitted disease and that will be the end of them.

Those shoes..er..hooves..quite fugly.

karenzipdrive said...

Platform sandals on a fucking horse? That's just wrong.
It's bad enough Bratz dolls are little whores, now their horses are tarted up, too?
NO!
Bratz don't ride horses, they ride in Hummers with spinning rims and lots of glittery bling all over them.
This is extremely annoying. Where do we write to protest?

samael7 said...

"Whorses" - Okay, that's genuis.

And? AAAAAAHHHHHHHNONONONONOEEEEEEK!

Anonymous said...

Those skirts are going to give me nightmares -- er, they're just plain troubling, all right?!!

nasty.

puck said...

A wonderful object. Try to think of it as a poetic summation of Bush's years at the helm.
When future generations ask what he did for America, you can point with pride & say 'He put tits on bedizen whorses!'
An astounding plastic metephore.
Are there any videos of these toy neddies firing machine guns yet? The wrong part of me wants to see.

HRH King Friday XIII said...

My G.I. Joe would totally hit that.

jolie said...

horses with breasts?!!

wtf?

TeleFrank said...

Just finished watching EQUUS last week. Sandals of Majesty indeed. EQ! EQ!

Anonymous said...

This shall not stand. There is only one Princess Sparkle Pony. Death to the pretenders!

kimono hime said...

I know just what those vacuous pretenders need: a talking Ann Coulter doll! She'd whip them into shape in a jiffy, I just know it.

Mike said...

"fashion model whorses"!

A world-class pun. That's why I keep coming back to this site.

Jenny said...

My first instict when I saw this was to scream 'Nooooooo!' and throw up. Then I got to thinking: I always thought that horses were supposed to represent giant penises, which is why little girls are soooo fascinated with them. Now the toy-makers are training them to get their penis fix from penises dressed up in slutty girl clothes. I do believe we are creating the next generation of lipstick lesbians here, so maybe it's not such a bad thing after all for the hairdresser crowd? Either that or we're training little girls to get excited about cross-dressing men. Also a nice option in my opinion.

dguzman said...

Some toy designer obviously has a shoe fetish. Gross. And those tails aren't nearly as combable or sparkly.

In general, anything that even remotely resembles Bratz is FROM THE DEVIL.

tina kugler said...

wow, it's like the barbie model muse® version of my little pony.
p.s. "whorses"- fantastic

yuliajulia said...

Hello. I don't care about the "whorses", I just want to talk to you in English. I study English. Can somebody talk to me? Pleeeease)

Mark said...

There is surely a passage about this somewhere in revelation.

Elliot Lake said...

Horses don't represent anything, they are themselves. If you grow up around them, you learn they are clever, inquisitive, resilient creatures. When I was old enough to ride, it gave me a freedom to explore that a bicycle couldn't match, plus a great beast for a friend. Of course I had to prove I could fix fence and feed and water them to have a horse of my own, so there was personal achievement involved.
These plastic monstrosities are completely inexplicable to me. (And Barbie always vaguely reminded me of a lawn dart or a tent-peg, not a live being.)

Megan W. said...

The horses are cute, undoubtedly, but the idea being promoted is horribly grotesque. It's not enough that children are being encouraged to hide behind trendy attire that is supposed to be "attractive" or made to paint their faces and nails way before they can even color in the lines, but even their toys have to promote the sensibility that they should be focused on being flashy, trendy brats?

I have nothing against prettifying yourself, but this is just going to far. And they're KIDS, for heck's sake.

Whatever happened to the good old times when admiring a fairytale princess just used to say "Believe in your dreams and work hard for them, and they'll come true"?

I applaud you for this entry, BTW.

Alex J Morris said...

@ puck: As amusing as it can be to blame Bush for all of America's problems, I think his hands are clean on this one. So I think I'll blame Freud. Or Nietzche. Heck, I'll blame Darwin, too, just for the crap of it. Apparently, the next natural evolution of the horse is into sluttiness. *shakes head and whimpers*

@ Mark: Now we know what the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse look like. Icky woman-beasts with bad fashion sense who are snooty and think their fashion sense is "OMG teh Best." The end of the world is on its way, it's just gonna need a few hours to do its hair.

@ megan: Yeah, I pretty much didn't even touch makeup until I was 13 or 14. Maybe even 15? I don't quite remember. Waiting that long to wear makeup is practically tomboyish these days.

Anonymous said...

This almost made me cry D:


The HORROR.

Anonymous said...

First 'Twilight' ponies, now BRATZ ponies??? I think I just lost something very important... oh,no,I lost my faith in humanity.