Behold the Europe Obama Will Turn Us Into!

A man costumed as a devil poses in front of the steam engine of a small train in Drei Annen Hohne, eastern Germany on Thursday April 30, 2009. Hundreds of costumed devils and witches meet to celebrate Walpurgis Night, a traditional religious holiday of pre-Christian origin. (AP Photo/Frank Drechsler)

Bad Day on the Midway

Collect all 16!

Oh, wow, it was really not a good day to wake up and discover that you've magically transformed into Michael Steele. OMG, would that not suck? It would have totally, totally sucked today if it happened to you, so I hope it didn't, OK?

SO! What's so awesome about Michael is that he is just so down with the slang and the street and the, you know, the hats:

“You wear your hat one way. You like to wear it, you know, kind of cocked to the left, you know, because that's cool out West,” Steele said. “In the Midwest, you guys like to wear it a little bit to the right. In the South, you guys like to wear the brim straight ahead. Now, the Northeast, I wear my hat backwards, you know, because that's how we roll in the Northeast.”

“But what do you recognize?” Steele asked. “We all are wearing the hat that says ‘GOP’ because that's what we believe. That's who we are.”

And you know what? For once, he's absolutely right! That is who they are! Wow!

It's too bad, though, because Michael just talks and talks about hats and uses slang kinda badly and goes on and on and, you know, I'm wondering doesn't he notice all these people around him all the time with puzzled, blank looks on their faces? You know, like, they're half between trying to figure out what the hell he's going on about, and, you know, just totally zoning out and falling asleep. Seriously! Look at pictures of him and you'll see it in the people he's with; they're all, like, What? What? And that's why Steele now has people under him, in his own organization, plotting openly to undermine his authority. Right out in the open! Can you imagine?

And again, I ask you, wouldn't it have sucked to wake up this morning and be Michael Steele? Ha, yes.

And on top of all this indignity, there's a new party in town, and Michael's not invited! Yes, this is the hilariously-titled National Council for a New America, the new GOP group I briefly mentioned yesterday. Basically, it's a PR entity for the participating political hacks, a group of breathtaking diversity : John McCain, Jeb Bush (!!!), Eric Cantor, Bobby Jindal, Haley Barbour, Mitt Romney... you know, all the youthful, intellectual heavyweights. Let's call them the Freshmakers™. Nothing says "born anew" quite like McCain/Bush. But yes, as moronic as this sounds, even they have the sense to not invite Michael Steele to participate, a blatent snub.

Unanswered question: how do they wear their hats? We need to know! Because that's how we roll.

This will surely be the greatest thing for the GOP since Twitter.

PS: Don't call it a comeback!

Torture? "No No, Dear," Says Condi

Condi thought she'd just hang at the dorms at Stanford for a while, you know, to chat and "chill" with the students. And then the students got all mean and asked her about torture 'n' stuff and OMG, it's all just so unnecessary. Tsk. This just sounds so awkward:

Even in World War II, as we faced Nazi Germany -- probably the greatest threat that America has ever faced -- even then...

With all due respect, Nazi Germany never attacked the homeland of the United States.

No, but they bombed our allies...

No. Just a second. Three thousand Americans died in the Twin Towers and the Pentagon.

500,000 died in World War II, and yet we did not torture the prisoners of war.*

And we didn't torture anybody here either. Alright?

We tortured them in Guantanamo Bay.

No, no dear, you're wrong. Alright. You're wrong. We did not torture anyone. And Guantanamo Bay, by the way, was considered a model "medium security prison" by representatives of the Organization of Security and Cooperation in Europe who went there to see it. Did you know that?

Were they present for the interrogations?

No.

Condi's defense in a nutshell is 1. We didn't torture, so whatever it is we did, it therefore could not have been torture, and 2. Anything the President of the United States wants to do is automatically legal. Well, that pretty much covers it. Catchy!

*PSP glittering hooves award to the student who stated this point so bluntly.

Yet Another Victim of Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Face Succumbs to Fate

Bank of America's Ken Lewis joins TARP recipient financial institution leaders before they testify before House Financial Services Committee on Capitol Hill in Washington, February 11, 2009. REUTERS/Larry Downing

Forget Swine Hispanic Flue™! The real disease to watch out for is Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Syndrome. It seems to be 100% fatal, although there are reports that Eliot Spitzer is fighting for recovery.

Hmm, Republicans Need a New Leader. I Know, Let's Get Dick Cheney!

(Reuters, Larry Downing, 03/02/06)

Hilarious, hilarious, hilarious at National Review:

Strange as it may seem, the best GOP spokesman right now appears to be former Vice President Dick Cheney. He has taken the Obama administration to task over its declassification of CIA torture memos. He says Team Obama has made America less safe. He’s right. Perhaps he can rally the party?

Great idea! Who needs Arlen "Totally Liberal" motherfucking Specter, anyway? Yes. Go with Cheney.

UPDATE: Another GOP "rebranding" effort stars fresh faces McCain and Jeb Bush!

Anglo-Saxon Attitudes

People enjoy Glenn Beck! Lots of 'em! I can only watch about 30 seconds before his twitching and exaggerated facial and vocal modulations get the better of me and make me run away.

I think Lewis Carroll, in Through the Looking-Glass, describes him the best:

I see somebody now!' she exclaimed at last. 'But he's coming very slowly—and what curious attitudes he goes into!' (For the messenger kept skipping up and down, and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great hands spread out like fans on each side.)

'Not at all,' said the King. 'He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger—and those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when he's happy. His name is Haigha.' (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with 'mayor.')

'I love my love with an H,' Alice couldn't help beginning, 'because he is Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is Hideous. I fed him with—with—with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and he lives—'

'He lives on the Hill,' the King remarked simply, without the least idea that he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a town beginning with H. 'The other Messenger's called Hatta. I must have TWO, you know—to come and go. One to come, and one to go.'

'I beg your pardon?' said Alice.

'It isn't respectable to beg,' said the King.

'I only meant that I didn't understand,' said Alice. 'Why one to come and one to go?'

'Didn't I tell you?' the King repeated impatiently. 'I must have Two—to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.'

At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was far too much out of breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about, and make the most fearful faces at the poor King.

'This young lady loves you with an H,' the King said, introducing Alice in the hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself—but it was no use—the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more extraordinary every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.

'You alarm me!' said the King. 'I feel faint—Give me a ham sandwich!'

The Honeymoon Never Started

President Barack Obama walks in a light drizzle on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington, Wednesday, April 29, 2009, as he returns from a trip to Missouri. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Oh, hey, here's Byron York in the Examiner:

On his 100th day in office, Barack Obama enjoys high job approval ratings, no matter what poll you consult. But if a new survey by the New York Times is accurate, the president and some of his policies are significantly less popular with white Americans than with black Americans, and his sky-high ratings among African-Americans make some of his positions appear a bit more popular overall than they actually are.

OK, do me a favor and re-read that last part. It seems to me that Mr. York is saying that sure Obama's popular, but popular with black people so it doesn't count as much. No? Yes? Because that is what he's saying, right?

EDIT: Hah, Matthew Yglesias reads it the same way.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Swiss Miss II

Click for 1200x803

Quickie: This is Your Mind On Twitter

Fun! Columbia Journalism Review notes that you can make any headline suddenly fashionable and timely simply by adding "On Twitter" to it. Let's try it with today's Washington Post:

• Specter Leaves GOP, Shifting Senate Balance On Twitter
• A Tense Beginning For Obama's Agenda On Twitter
• Experts Study Flu's Variations On Twitter
• Little Boy at the Center of Storm On Twitter
• Nonprofits Depart United Way On Twitter
• Specter's Earthquake On Twitter
• U.S. Is a Reluctant Shareholder On Twitter
• Council Reworks Fenty's Budget On Twitter
• Capitals Finish Off the Rangers On Twitter
• Tracking Flu Fever On Twitter

It works! Lo, I have seen the future of journalism.

Richard Cohen is Conflicted: Not Torturing Makes Us Less Safe, but Also Makes Us Less Like Nazis

Uh, oh, Richard is writing about torture again! He repeats his assertion that "of course it works," but laments that it makes us bad people. But we're less safe without it, therefore we should be more like Nazis. But Nazis are BAD, so maybe not. Oh, it's all so totally confusing!

Calgon™, take Richard Cohen away!

And elsewhere in the Land of the Columnists is a peculiar chimera indeed, Ross Douthat's debut column for the NY Times, an amusing rant about Dick Cheney. To call it provocative is an understatement, as Douthat seems intent on pissing off the Sarah Palin/Fox Nation Republicans, and it will cause much foaming of the mouth. Fun! Much better than Kristol.

Please Stand By...

UPDATE: Outrage Opens Today, Bound to Disappoint

You may recall that I recently divulged, via Secret Pony Pal, that the movie Outrage opens tonight at the Tribeca Film Festival, and that it contains a "substantiated outing" that will make everybody all giddy.

Well, hang on.

It sounds like it's just going to be the same old stories about the usual suspects:

The current governor of a major U.S. southern state, the campaign manager of a U.S. president, a senior West Coast congressman, a former mayor of New York City, and others are among those outed in Kirby Dick’s “Outrage,” a provocative new documentary debuting tomorrow night at the Tribeca Film Festival. Unseen in its finished form until yesterday, the film is likely to cause waves in political and media circles as word gets out about its subject matter.

OK, so let's translate: that means Charlie Crist, Ken Mehlman, David Dreier, and Ed Koch. This is all old gossip, so unless the film has major new info about these people, this is just the same old rumors. Apparently the info on Crist is hazy at best, just as it has always been. Mostly, I guess, this will cause discomfort to Mehlman, but he's a nobody these days, so who cares?

EDIT: LA Times confirms the above names, plus Shep Smith. ZZZZZ.

On the plus side, I believe the flick also features interviews with Pony Pal™ David, so that's totally fun.

But anyway, it's funny because Crist just married a female, but I wouldn't get your hopes up too high about the film. We'll see.

UPDATE YOU WILL LOVE: Jeff Gannon didn't make it into the movie. "He's on the cutting room floor," says the director.

Yes, Condi Approved Waterboarding, but Don't Worry, She'll Never Get in Trouble for It

Image via Supertouch (?)

Condi's been strangely untouched by the whole torture scandal thingy. Oh, look, here's an article about how she encouraged its use when she was national security adviser. But it's OK, because nobody will seriously take her to task for it, and then she'll come out with her delightful book about her parents, go on Oprah, go on the Today Show, get profiled by Ladies Home Journal, and nobody will ever really ask her any serious questions about torture, the end.

Fun Quiz: Is It Real or Is It Imagined?

Ready for a puzzle? See if you can guess which of the following comments from Fox Nation's story on Janet Napolitano are too outrageous to be real:

• The whole Obama administration needs to be lined up in front of the Statue of Liberty, and face the firing squad .......OR send them to Gitmo for life and throw away the key!
• She will get us all killed.
• Good, I'm glad she insulted those Canadian Douche Bags, they hated Bush and love Obama, this is exactly what they deserve. Ha Ha, Canadians - osama hates you too.
• Obama has a real problem with hiring those gangster types like Janet Mussolini Napolitano.
• She need to be fired.

Give up? The answer, ha ha, is that it was a trick question! They're all real! They're all real comments on Fox Nation, the site which makes Free Republic seem reasonable and moderate. And there are more than 500 comments just like those, all equally... interesting, to say the least. Wow.

But, you know, as of this post, I think it's officially too easy to go there and get retarded comments. It's too comical.

Just Passing Through

Click for a little bigger

Whoah, a melancholy surprise and a freaky coincidence. I was Googling an old friend from San Diego, Dan Zero, a fellow painter, and came across an auction on eBay of a lot of modern furniture and art, including a painting by Dan and also one by... me. I don't know if the person selling this stuff is the person who originally bought it from me or not, but I have fond memories of her and I remember that it was an enormous help when she purchased that painting. I was really poor at the time. All the stuff in the auction looks like what she collected.

It's a reverse painting on an antique windowpane, and one of my favorites. I made it in 1993 or so. It's weird to see it again. It actually made me a little wistful. I hope it survives. I hope whoever buys it likes it and doesn't throw it in the trash because it just comes with a bunch of furniture they want.

The auction ends May 1!

Fun Fact: this isn't the only collection featuring works by both me and Dan Zero. See another one here.

New Character: Meet Lyuba™, the Frozen Siberian Baby Mammoth Intelligent Design Proponent

Wacky Right Wingers Want to Force Michael Steele to Call Democrats Socialists. This is Sure to End Well for the Republican Party.

Oh, dear, this one's really got Mikey in a dilly of a pickle: crazy state GOP heads a trying to force him to literally pronounce Democrats to be Socialists, like, engraved on a plaque or something:

Mr. Bopp, a constitutional law lawyer and hero to conservatives for arguing a Supreme Court challenge to the McCain-Feingold campaign finance law, said he had presented Mr. Steele with a petition bearing the signatures of RNC members from 16 states - the number needed under RNC rules to convene an extraordinary meeting of the full committee next month.

Mr. Steele has twice rejected requests by Mr. Bopp, who leads two conservative caucuses within the RNC, to call the special meeting.

The petition calls for open debate at the extraordinary meeting on three conservative resolutions that for the first time directly involve the RNC in policy and ideology.

"In just a few months, the goal of the Obama administration has become clear and obvious - to restructure American society along socialist ideals," Mr. Bopp said in summarizing the first resolution. The resolution's chief sponsor is Washington state RNC member Jeff Kent, and it calls on the Democrats to be "truthful and honest with the American people by renaming themselves the Democrat Socialist Party."

Haw, it seemed almost serious right up until the zinger at the end, didn't it? So, as you can see, the rivalry between the absolutely batshit crazy right wingers on one side of the GOP, and the pretend-moderates on the other side, is intensifying wonderfully.

Steve Bennen puts it best:

Putting aside the obvious fact that the president is not a socialist, and overlooking the evidence that these attacks haven't worked at all, what's striking is that these state Republican leaders seem to think the RNC hasn't been irresponsible enough in its rhetoric. As Oliver Willis noted, "It's worth pointing out -- again -- that this isn't some outside the party deal. This is the core of the party upset at their incompetent party chairman for not calling the President of the United States a socialist."

Bless this circular firing squad.

I Heart You, Chantal Biya

Chantal Biya, wife of Cameroon President Paul Biya, not seen, reacts as she waits for the plane carrying Pope Benedict XVI to take off, in Yaounde, Cameroon, Friday, March 20, 2009. Pope Benedict XVI departed for Angola Friday on the second leg of his first papal visit to Africa. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell)

I decided that Goddess Chantal is, after all, a benevolent deity. OK, she's faintly ludicrous, but everything I've read suggests she works hard for her pet causes and is sincere in her efforts. Plus, as the wife of a dictator, why shouldn't she be fabulous? And that is what she is: fabulous, if ever there were an appropriate occasion to use an overused word. Chantal has that extra bit of exuberance, almost reckless, but with all the confidence needed to pull it off. She IS fabulous!

"Is First Lady Chantal a 'saint of style'," wonders Misi Coker at Africanloft.com in a must-read post, "or is she just a fashion challenged, extravagant wife of an African dictator?" My response is this: can't she be all that and more?

Let's talk about the hat. OK, you thought Aretha Franklin won the Hat of the Year award? Not even close:

(AFP/Getty Images) March 17, 2009

THAT is what Chantal had concocted for her Papal greeting. It is beyond beyond, beautifully made and I love it. Here she is with Ratzo:

(AP Photo)

I don't like the Pope, but is there anything wrong with over-the-top fancy dress to meet the Pope? Of course not! Is there anything right with it? Well, if you ask me, the pictures speak for themselves.

Let's have a Chantal roundup:

• From Cameroon: "...her fashion sense has caused much debate amongst those who have come across it."
• LA Times ponders the celebulocity of the African first ladies' Hollywood visit, notes that Chantal looks like "a lioness." They also have a more serious article about it here.
• Women's International Perspective has a nice write-up on the conference.
• Here's the official government press release version from Cameroon that makes Chantal sound like Mother Teresa and doesn't mention sensational outfits or her posing for pictures with hotel heiress celebutards.
• The UK Daily Mail again uses fabulous Chantal as a foil for Sarah Brown's scandalous dowdiness, complete with comical word balloons added to wire photos.
• Perez Hilton declares Chantal FAB, and wonders what the hell [hotel heiress celebutard] was doing there.
• TMZ said Chantal looks like a drag queen. Is that supposed to be an insult? We love drag queens!

I say two sparkley hooves WAY UP for Goddess Chantal, benevolent dictator's glamorous wife, owner of the sensational hairdo, wearer of the daring couture, holder of the sacred quilted Chanel handbag. Um, YOU GO or something!

Quickie: Best Movie Review Ever

Paul Constant at The Stranger doesn't quite know what to make of Crank 2:

Jesus fucking Christ! They just cut that clean off! Where did he just stick that shotgun? Wait, are those his testicles? Jesus! That's as close to horse porn as you're ever gonna get in an American action movie. Why is Chev Chelios whistling along with the soundtrack? What the fuck? What the fuck is going on? Every time anybody starts explaining anything, Chev Chelios starts to drop dead. Tits! Tits! Tits! Oh my God, oh my God, I think I just went blind for a second. No, wait—the screen went black. I don't even know what's going on. Gunfight! Never mind. This is clearly the most pure action movie ever. It's like if Michael Bay and John Waters had breakup sex and made a little ADD baby who hated humanity. Awesome! Awesome! Where are my wraparound mirrored sunglasses?

...I'm horny.

I usually don't approve of jokey movie reviews, but... OMGLOL.

American Idol Judge "Mystified" by Dream Date with Condi

US reports:

Former secretary of state Condoleezza Rice thinks Randy Jackson is top dawg!

When the classically trained pianist, 54, was in L.A. for her March 24 appearance on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno, she arranged to meet the American Idol judge, 52, for a private sit-down at the Beverly Wilshire hotel.

Rice's spokesman tells the new issue of Us Weekly: "She's a longtime admirer of Randy and enjoyed the opportunity to meet him in person and talk about their common passion for music."

When Jackson (who’s been married since 1995) learned Rice wanted to meet him, "he was sort of mystified," a source tells Us, "but he went."

And they had plenty to talk about during their 90-minute meeting.

Says an insider, "She found him to be absolutely intriguing."

Ha ha! Pony Pals know, though, that the real reason for the dinner with Jackson is that Condi is a weirdly-obsessive American Idol fan. Wow, I'm getting dizzy just trying the imagine the banality of their dinner conversation. Do you think Condi wants to do a guest thing on AI? How great would that be?

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Mission Accomplished

Click for 1200x900

I lamented the other day that I hadn't yet been able to photograph a bus with white stars on a blue background. So the Ugly Tour Bus gods took pity on me.

And another Pony Pal gets into the act: see a gorgeous tour bus photo here.

Here is Your New Goddess Yesterday in LA with [REDACTED]

First Lady of Cameroon Chantal Biya,left, and [CENSORED] arrive at the African First Ladies' Health Summit Gala on Tuesday April 21, 2009, in Beverly Hills, Calif. (AP Photo/Katy Winn)

I have always prided myself in only having ever mentioned the unmentionable blond heiress once on this blog, and I'm keeping it that way.

But as you can see, Goddess Chantal's hairdo is like a pulsating magnet to Los Angeles' glitterati. They're beguiled, of course, because you really don't see something like that every day. Here is her fabulous Chanel couture:

Praise her!

Significant Hairdo Goddess Walks Among Us

I mean... OMG, right?

Meet Chantal Biya, First Lady of Cameroon and your new goddess. She's in LA for some conference about health. I love the Daily Mail's take on the whole thing: they use it as an excuse to underscore Sarah Brown's dowdiness, which is totally mean, because who can compete with the astonishing Ms. Biya?

In fact, this is typical of a newspaper like the Daily Mail, to encounter a gathering of women, so LET'S TALK ABOUT THEIR CLOTHING AND HAIRDOS. They can hardly be bothered to write about the substance of the conference. Sure, I'm guilty of the same thing, but I'm Princess Sparkle Pony, for god's sake. It's my job to dive head-first into the shallow end of politics and to surface brain-damaged yet refreshed.* What's their excuse?

I'll poke around and see if I can find other Chantal Biyaproduct (feel free to help!) when time permits, because she is truly fabulous, almost beyond comprehension.

A swish of the combable tail to Pony Pal™ Ray for this amazing discovery!

*Possible new subtitle for the blog?

UPDATE: Whoah, kinda overwhelmed by the response! I'm a little busy at the moment, but I'll try to sift through all this wonderfulness later.

Washington Post Lets Bushie Defend Torture Because Why Not

Photo: thumbscrew, Science and Society Picture Library.

So who is Marc A. Thiessen, anyway? George W. Bush's chief White House speechwriter! So, obviously, this guy has everything to gain by defending his boss' administration. He's also a contributor to National Review, so you get a pretty good idea of where this guy is coming from. He is hardly a disinterested party.

Thiessen has been quite the defender of torture lately, telling everybody who will listen (Fox News, National Review, Wall Street Journal) that torture is effective, has kept us safe, and that Obama has now ruined everything by releasing the torture memos. His assertations have been constantly and easily disproven. He likes to claim that we got useful info from Khalid Sheik Mohammed via "enhanced interrogation techniques," for instance, but this is false; the information was obtained from him before those techniques were applied. Now, with the release of the memos, he likes to say that we're doomed because the terrorists will be able to gird themselves against the techniques described therein. This is absurd, of course, because there are no torture methods described in the memos which haven't been known for some time. Waterboarding? Who ever heard of this before last weekend? Other than everybody?

Basically, Thiessen is a hack and an apologist for torture and Bush. And not a very good one.

So why, one wonders, did the Washington Post allow him to repeat all of his already disproven notions on their editorial page today? Was Richard Cohen feeling lonely? Do they feel that they need to maintain a torture-is-good/torture-is-bad balance?

I am completely baffled.

NOTE: It's 6AM right now, so I have no idea how or if others are going to react to this editorial. There was a huge kerfuffle recently over George Will's misinformation in the Post about global warming, and this, in my opinion, is much worse. I'll be disappointed if there isn't an absolute shitstorm over this. UPDATE: No shitstorm. I'm terrible at predicting these things.

UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan, in a nifty little bit of rhetorical gymnastics, demonstrates that in arguing for the efficacy of the "enhanced interrogation techniques," he's also admitting that they amount to torture. Neat!

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging Featuring Bonus Pony Pal Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging

Click for 1200x900

I was discussing the ugly tour busses with a coworker today (I have a display of them in the NGA staff art case currently), and we talked about the concept of ambient visuals. Think of it as a corollary to ambient noise, by which I do not mean Brian Eno's Music for Airports, but all that sound which surrounds us constantly which we filter out unconsciously (traffic sound, various machine hums, etc.). Similarly, ugly tour busses in a city like Washington, DC are also an ambient factor: large, ugly objects which we see so often that we end up not "seeing" them at all. Another great example of an ambient visual is the green metal electrical transformer boxes (or whatever they are) that dot the urban landscape. Try this: in the course of one day, count each one you see; you will be amazed at how many of these "invisible" objects you pass. This is why "hiding in plain sight" is often a good tactic. Mark Pauline of Survival Research Laboratories knew as much when he did his billboard modifications: he wouldn't try to be sneaky and do them in the middle of the night, but would execute them in broad daylight, making himself "invisible" by simply donning a pair of workman's coveralls.

I digress! I love it when somebody says to me, "I never noticed the ugly busses before, but now I see them everywhere!" Mission accomplished.

So I loved this email from Pony Pal™ KTZachary:

Easter Sunday after leaving church (St. John's with the Obamas!) I saw two tour buses parked across H Street. One was actually a lovely shade of blue, and there was absolutely NO writing on it (other than the little federal ID by the door). The next surprise was to see that it came from Staten Island, NY, home to the worst architecture in the USA. I just knew I had to send a picture to you, for its curiosity value if nothing else.

And while I was at it, I took shots of the bus parked behind it. Par for the course bad.

Her excellent photos can be seen here. Thanks a bunch! Two glittery hooves extended skyward!

One quibble: par for the course bad? IT HAS STARS ON IT! I would have been all over that thing. I've been trying to get white stars on a blue background for ages, but the busses just aren't cooperating.

I'll get you, weird Chinese(?)-Canadian Safeway bus, and your little maple leaf, too!

Michael Steele Reveals What We Already Know

LOLZ from Michael Steele:

Steele also said that the GOP had "bottomed and we hope that's the case."

[...]

"But," Steele cautioned, "whether or not you've bottomed or not, you better have something to say to the American people."

Haw. I guess! It's true that you can't really be a good top until you've been a good bottom.

"Your Technique is Still a Little Rusty. Don't Worry, Though; Limbaugh's Ass is So Huge You Couldn't Possibly Miss."

Cricket legend Brian Lara shows President Obama how to properly swing a bat on April 19, 2009.White House Photo/Pete Souza

A Unique Ontology of Violence and Disaster

Photo: drained swimming pool, Barr Wood, Scotland.

I knew it was coming, but it is with a heavy heart that I must report that JG Ballard has died.

I would make some kind of tribute, but I've already been doing so for years:

• This gallery has a four-part adaptation of a "novel" which Ballard originally planned to publish on billboards.
• This is an unabridged adaptation of "Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan" from his greatest and most difficult novel, The Atrocity Exhibition.
• This is an adaptation of "You and Me and the Continuum", also unabridged, also from The Atrocity Exhibition.
• My ugly tour bus photos seem "Ballardian" in a way. Certainly these ones.
  

Photo: apartment building fire, Harbin, China.

I can only think of one or two other artists who have had such an influence on how I view the world, for better or for worse. I'm very sad he died.

Photo: abandoned rocket test platform, San Jose, California.

Hugo Chavez is the New Oprah

Who knew Hugo could be such a literary kingmaker? When does he get a talk show?

And, of course, I love all the Republican indignation over Obama... uh... shaking Chavez' hand and saying hello, as he did with every other person attending the Latin-American conference thingy. Clearly he was supposed to scowl, spit in his face and scream, "How dare you call Condoleezza Missy!" A smile and a handshake? OMG, so terrible! Some hilarious comments from that new parody site Fox Nation:

• Possible Chavez was right a month ago when he called Obama a poor ignoramous!!! A sad day for America, a President sucking up to a supporter of terrorists and has a visceral hatred of all we stand for.
• Obama shaking hands with Hugo is scarey.
• this photo sickens me
• We should not be rubbing up against a known ruthless communist dictator!
• This scares me because Obama is leading this country toward socialism and we all know what follows that "Communism"

OMG, Me Too, Me Too!

Alternative title for this post: Hypocritical Pony Posts Cindy McCain Twitter Only Days After Making Fun of Posting About Twitter.

But yes, Cindy, Goddess, is on the Twitter, so suddenly it's relevant to me. So I'm fickle, whatev. Oh, and she totally hearts the hairdressers. So there's that.

Plus, I don't get to use the "hairdo speculation" label very often these days.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Like Dirty Gelato

The advantage of clicking to see the 1200x900 version is that it will fill you with an overpowering urge to clean your monitor, which you probably need to do anyway.

Fashion Victim: Homotopy to George Will

Click for 1200x900. Photo: Lee Ewing

George Will's column this morning on the evils of denim was inspirational! Here's what I wore today as a tribute to the great man:

• Green wool sweater vest, vintage, no tag, unknown era.
• White cotton button-down shirt, Calvin Klein.
• Red patterned silk clip-on (YES!) bow tie, no label, late 50s/early 60s. Haven't you heard? Bow ties are the new thing (not really).
  
• Levi's 501 button-fly jeans, the most perfect article of clothing ever invented.
• Red leather "bowling" shoes, Prada.
• Nooka Zub Zot watch. EDIT: I really want to rave a little about Nooka. I believe their watches are some of the greatest American designs since the original iMac. I dare anybody to look at their site and not find something they want.
  

Eat your heart out, George. Also: what, you don't have handy seamless backdrops at your job?

George Will Puts Down Brandy Snifter, Pens Stern Condemnation of Populist Cotton Weave

Photo: random tourist desecrates Fred Astaire's memory.

Like Phil the groundhog on a decades-long cycle, George Will popped his head out of his hole, looked around, and noticed that all these people –young and old alike!– were wearing some kind of inelegant blue cotton fabric. He asked around and found that it was called "Denim." And then he decided to do something about it. So he wrote a column. About the blue jeans. And then we all took a hard look at ourselves. Ha, ha, just kidding about that last part.

It is astounding that this column was written in 2009 and not, say, 1959. Even in 1969 Will's diatribe would have sounded embarrassing and dated.*

But anyway, all the denim: it's really only appropriate for children and laborers, so stop wearing it, because it is a blight upon our land.

His prescription:

This is not complicated. For men, sartorial good taste can be reduced to one rule: If Fred Astaire would not have worn it, don't wear it. For women, substitute Grace Kelly.

Really? George?

Hey, you're not going to get me to disagree that most people dress like slobs, but there's something... something about this column that says something about conservatives and elitism, but I just can't put my finger on it.

So anyway, if you notice a lot more people than usual in top hats and white ties today, you'll know that George Will has Made a Difference™.

*My theory: the column actually was written in 1969 and rejected by Will's then editor. On deadline and unwilling to write about teabagging, he simply brushed it off, updated the cultural references ("Ed Norton" became "Jerry Seinfeld," "Skeeball" became "video games," etc.), and was good to go.

EDIT: I decided that today is Levi's 'n' bow tie day in honor of George Will.

OK, This is All Really Just a Brilliant Dada Satire, Right?

A father and son dressed in patriotic costumes join in a "tea party" demonstration in Lafayette Park across from the White House in Washington, DC. Coast-to-coast demonstrations against US President Barack Obama's big-spending economic stimulus package are promised for the day that is also the deadline for filing federal income tax returns. (AFP/Karen Bleier)

So completely and utterly nonsensical, and such a tangled weave of disconnected metaphors and half-grasped concepts! I mean... honestly... I'm totally impressed. Hats off to the radical performance artists who pulled off this ingenious nationwide hoax, because there's no way these people are serious.

UPDATE: OK, so I'm looking at this picture again this morning (Thursday), and I'm still all totally WTF? Look around at other photos of these moronic "protests," and you'll see a lot of signs that don't really make sense, but at least you can kinda tell what these people think they're saying. But the above? Total and complete non-sequitur.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: More Droplets

Click both for larger versions

Devolution is Real

Photo by Jeff Malet/maletphoto.com

I think the above is instantly one of my favorite photographs ever. See it full-size for maximum WOW and lots more frightening teabag imagery at Talking Points Memo's excellent gallery.

Most astounding to me is the apparent meaninglessness of so many of the signs. Such a weird protest! Higher taxes stole my trip to Disney. Indeed.

UPDATE: I went back through the photos, and photos on other sites, and I haven't found a single instance of a non-white teabagger.

OMGLOL Teabag Funnies

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Now with Water Droplets

Click for 1200x900