Ursula Loses the Scarf, Drenches Self in Lavender to Compensate

Serbia's President Boris Tadic (R) welcomes Austria's Foreign Minister and President of the EU Council Ursula Plassnik before their meeting in Belgrade June 30, 2006. REUTERS/Marko Djurica (SERBIA)

Doesn't it totally look like the Serbian guy is going all, "OMG, you're TALL!" But I like the look here... maybe Ursula reads the Pink Pony and decided to give the chunky scarves a rest? And I love the coordinated earrings/jacket combo. But let's face it, Ursula just isn't a fashion maven, and that's great! Great for us!

I've got my glittery little eye on you, Princess Plassnik, and I like what I'm seeing. Plus, apparently we're not the only people driven mad with passion by the towering goddess:

European Union Foreign Policy Chief Javier Solana (R) speaks to Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik after the G8 Foreign Minister Summit in Moscow June 29, 2006. REUTERS/Sergei Karpukhin (RUSSIA)

UPDATE (2007): Damn, damn, damn! I lost the pictures. Sorry, Ursula fans!

Condi Embarrassed to be Seen with Ursula Plassnik

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, head to a news conference during G8 foreign ministers meeting in Moscow, Thursday, June 29, 2006. President Vladimir Putin met with G8 foreign minister who were gathering in Moscow before a July 15-17 summit of G8 leaders. (AP Photo/Misha Japaridze)

Just kidding! She's protecting the hairdo, people, OK? But seriously, what is up with Plassnik's scarf fetish? Does the woman not know about Hermes? In other news, what does it look like when two people really, really want to eat each other? It looks like this:

Russian Defense Minister Sergei Ivanov, left, and U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speak during their meeting in Moscow, Thursday, June 29, 2006. Condoleezza Rice arrived in Moscow to take part in G8 foreign ministers meeting held before a July 15-17 summit of G8 leaders. (AP Photo)

UPDATE: Yes, It's the Ty-D-Bol Memorial Fountain

I'm pleased to say that both the Washington Post's Free Ride blog and DCist heard my anguished cry about the suddenly unstylish Navy Memorial Fountain. DCist, bless their heart, actually did some of that reporting stuff all the kids are talking about and received confirmation from the Navy Memorial that, indeed, it's blue-tinted cleaning fluid meant to flush out all the built-up algae. But here's the scary part:

But wait, there's more good news! According to the Memorial spokesperson, the new blue water has gotten such "a great response" that they're thinking about continuing to add that sparkling Ty-D-Bol™ for a while longer. Even though the fountains are now clean, its waters will run blue at least through July 4, if not longer.

Um... no, OK? Please, just... no.

Condi Hits Russia, but Who Cares?

Foreign ministers of the G8 countries and EU Commissioners, from left, front, Japanese Foreign Minister Taro Aso, Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, EU foreign policy chief Javier Solana, British Foreign Minister Margaret Beckett, Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov, Italian Foreign Minister Massimo d'Alema, French Foreign Minister Philippe Douste-Blazy, Canadian Foreign Minister Peter MacKay, German Foreign Minister Frank-Walter Steinmeier and EU Foreign Policy Commissioner Benita Ferrero-Waldner pose for a group photo prior to the session in Moscow, Thursday, June 29, 2006. Ministers gathered here for talks expected to focus on the Iranian nuclear standoff as well as the situation in Iraq, where the killing of four Russian Embassy staff members has added tension between Russia and the West. (AP Photo/ Alexander Nemenov, Pool )

...because look who's in the upper left: Austria's towering stilt-walker of diplomacy, Ursula Plassnik, with her biggest scarf EVER! OMG, how much do I love that woman?

Dream Date with Hamid Karzai

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) speaks with Afghan President Hamid Karzai in Kabul June 28, 2006. REUTERS/Ahmad Masood (AFGHANISTAN)

It's always fun for Doctor Ferragamo to visit her Unocal buddy, dreamy Hamid, he of the effortless blazer-thrown-over-pajamas fashion statement. But what's this? You call this a matching armchairs photo op? Sure it's more doctrinaire than Pakistan's miserable showing yesterday, but OMG this is just too austere for me. Plus, Hamid, don't think you can just throw your hat onto the table and call it a flower arrangement:

They also had one of those dueling-podium pressers, and I always think it's a little surreal, a little Magritte, if you know what I mean, when they have these things outside:

And then there's Condi. Sometimes we forget about her (just kidding!). She was just saying over and over, like a mantra, about how, OMG, we'll beat the Taliban and I'm all like, hello? Didn't we do that already? Mission not accomplished? Uh, oh.

I think things will be more exciting when Condi hits Russia, the land of the veronicas of all her obsessions. I can't wait! Stay tuned!

Photoblogging: What Up with the Navy Memorial Fountain?

Click for bigger!

Seriously, the big fountain at the Navy Memorial is now filled with blue water as you can see in the above photo I shot just this morning. Is it intentional? A prank? One thing is for sure, it now resembles the Ty-D-Bol™ Memorial more than anything. Honey, listen, next time you want to get creative with the fountain, use colored lights and Liberace, OK?

WTF, ew:

Click for bigger, grosser.

Conjecture: is it cleaning fluid to flush-out the fountain? Is it, in fact, the Ty-D-Bol™ Memorial? UPDATE: Yes it is! See here for the update.

Armchairs Awry

Pakistan President Pervez Musharraf (R) meets with U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in Islamabad June 27, 2006. Rice pressed Pakistan to work better with Afghanistan to fight resurgent Taliban forces on a trip to the region on Tuesday. EDITORIAL USE ONLY REUTERS/Press Information Department/Handout (PAKISTAN)

Whoah, like, this is editorial use, right?

Anyway, I've written before about how all bets are off when Condi traipses to foreign lands where matching armchairs belong to different metaphorical hierarchies. The above shot shows just how different a photo-op can be, and I can't say I like it. Please note that Pakistan understands the set-up: two matching armchairs with a low table between, and a small, tasteful flower arrangement in the center. But then, alas, President Musharraf got greedy and decided to keep the matching armchairs all to himself, humiliatingly relegating Condi to a tacky sofa off to the side. Also, hello? Where's Condi's flag? Is there any indignity the American Flag musn't endure these days? TSK! And finally, I'm not totally sure if the small, tasteful flower arrangement is really that or an appetiser platter. Clarity, people, clarity!

HOWEVER, Princess Doctor is pretty in pink, don't you agree? And that's what really counts.

UPDATE: I now realize that Condi 'n' Pervez (LOL) really are seated in matching armchairs, as is proper. Note that the empty chair behind the table doesn't match the other two and is actually an errant, extraneous chair which totally throws off the axis of the shot. Oh, for shame! That's why I didn't catch it; who, after all, could possibly make such an elementary blunder with such a simple set-up? Oh for shame, Pakistan, for shame. And let's not let the pseudononymous photographer off the hook either, because she totally should have snapped her fingers and drolly intoned, "Darlings, lose the background clutter. There's a love."

Condistan: NO to Head Coverings, YES to Pantsuits

An unidentified U.S. security official escorts U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, (L) to her car upon their arrival at a military base in Rawalpindi June 27, 2006. Rice arrived in Islamabad on Tuesday on a mission to make Pakistan and Afghanistan stop their bickering and work better together to fight resurgent Taliban forces. REUTERS/Mian Khursheed (PAKISTAN)

She's going to have so much fun! Because, you know, I'm sure this won't be a tightly-controlled visit today. I bet she'll have all kinds of unscheduled fun, don't you?

Quickie: Just How Wet is It?

It's so soaking wet in DC that a coworker yesterday found a frog hopping through one of our galleries. A frog happily bouncing around in the National Gallery of Art! That's wet.

Travel Advisory

OMG, it's really exciting: Condi's going on a dream vacation to Pakistan 'n' Russia! And she arrives in Pakistan today! What mad escapades await? Will there be any head-coverings involved? I don't know! I just don't know! OMG stay tuned!

Uncle Splatty Drops By

It's always fun when Pony Pal Senior Fellow™ Uncle Splatty comes around to share his take on the Pink Pony. Above (click for bigger!) he reveals the eye-rollin' Italian Foreign Minister's early Hollywood career. Who knew? And below, strangely, our operative came across one of the more uncomfortable scenes in Al Qaeda's upper ranks:

Splatty explains:

I think Zowie may have been having second thoughts about Zarqie long
before the U.S. military cleaned his clock.

Indeed!

Metablogging: What if I Worked for Al Jazeerah?

Sometimes I see a picture like this one used by CNN to illustrate their story about the Al Qaeda leader guy mourning his lost Iraqi pal:

... and I think, I can push that picture just where it obviously wants to go:

Hmmm... I probably wouldn't last too long there.

Agape Press Thoughtfully Provides Today's Most Amusing Headline

More Proof that Yes, I Would Devote a Blog to Ursula Plassnik if I were Austrian

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) listens to Austrian Foreign Minister and President of the EU Council Ursula Plassnik (R) after signing an agreement for the Renewal of the Cooperation Programme in the field of High School and Professional Education during the annual U.S. - European Union summit in Vienna June 21, 2006. REUTERS/Leonhard Foeger (AUSTRIA)

OMG, LOVE HER! Condi got to meet up with her regal Amazonian/Austrian counterpart once again, and as before Ms. Plassnik shows her peculiar tendency to drape large colorful objects around her trunk-like neck. Truly this gigantic shemale was created to be a queen, and had she been born centuries earlier, her enemies would have fled wild-eyed in terror and those who lived would have told the hideous tales of the enormous snow-beast who had terrorized them. Here's some more pictures, just because Ursula RULES:

Below, please enjoy the affable giantess's doomed attempt to appear normal-sized to fit into the photo with her tiny colleagues:

Irresistible Episcopal Force Meets Unmovable Anglican Object

Delegates listen to the debate as the Episcopal General Convention tried to decide Tuesday, June 20, 2006 in Columbus, Ohio whether they should bar gays from serving as bishops for now. Delegates are considering a moratorium to appease fellow Anglicans angry about the 2003 consecration of the first openly gay Episcopal bishop, V. Gene Robinson of New Hampshire. (AP Photo/Kiichiro Sato)

OMG, it's Schadenfreude City as American Christianity's big hairdresser problem comes home to roost and craps all over the tracts lining its tarnished cage. Yow! Metaphorolicious!

But as the headline suggests, you've got the irresistible force of increasing acceptance of interior decorators and television makeover stars... you know, everywhere... meeting the unmovable object of certain Christians who just can't can't can't stop obsessing over how much they hate them. Forget the soccer tournament thingy, if that's still going on (is that still going on?), because this is without a doubt my favorite spectator sport at the moment. Which side will win? Who cares! As long as they're unhappy, I'm happy. When resurrection cultists collide, everybody wins!

Busy as a Beaver -- A Beaver in Prada Slingbacks

Kosovo President Fatmir Sejdiu, left, and the Kosovo Prime Minister Agim Ceku, right, meets with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice , center, Monday, June 19, 2006, at the State Department in Washington. AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

OMG, were you having Condi withdrawls? I sure was, but today was a bustling Condiday bursting with activity and superimportant meetings and pressers and, oh, just oodles and oodles of cuddles 'n' frisky shenanigans for everyone! And she wore a shiny, pretty purple suit! But right off the bat we've got a problem, seen above, because La Rice isn't accustomed to meeting with two heads-o-state at once so there goes the classic matching armchairs set-up out the window. Look, you can see it peeking out coyly from behind them! I mean, what was the State Department going to do? Put the guys in the chairs and plop Condi on the flower arrangement? Only in our dirtiest, most glitter-addled dreams, my dear Pony Pals™. I would also like to know why Kosovo needs both a President and a Prime Minister. Like, WTF? Hungry for titles much? Plus OMG they're totally dressed twinsy-style.

So anyway, then it was time for an exciting dueling-podiums double-header. First up, some guy from Spain:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) and Spain's Foreign Minister Miguel Angel listen to a question during a joint news conference at the State Department in Washington June 19, 2006. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas

And, hooray! Yuri Gripas! He always catches Condi and her pals at their warmest. Errr, but that guy doesn't look like very much fun, does he? I don't think he likes Condi very much, do you? Oh well, it doesn't matter because next, YAY, we have a girl playmate for Condi:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) speaks as Poland's Foreign Minister Anna Fotyga listens during their joint news conference at the Benjamin Franklin room of the State Department in Washington June 19, 2006. REUTERS/Yuri Gripas (UNITED STATES)

I think she looks pretty nice, I guess, but can you say dueling helmets? Can we talk about Condi's hair for a second? I mean, that's just kinda congealing on her head; hardening, like she's growing a carapace or something. OMG, ew, I'm totally freaking myself out.

But Dr. Secretary's day didn't start off on such a fun skip-around-and-say-hi foot because she had to say goodbye to one of her pals, unwanted moderate Deputy Robert Zoellick:

Deputy Secretary of State Robert Zoellick (R) announcing his resignation during a news conference with US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) at the US State Department in Washington, DC.(AFP/Karen Bleier)

Our gal knows how to drop-kick a guy out of the room with style, doesn't she? Good riddance! Sure there's always room for combovers in the State Department, but more to the right, please.

And on a final note, imagine what it means when a man like Robert Zoellick is called a moderate.

Why is the Italian Foreign Minister Rolling His Eyes?

Italian Foreign Minister Massimo D'Alema listens to interpreted remarks by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, not shown, during their joint news conference at the State Department in Washington, Friday, June 16, 2006. D'Alema is the first high-ranking member of Premier Romano Prodi's new center-left government to visit Washington following the defeat of Silvio Berlusconi, who had forged an especially close relationship with President Bush. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

Oh, right, right! He's listening to the interpreter! The interpreter who is howevering somewhere around the elegant coffered ceilings of the State Department, I suppose. Because, you know, I'm totally sure he wasn't rolling his eyes at the pearls of wisdom and nuggets of golden diplomatic genius which spring, Athena-like, from Princess Doctor Secretary Ferragamo's lips. No, it couldn't be that.

General Punaro is Ready for His Close-Up

In addition to the Seersucker extravaganza below, Pony Pal Fritz also sent along the above photos, the result, apparently, of a tragic "makeover-mugging" suffered by the retired general on the way to his hearing. You know, those Republicans are totally right: DC is really way, WAY more dangerous than Iraq, because in Baghdad you never have to worry about the nefarious Mary Kay insurgency, waiting to leap out of the bushes and abduct innocent retired military personel, subjecting them to cruel cosmetic treatments before dumping them back, mortified, at the Rayburn Office Building.

Oh! The humanity!

Seersucker-Punched: The Opera

Yes, I was caught off-guard yesterday by Seersucker Thursday, that magic day when folks on The Hill wear outdated clothing to go along with their outdated approaches to legislation. I made a plea to undercover Pony Pal™ Fritz at CSPAN for more pics and boy oh boy did he come through! And not only that, but his captions were so poignant, so moving, almost like Bergman at a crocquet tournament, that I'm posting them here unaltered for your edification:

Surprising lack of seersucker apparel on Senate floor yesterday:

After the gavel and while gathering to vote things looked promising

but it soon became apparent that SOME people hadn’t gotten the memo –

Those in the know were NOT amused

The good doctor was asked his opinion on the matter

and Secretary Chao’s husband said the lack of seersucker denoted an alarming trend in American culture, and he would be no part of it

Senator Judd “Dread” Gregg concurred

One senator said he had worn seersucker before wearing plain blue

And they gaveled out with nothing concluded

It's all just so moving... so tragic. You're a peach, Fritz!

OMG, and I almost forgot! They were also talking about Iraq 'n' Katrina 'n' stuff.

Sucker

Sometimes I come across a picture, like the one above, which fills my glitter-addled head with so many potential punchlines that in the end I'm simply struck mute. Yes, that's Rick Santorum rocking a pink 'n' lavendar outfit so beguiling that...

Nope, I'm still speachless.

Flick 'o' the sparkley tail goes out to senatemajority.com for spotting this, via pageoneq.

UPDATE: Duh, it's not lavendar... it's Seersucker Day in Congress. But still, that tie....

Also, maybe a certain undercover Pony Pal™ at CSPAN will be able to share some other seersucker fashion pics from today? *wink wink*

Sparkle Pony Interactive!

Which would you enjoy more? An elegant sit-down dinner with Condoleezza Rice Bloodthirsty ticks applied directly to your eyeballs Scabies Awakening to find Charles Krauthammers' mutilated corpse in your bed Flying in a helicopter with Tony Snow Spontaneous finger loss Free polls from Pollhost.com

In honor of Esquire's recent dinner date poll starring Condi which was reported everywhere despite its meaninglessness. Make your voice heard! Let freedom ring!

EDIT: Oh, oops, typo. *sigh* That's "Charles Krauthammer's mutilated corpse", obv.

Maybe Now They'll Get Them

Screenshot sent in by Pony Pal™ Michael! Too bad Cher can't really turn back time.

Oh Yeah? Well Condi Doesn't Like Sitting Next to You Either, Rummy!

U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (R), Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (C) and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff U.S. Marine General Peter Pace after a briefing to Senators on Capitol Hill in Washington, June 13, 2006. REUTERS/Jim Young (UNITED STATES)

Sometimes it seems like Condi 'n' Rummy have a running contest to see who can be the most unphotogenic, and yesterday Donny won hands-down, as you can see above. I like to call that his "Oh-oh, my meds ran out" face, and we've seen it before.

In more up-to-date matters, Condi got to play ambassador today... ambassador to Jesus:

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks to the crowd during the 2006 annual meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention at the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, North Carolina, June 14, 2006. REUTERS/Sam Roberts (UNITED STATES)

Wow, both barrels, baby! Alternative caption: Secretary Rice exaggerates when asked to describe her more intimate moments with George.

Flak-Catchers

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, left, and White House Counselor Dan Barlett, ride in a military helicopter wearing helmets and flak jackets for a trip from Baghdad International Airport to U.S. Embassy in the Greenzone Tuesday, June 13, 2006 in Baghdad, Iraq. Snow and Bartlett traveled with President Bush who made a surprise visit to Baghdad. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

An anonymous Pony Pal™ suggested the above photo as picture-of-the-day, and I certainly agree! Hey, these guys are totally taking big-time risks, daring to show their downy, angel-soft faces in Baghdad. Now, usually I provide the official AP captions as-is to be, you know, totally objective 'n' stuff, but in this case I'd like to add two itsy-bitsy words to put the photo in a more proper context. So let's run it again with the Sparklemagic Wand™ passed over the caption:

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow, left, and White House Counselor Dan Barlett, ride in a military helicopter wearing helmets and flak jackets for a six-minute trip from Baghdad International Airport to U.S. Embassy in the Greenzone Tuesday, June 13, 2006 in Baghdad, Iraq. Snow and Bartlett traveled with President Bush who made a surprise visit to Baghdad. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

TV Party

Vice President Dick Cheney, right, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, watch a teleconference from Camp David, Md, Tuesday, June 13, 2006 as President Bush meets in Baghdad with Iraq's leaders during a secret trip. In a surprise visit cloaked in secrecy, Bush flew overnight to Baghdad to bolster support for Iraq's fledgling government and U.S. war policy at home. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

OMG, that is sooo adorable, Princess Ferragamo 'n' Tricky Dick watching the Big Game together. It's almost like Christmas. Do you think they had snacks? Did Laura bring them plates of nachos and soft drinks? That is officially the cutest thing I've seen all week.

George Has an Invisible Pal, Too!

And it's bigger than Condi's:

U.S. President George W. Bush speaks to the press following a meeting with the Interagency Team on Iraq at Camp David in Maryland, June 12, 2006. Also pictured with Bush is Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. REUTERS/Jason Reed

A lot bigger:

Shouldn't everybody have their own invisible, spherical object to cuddle 'n' hug when things don't turn out as you want them?

Also, WTF? She went to Camp David with George again? Honey, that isn't going to help with those affair rumors. But actually, if you think about it, Camp David is probably where they... what's that phrase all the myspace kids use?... hook up. Ew.

In other Condinews, Esquire readers decided she's totally the best dinner date EVER, but don't get too impressed because they stacked the deck by having only 14 choices, and Jay Leno won as best male dining companion, so, um... my goodness, what an honor!

UPDATE: Already this morning I've seen Channel 4 News' Condipal Barbara Harrison report the above poll without mentioning that the respondants only had 14 pre-selected names from which to choose, a little detail which, of course, renders the entire poll meaningless.

UPDATE 2: Upon further review, I've decided that George doesn't have an invisible friend, like Condi's, which he cuddles when he's nervous. I've decided that, in fact, he has an invisible concertina which he plays when he's nervous. The more you know!

Josh Bolten Photo Fun

Condi's only public appearance late last week was this not-at-all-staged photo-op on Friday:

Official White House photograph in the Oval Office shows US President George W. Bush (L) with US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) and White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten after receiving news of the death of Al-Qaeda chief in Iraq Abu Musab al-Zarqawi 7 June.(AFP/White House/Eric Draper)

I think I can improve this one:

Much better!