Jeff Gannon Sucks At The Internet

So, I checked out Jeff's pathetic, ugly blog to see if he had anything about his appearance on HBO last night, and his site crashed Firefox twice as some oddly slow-loading picture was hanging everthing up. I managed to get the page to load in Safari, and downloaded the mysterious Firefox-killing pic.

Silly Jeff had posted a screenshot of himself on the Maher show in a totally inept way... as a bmp file weighing in at a whopping 225.5 kb... all for a tiny 320 by 240 px picture.

I downloaded this monster and it took about 60 seconds to convert it to a jpg. With no loss in quality or size, I was able to easily shrink it to 14 kb. That's 1/16th of its former size. So here you go, Jeffy... this one's on me:

Time's Up!

C'mon, kids! Don't let Jim/Jeff down! I think it's safe to say that he's checking his email every five seconds, looking for his invite. There's still time! You don't want to arrive at the prom without an... um... escort, do you?

Speaking of sad, Gannon was on Bill Maher's Real Time last night. I don't have cable, so I couldn't watch it. At AMERICAblog, though, people commented on it live as it was happening. Here are some of their comments:

Look at the camera nimrod!!
WalterNeff | 04.29.05 - 11:50 pm

Jeff is blinking a lot. Looks nervous.
Uncle Mike | Homepage | 04.29.05 - 11:50 pm

What the hell is he looking at?
WalterNeff | 04.29.05 - 11:51 pm

when you blink a lot, you are lying.
Nancy Richardson | 04.29.05 - 11:51 pm

Ah, the Correspondent's Dinner...Guckert's upset about that.
amberglow | 04.30.05 - 12:18 am

So, anyway, you get the idea. Typical JimJeff appearance. Maher asked him if he was really a whore, and Gannon gave an evasive answer. Ho hum. Why do people keep asking him to admit something that would get him arrested? The wonderful people at Crooks and Liars have the whole thing for your viewing pleasure here.

More Lousy/Fake Journalism On WUSA News

Those tykes over at CBS' Channel 9 news sure can type! And they aren't going to stop condensing press releases anytime soon. It was nice, I guess, for the morning anchor (below) to write me back (see earlier today) when I whinnied in disapproval at their 'coverage' of the bovineunite website, but after seeing their 5:30 newscast, I've decided they're simply hopeless.

At the end of the program, as a kind of maudlin sendoff, the two anchorclones cutely 'conversed' about how it was Band-Aid brand bandages 85th anniversary! And, OMG! They're also introducing a new kind of Band-Aid, coincidentally, at the same time. Brief anecdotes were told about the history of the product, including how the inventor was inspired to create a convenient new kind of bandage by his cloddish wife's frequent cooking mishaps. LOL!

Just as I thought yesterday morning, my first reaction was, "What press release did this come from?"

Well, that's easy enough to find out. Go to Johnson & Johnson's home page, and select "News > Press Releases" from the top menu. There, you'll find a press release about how it's Band-Aid brand bandages 85th anniversary! And, OMG! They're also introducing a new kind of Band-Aid, coincidentally, at the same time. Brief anecdotes are told about the history of the product, including how the inventor was inspired to create a convenient new kind of bandage by his cloddish wife's frequent cooking mishaps. LOL!

The date on the press release from Johnson and Johnson? Why, yesterday, of course, when it was presumably also faxed to the compliant, overworked "writers" of WUSA's cutting-edge news team.

I guess this is why people get cable.

Deep Denial

Poor Jeff is in deep denial about his lack of an invitation to the prom. Today's NY Post reveals his Rebecca-of-Sunnybrook-Farm-style delusions:

"It seems to me to be odd to exclude the one person who has brought more attention to the White House press corps than anyone else in years," Gannon tells PAGE SIX's Jared Paul Stern. "Probably many who would want to extend such an invitation already assume I will be in attendance."

Ah! I see! Nobody has invited Jeffy because everybody assumes everybody else already has!

That's the ticket!

UPDATE: Sparkle Pony gets a shout-out from Fishbowl DC for our Gannon graphic.

UPDATE! Anchor Man Makes Initial Response To Ridiculous, Sparkly Critic

Well! This is a nice surprise!

Yesterday (here and here), your equine public servant got her gorgeous, combable tail all ruffled by the either terrible or outright corrupt "journalism" displayed by WUSA 9 News, the DC CBS affiliate.

This morning I received a response from anchorman Mike Walter, who writes:

I'm trying to track down information on your earlier missive. I have to admit I let you down, I should have asked more questions about the story. It was a late add to the show. I know the news director is taking your earlier email seriously and is also asking lots of questions about the copy story.

Best Regards,

Mike Walter
Anchor/Reporter
WUSA-TV 9

I'm very impressed by Mr. Walter's response. Updates as warrented! Let this be a lesson: When you see something wrong, don't be afraid to say, "That's wrong," even if your body is pink and is adorned with fine, multicolored glitter.

Everybody Loves Clowns

Pony Pal™ Yammering Splat Vector, king of the Fark Photoshoppers, sent in this incredibly charming Condishop™ to start your Friday off right:

Right From The Horse's Mouth

This is very funny! Agape Press, the extreme wacko fundamentalist 'news service', reports on a hilariously incriminating study which finds that, in their own words, Christian teens are theologically shallow.

You don't say!

Fight Club

Oops! I Forgot This Is A Photo Blog

This exciting photograph, sent in by Pony Pal™ Pretty Princess Tori, reveals actual sparkle ponies and their friends enjoying this blog. I'm sure they're incensed to find out about all those other Sparkle Pony wannabes, too. What an incredible thrill! Thank you, Princess Tori!

More Awesome Journalism

Hey, kids, I'm sorry I'm not as prancy as usual today, but what the heck is wrong with these people?

Today's Washington Post features an article about the freshly-caught serial arsonist. The writers, Michael E. Ruane and Paul Duggan, do an excellent job of summing up the case, although very little new information is available.

I take issue with the headline writer, though:

Arson Suspect's Low-Key Life

Hello? Low key? The man (who has confessed, and who has been linked to the crimes by DNA evidence) set dozens of fires, one of which killed an elderly woman, and successfully eluded the police for two years. Early reports indicate that the suspect told police that demons in his head told him to start the fires.

I guess the Washington Post and I just have different ideas of what constitutes a 'low-key life'.

My Luv Letter To WUSA TV

I sent this off a few minutes ago to WUSA's general email address, and CCd it to News Director Randal Stanley and General Sales Manager Vincent Cabrey:

WUSA TV, Mr. Stanley and Mr. Cabrey:

I was interested in Mike Walter's report on WUSA 9 News this morning about the "bovineunite.com" web site. Mr. Walter simply reported about how it's a new web site getting a lot of 'buzz', and that the site even features a cow blog. Several screenshots of the site were featured, and Mike and Andrea both got a chuckle out of the story.

I was surprised, however, that Mr. Walter failed to mention that the site, which is indeed getting a lot of "buzz" on the Internet, is universally regarded as being a so-called "viral" ad campaign, most likely for a major fast food restaurant.

So I'm left with only three possible explanations for this report:
1. WUSA, showing a stunning lack of media savvy, reported on the "popular new web site" without realizing that real cows don't actually blog, and that it is really, in fact, a commercial advertisement.
2. The writers of the segment knew full well that the site was a commercial advertisement, but didn't think it was important to include this information in the report.
3. The segment was a commercial advertisement presented with no disclaimer and disguised as a light "human interest" story.

So which is it?

In this era where the line between news and advertising is so often blurred, I consider this to be a serious question, and I would appreciate a serious answer.

Sincerely,

[Princess Sparkle Pony]

Think they'll answer?

EDIT: I really want to get to the bottom of this, because I don't think fake news is funny, no matter how silly it may get. I started a diary about it at Kos, so hopefully some of the folks there will have some ideas about how to pursue this.

UPDATE: I sent a variation on the letter above the Mike Walter, the anchorman himself! The subject line of my email was a catchy "Fake news? Or just sloppy journalism?" Also, I watched the WUSA news when I got home, and amongst the banalities, they didn't do any more cutesy stories about blogging cows.

Grudge Match

Sometimes politics are confusing, so here's a cartoon to help simply explain what happened between Senators Bill Frist and Harry Reid recently:

I Watched The News Today, Oh Boy!

This morning on WUSA, the local DC CBS affiliate, Andrea 'n' Mike excitedly reported on the following (paraphrased):

"There's a mysterious new web site, bovineunite.com! It has a manifesto, and even a cow bog [I think he means 'blog' --ed]! But nobody knows what the site is all about yet!"

OMG! There's a new web site? I don't suppose you guys heard about this wannabe "viral" ad campaign from a press release, did you? Oops, you guys didn't just fall for it and give away free advertising, did you?

So which is it? WUSA displaying a moronic lack of media savvy, or WUSA disguising advertising as news? When the source of bovineunite.com is "exposed," will it turn out to be a WUSA client, by any chance?

Ever wonder how these "viral" campaigns get started?

Mr. CNN Copy Editor? I'd Like To Introduce You To Mr. CNN Photo Editor

From CNN/Money.com's article about the just-announced new presidential dollar coins, a little bit of misinformation in the inevitable "history of failure" paragraph on the flop Susan B. Anthony dollar coin:

They even hyped its design -- the 11-sided polygon (a hendecagon) was meant to mark a clear difference between the coin and all others.

It's fun to use big words, isn't it? But the coin was, of course, perfectly round. And if you aren't sure, you can just scroll to the top of the article and see it for yourself:

It's great that the folks at CNN/Money know so much about money. But they don't know very much about... you know... dollars.

Gorgeous Lighting Scheme Wasted On Condi Today In Bogota

Luv Fest Continues

Now here's a gal with what I call spunk. It's too bad there aren't ten more of the fierce but friendly Democrat Respresentative from Niagra Falls. Her breathless diaries on DailyKos show that she's not only compassionate, but savvy. She's one of the few people in the House to take the Jeff Gannon controversy seriously, and she's gearing up to be Tom DeLay's absolute worst nightmare in the coming weeks.

'nuff said!

Full Disclosure

OK... I'm not the only Sparkle Pony on the web. Let's review:

I chose this user name, inspired by a post in this online chat with the Washington Post's Dan Froomkin, because I loved the glittery, pink girlishness of it all, and I thought it would be a great way to frame political satire. But, lo, I rushed to create an account at Blogger without checking around first, and I feel like I'm stepping on a few toes.

So here's a list of the Sparkle Ponies who preceded me:

1. Sparklepony at Deviant Art. May or may not be a princess, but is actually a female.
2. www.sparklepony.com. Somebody, not me, has been squatting on this address for years.
3. Sparklepony @ Sir Jeffs. Good lord! Not safe for work! This is NOT me.
4. SparklePony. OK... this is actually a real horse.
5. Princess Sparkle @ Livejournal. Not much going on here.
6. Princess Sparkle @ Blogspot. Nothing going on here!
7. Princess Sparkle: A Rachel Bilson Fansite. Who?

And there are more, if you care to check around. So there you have it. I'm not the first Princess Sparkle Pony, but a quick Googling reveals that in three months' time, I have come to rule them all! Yay!

We Love Mattel... Kind Of

It's nice to hear that Mattel Toys is such an enthusiastic supporter of lefty pinko commie causes. It's a shame, though, that they did it totally illegally. Oops!

Well, their heart was in the right place, so buy a Barbie today! For great justice!

Zzzzing, THWACK!

Apparently, the Republicans are negotiating a return to the old Ethics Committee rules. That means that they've come to accept that DeLay is only useful to them now as a sacrificial lamb to their 2006 campaigns.

And here's Tom yesterday (with softer hair and fixed teeth) at the Bush ranch in Texas, almost in tears as he's being welcomed by his dark lord:

I'm sure Tom's thinking, "The President is showing he supports me!" I imagine Bush is really thinking something more like, "Ah, poor thing, let's do something nice for him before we let the wolves have him."

Today's Condi Escapade

Today in Brazil, Condi got to grimace at a tattooed breakdancer's crotch!

Neato, Condi! AP photo caption here.

Hello? Ms. Thomas? Your Date Awaits!

Fishbowl DC is "prom central" these days, and they've been running updates on who's invited and who's not. Poor Jeffy!

EDIT: And what's up with Gannon's blog? Considering that he presents himself as a "blogger" these days, he sure doesn't do it much. This morning, I was going to write about his infrequent updates, noting that his last "entry" was on April 22. A few minutes ago, I checked again, and he's posted "entries" dated April 23, 24, 25 and 26 all at once, presumably to make it look like he is, indeed, a real 'diarist'. Nice try, dummy.

Eat Yourself Fitter

Millions of Pony Pals™ will open their newspapers this morning and see an ad which looks a lot like this:

And who is this Center for Consumer Freedom? Their web site describes them thusly:

The Center for Consumer Freedom is a nonprofit coalition of restaurants, food companies, and consumers working together to promote personal responsibility and protect consumer choices.

Oh, I get it: The group telling us that Americans' weight problems are overstated is composed of junk food manufacturers and multinational fast food conglomerates. They care about me!

*sniff*

Infographic Time!

Inspired by this peculiar AP graphic.

From the AP article:

"At home, it is possible her clothes and hair are under closer scrutiny than her job performance."

And, for good measure, AP throws in the Queen Latifah "hot comb" quip reported ages ago by your sparkly public servent.

No Comment

Earlier today, a romantic walk on the ranch...

They embrace...

Idiot Versus Asshole: The Grudge Match!

So super-conservative wingnut "writer" Michael Savage is all upset that he's apparently been banned from appearing on super-conservative wingnut Fox News Channel. Um, Michael, maybe it's because you called Bill O'Reilly a "leper-con who poses as a conservative," and Sean Hannity "another Republican bootlicker"?

OK... how am I supposed to pick a side in this battle of the... uh... titans?

Also: Why was I only able to find an article about this on the Internet Movie Database? I tried to find it on Savage's homepage, but was quickly overwhelmed by its ugliness. What is it about the wacko right wingers and their awful-looking web sites? Well, to be fair, I can think of at least one lefty site I love that looks just as horrible.

And one more thing: Is that his upper lip or his tongue?

Happy Happy!

Why is Dick Cheney so uncharacteristically happy --beaming, even-- in this unretouched news photo from yesterday?

Easy! He's just so thrilled to be shaking the hand of Saudi Prince Abdullah, his master good buddy, again. Have you ever seen Mr. Cheney so happy? Not lately, anyway.

Sparkle Pony Luv Fest

PonyPal™ Pretty Princess Tori (not Tori Spelling) insists on some positivity every once in a while, so here's Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada). On the official SparkleMeter™, I give Mr. Reid one glittery hoof up for the way he stands up to the Republican theocracy. I'm not very happy about his stand on choice, though, which is why he doesn't get two glittery hooves up. Having said that, though, you can read about his brave stand here, here and here (Warning! WorldnetDaily link!). And here, today, is a Washington Post article all about Democrats growing backbones, which gives Senator Reid much praise, but fails to have any quotes from him for puzzling, unknown reasons.

EDIT: Awesome news of Reid's strategy here at Kos. This is a really wild move.

Language Virus In The Blogosphere #2: Stick A Fork In This Metaphor

Recently, I wrote about bloggers overusing the cutesy "not so much" cliché ("Tom DeLay loves his friend Jack Abramoff. Nancy Pelosi? Not so much."), derived from Jon Stewart's The Daily Show. I've noticed another viral phrase which, if anything, is overused even more.

It's the phrase "Stick a fork in it, it's done." What makes this catchphrase especially annoying is that it doesn't make any sense. Consider: This cooking-derived sentence refers to testing baked goods with a fork's tines (or other pointed object); if the fork comes out clean, the cake is done, right? So... if you know something is 'done,' why do you need to stick a fork in it? I'm confused. So, apparently, are the bloggers thoughtlessly attempting to grapple with this metaphor.

Obviously, this is a corrupted version of "Stick a fork in it and see if it's done." Come on, people! We're writers, aren't we?

Examples here, here, here, here, here, here, here (warning: links do not open in a new window. Hey, my hooves get cramped from typing target= "blank" too often), and if you don't believe how widespread this incorrect phrasing is, just jump directly to the Google search here.

I'm Liking This Pope More And More!

Inspired by this new wire photo:

I came up with an exciting new pair of characters!

Princess Sparkle Pony Does Not Suck!

According to Japan-o-Matic. Thank you, Carmen! Have a glittery weekend!

Rootin' Tootin' Bolton

I loved this conflation of Yosemite Sam and John Bolton from Groove:30. Check it out!

How Did You Get So Sexy, Dick Cheney?

Please accept my apologies.

Microsoft Caves To The Anti-Hairdresser Contingent

The Stranger broke the story, and now AMERICAblog is just about to pop a forehead blood vessel over it (in a good way).

Oh, and by the way...

Oh No You Di'n't!

Think Progress coins a beautiful, if ridiculous, term: Condigate!

Condoleezza Hairdo Status Report

And as a bonus, here she is (in her power red, natch!) shortly afterwards being 'coquettish.'

(unretouched Reuters photo)

But... How Does The Pope Really Feel About Yoga?

Well, it's hard to tell, as uggabugga points out.

Hard-Hitting Reportage

Gee, cnn.com, suck up much?

Slaptick Comedy For Media Geeks

Funny newspaper! Funny Columbia Journalism Review! Sometimes, We Get So Confused.

Photoshoppers Respond Quickly To New Pope

Immediately, actually. First, here's the mysterious Invisible Kid (check out his beautiful photo blog!), who must have mixed up Joseph Ratzinger with John Ratzenberger:

And here's one from Barrump, who I think is some kind of drunken frog:

And CheekyMunky:

Thanks for letting me post your pics, Pony Pals™!

New Pope! OMG!

And with all the tension between the American Catholic Church and the Vatican, it's great that Ratzinger chose such a cuddly, America-friendly name like Benedict.

Time Is Running Out!

I don't get it... Jeffy seemed so positive that one of his loyal Republican "defenders" would invite him to the WHCA dinner. I've seen a bunch of lists of guests, but so far... no Jeffy! Could it be that his "pals" have all abandoned him?

In other news, no, I will not be photoshopping the new Ann Coulter Time Magazine cover. I don't need to.

Meet Mr. Dummy Head, Speaker Of Texas' House Of Representatives

We're all for role models & parental guidance 'n' stuff, so YAY for effort for Tom Craddick, Speaker of the Texas House of Representatives, who left no child behind, indeed, with his innovative lesson on how the federal government works:

"Up there they have 400 and some on the House side, 454, and they have fewer on the Senate side, 60," Craddick told the class of about 25, comparing the Texas Legislature to U.S. Congress.

Link to the article about the smarty-pants Republican in the Houston Chronicle.

BREAKING! Pink Smoke Billowing From Sistine Chimney!

Princess Sparkle Pony Declares Own Desk At Work A Historic Site

No, really!

I've fallen happily in love with Sarah Vowell, monologuist on NPR and the voice of Violet in The Incredibles. I'm reading her latest book, Assassination Vacation, and enjoying it thoroughly.

This morning I heard Ms. Vowell interviewed on NPR, and she griped about how the National Gallery of Art has no plaque --no nothing!-- to commemorate the shooting of President Garfield, which happened in the lobby of the train station which used to be located at the gallery's present site.

Well, my office at the gallery is located right where the lobby of the train station used to be. So I'm declaring that my desk sits on the site where Garfield was shot. Heck, it could be true, and if not, I'm probably only off by less than ten yards or so.

I'll be ordering that plaque as soon as I can, Ms. Vowell.

Funny, True, Scary

Pony Pal™ Chuck weighs in with his version of the infamous "Damning judges to Hell" ad:



See the full-size version here. If you'd like to photoshop a new version of the ad, the original version is here.
And happy Monday! Regular Sparkle Pony readers, do you notice the sped-up picture loading times? I'm very pleased with my new host (so far).

Shhh! Be Vewy Vewy Quiet!

Whoah, Did You Feel That?

...I hope not. See, I just signed up with a new web host, and just had the "peteykins.com" domain redirected to said new host. All of the files are in place, so theoretically there will be a transition with no downtime. The transfer hasn't happened yet as of this writing. In any event, if all the pictures on this blog go on the fritz any time soon, you'll know why. The end result, I believe, will be a faster-loading site. Cross your Lee Press-ons for me!

EDIT: Whoopsie! All the pictures are down! OK... this will be temporary... I hope.

EDIT AGAIN: All is well. Mission accomplished, and not in the chimpy way.

Meet The Judge-Haters!

With all this hullaballoo about hating judges and overthrowing the government, it might be a good time to meet some of the minor players. Here's Todd Tiahrt, Representative from Kansas:

He's ready for his close-up, Mr. DeLay! Fashion note to Mr. Tiahrt: You're supposed to put that bottom ring around your... oh, never mind.

There's That Word 'Family' Again

Original scary ad and story here, there, everywhere.

Language Virus In The Blogosphere

Has anybody else noticed this? There's an annoying new catch-phrase being used everywhere on the web these days, and especially on blogs. The phrase is "not so much", and it's used this way:

"Condoleezza Rice's hairdo has received incredible scrutiny from liberal satirical blogs lately. Her policies? Not so much."

I'm sorry, but this annoying sentence fragment has got to go. Examples here, here, here, here, here, here.

Does anybody know where this trendy, overused phrasing comes from?

EDIT: Aha! A lump of sugar and a new tube of hoof glitter to Pretty Princess Tori for telling me that it comes from Jon Stewart on The Daily Show. I don't have cable, but I should have known it came from TV. Silly me.

Princess Sparkle Pony Scoops The Post... Again

Recently, I wrote about how things you see in this blog end up in the Washington Post almost a week later, and now it's happened again!

On Monday, I posted four pictures in a verticle row of John Bolton from his confirmation hearings, revealing his nervous habit of touching his glasses when cornered. Today, the Post's Style section (alas, only the print edition) ran a sidebar featuring... four pictures in a verticle row of John Bolton from his confirmation hearings, revealing his nervous habit of touching his glasses when cornered.

Princess Sparkle Pony Is Granted Access

Courtesy Pony Pal™ z7q2, who previously contributed this fun activity.

What's In Your Wallet?

5... 4... 3... 2...

Frist's bony, skeletal finger is about to push the shiny, candylike button and go nuclear.

Now, some of you boys and girls out there may have heard the term "nuclear option" and wondered what, exactly, the term means in respect to eliminating the filibuster option. What it means is this: If Frist pushes the button, bitter partisanship in Congress will erupt into a warlike state of open hostility. You know, unlike the current warm cuddlies and big hugs for everybody.

All bow down to the GOP luv machine!

Christopher Shays Among Clowns

Interesting articles in the Washington Post (poignantly titled "The Loneliest Republican") and WTNH TV in New Haven about what happens to bad boys who dare to be sassy to their besieged masters.

Here's The Problem With Condi Hairdo Status Reports

OK, so here's Condi from just minutes ago:



The hairdo is in a holding pattern. I haven't been seeing any major changes since the flip was transformed into a tight roll, so it seems pointless to be giving status reports every day, or even every other day.

Plus, girlfriend is seriously uglying up my blog.

But rest assured, if there are any major Condoleezza hairdo developments, I'll be the first to let you know.

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