One of These Things is Not Like the Others

Happy Trent, Unhappy Trent

I was intrigued to hear Trent Lott's astute pooh-poohing of that li'l civil war thingee in Iraq (via Think Progress):

“It’s hard for Americans, all of us, including me, to understand what’s wrong with these people,” he said. “Why do they kill people of other religions because of religion? Why do they hate the Israeli’s and despise their right to exist? Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.“

And, well, before we get all swept up in "I cain't tell 'em apart" fever, let us consider that perhaps Mr. Lott might have trouble telling all kinds of things apart.

Well, it's true, and may I present to you other things Trent Lott has trouble telling apart:

Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie


Novelty Salt and Pepper Shakers


The "Mud People"


Jews


Pumpkin Pie and Sweet Potato Pie


Illegal Immigrants

Back to the Classics

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) meets with Nepal's Deputy Prime Minister K.P. Oli at the State Department in Washington, September 28, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

I'm glad Team Condi has abandoned their experimental approach to photo-ops and has returned to the classic: the venerable matching armchairs. For new visitors to this blog, this is a perfect opportunity to introduce you to the matching armchairs phenomenon by displaying a pristine example containing all the elements in perfect proportional symmetry: a patterned rug, two matching armchairs, two flags, a centrally located, small and tasteful table which harbors a tasteful, understated flower arrangement and, in the background, a fireplace. It's like a zen poem, don't you think? It's so simple, really. Why can't they get it right in other countries? Well, folks, that's Condi's job, after all!

Oh, and I'm assuming Condi talked about just loads of important things 'n' stuff with the Nepallish guy.

And, Lordy, speaking of who's in with the in crowd, baby, well, let's just say misery loves company:

President Bush sits with Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as they host a working dinner with Afghanistan's President Hamid Karzai and Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf at the White House, September 27, 2006. (Eric Draper/The White House/Handout/Reuters)

Can you feel the love? Love is all around!

Maryland Senatorial Puppy War Escalates

I finally saw the new anti-Michael Steele television spots presented by the Democratic Party of Maryland, and they did not disappoint. Mocking Steele for his declared fondness of puppies, the ads proclaim, "Michael Steele may like puppies, but he loooooves George Bush!" OH, SNAP!

And where does his opponent, Ben Cardin, stand on puppy-related matters? Let's check in with the Baltimore Sun:

"If Michael Steele insists on debating puppies, Ben Cardin will be there," said [Cardin campaign manager Ken] Morley, referring in jest to a Steele campaign ad. "With less than 50 days until the election, there is no time for a drawn out discussion process. Let's debate," Morley said.

Obviously this battle is only going to get uglier... and cuter!

Condibot Deployed in Awkward New Photo-Op Configuration

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) shakes hands with Kazakhstan's Foreign Minister Kasymzhomart Tokayev as part of the United Nations General Assembly, in New York September 25, 2006. REUTERS/Chip East (UNITED STATES)

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) shakes hands with Ukrainian Foreign Minister Borys Tarasyuk as part of the United Nations General Assembly, in New York September 25, 2006. REUTERS/Chip East (UNITED STATES)

Have the programmers of the Condibot gotten sensitive to their possible overreliance on the classic matching-armchairs-style photo-op? They tried out an interesting new pose today, as seen above, and I don't think it works very well, although it's not without its charms. I like, for instance, the slavishly perfect rows of water bottles, which reveals the shot at the bottom to be slightly earlier than the one up top, where the alignment has been spoiled by selfishly thirsty diplomats who know nothing of the beauty of symmetry, a necessary quality for an optimal Condishot. But the whole setup is just too much, and too mentally taxing for Condi, because it requires to her to lean forward, turn her head, shake hands and smile all in one moment. The Condibot just wasn't created for that kind of extensive multitasking. Please, just sit her in a chair, OK?

I'm officially calling this radical new photo-op configuration a flop. Why mess with the classics? Look, if Condi isn't in a set of matching armchairs, behind a podium, or at the foot of an airplane stairway, does she still make a sound?

Also: Ha, ha, ha! It's the Kazakhstan guy! Is good sexy fun with prostitute Secretary of State, yes?

Quickie: Have a Condi Morning

Get your week started the Condi way with oodles and oodles of video "outtakes" from La Rice's appearance on 60 Minutes yesterday here. Katie Couric asks all the stupid, shallow questions so you don't have to! Dating, shopping, and, yes, Condicising! Hooray!

...And Puppies Love Michael Steele, Too

The above image was sent in by Pony Pal™ Skurchak, who writes:

This might be too obvious, but someone has to do the obvious thing sometimes.

And truer words have never been spoken! Two sparkley hooves up, and happy Friday!

Catching Up With the Amazon Queen of Austria

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik addresses the 61st General Assembly of the United Nations at U.N. headquarters in New York September 21, 2006. REUTERS/Keith Bedford (UNITED STATES)

It's hard not to be disappointed by Ursula's lack of neckwear, but the linebacker-like Diplomatrix more than makes up for her scarflessness with a dazzling display of oversized, woodcut-style foliage on her... blouse? Dress? What is that? I love you, Ursula.

Also, you know how we have our Condibot, the ultra-advanced, nearly lifelike Condoleezza simulacra which sometimes stands in for the real thing? Well, did you know that the Netherlands totally ripped us off and have a Benbot? Or, rather, a Ben Bot:

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik (L) and her Dutch counterpart Ben Bot talk during a European Union foreign ministers meeting in Brussels September 15, 2006. The Ministers debated on Friday whether to engage with an emerging Palestinian national unity government after the United States said it opposed lifting an embargo on contacts and aid. REUTERS/Yves Herman (BELGIUM)

And, again, try not to get too sorrowful about Ursula's repeated neglect of her traditional scarfage. I have faith that as the weather gets colder and colder, the affable giantess will bust out all of her glorious powercravats.

Sweet Nothings

White House Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove (L) laughs as Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes whispers in his ear before U.S. President George W. Bush makes remarks on terrorism in the East Room of the White House in Washington, September 6, 2006. Bush acknowledged for the first time on Wednesday that some foreign terrorism suspects have been held by the CIA outside the United States. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

I'm terribly sorry to be so late with the above, but I've been a little lazy lately. Sometimes, though, you stumble across something so horrifying, so utterly wrong, that you just have to share it with everyone. And here's the view from the other side, thoughtfully provided by Reuters' Jason Reed:

You may start screaming now.

Puppy-Lover Steele Pretends Not to Notice Hardcore Racist Campaign Tactics

[PHOTO MISSING]

Lt. Gov. Michael Steele smiles as he watches primary election returns Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2006, in Greenbelt, Md. Steele won the Republican primary for U.S. Senate in Maryland. (AP Photo/Matt Houston)

Ah yes, who could have predicted this? While Steele is winking, adjusting his Prada suit and cuddling Boston Terriers in his ads, his minions are waging one of the most shameless, over-the-top, racialicious campaigns in recent memory. From this morning's Washington Post:

The push was evident in a Baltimore radio advertisement targeting African American listeners that was sponsored by the Washington-based National Black Republican Association. The ad identifies Martin Luther King Jr. as a Republican and pins the founding of the Ku Klux Klan on Democrats.

One woman says: "Democrats passed those black codes and Jim Crow laws. Democrats started the Ku Klux Klan."

"The Klan?" her friend replies. "White hoods and sheets?"

First woman: "Democrats fought all civil rights legislation from the 1860s to the 1960s. Democrats released those vicious dogs and fire hoses on blacks."

Second woman: "Seriously?"

The ad says that "Democrats want to keep us poor while voting ONLY Democrat" and, "Democrats have bamboozled blacks."

Nope, not shameless at all. And what does Steele think about all this?

Steele said he had not heard the 60-second spot but said he generally does not oppose Republican efforts to assert their "real place in history."

Uh... recent history or ancient history? Better go back to cuddling puppies, Michael.

Clarification: Michael Steele DOES NOT Hate Puppies

I saw what may be my favorite campaign spot EVER this morning. Gosh, all of us in DC are soooo lucky to see all the Maryland and Virginia ads!

Anyway, OK, so it's Maryland candidate for Senate Michael Steele, who still, curiously, fails to identify himself as a Republican in his TV commercials or on his web site. But it's OK, because he's come up with the most bizarre straw man argument I've ever heard! Steele faces the camera and tells us that we'll be hearing all the mean campaigning from the naysayers who hate him in DC, and that they'll be telling us that he "hates puppies." But... here's the kicker... he then smiles and assures us that he does, in fact, love puppies!

I swear I'm not making this up.

See it for yourself on YouTube!

Meanwhile, In the CD Cut-Out Bin...

We haven't heard from Pony Pal™ Krimpet in a while, but he's come roaring back with this delightful peek at the career Condi never had. I'm assuming this featured an updated version of "Hell is for Children".

Condi Endures Particularly Impoverished Matching Armchairs Photo-Op

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice , right, meets with Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni, left, at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York Monday, Sept. 18, 2006 REUTERS/Chip East

How much, I wonder, can be missing before you call the whole thing off? My guess is that a minimum of three elements must be available before the shot is cancelled, and here, indeed, we have the matching armchairs, the small, low table in-between, and the patterned carpet. But... well, a hotel lamp is a poor substitute for a fireplace and... what's that they've got in place of the floral arrangement? Is it a salad condiment tray? What the heck is going on here? I'm assuming that off camera on either side are some awful flag-substitutes, like maybe souvenir "flags of the world" sugar packets thrown on the floor or something.

Oh, Condi, you just can't catch a break from people from that part of the world, can you?

Quickie: Really Bad News for Bob Ney's Hairdo Means Great News for Us!

Something about Bob Ney heading to prison rang a bell for me, and then I remembered feeling a similar concern for Ney's fellow hairdo scofflaw from across the aisle, James Traficant:

...federal prisoners aren't allowed to wear toupees, so Traficant must give it up when he's sent to federal prison soon, according to Bureau of Prisons spokeswoman Traci Billingsley.

Oh dear. Maybe he can borrow one of Jack Abramoff's fedoras?

CNN Reports Miraculous Infant Powers

Oh, those dependable geniuses, the headline writers at CNN.com! I didn't watch the video, but apparently some huge baby was born with the incredible power of being able to tailor clothing for infants born 3/4 of a year earlier. This is amazing! Most newborns can't even hold a pair of scissors, much less operate them. Somebody call Anna Wintour ASAP!

Please also note that Anna Nicole Smith's hiring of Elvis' pathologist outranks the latest news from Iraq. Of course it does! It's CNN!

Ending the Week on a Pretty Note

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks at a news conference on the release of the State Department's 2006 Annual Report on Religious Freedom, in Washington September 15, 2006. REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst (UNITED STATES)

What a sweet way to end such a superfantastically busy Condiweek! We've seen her up, we've seen her down, we've pretended to see her falling in love. It was a great week for Condispotting!

Condi Contemplates Pulling a "Basic Instinct" at the White House

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice sits in the Oval Office at the White House in Washington September 14, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

Heck, she could do (and has done) a lot worse than picking Sharon Stone as a role model. Who do you think would run the fastest, Josh Bolten or Stephen Hadley? My money's on Bolten.

Photo-Op Roundup!

OMG, when I said "Condi's back!" I wasn't really prepared for the relentless barrage of posed photo-ops, dueling podiums and matching armchairs which followed. Let's catch up, OK? First up, France's Interior Minister:

France's Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy (L) meets with U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice at the State Department in Washington, September 12, 2006. REUTERS/Joshua Roberts

And, yes, that's immediately after Condi returned from her romantic getaway with Canadian Foreign Minister Peter MacKay, as documented on Tuesday. People, I think the fact that Condi didn't even change her outfit kinda puts the kibosh on the whole romantic speculation thing, don't you? (According to the NY Times and Pony Pal™ Lulu, all of Canada is positively atwitter about all this.) But anyway, don't you love the pose with the French guy? It's like they're saying, "You're stupid! No, you're stupid!" Silly diplomats! You're both right!

Next up is the President of South Korea:

South Korean President Roh Moo-hyun, right, greets Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a meeting at the Blair House, Wednesday, Sept. 13, 2006, in Washington. Roh is in Washington Wednesday for meetings and sightseeing and is scheduled to meet with President Bush Thursday. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Ah yes, meetings and sightseeing. And here he is with one of Washington's most popular visitor attractions: Condi! But notice that this isn't Condi's plush palace at the State Department, but some dump called the Blair House, so they've had to make up for the lack of a fireplace, standard to the matching armchairs photo-op, with a selection of lovely bowls! Works for me.

Next on La Rice's dance card was the Polish Prime Minister, and he was kinda given the bum's rush, and was merely allowed to stand near the matching armchairs, not in them:

Polish Prime Minister Jaroslaw Kacynski, left, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice deliver a brief statement, Wednesday, Sept. 13, 2006, at the State Department Washington. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

Not much to say about this encounter. Cute li'l munchkin, isn't he? But get out of the way, Short-stuff, because Condi's got a date with some podiums:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, center, walks in before the start of her press conference with Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni at the State Department, Wednesday, Sept. 13, 2006, in Washington. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

And who was her dueling podium date? Why, it's her Iraeli counterpart, the excitingly-named Tzipi Livni:

Clearly, Condi madly loves this woman, and that's even more proof that her fling with Peter MacKay was all a sham.

Whew! That's a lotta Condoleezza! And that doesn't even include today's photo-ops! Will Condi end the week with a bang, or is she all worn out and used up by this time? Stay tuned!

She's Not Condi; She Just Plays Her on TV

I heard that ABC did this boring miniseries on 9/11, and just all the bloggers piled on and, I guess, they were critical. *Yawn* And, you know, nothing makes me ignore a topic quite like John Aravosis writing, like, 50 posts about it, right?

But then I realized that fictional 9/11 docudrama = fictional Condi! Oh boy! Who got the honor, for lack of a better word, of portraying our heroine? Well, meet Penny Johnson Jerald, seen fabulously above, and not only does she portray Dr. Rice, but she's done it before! Clearly Ms. Jerald has become the go-to gal for Hollywood Condipersonations. Does she look that much like Dr. Ferragamo? Oh my, yes, but it's like somebody's taken La Rice and passed her through a magical pretty machine:

Uncanny, isn't it? You may also have enjoyed Ms. Jerald's recurring role as the wicked Sherry Palmer on 24, a part which probably resembles Condi more closely than the one she played in ABC's Beneath the Valley of 9/11, or whatever it's called. Here, in fact, is Ms. Jerald coming really, really close to admitting as much in an interview with BBC:

Is there anyone in particular that your performance is based on?

No, but there are definitely people that others believe she is based on and that she's similar to. Honestly she comes from deep inside me.

A lot of people believe she was Lady Macbeth. I believe she isn't, because there's a point at which she would stop. She has been faced with points of no return, but still she's managed to get herself out of it. I think she has the intellect and the background of Hillary Clinton and the possibilities of becoming President like Hillary Clinton. I would like to believe she was closer to that except she keeps doing these horrible things.

Seriously, just swap out "Hillary Clinton" for "Condoleezza Rice" and that's as good a description of the latter as you're bound to find anywhere. Could you do any better? But what does Ms. Jerald think about playing the Secretary of State? Oh, I'm so glad you asked, because I had to go to a Star Trek fan site to find out:

Penny Johnson Jerald: A lot of people ask me about playing Condoleezza Rice, because I'm actually playing her again. They ask political questions which I don't really have answers to because I am of a different politics than Condoleezza. But I find myself madly in love with her just from playing her.

Trek Nation: Did you get feedback from her or anyone connected with her?

Penny Johnson Jerald: Absolutely -- the last movie I just finished, which will be out in May, playing Condi, the former senator from New Jersey came up and kept staring at me and he said, 'Condi is not going to believe this. I keep looking at you and pinching myself to make sure it's not her up here with us.' We decided to take a picture in the White House on the set together, and he said, 'When I show this to the president, he's going to say, 'Our secret is out!' I took that to mean, Condi's running the country!

Yikes, I hope not! But there you have it: busy actress makes good modeling herself after Condoleezza Rice. I can't help but think, though, that things would be a lot better if Condi modeled herself after the affable Penny Johnson Jerald instead. For one thing, her fashion sense would be a lot more exciting, as the awesome Pucci gown shown up top proves. Plus, Ms. Jerald is positively fierce, and to prove it, here she is rocking horizontal stripes with impunity:

Wow, just imagine the heart attack Dick Cheney would have if Condi showed up at the Kennedy Center sporting that! Better yet, can we please just replace Condi with Penny? She's obviously a way better actress.

More Madcap Fun with Condi... Well, as Madcap as Canada Can Get, Anyway!

Condi Rice shows appreciation for Canada's support on 9-11 by buying Foreign Affairs Minister Peter MacKay coffee and the donut of his choosing.

Thanks to Pony Pal™ David, who also supplied the superb caption above, I headed over to the Toronto Star and almost exploded with happiness to find this slideshow, thrillingly titled Condi's Canadian Adventure. I mean, seriously, could they have come up with a more superfantastic title? Have I been ghostwriting for them in my sleep? And because Foreign Minister Peter MacKay is such an urban sophisticate, he took Princess Secretary to Tim Horton's Coffee Shop, which I have been assured is, like, totally Canada's Starbuck's*, something unlike anything Condi's ever experienced, I'm sure. What could be more fun? I mean, seriously... what could be more fun?

Oh, and I'm assuming that she also talked to Mr. MacKay about all those ultra-important issues upon which we work so closely with Canada. Totally.

*So weird, because all this time I thought that Starbuck's was Canada's Starbuck's! Are you guys sure it isn't Canada's Dunkin' Donuts?

UPDATE: Yes, yes, this encounter has resulted in a cavalcade of speculation. Um... whenever Condi appears with a single guy, this happens... even when, like Jack Straw or George Bush, they're married.

Condi Meets Studly Doright in Halifax

A Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer (R) salutes as US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice arrives at the Halifax International Airport for a two-day visit, September 11, 2006. Rice arrived in Nova Scotia to thank the Canadian people for their help in welcoming passengers on diverted flights during the September 11 attacks. REUTERS/Paul Darrow (CANADA)

Aw, isn't that the nicest thing? They sent Condi to the most boring part of Canada to celebrate 9-11 Day! This has become kinda a pattern: something happening in Lebanon? Send her to Malaysia! Nasty business in Iran? Let's go to Nova Scotia! We should be thankful, I suppose, that she's strategically deployed far, far away from any important action. That's our travelling fashion-platelomat!

Good job, Condi, the Mounties couldn't have done it without you! Oh yeah, she also met with that Harper guy, who I guess is the King of Canada or something.

Condi 'n' Cheney Execute Coordinated Cross-Network Lie-a-Thon

In this photo provided by CBS, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice appears on CBS's 'Face the Nation' in Washington, Sunday, Sept. 10, 2006. (AP Photo/CBS Face the Nation, Karin Cooper)

Ah yes, Dr. Ferragamo and Tricky Dick covered all the bases this morning, and each was a busy, busy television star, much to our delight and amazement! And just look at that beautiful shot up top! That's the real Condi, not the celebrated Condibot! The Condibot, after all, is not capable of such complex furrowing.

Anyway, Condi took Face the Nation and Fox News Sunday while Cheney had oodles of fun on Meet the Press, and wouldn't you know it? They both said exactly the same things! Neato! It turns out that despite all conventional logic, and in the face of every single shred of evidence, that Saddam Hussein and Al Queda were thick as thieves! Here's Condi's spirited defense of her administration's fantasyland version of the truth, via Think Progress:

Rice tried to pin the blame on then CIA Director George Tenet, saying he said, “there were ties going on between Al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein’s regime going back for a decade.” But in July, Tenet told the Senate Intelligence Committee that “the White House pressured him and that he agreed to back up the administration’s case for war despite his own agents’ doubts about the intelligence it was based on.”

Rice also tried to dismiss the Senate report as being after-the fact, stating, “Now, are we learning more now that we have access to people like Saddam Hussein’s intelligence services? Of course.” But as Wallace pointed out, a Defense Intelligence Agency report from Feb. 2002 — before the U.S. invasion — also concluded that Iraq and Al Qaeda had no relationship: “Iraq is unlikely to have provided bin Laden any useful CB, that’s chemical or biological, knowledge or assistance.” Rice said she did not remember seeing that report.

Well, sure, if Condi hasn't seen the report, it can't possibly be true, right? How about Dick?

This morning on Meet the Press, Cheney repeatedly cited Zarqawi as the link between pre-war Iraq and al-Qaeda. When Tim Russert mentioned the Senate Intelligence Committee report, Cheney said he “hadn’t seen it.”

Well, that settles it! The brightest minds in America totally agree, and so do Condi and Dick!

Ursula Plassnik Celebrates the Return of Scarf Weather

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik addresses the media upon her arrival at the EU Foreign Ministers meeting in Lappeenranta, Finland, Friday Sept. 1, 2006. European Union foreign ministers meet in Finland to discuss the latest developments in the standoff with Iran over its nuclear program. The two-day meeting will also explore ideas for reviving peace efforts between Israel and the Palestinians now that action is being taken to secure the cease-fire between Israel and Hezbollah militants in Lebanon. (AP Photo/Yves logghe)

I know, I know... the picture is a week old, but better late than never, right? Anyway, I think the Austrian Diplogiant was itchin' for colder weather to get back into her scarf habit, so northwards she went! See how worshipfully the reporters are gazing up, up, up at her? Is it any wonder? Take a look at that magnificently quilted white jacket! Sure, they might be the Finns, but is there any doubt who the real Snow Queen is in this picture?

Note: Confused? The most pertinent Sparkle Pony Ursula Plassnik coverage can be accessed by clicking on the July '06 archives on the right.

Squeeeeeeeeeee!!!

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, seen here on 07 September 2006, will mark the fifth anniversary of the September 11, 2001 attacks in Halifax, Canada, the State Department said.(AFP/File/Mandel Ngan)

What's that sound? It's the noise Condi's invisible pal makes when she nearly crushes the life out of it. Careful, Dr. Ferragamo! Spherical comfort objects don't grow on trees! Wait, maybe they do...

Quickie: Is This an Ad for Credit Cards or Condoms?

I know I don't usually post this kinda thing, but the above unaltered ad really stopped me in my tracks at Yahoo today. Talk about mixed messages! Oooohhhh... layers of security! Hott!

Condi's Really Back!

Serbian President Boris Tadic (L) and US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice exchange documents after signing the Status of Forces Agreement on military cooperation in the Treaty Room of the State Department in Washington, DC.(AFP)

I know this blog has been sloooooowwww lately, but it's all Condi's fault, I swear. I can't even remember the last time we had a proper matching armchairs photo-op, and that makes me sad. But look! Here she is, perky and ready to roll! And she's doing one of our favorite things: exchanging meaningless documents with the president of an inconsequential nation! I mean... Serbia? Didn't they, like, start World War 1 or something? That's the Condi we live for, isn't it? OMG, thank goodness.

Also, can I say I caught a cold on my way back from fake camping? Back to work tomorrow, though! Um, if any coworkers are reading this: runny nose, sneezing, coughing, sleeping all day, the works. Seriously, you really didn't want me around the last two days. I'll do my best not to get any on you tomorrow.

Locals Only: Official Sparkle Pony DC Mayoral Endorsement

Click for bigger! All blogs have my permission to use the above image.

I took the above shot several weeks ago at the Newseum construction site on Pennsylvania, and I've been pondering its possible meanings ever since. I felt the sign with its sticker leftover from Pride '06 was trying to tell me something. Was it saying that Cropp's many gay supporters shouldn't cross the road (vote for Fenty, in other words), or was it saying that Cropp's gay supporters were unwelcome?

Believe it or not, I do take some things seriously, and I'm officially siding with the latter interpretation. I've crossed the road and I'm going with Fenty. Don't think for a minute that I don't have reservations, because Fenty is pretty much an unknown quantity, and I'm taking a leap of faith in the man. Don't let me down, Adrian! The glittery hooves can kick hard!

Let's review:

Vincent Orange: Like the naval on an actual, citrusy orange, Vincent closely resembles an asshole. Enough said.

Somebody Who I Can't Remember: The other male. Wait, what's his name? Um, sorry.

Marie Johns: She was a Verizon executive, so it seems clear that she'll be more of the same as the Williams administration: all big business and too bad for everybody else. Basically, she's a Linda Cropp clone with no track record. Also, she has greatly annoyed me with a relentless barrage of email spam and phone calls. She even called me personally early in her run. Marie, I'm sure you're a nice person, but I just don't think you've got what it takes to lead this city.

Linda Cropp: She doesn't believe in open government, wants to keep all city business closed to the public, and, like Marie Johns, she's all about big business, real estate and photo-ops at the expense of all else. She deserves a healthy share of the blame for the state of DC's public schools, a dubious distinction shared by none of the other candidates. People in my crowd like to point to her good record on kissing the gay community's ass, but you know what? They all have to do that. People outside DC may not understand that the gay voting bloc is second only to the African American bloc in this city, an urban dynamic unique to the District. They all have to kiss our asses and all of them have... except for Vincent Orange, and as already discussed, Orange is, in fact, an asshole. I'm not even going to discuss Cropp's exceptionally nasty anti-Fenty mud-slinging activities of recent weeks. Yes, I got all the mailers. Sorry, Linda, too much, too late, too desperate.

Adrian Fenty: His overriding quality is that he is none of the above. He has made real noise about DC's notorious "closed-shop" approach to government business. He got Berry's endorsement today!* He's more peculiar than people seem to be willing to talk about, and I'm liking him as a wild card. Seriously, there's something really weird about Fenty; it's the elephant in the room nobody's mentioning. Wheee!

*Oh, um, also the Washington Post.

Finally, thanks to the anonymous genius at the Pride celebration for his/her inspired statement shown at the top of this post. You really did help!

So there you have it, written all in a rush and totally where my head stands at the moment. Comments?

Gruesome Twosome

Vice President Dick Cheney, left, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, stand in the Oval Office during a meeting between President Bush and the Emir of Kuwait Sheikh Sabah Al-Ahmad Al-Jaber Al-Sabah on Tuesday, Sept. 5, 2006 in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

I like to think that most Pony Pals™ know, by this time, how to spot the Condibot, the Secretary of State's hi-tech stand-in for boring events. See the dead look in its eyes? Anyway, right after this shot was taken, Cheney reached over, unzipped the Condibot with one swift motion and inserted a CD. All present then enjoyed a rousing concert of showtunes belted out by the megatalented robot. Yay!

Uncle Saddam's Cabin?

US President George W. Bush (C), First Lady Laura Bush (L) and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice make their way across the South Lawn on return to the White House in Washington, DC. A political campaign forecast to result in across-the-board political losses for US President George W. Bush's Republican Party officially gets under way, with polls showing voter fatigue with the war in Iraq and a yearning for change.(AFP/Mandel Ngan)

OK, so it's obvious that the Bush Administration is having some sort of contest to see who can come up with the most offensive statement to make anti-war folks look bad. It's been neck-and-neck between Rummy and Cheney for a few weeks now, so I didn't even think that Condi was going to enter this high-stakes contest. Not only was I wrong, but an article in today's Daily News shows that not only is she participating, but she's ready to get in there with the heavy-hitters and clear the field with the most outrageous, offensive statement yet! Check it out:

Secretary of State Rice compared the Iraq war with the American Civil War, telling a magazine that slavery might have lasted longer in this country if the North had decided to end the fight early.

"I'm sure there are people who thought it was a mistake to fight the Civil War to its end and to insist that the emancipation of slaves would hold," Rice said in the new issue of Essence magazine.

"I know there were people who said, 'Why don't we get out of this now, take a peace with the South, but leave the South with slaves?'" Rice said.

Wow! I don't think even Cheney is going to be able to outdo that statement for pure gall and shamelessness. Neato, Condi!

Condi: Old 'n' Busted. Angela Merkel: New Hotness

Oh, what a travesty! According to Forbes, our beloved Princesslomat is no longer the most powerful lifelike robot woman in the world.

Of course, I always thought it was ludicrous that Madame Doctor Secretary was ever considered to be anything other than Bush's prettiest handpuppet. But... Merkel?

Why does Forbes hate America?

EDIT: Wow! Hello, visitors from Crooks and Liars! My goodness, but there are a lot of you. Awwww! *pinches cheeks*

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted

Quick note: I'm going on a real, live vacation! I'm leaving today for the wilds of Western Eastern Pennsylvania, and there I'll be fake camping until Tuesday. Wheee!

So no blogging for the next few days. My promise to you, though: photos of Rick Santorum re-election signs. If I can find any.

UPDATE: Fake camping is fun! And... I couldn't find any.