Oh, the thrilling twists and turns of the internets! I was looking up info on Obama's new favorite preacher, Rick Warren, and found this amazing anti-Warren rant by Pastor Harry, a mentally ill Christian rapturist so extreme he makes James Dobson sound like Harvey Milk.
I digress! Anyway, Pastor Harry has the best thing ever on his site: long, lonnnng diatribes against the unholy Santa Claus, spinner of lies, denier of Jesus, bringer of Satan, etc., etc. Here's just a sample:
LYING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SANTA IS
A SERIOUS SIN THAT WILL KEEP YOU FROM
HEAVEN UNLESS YOU REPENT AND PRACTICE
THE TRUTH OF HIS GOSPEL.
PARTKING IN THE SANTA LIE WILL GUARANTEE
YOU A SEAT IN THE GREAT TRIBULATION WHEN
YOU ARE LEFT BEHIND IN THE FIRST RAPTURE.
IS SANTA WORTH LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER?
But how to cleanse your family of the evil Santa's pernicious influence? That's where the utterly fantastic Santa Be Gone™ Burnable Effigy Doll (seen above) comes in! What could possibly be more heart-warming:
SANTA BE GONE burnable effigy dolls use a specially designed "filler" (patent pending) that burns quickly and brilliantly without the need for dangerous accelerants such as lighter fluids.
IF OTHERS HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECORATE THEIR HOMES WITH LIT-UP SANTA DISPLAYS, THEN WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO PURCHASE AND (SAFELY) BURN A "SANTA BE GONE" DOLL AS PART OF OUR NEW CHRISTMAS TRADITION.
BEST TIME TO BURN YOUR SANTA BE GONE ritual effigy doll is Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Maybe you can buy two dolls one for the night and one for the day! MAKES A GREAT VCR GIFT!
OMG, I am so sold! It's so funny, because I honestly love the idea of burning Santa in effigy even though it's for completely different reasons than Pastor Harry's! And they're totally a bargain at only $95 plus $25 shipping and handling, which might seem steep, but they're hand-made (of cashmere, I wonder?) and, I mean, isn't it worth it to totally cleanse horrible Santa from your family's life? YES.