Friday, March 31, 2006

Jack Straw Just Can't Keep His Hands Off Condi



Sorry, but I can never resist a full-frontal close-up. We live for such pictures, right? Anyway, that's our heroine giving a lecture at a soccer stadium, which is, I suppose, how they do things in Blackburn. Go Rovers! What really struck me, though, is that her host, the British Foreign Secretary, just can't. keep. his. mitts. off. her (see also earlier today):



Is this an example of that English decorum we've heard so much about? Look! Here he goes again, in for the arm-grab:



Seriously, are they fucking? He's a married man! I don't want to really think about it anymore. But finally, because I was hoping for an evening wear shot, here she is with the conductor of the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra:



A little help here? I'm unable to interpret this costume, and there aren't any better shots so far. I'm not sure I like the long sleeved double-breasted with a short skirt thing she's got going on. Plus, is that metallic fabric, or is it silk? Where's the Washington Post's Robin Givhan when I finally need her?

Quickie: Neal Boortz is Totally Biting My Style

I used to think that there was no way this blog would ever influence any of the big boys in the media, but how else can you explain Neal Boortz' long, LONG diatribe about Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney's hairdo? Is he a secret Pony Pal™?

He's gotta work on his word choice, though, because I'd never use the phrase 'ghetto slut'.

Quickie: Ummm... Clarification, Please?

Condi made a startling admission to the English press today, and the blogospheriverse is already jumping all over it:
"Yes, I know we have made tactical errors, thousands of them," she said in answer to a question over whether lessons had been learnt since the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

"I believe strongly that it was the right strategic decision, that Saddam had been a threat to the international community long enough," she added.
Wow! After years of denials, the dam burst and now Condi's gushing about thousands of mistakes? Care to discuss any in particular, Honey?

BREAKING: Hurling Insults at Condoleezza Rice is What Democracy is All About

U.S. Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice holds a Blackburn Rovers soccer shirt as she poses with British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw at the Ewood Park stadium in Blackburn, northern England, March 31, 2006. Rice is on a two-day tour to the region at the invitation of Straw. REUTERS/Phil Noble
You know, every once in a while I start to feel guilty about my endless fun-pokery (fun-buggery?) of La Rice. Thank goodness that she herself comes to my rescue to placate my tortured soul:
Speaking from a factory run by UK defence contractor BAE Systems this morning, Ms Rice said she was "delighted" to be visiting an area of the UK outside London, and said she was enjoying her trip, despite the protests.

She was not surprised at the strength of feeling about her visit, saying: "People have strong views, and I have no problem with people expressing those views. But I'm delighted to accept the opportunity to be here, and people have been very welcoming."
Here's a link to the article. And furthermore, this morning on the news, Condipal newscaster Barbara Harrison reported that Dr. Princess said the naysayers were "what democracy is all about."

Awesome! I feel so much better now. So all you new readers sent here from Wonkette and elsewhere, welcome to Princess Sparkle Pony, the most democracylicious blog on the web!

Tons of pictures were taken... I'll do a roundup this afternoon!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

The First and Last Time You'll Ever See Condoleezza Rice and John Lennon Mentioned in the Same Paragraph

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice arrives at the Liverpool John Lennon Airport in Liverpool, northern England March 30, 2006. Rice is visiting the northern region of England at the invitation of British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw. REUTERS/Matt Dunham/AP Photo/WPA Pool
And when she reached the bottom of the steps, Condi crushed fresh strawberries into the tarmac with her Ferragamos before impishly crooning to the onlookers, "Imagine there's no Iran...."

EDIT: Also, hoo boy, Condi's gonna get a LOT of ribbing for this:

French President Jacques Chirac kisses the hand of US state secretary Condoleezza Rice after a meeting at the Elysee Palace in Paris. Rice is in Paris for talks as part of a lightning tour of European capitals for consultations on Iran.(AFP/Patrick Kovarik)
And in case you're confused, yes, it has been a three-country day for Condi: Line-dancing in Germany, enduring Chirac's spongey lips in Paris, and then on to defile John Lennon's memory in Liverpool. I'm sure she got just LOADS accomplished at each stop.

Meanwhile, Condi Attends Line-Dancing Workshop in Germany

Foreign ministers from the United Nations Security Council permanent members plus Germany meet to discuss Iran's disputed nuclear programme in Berlin March 30, 2006. Six world powers gathered in Berlin on Thursday to discuss the next steps in dealing with Iran's nuclear programme, with Russia and China seeking assurances that there are no plans to use force against Tehran.(L-R) Dai Bingguo from China, Russia's Sergei Lavrov , Condoleezza Rice from the U.S. , Frank-Walter Steinmeier of Germany, Britain's Jack Straw, Philippe Douste-Blazy from France and European Union foreign policy chief Javier Solana. REUTERS/Michael Kappeler/Pool
When I say hit it, I want you to go two up and two back with a big strong turn and back to the Madison.

Hit it!

You're lookin' good.

UPDATE: Sister Nancy prompts this alternative headline: Franklin Mint Introduces "Masters of Diplomacy" Doll and Matching Flag Series.

Repulsive



Is there any doubt --any doubt at all?-- that the Republicans' current hysterical campaign against illegal immigration is motivated by their simple dislike and fear of The Mud People?

The above is a screenshot (red circle added) from Fox News, via Think Progress. Here's a comparative illustration for discussion:



Update: On a whim, I went to Free Republic to see if any of their commenters use the word 'beaner'. And look! They actually have a 'beaners' topic tag! How helpful:


Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Quickie: The Baltimore Sun Notices Condi's "New" Hairdo, Embarrasses Self

Please feel free to laugh merrily at the Sun's article on Condi's coiffure. They finally noticed that she changed her hairdo from the iconic flip to its current state, which they term 'softer', but I contend is as helmety as ever.

Readers of this blog, of course, know that this change happened nearly a year ago. Also amusing is that the Sun's reporter tried to call her "favorite salon", but, again, Pony Pals know that she started having her helmet trimmed in her home long, long ago.

Please, Baltimore Sun editors, leave the heavy lifting on Condi's hairdo to me. You'll only embarrass yourself further.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Say Cheese

U.S. Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT) (L) takes a photo of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice prior to her appearance before a Senate Appropriations hearing on State, Foreign Operations and Related Programs on Capitol Hill in Washington March 28, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young
OMG, it's all just too meta for me. The Ferragamo Princess, by the way, had a totally boring day, where she had to, you know, beg for money from Congress 'n' stuff. God, can't she just send an instant message or something?

It's a pretty run-of-the-mill Condiweek, though. Let's cross our fingers for some more hot dueling podium and matching armchair action later in the week.

UPDATE: Neither dueling podiums nor matching armchairs, but it turned into an exciting Condiweek afterall.

Pause for Refreshment



Yes, even those who live here are not immune from the charms of the cherry blossoms, so once again I've stepped outside to shoot them in all their overcast glory next to the National Gallery of Art's East Building. And there's their little pal again, Jean Arp's Oriforme, reminding you not to miss the Dada exhibition!





Click for bigger, cornier, pinker!

Card Out, Multicolored Novelty Chart Enthusiast In!

OMG, breaking! Andy Card has quit as Bush's Chief of Staff, and Josh Bolten will be stepping in. What a good moment to look back on Mr. Bolten's last Sparkle Pony appearance:



The White House is about to get a whole lot brighter... Astrobrighter!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Condibot Deployed

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) and Armenian Foreign Minister Vartan Oskanian arrive at the signing of Millennium Challenge Compact between U.S. and Armeni at the State Department in Washington March 27, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young
This is why they invented the Condibot, to take the real thing's place during exceptionally pointless ceremonies like this. OMG, the Millennium Challenge Compact! Fucking awesome! It's an event so earth-shattering that zero news outlets wrote anything about it, they were so awed. Look at the awkwardness of the Secretary of State's simulacra: bent and gangly in an ill-chosen black suitlet... that's how you know it's the Condibot. The real Leezza (can I call her that once in a while?), I'm guessing, is at home on the couch catching up on Desperate Housewives.

Goin' My Way?

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice , responds to the press as she rushes for her next interview Sunday, March 26, 2006, in Washington. The Bush administration will ask Russia about a report that Moscow turned over information on American troop movements and other military plans to Saddam Hussein during the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq , Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Sunday. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice , greets the press as she arrives at the NBC studio in northwest Washington, Sunday, March 26, 2006. The Bush administration will ask Russia about a report that Moscow turned over information on American troop movements and other military plans to Saddam Hussein during the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq , Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Sunday. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)
Notice anything funny about the above photos and captions? They're taken by the same photographer! I'm guessing the top one shows her scurrying from Fox News, where she appeared earlier on Sunday, and then I suppose Mr. Ceneta hightailed it to NBC as fast as his little legs could so that he could be there in time to catch La Rice's arrival. Now that, my dear Pony Pals™, is a dedicated Condirazzi! Let's give the man some respect.

I'm sure you're wondering, though, if Dr. Princess remembered to take her beloved, comforting, cuddly little invisible pal with her on her two-network tour? Of course she did:



She also talked a bunch with Tim Russert about totally boring stuff.

Quickie: Condi 'n' Crazy Eyes Dine Together Peacefully

I know my Pony Pals™ like to think that there's this intense rivalry between Princess Condi and Laura "Crazy Eyes" Bush, but I'm sorry to tell you a coworker excitedly reported this morning that she and her husband spotted the power-shopping duo leaving Restaurant Eve in Alexandria on Friday night, and neither appeared to have her eyes clawed out or any Ferragamo heel marks on her forehead. So they're, like, totally friends 'n' stuff, hangin' on a Friday night. Eww.

Monday Audioblogging: In the Congo... Maybe


Congo Percussion, ca. mid-1960s, Pirouette Records. Click for larger, more politically incorrect.

Please Note! The recordings reproduced here carry neither a date nor any copyright information. Nevertheless, please read the audioblog disclaimer.

One of the outer limits of strange record collecting is what many of us call "supermarket records". This refers to the many tiny labels who made cheap, trendy records to cash-in on current music fads, and usually sold them in supermarkets at discount prices rather than record stores. These fly-by-night operations generally did not produce the music themselves, but bought the stuff on the open market, seemingly by the foot. One result of this hands-off approach to the content is that these albums usually had little or no information about the musicians, or sometimes the credits were deliberately misleading to increase sales. Another far stranger result is that sometimes you'll find the same music on two or more different records credited to totally different musicians. Or totally different worlds, as we'll see below.

This week's audioblogging selection displays all of the above peculiarities. Congo Percussion, on the ultra-cheap Pirouette Records, is credited on the inner label to "Chief Bey and His Royal Household", but obviously has nothing to do whatsoever with jazz legend Chief Bey, who had made African rhythms popular in the jazz world in the 50s and 60s. On the back cover (see below), a "Cawanda" group is mentioned, and some blurry black and white photos purport to show the musicians, but I wouldn't take their word for it. The liner notes even describe an eye-witness account of the recording session, but I'm assuming that comes from some secretary's overheated imagination:


Back cover, click for larger

Frustrating any further attempts to casually identify this strange music is that the exact same tracks were also released on this record under the name Tahitian Percussion, this time on the similarly disreputable Al-Fi Records. So which is it? Tahitian or West African? That's quite a geographical distance! Take a listen and I'm sure you'll agree with me that this is, in fact, African music. But is it actually from the Congo? You tell me! EDIT: Here's evidence of yet another release of this material (UPDATE: and another and another!), also on a "supermarket label", and also credited to "Cawanda's Group", which, I suppose, was written on masking tape on the reel-to-reel tapes.

But what incredible music it is! See, that's why it's worth it to pick up these usually terrible supermarket LPs, because every once in a while, one of them will knock your socks off. I'm under the impression that these songs are based on African traditionals, but the musicians seem to have been exposed just a tiny bit to Western notions of pop music and harmony. Or not. Who knows? The bizarre little exaggerated stereo ping-pong introductions to each tune are seemingly without precedent, and the rest doesn't sound quite like anything else I've ever heard. Some of these songs, especially "Elunde", are so intense they'll freeze you in place with their strange beauty, strong vocals and excellent, hypnotic percussion. Please enjoy the entire record (sorry about the scratches):

Asawanda (3:06, 3.5mb mp3)
Elunde (3:52, 4.4mb mp3)
Yow Cow Le (3:20, 3.8mb mp3)
Sha Sha Calor (4:13, 4.8mb mp3)
Fakiiya (3:07, 2.5mb mp3
Yarbou (2:51, 3.2mb mp3)
An De Vous (2:13, 2.5mb mp3)
Banja Ja En Gay (3:08, 3.5mb mp3)
Dedication/Elunde Reprise (5:32, 6.3mb mp3)
Ayilongo (3:22, 3.8mb mp3)

And it should go without saying: if anybody can help identify or explain these recordings, I'm all ears.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Reflections on a Great Week for Condiwatchers

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice , right, gestures during her joint news conference with Mexico's Foreign Secretary Luis Ernesto Derbez Bautista, not shown, Friday, March 24, 2006 at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)
What a great week it's been for fans of America's #1 glittery celebritician*! We got to go totally deep into the great mystery that is the "two matching armchairs" photo op, one of Condi's master talents, we got to see her and Stephen Hadley get upstaged by a flower arrangement, and we got to stare at her ass. I'll say it again: what a week! And that was just through Tuesday!

But then Condi went to Bermuda and was boring for a couple of days. Today, though, she came roaring back and, as you can see above, she was totally working the red. And that's not all! Look! She's cuddling her invisible friend, who's back to wish us a great weekend!

Sadly, I was unable to locate the matching armchairs shot of Condi and today's John, Mr. Bautista, but how about a dueling podiums shot?



It'll do in a pinch.

*For a second, I thought I might have coined a new word, but I was wrong.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

How to Hobble Science



It's probably a relief for most Arkansas politicians to know that there won't be any pesky, "divisive", time-consuming evolution controversies to interfere with their desires to keep the little ones stupid. Why? Well, pretty much every single science teacher in every single public school in the state wouldn't be caught on record even uttering the word, much less divulging its meaning in the classroom. A geography teacher, for instance, can only describe million-year-old rocks as "very very old", in strict accordance with the Bible. Such an inconvenience... it's better just to ignore potentially touchy subjects altogether, isn't it?

So if you're a child in Little Rock and you're wondering about the origins of life on earth, well, ask your pastor, because he's the only one allowed to answer your questions.

Read it and weep, Pony Pals™! Two sparkley hooves WAY up to Jason R. Wiles, the intrepid reporter who will no doubt be forever banned from the state.

Could Somebody Please Bid on the Liza Minelli CDs for Me?



I loved reading the Post's article about the auctioning of Duke Cunningham's bribe-begotten, nelly crap in California. What fun! But I think the reporter, William Booth, is maybe missing out on some info which could have helped him:
A former Navy fighter pilot he may have been (he named one of his bribe-laundering companies Top Gun Enterprises); his personal style veered toward large, dark, wood Frenchy pieces, with lots of marble and mirror and stained glass, and a certain amount of decorative flourish. In a previous Washington Post article, the reporters described Cunningham's taste as "surprisingly delicate." We might amend that as "surprisingly fussy."
Surprisingly delicate? Fussy? Um, hellooooo? Honey, head on over to Blogactive and maybe you'll learn a thing or two which would explain Duke Cunningham's taste: far from surprising, it's exactly what you'd expect from a 64-year-old closeted Republican hairdresser.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Just Doing My Part to Keep the Dream Alive!



Click the picture to visit a fabulously mean-spirited Katherine Harris fan site!

Gay Marriage Causes Bird Flu, Madonna Unavailable for Comment

OMG, I just read about how hairdressers marrying each other totally causes bird flu, so now I'm all confused.

This news comes from Rabbi David Basri in Jerusalem, who pointed to the scriptures and said, like, DUH:
"The Bible says that God punishes depravity first through plagues against animals and then in people," Basri said in a religious edict quoted by his son.
So who is this guy Basri, anyway? He's one of the big shots in the Kabbalah world, so this is sure to cause some awkward moments at Madonna's dinner parties in the coming weeks. Poor girl, just when she thought she had it all figured out. Tsk.

Besides, divine wrath is just soooo downmarket. Please! It's a handy example, though, of the ability to blame absolutely anything on hairdressers if you try hard enough.

UPDATE: Oops, I guess that Madonna joke was too obvious.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I Never Promised You a Rose Garden

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley, right, look on as President Bush, not pictured, meets with Liberia's President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, not pictured, in the Oval Office of the White House Tuesday, March 21, 2006 in Washington. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)
Oh look! It's our perky princess with THAT FREAK Hadley. He looks a little --OK, a lot-- unhappy doesn't he? Maybe Libby has something to do with that, d'ya think? Or maybe he's afraid of all those hairdressers mad at him for the new "it's OK to discriminate" Federal guidelines, which he wrote all by himself. Neato, Stephen!

I just can't be the only person who thinks Hadley is a major, and I mean MAJOR freak, can I? He always looks totally uncomfortable, like he's wearing diapers all the time. I like to think he's into some really kinky scene like dressing up in meat-bikinis or crushing baby ducklings in his bare hands while his master flogs him and recites Partridge Family lyrics. Whatever it is, Condi probably doesn't want any part of it.

If That Fireplace Could Talk...

...it probably wouldn't have much to say, come to think of it. Condi's personal matching armchairs + fireplace + small, tasteful flower arrangement setup at the State Department was a veritable revolving door yesterday, and Reuters' Iron Condiographer Yuri Gripas was there to catch the fever! First up, NATO Secretary-General Japp de Hoop Scheffer:



Next, Crown Prince Shaikh Salman bin Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa, Defense Force Commander-in-Chief of Bahrain:



Afghanistan's Minister of Foreign Affairs Abdullah Abdullah:



How does she do it? How does she manage to work so hard? I mean, it must be complicated to sit there while a fascinating selection of world leaders is brought before her and allowed to briefly bask near her dazzling radiance. Perching daintily and having short, inconsequential, superficial chats for the press must be simply exhausting. I bet that flower arrangement was totally worn out by 4PM.

And I'd be totally remiss if I didn't at least mention that Condi's probably way pissed that Paul Tagliabue couldn't wait just a couple more years to retire as NFL commissioner. She claims, naturally, that she isn't interested at the moment in the job, because, in the words of her spokesman, "She still has many things she wants to accomplish as secretary of state," Totally! I mean, Iran hasn't even been bombed a teensy bit so far!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Photo of the Day: For Whom the Bell Tolls...

U.S. President George W. Bush grabs a bell that was rung to mark his arrival in Cleveland, Ohio, March 20, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young
...it tolls for thee.

Forget John Donne and Hemingway, though. How about some Poe?
Hear the tolling of the bells -
Iron Bells!
What a world of solemn thought their monody compels!
In the silence of the night,
How we shiver with affright
At the melancholy menace of their tone!
For every sound that floats
From the rust within their throats
Is a groan.
The Bells, 1845.

EDIT: Also, Bush apparently shot fireballs out of his hands. Man, he's desperate:


unaltered Reuters photo.

Monday Audioblogging: Bird-Brained


Ralph Platt with Lorin Whitney: The Birds Sing His Praise, Volume 2
circa 1965 Sacred Productions Incorporated, Waco, Texas

Please note! This record is undated and carries no copyright notices. Nevertheless, please read the audioblog disclaimer.

This rare, scratchy record is one of the most peculiar in my collection. I'm sure Ralph Platt thought his combination of somnamulent organ and shrill bird calls would evoke the majesty of nature and God's creation, but instead it makes my skin crawl.


Click the image for the full back cover.

Basically, each track follows the same formula: the turgid, sappy organ starts, and then Ralph whistles the melody, sounding like a theremin on valium. After a verse or two, the Jesus-addled whistler then launches into a random variety of actual birdcalls. It's like the Audubon Society's version of Tourette's syndrome.

This is music to test the limits of any fan of the unusual. Can you take it?

Hallelujah, What a Savior (2:38, 3mb mp3)
In Times Like These (3:03, 3.4mb mp3)
It Took a Miracle (3:09, 3.6mb mp3)
In The Garden of My Heart (2:13, 2.5mb mp3)
Just When I Need Him Most (2:53, 3.3mb mp3)
The Cross is Not Greater (2:24, 2.7mb mp3)

Links:
A list of whistling records, including several by Platt, who the webmaster calls "downright creepy". This excellent bare-bones page also has lots of great whistling mp3s.
Sacred Records discography. A long, very boring history of Ralph Platt's label.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

If He Only Had a Brain



Here is a fascinating and surprisingly direct analysis from the Associated Press of Bush's not-so-subtle use of "straw men" in his limited public discourse. Read it and learn what to look for!

They Know It when They See It



Isn't it exciting? Once again, Congress is threatening to regulate "adult sites" on the internets by creating a ".xxx" suffix as a handy kind of smut corral to protect themselves from the religious right the kiddies. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?

Or does it? The thing I really love about this, besides knowing it won't get anywhere in the long run, is that it'll put politicians in the uncomfortable position (LOL) of defining porn. Sounds like fun!

But wait a minute... where's the cut-off in defining an "adult site" which requires the .xxx suffix? I'm not seeing any distinction here between "adult content" and "porn". I mean, obviously flat-out porn sites are pretty easy to spot, but what about, for instance, Dan Savage's Savage Love column? It's not porn, but it certainly is adult... but "xxx"? Also, how about Gawker and Jossip, gossip sites which provide links to pictures of Lindsey Lohan nipple slips? XXX? Also, you just know the religious nutjobs will want any site with any kind of content for hairdressers to be labeled XXX. How about this site, which offers advice to gay teens about coming out of the closet? XXX? How about gay blogs and news sites like Queerty and 365 Gay? XXX?

Or... let's get really messed-up, here: what about web sites for alcohol and tobacco companies? That's "adult content", isn't it? XXX? Tampax Tampons' homepage: XXX?

Should be a good show!

EDIT: I sent queries to Senators Baucus and Pryor asking how they plan to distinguish between pornography and "adult content". Think they'll answer?

EDIT 2, Electric Boogaloo: Folks, these are Democrats trying to legislate this.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Oh Dear

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is helped into a military vehicle by Australia's Chief of Defence Air Chief Marshall Angus Houston (L) as she visits Melbourne's Victoria Army Barracks in Melbourne March 17, 2006. Rice met with Australian Defence personnel to thank them for working alongside U.S forces in the Middle East. REUTERS/David Gray
OMG, best Condi buttshot EVER. While you were sleeping, Condi's had a very busy day, indeed, in Australia. Too busy. Too many photos for this pony to sort through at the moment, so for now, please enjoy what is obviously the most pertinent to this blog.

EDIT: This is a lot more revealing than the last Condibutt I posted.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

The More Things Change... A Dramatisation



"I'm so glad we've had this time together," Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer crooned softly to Princess Condi. But Condi was edgy, distant. How could he reach her? Suddenly, the answer was at hand:



"Why... look!" Downer exclaimed. "What have we here? It looks like two matching armchairs separated by a low table with a small but tasteful floral arrangement set before a fireplace!"

Condi happily surveyed these surrounding, soaking in their warm familiarity. "Can we?" she murmured expectantly. "Can we... just sit for a minute while the wire service photographers snap merrily away?"

"Of course we can," answered Downer with evident relief, confident that he had, at last, fulfilled all of his Conditractual obligations.



And they all lived happily ever after. Amen!

And Now a Word from Our Sponsor



Courtesy (again!) Pony Pal™ Krimpet!

Condi's Aussie Hatastrophe

United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (C) is welcomed by an honour guard as she arrives to visit the crew of the USS Port Royal guided missile cruiser at a naval base in Sydney March 16, 2006. Rice began a three-day trip to Australia. REUTERS/Will Burgess/Pool
Condi got to visit a ship today! I'm assuming these guys are thrilled to be in her presence, or maybe they're just thrilled to be far, far away from her bloody little 'do in Iraq. Who knows? In any case, somewhere along the line she was behatted:



And that put her in a kinda awkward situation, because, you know, once you've got that hat on, you know what comes next, right? Hat hair! The only solution is to just keep the dang hat on until it can be properly removed by trained professionals in private, away from AFP and Reuters' greedy lenses. But this can lead to awkward moments:



OMG, doesn't Condi's chicken lunch look simply divine? But notice how they're all staring at her, wondering, "Dang, we take our hats OFF when we're indoors eating; what's her problem?" Alas, Condi ate the chicken, but she didn't have time to eat any squid, if you know what I mean, so it was time to go and get that hat removed:




Later, as we'll see, the extrication of the hat was a complete success, making a change in the Hairdo Alert System™ completely unnecessary. That was a close one!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Oh, Great, NOW They Tell Me



Sign behind the escalators at the Archives/Navy Memorial Metro station.

The Littlest Pony Pal™

An Indonesian Muslim girl joins her parent at a rally against visiting U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice outside the U.S. embassy in Jakarta March 15, 2006. REUTERS/Crack Palinggi
Also, just exactly as in the US, when the wire service photographers get bored with Condi, they get distracted by the scenery:





Wouldn't this be more accurate?