What You Need To Know About Chris Christie's Lips, Face

(I promise this won't be at the top of the page for long.)

Haw, see what I did there in the title? Anyway, just how bad is the traffic jam* scandal for Chris Christie? Forget all that other speculation! Let's apply the real, scientific approach, using what we've come to know to be the only true, valid parameter of scandal.

I have been poring over every news photo site I can think of for days now, and I can confirm that Chris Christie has been making plenty of frowny faces lately, and one ever-so-slightly sucked-in lips face, but he has not made the dreaded Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Face™. So it's bad, sure, but it's survivable.

Stay tuned! It could still happen! Be alert!

*I will NOT call it Bridgegate. Shame on you all! Tsk. [FROWNY PONY FACE]

UPDATE: Love, love, love the "mistakes were clearly made" passive phrasing! Truly a classic.

The Return Of The Revenge Of Beneath The Valley Of Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face, Canadian Edition

The new Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face grand champion, Toronto's Rob Ford:

(All photos AP)

Who will be next in the sorrowful Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face parade?

Double Loss For Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face

Two of the most noteworthy exponents of Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face (see above) lost.... whatever it was they were running for with their frowny, sucked-in lips faces. This is a... tragedy? It is for Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face aficionados.

A public service reminder: NEVER make Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face. Just ask Charlie Crist and this guy. Oh, or this guy.

Crist Makes Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face, is Therefore Doomed

Gov. Charlie Crist, center, answers questions from the media regarding the budget, Monday, April 27, 2009, in Tallahassee, Fla.(AP Photo/Phil Coale)

Wow, see what happens when you decide to go through the Crist archives? All sorts of fun stuff!

I'm not sure why he's making the dreaded Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face™. Maybe he just saw a screening of Outrage? Maybe he's trying to fight the urge to grope the hot, mustachioed reporter?

All I know is that Frowny Sucked-In Lips Face is politically fatal in 100% of recorded cases. Will Charlie buck the trend?

Wow, that race in Florida is going to be the best.

Yet Another Victim of Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Face Succumbs to Fate

Bank of America's Ken Lewis joins TARP recipient financial institution leaders before they testify before House Financial Services Committee on Capitol Hill in Washington, February 11, 2009. REUTERS/Larry Downing

Forget Swine Hispanic Flue™! The real disease to watch out for is Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Syndrome. It seems to be 100% fatal, although there are reports that Eliot Spitzer is fighting for recovery.

Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Face Claims Another Victim

Senator Judd Gregg (R-NH) pauses as he announces he is withdrawing as President Barack Obama's Commerce Secretary nominee at a news conference at the U.S. Capitol in Washington, February 12, 2009. (Jonathan Ernst/Reuters)

That face again! What, exactly, does it mean? It seems to always be associated with guilt, embarrassment, acknowledgment of stupidity, etc.

Still, though, nobody will ever beat Eliot Spitzer at Frowny, Sucked-In Lips Face.