Condi Finally Dragged into Middle Eastern Shoe Art Renaissance

Turks set an effigy of U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on fire, with a shoe fixed to her head, as they shout slogans during protest against Israel's attacks against the Gaza Strip, in Istanbul, Turkey, Sunday, Dec. 28, 2008. Several thousands of protesters carrying Palestinian flags chanted anti-Israel and anti-U.S. slogans and called for an end of Israel's attacks against Gaza. (AP Photo/Ibrahim Usta)

I knew it was only a matter of time, but it doesn't make it any less thrilling!

And again the Middle Eastern Shoe Art Renaissance™ defies expectations. First we saw the homages to Oldenburg and Rauschenberg, then Jeff Koons, so naturally I thought the forward momentum through art history would continue. I envisioned perhaps a shoey Damien Hirst, either encrusted with diamonds or suspended in formaldehyde, or maybe a Chris Ofili tribute dotted with elephant dung. But no! They've gone back to the 1930s and found inspiration from an unlikely source: Elsa Schiaparelli's famous Shoe Hat, her wonderful collaboration with Salvador Dali (memorably referenced by Terry Gilliam in Brazil). And then, like another great modernist, Edward Steichen, they immediately grew disaffected with their creation and set it on fire.

I'm through trying to predict the future of this delightful art movement. Like the rest of you, all I can do is sit back and wait for whatever marvels lie ahead.

EDIT: Condi's praising the Bush legacy some more. A+! Two Ferragamos way up!

LOL Washington Post

Haw! That's a lot of amusing double entendres in one article teaser! Potent new tools, indeed! What better way to fight the... um... growing Taliban insurgency? Hott!

Caution: Children

The map above basically shows the deadliest states for children. Neat! It's from this morning's Washington Post Health section. The darker the blue, the deadlier the state is for tots.

Looking at it, I couldn't help but think that, you know, swap New Mexico and Texas, and that map looks awfully familiar. Where else have I seen color-coded state maps that look almost exactly like that recently?

It escapes me.

Condi's Biggest Regret Really Probably That She Doesn't Get to Keep Her Fabulous Presents

(AFP)

Check out what Condi won just for participating:

... Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice raked in at least $316,000 in gem-encrusted baubles from the kings of Jordan and Saudi Arabia alone, making her one of top recipients among U.S. officials of gifts from foreign heads of state and government and their aides in 2007.

In January, Jordan's King Abdullah II gave Rice an emerald and diamond necklace, ring, bracelet and earrings estimated to be worth $147,000, according to the State Department's annual inventory of such items released Monday just in time for Christmas.

The king and his wife, Queen Rania, also gave Rice a less expensive necklace and earrings along with a jewelry box valued at $4,630, the document shows.

Not to be outdone, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia presented Rice with a ruby and diamond necklace with matching earrings, bracelet and ring worth $165,000 in July. The inventory also includes a $170,000 flower petal motif necklace the Saudi monarch gave to Rice in 2005, which the department says was not previously disclosed.

Kaching! And how did her boss do? Not nearly as well:

From the same Arab leaders, Bush received just over $100,000 in gifts in 2007, the list shows.

Awww. I heard something about somebody trying to give him some ugly shoes recently, but he didn't accept them. Well, don't feel bad, because they don't get to keep any of it, anyway:

Unfortunately for the Bushes, Rice and other recipients, they won't be able to enjoy the gifts as they have been turned over to the General Services Administration and government archives in accordance with federal law, which bars officials from accepting personal presents in almost all circumstances.

Oh, that just totally sucks. Just like me, George 'n' Condi can't accept gifts valued at more than $50 (intrinsic value, I believe) from clients*, which means nothing you can't afford yourself. So it all goes to the GSA, otherwise known as the gift-vacuum.

Don't the Arabs know this? I mean, couldn't they have waited until February to shower Dr. Ferragamo with fabulous parting gifts? TSK.

*The best gifts we've ever gotten in my office? Chocolate. Always, always welcome. And we're not above soliciting it from particularly needy clients.

Here's Your Bush Shoe. Do Not Want

Ramazan Baydan, owner of the Baydan Shoes factory, poses in Istanbul with a newly produced copy of the shoe (dubbed "Bush Shoes") that was thrown at US president George Bush by an Iraqi journalist on December 14, 2008. The maker of the shoe has had to take on 100 extra staff to cope with a surge in demand for his footwear (AFP)

OK, so here is The Shoe. The Shoe is unusually ugly and unfashionable. The Shoe may be purchased, I suppose, as a keepsake, but do not let The Shoe anywhere near your feet. The Shoe is an eminently suitable projectile, but it is not acceptable footwear. You must resist thinking otherwise. Do not allow your mind to be clouded.

Condi's Late Entry in the "Understatement of the Year" Contest Probably the Winner

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, seen here giving an interview at the State Department in Washington, DC, said Monday that President George W. Bush's administration's popularity in the Arab world was "not very great" but that it will eventually gain their respect. (AFP/Saul Loeb)

Condi gave an interview to AFP today and provided us with this laff-getter:

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said Monday that President George W. Bush's administration's popularity in the Arab world was "not very great" but that it will eventually gain their respect.

Not. Very. Great. LOL. And why? Because they hate freedom:

"Perhaps it is not popular in the Middle East to say that it is time for the people of the Middle East to live in freedom, not in tyranny," Rice said in an interview with AFP.

Oh, Condi, you're so funny! Also, ha ha, she is soooo totally over that whole shoe thing:

The chief US diplomat was surprised when AFP, like other media outlets, continued to ask her about the wave of popular Arab support for the Iraqi journalist who threw his shoes at Bush during his recent visit to Baghdad.

"Do you really think in 10 years anybody will remember this incident?," Rice asked.

Well, actually, yes. Yes I do!

Forbidden Fruit

The above is a photograph of the label on the messenger bag slung over the back of the person in front of me on the escalator as I was exiting the Metro station at Columbia Heights on my way home from work this evening.**

Can you imagine finding that bag or, say, accidentally mugging* the person carrying it and then NOT opening it? OMG, I felt like I was just inches away from, like, totally the best blogging ever.

*Attention DOJ folks: strictly a fanciful jest!

**44-word sentence with no commas! This may be a PSP record.

Sabotage

Pakistani protesters hold up shoes and caracatures of U.S. President George W. Bush during a demonstration in support of Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi in Lahore, Pakistan, Sunday, Dec. 21, 2008. Dozens of protestors gathered to demand the release of Al-Zaidi, who threw his shoes at U.S. President George W. Bush during a news conference in Iraq on Sunday, Dec. 14. (AP Photo/K.M. Chaudary)

I speculated yesterday that the Middle Eastern shoe art renaissance could possibly lead to the rise of a Kuwaiti Jasper Johns or an Afghan Jim Dine. What I meant to say, of course, was that it would lead to a whole troop of Pakistani Jeff Koons (Koonses?). I regret the error.

Shoe-Inspired Mid-East Art Renaissance Continues

A Jordanian protestor holds up a picture of U.S. President George W. Bush with a shoe fixed on it, during a demonstration in support of Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al-Zeidi in Amman, Jordan, Saturday, Dec. 20, 2008. Dozens of protestors gathered to demand the release of Al-Zaidi, who threw his shoes at U.S. President George W. Bush during a news conference in Iraq on Sunday, Dec. 14. (AP Photo/Nader Daoud)

I pointed out yesterday that the popular shoe hurling incident had unexpectedly given birth to the Turkish Claes Oldenburg. Now, as you can see above, it has also had the happy payoff of a Jordanian Robert Rauschenberg. I can't wait for the Kuwaiti Jasper Johns and the Afghan Jim Dine. Good times!

Why I Don't Care About Rick Warren

U.S. President George W. Bush gestures in a conversation with Pastor Rick Warren during the Saddleback Civil Forum on Global Health during World AIDS day in Washington December 1, 2008. (Jason Reed/Reuters)

OH!!! He's intolerant! A Christian preacher! Who ever heard of such a thing?

To me, the real scandal is that, for some reason, it's still necessary to have representatives of an ancient, Middle-Eastern resurrection cult open and close the inauguration, period.

Christianity, like Islam, like Judaism, etc., etc., is a terrible leftover of our ignorant, pre-scientific past, the appendix of our brains. I don't see much difference between a "nice" preacher and a "bad" preacher; they're all responsible for keeping the destructive, counter-productive, dangerous and divisive lies alive.

So, you know, Rick Warren? Whatever.

Hugz!

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice gives a hug to Assistant Secretary, Bureau of Near Eastern Affairs C. David Welch at the announcement of his retirement from the State Department on Thursday, Dec. 18, 2008 at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/Lauren Victoria Burke)

Awwww! Well, Condi gets her physical intimacy when she can, poor thing.

But if there are plenty of cuddles 'n' hugs for the departing Mr. Welch, there are decidedly fewer for the departing Ms. Rice. She's been on the "Bush Legacy" tour, and not doing a terribly convincing job of it, maintaining that invading Iraq was a good idea, etc. I mean, nobody's really buying that, are they?

And if her reputation as secretary of state isn't too stellar, well, her legacy as national security adviser is even worse. A report just came out about that whole "pre-war intelligence" stuff, and Condi and her buddy Alberto don't come off too well. It's hard for me to understand this stuff, because it has nothing to do with shoes or hairdos, but I think it comes down to, like, Alberto saying Condi said the CIA said something was OK, and then Condi saying something else, and then the CIA saying Nuh-uh, and then everybody forgetting what lies they told when to whom and....

Um, you should probably have a better analyst than, you know, Princess Sparkle Pony explain all this to you, so I recommend going to Think Progress here and here to figure the whole thing out. Moral of the story: lying is superhard!

Death of Deep Throat Provides Me with an Excuse to Repost This Picture I Made of Him Done Up, for Some Reason, as a Stewardess

Bush Haters Worldwide Finally Have Their Unifying Symbol

A Turkish leftist holds a model of shoe as he marches to the U. S. embassy to protest against the invasion in Iraq and to express the solidarity with Iraqi journalist Muntadar al-Zeidi, in Ankara, Turkey, Thursday, Dec. 18, 2008. (AP Photo/Burhan Ozbilici)

So creative! Indeed, al-Zeidi performed a valuable public service by providing pretty much the entire world with a single, potent symbol of dislike for our dreadful outgoing president. Well done! Also from yesterday's demonstration in Turkey:

(AP Photo/Burhan Ozbilici)

And the offers are pouring in:

Also Friday, the head of a large West Bank family said it is willing to offer one of its eligible females as a bride for al-Zeidi. The leader, 75-year-old Ahmad Salim Judeh, said that the 500-member clan had raised $30,000 for al-Zeidi's legal defense.

Something tells me al-Zeidi isn't going to suffer much more, and then afterward... jackpot!

(Reuters)

He should be at least as celebrated as the guy who created the Obama logo. The shoe thing is really funny! I wonder if they know it could be a potent anti-Condi symbol as well? It's always all about the shoes, people, as I've been saying all along:

(Reuters)

This Year, Why Not Start a New Family Christmas Tradition by Burning Santa in Effigy?

Oh, the thrilling twists and turns of the internets! I was looking up info on Obama's new favorite preacher, Rick Warren, and found this amazing anti-Warren rant by Pastor Harry, a mentally ill Christian rapturist so extreme he makes James Dobson sound like Harvey Milk.

I digress! Anyway, Pastor Harry has the best thing ever on his site: long, lonnnng diatribes against the unholy Santa Claus, spinner of lies, denier of Jesus, bringer of Satan, etc., etc. Here's just a sample:

LYING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SANTA IS
A SERIOUS SIN THAT WILL KEEP YOU FROM
HEAVEN UNLESS YOU REPENT AND PRACTICE
THE TRUTH OF HIS GOSPEL.

PARTKING IN THE SANTA LIE WILL GUARANTEE
YOU A SEAT IN THE GREAT TRIBULATION WHEN
YOU ARE LEFT BEHIND IN THE FIRST RAPTURE.

IS SANTA WORTH LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER?

But how to cleanse your family of the evil Santa's pernicious influence? That's where the utterly fantastic Santa Be Gone™ Burnable Effigy Doll (seen above) comes in! What could possibly be more heart-warming:

SANTA BE GONE burnable effigy dolls use a specially designed "filler" (patent pending) that burns quickly and brilliantly without the need for dangerous accelerants such as lighter fluids.

IF OTHERS HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECORATE THEIR HOMES WITH LIT-UP SANTA DISPLAYS, THEN WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO PURCHASE AND (SAFELY) BURN A "SANTA BE GONE" DOLL AS PART OF OUR NEW CHRISTMAS TRADITION.

BEST TIME TO BURN YOUR SANTA BE GONE ritual effigy doll is Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Maybe you can buy two dolls one for the night and one for the day! MAKES A GREAT VCR GIFT!

OMG, I am so sold! It's so funny, because I honestly love the idea of burning Santa in effigy even though it's for completely different reasons than Pastor Harry's! And they're totally a bargain at only $95 plus $25 shipping and handling, which might seem steep, but they're hand-made (of cashmere, I wonder?) and, I mean, isn't it worth it to totally cleanse horrible Santa from your family's life? YES.

Quickie: Please Shed a Tear for Inconvenienced Rich Lady

Want to get really, really angry? Just read this insane piece, one which Gawker initially mistook for a parody, by Alexandra Penney at the Tina Brown thing. It's about how she's less filthy rich thanks to the Madoff scam and now she has to, maybe, sell one of her mansions to make ends meet. I know you guys and I am certain you will totally want to claw her eyes out. An example:

I’d need to lay off Yolanda. I could cancel the newspaper subscriptions and read everything online.

Oh! It's another Dark Age!

UPDATE: Gannon Gone

So sad! Unfortunately, the domain is not available (I tried, natch. God, how great would that have been?). So I have to ask again: where's Jeff?

Sarah Palin eBay Fire Sale Remnants Roundup

We haven't heard anything for days from the Alaskan nincompoop, and that makes me (kinda) sad. Craving some Sarah, I headed to eBay to see what kind of steeply-discounted stuff I could buy, fondle, etc. I should probably pick up the above Garbage Palin Kids parody sticker to go with my voluminous GPK collection, but, oh, there's so much more!

Bobbleheads! Several to choose from, some at rock-bottom prices. I think I like the armed one the best:

Are you a sports fan? Never mind that a Sarah Palin autographed baseball makes no sense whatsoever, you clearly need this:

Here's amusing proof that Sarah would pretty much sign anything thrust in her general direction, an autographed copy of the infamous mustachioed Newsweek cover:

Of course, not all Sarah Palin merchandise looks to the past:

Wow, that hat is totally Helveticalicious! And just like Palin herself, it's 100% polyester.

But anyway, there's no shortage of Palin stuff for sale. Still! And most of it is super-cheap, so I think you should consider putting together entire SP gift baskets for your loved ones this holiday season. Just picture the confused looks on their faces!

My favorite, though (besides the poignantly mistaken "we can do it" Rosie the Riveter merchandise) is the music CD by the Singing Roofer:

He explains:

seems like the Hollywood folks don't care much for our girl Sarah well folks let me tell ya she has given me new hope four our system a good breath of fresh air last election I voted for Martha Stewart as a protest vote no joke and three times washington state counted it and three times they wouldnot regester it why have sign in blanks?? this copy of your own SINGing Roofer will be signed by Don recorded in the old wooldshead Maybelle museum some fast country type songs and a couple of Don's new Christmas songs and some 50 's rock type songs and a couple of Gospel tunes

Sounds good to me! Happy shopping!

Blago Pretty Much as Obsessed with His Hair as We Thought

The NY Times has a funny article today about how Rod Blagojevich is basically crazy. The best part is, of course, about his hair:

[...] Mr. Blagojevich, 52, rarely turns up for work at his official state office in Chicago, former employees say, is unapologetically late to almost everything, and can treat employees with disdain, cursing and erupting in fury for failings as mundane as neglecting to have at hand at all times his preferred black Paul Mitchell hairbrush. He calls the brush “the football,” an allusion to the “nuclear football,” or the bomb codes never to be out of reach of a president.

And his staff tried –they tried!– to enact some hairdo moderation:

Behind the scenes, though, members of Mr. Blagojevich’s staff saw a different man: one who was deeply concerned about his appearance (particularly his signature black hair, which he ignored suggestions to change) and who usually worked from his home or his North Side campaign office and could often be seen, mid- or late-morning, making a six-mile run trailed by his security team.

And this is why all those hair jokes over the last week are totally justified.

Biden Fires First Adorable Salvo in the Executive Branch Puppy Battle

This undated photo provided by breeder Linda Brown shows Vice President-elect Joe Biden of Delaware holding his newly purchased German Shepherd puppy, which remains name-less so far, at Brown's home in East Coventry Township in Chester County, Pa. President-elect Barack Obama has still to fulfill his election promise to his daughters and select a puppy who will live with them at the White House. (AP Photo/Brown Family)

I grew up with German shepherds, so I love the idea of one galumphing and waggling around the VP palace. Such wonderful dogs. Well done, Joe! The Boss is going to have a tough time out-cuting that. This is a war everybody wins!

Shoes in the News

In this image from APTN video, a man, centre throws a shoe at US President George W. Bush, background left, during a news conference with Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, Sunday, Dec. 14, 2008, in Baghdad, Iraq. On an Iraq trip shrouded in secrecy and marred by dissent, President George W. Bush on Sunday hailed progress in the war that defines his presidency and got a size-10 reminder of his unpopularity when a man hurled two shoes at him during a news conference. (AP Photo)

You can search the shoes, but the shoes themselves remain a formidable projectile. More images from the sequence:

Dana Perino got a black eye! Two sparkley hooves way up for the brave shoe hurler!

Sunday Morning Mind****

Ooooh, trippy: go stare at this psychedelic optical illusion thingy and find out what your apartment would look like underwater.

Terminex: The Best Photo of Blago

CHICAGO - DECEMBER 11: Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich leaves his home on December 11, 2008 in Chicago, Illinois. On December 9 Mr. Blagojevich was arrested for allegedly trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama for money and favors among other corruption charges. (Photo by Brian Kersey/Getty Images)

I know these have been shown elsewhere, but they're just too good to not archive here. This is a very lucky photographer, sure, but he took fantastic advantage of the moment and made it both funnier and more artistic by using a narrow depth of focus. I'm giving this one the Larry Downing Memorial Context is Everything Award for the year.

Here's the inferior (but still great) image which preceded the above:

It's fun to see how quickly Kersey had to work to make the decision to focus on the sign. Two sparkley hooves way up!

Don't You Just Want to Surprise Blago with a Puppy?

I've seen a lot of amusing "Blagojevich reminds me of..." posts around the interwebs, but Pony Pal™/Coworker Ira really nailed it when he glanced at his picture, recoiled in horror, and pronounced, "It's Bobby Goldsboro!"

And, indeed, it isn't pleasant, but it's true:

Go ahead, grow the mustache, Rod. And then, in a couple of months, you'll be able to croon and honey, I miss you and I'm bein' good, and I'd love to be with you if only I could and really mean it.

Quickie: CNN Takes a Ride on the Pink Pony

Hey, how about that! Just days after being obliquely referred to on NPR, CNN hops on the Pink Pony and takes it for a spin. Nice that they actually mention the name! I'll try to embed the video later, as my work computer seems to not want to do that. Anyway, it's about how Blago's hair is totally the worst hair in hairville.

EDIT: Top Hairdressers Baffled by Rod Blagojevich’s Mane. How could you possibly see that headline and not read the article?

Blago Makeover

What if Blagojevich Named His Own Hair as Obama's Senate Replacement?

Condi Farewell Tour Simply Exploding with Glamour

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice laughs next to Colombian Foreign Minister Jaime Bermudez Merizalde (L) and Honduras' Foreign Minister Angel Orellana at a foreign, and trade and commerce ministers from Latin American nations summit in Panama City December 10, 2008. REUTERS/Alberto Lowe (PANAMA)

Is Condi saving all the superlatives for last? Because that is THE ugliest pantsuit I've seen her in yet. I dislike the single-button coat, the blowzy pants, ew. That is just not a good outfit.

Here's the whole group shot, and it's the cutest thing because they all had to wave:

So good. I don't know who these people are, but I want them all to be the new Devo.

Condi's Anxious to Dismount the Pink Pony

Reuters, 01/23/08

From Condi's interview on NPR this morning:

Q: And you've said that we were not — we're not going to hear from you very much. I wonder if you're going to be ready for life out of the limelight, away from the blogs that follow your hairstyles and shoes.

A: I think I can live without that, thank you very much. No, I'm looking forward to going back to other things. I suspect I'll be plenty busy, but it'll be nice to have other opportunities. It's been a long eight years. I'm very gratified by what we've been able to achieve. I do believe that what George Shultz said is right — there is no greater honor than representing your country. It's the best job in government. But there are a lot of great jobs outside of government, including going back to the life of the mind and to the promotion of education for everyone.

Emphasis mine. Does anybody know what these people are talking about? Blogs that follow Condi's hairstyles and shoes? Who ever heard of such a thing?

Frightened by Sudden Media Coverage Decompression, the Palins Have an Open House

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, left, stands with her daughter Piper, and Todd Palin, the first gentleman feeding their son Trig as they greet people at the Governor's mansion in Juneau, Alaska during the Governor's open house Tuesday Dec. 9, 2008. (AP Photo/Al Grillo)

Awwww, little Piper looks cute, but I'm at a loss to explain the peculiar sack Sarah's thrown over herself. It certainly seems clear that the Palins didn't retain any members of their McCain campaign styling squad. I think that's kind of sad. Sarah certainly needs guidance! Pictures like this are a useful reminder of just how buffed and polished she was during those brief, magical months when she was a noteworthy political figure.

"Some days, politics makes me roll my eyes and say 'I don't know if politics are in my future'," Palin said yesterday. No, Sarah, no! You must forge on! Bill Kristol commands it!

Rod Blagojevich: Pretty Much My Favorite Courtroom Drawings EVER

In this courtroom artist's drawing Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, center, his Chief of Staff John Harris, left, and federal prosecutor Reid Schar, right, stand before U.S. Magistrate Judge Jan Nolan in Chicago, Tuesday, Dec. 9, 2008. Blagojevich and Harris were arrested Tuesday by the FBI in Chicago which alleged Blagojevich sought favors to influence his choice for President-elect Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat. (AP Photo/Verna Sadock)

There's so much to love here that I don't know where to begin. Is it a storyboard sketch for a lost Thunderbirds episode? I also like the hammy I'm contrite posture, and wonder if he was really that obvious in real life. I'm thinking, you know, probably yes. But most of all, of course, I love the dominance of Blagojevich's mighty hairdo. Let's look at it some more:

It's like the artist got dazzled by the enlarged coiffure, pulled into its vortex. I can't blame him! Me, too! Also, although the courtroom artist is not named, it's totally obviously Jack Chick.

Larry Craig: In the Eyes of the Court, Still a Choad-Gobbling Stall Monster

Poor Larry! His latest attempt to "appeal" his own voluntarily-given guilty plea has come to naught:

A court just ruled that Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, can't withdraw his guilty plea in the criminal case that derailed his political career.

Members of a state appeals court said this morning that Craig, who was arrested in 2007 during a sex sting at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, failed to convince them that the law was too broad or that the trial judge abused his discretion.

Here's the entire 10-page ruling.

The Associated Press says Craig can still appeal his case to the state's highest court.

Please keep appealing, Larry! You'll always be appealing to us!

Will This Be the Final George Bush Presidential Bald-Head-Rubbing?

U.S. President George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush gather with the children of military families as they attend a children's holiday reception in the East Room of the White House in Washington December 8, 2008. REUTERS/Jason Reed (UNITED STATES)

The Bushes did the most totally funnest thing today, surrounding themselves in a protective yet festive cloud of adorable children. Cute!

But eagle-eyed Bush watchers, take note! This is just the latest of many instances of George rubbing bald heads, a practice –a fetish, even– documented with painful thoroughness here. I can imagine him sitting there, seeing that tiny –yet perfectly-formed– cropped noggin, and thinking, This could be the last! This could be the last! Well, how could he resist? And why should he? He's the President of the United States!

A superb Holiday Gross-Out™, and my compliments to the director.

How to Make Morgan Freeman Uncomfortable

Kennedy Center 2008 Honoree Morgan Freeman, left, laughs with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice after the State Department Dinner for the Kennedy Center Honors gala Saturday, Dec. 6, 2008 at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/Kevin Wolf)

What, Kennedy Center Honors again? Already? Well, it was the last time for Condi to perform her favorite gig, and it looks like she's wearing about $10 zillion in Harry Winston emeralds and diamonds for the occasion, in addition to a special coneheaded updo and a truly fabulous gown. Looking good! Other honorees included the surviving 1/2 of The Who, George Jones, Barbra Streisand (!) and Twyla Tharp. And Condi made a funny joke based on one of Freeman's worst movies:

The awards were presented Saturday night at a State Department dinner hosted by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. She addressed each honoree, beginning with Freeman, who once played the president in the movie "Deep Impact."

"I know that when you played the African-American president of the United States, most people thought that would happen when a comet hit," Rice said, drawing laughs and cheers. "But wonder of wonders, fiction has become true."

Does anybody still think Condi voted for McCain?

Programming Note: This Week, the Part of the Golden Calf Will be Played by Three Sport Utility Vehicles

Bishop Charles Ellis prays for the future of the American auto industry during a special service called "A Hybrid Hope" at the Greater Grace Temple in Detroit, Michigan December 7, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

Seldom have I seen religion, commerce, and politics combined in such a peculiar way:

At one point, Ellis summoned up hundreds of auto workers and retirees in the congregation to come forward toward the vehicles on the altar to be anointed with oil.

Let that phrase sink in while enjoying the rest of the photos: anointed with oil.

Local car dealerships donated three hybrid SUVs to be displayed during the service, one from each of the Big Three. A Ford Escape, Chevy Tahoe from GM and a Chrysler Aspen were parked just in front of the choir and behind the pulpit.

Representing the 150,000 unionized workers at GM, Chrysler and Ford Motor Co, UAW Vice President General Holiefield said the industry had made its case for emergency funding as strongly as it could.

"We have done all we can do in this union, so I'm going to turn it over to the Lord," Holiefield told the congregation.

Brings a whole new meaning to the term "Voodoo Economics," doesn't it?

Introducing the Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System™

It's a little sad to introduce the Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System with the current state at the lowest, most disappointing level, but Papa Bear's elevation to Obama cabinet demigod kinda forced my hand.

This valuable public service (if I don't say so myself) will accompany, not replace, the Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System in the right-hand margin of the site. I have high hopes for the BRFHAS! Don't let us down, Papa Bear!

And if you really, really want to impress your friends and show them that, like Fox News reporters, you are determined to stay informed on the political topics which really matter, you'll want to head to the Richardson Alert Cafe Press shop to purchase BRFHAS t-shirts and coffee mugs. Because, you know, why not?

So, you know, to clarify: I will keep track of Bill Richardson's facial hair so you don't have to, and I will still do the same for Condi's hairdo.

Don't Get Too Close

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice holds a press conference Friday Dec. 5, 2008 in Copenhagen, Denmark. (AP Photo/Jens Dige, POLFOTO)

So, yeah, Condi's was in India for about two seconds, pretending to help with whatever it is they need help with over there. Everybody loves it when Dr. Ferragamo lends a hand! Remember a couple of weeks ago how she was "helping" with the financial crisis? And look how awesome that turned out! Onward to new triumphs, girl! Or, in this case, Denmark.

But you all know I love the photo because it's such a good example of a wire snapper getting bored and then deciding to be arty. I always totally heart that. Or maybe he's shy? It's hard to tell, but in this one he seems to be practically cowering behind the other photographers to get his picture:

That's the Danish PM, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, and the two of them did one of those classic "dueling podiums" pressers. Here's Condi expressing regret:

Well, thank you very much, Prime Minister, and let me first express the deep regret of the United States for the loss of life yesterday of the two Danish soldiers. I had an opportunity last night to say that the United States, of course, extends condolences to the families and to friends and to the Danish people.

No loss can ever be repaid. No life can ever be brought back. Yet we all know that nothing of value is ever won without sacrifice. And therefore, these people have not died in vain, but in the noble cause of trying to help the Afghan people to fight off terrorism, to build a decent life for themselves a democratic way, and in doing so, to strengthen the security for all of us. As you said, Afghanistan must never be allowed again to become a safe haven for terrorism. And that is the fight in which we are engaged.

Blah, blah, blah. Sound familiar? It's Condi's grief phrase: these people have not died in vain. Where have we heard that before?