Friday, September 30, 2011

Here's Why Nobody Listens To Neocons And Other "Intellectual" Conservatives Anymore

Over at Andrew Sullivan's place, they've been going back 'n' forth about, you know, "What is a real conservative?" and all that. This is one of Sully's big preoccupations since forever, of course. But today one of his readers wrote in and provided compelling evidence of exactly why these Conservative Intellectuals (almost an oxymoron, I know) are so sidelined these days:


A reader writes:

Just a reminder of Oakeshott's view of Burke, from "On Being Conservative":

"And, in my opinion, there is more to be learnt about this disposition from Montaigne, Pascal, Hobbes and Hume than from Burke or Bentham."

And, furthermore, let us recall that Hayek rejected the term conservative. See his essay titled ..."Why I am not a Conservative."

Who talks like that?* 9 arcane academic references in one short note! My response to this is, basically, "Ajklfjsiohdiofhiodsklnglha." Seriously, can you imagine going up to some Mississippi tea partier and saying that to his face and expecting him to know what the hell you are talking about, much less respond to it?

*To be fair, lefty Matthew Yglesias talks like that all that time, too. Then again, nobody listens to him, either.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Ted Nugent Thinks African Americans Had It SO Much Better 60 Years Ago

(Photo: PSP flashback to November, 2010, AP)

Every once in a while I visit the Washington Times to see what's up. This morning I was treated to a column by Ted Nugent where he lectures Morgan Freeman about how Morgan Freeman is the real racist for saying that other people are racists, and there's nothing more racist than that, OK? OK. This statement really jumped out at me:

If Mr. Freeman could further remove his racist blinders and study the historical condition of black America, he would find the black community was vibrant and strong 60 years ago. This is not the case today.

60 years ago? What a strange number to use. So Nugent is pointing towards the early 1950s as some sort of Golden Age for African Americans. Obviously Nugent wouldn't say "50 years ago," because slight civil rights gains had already been made by the early 1960s.

But there you have it, blacks! Morgan Freeman, you should take off your racist blinders and realize just how great it was to have your own special section, for instance, on public transportation and at (some) lunch counters. There were special drinking fountains and bathrooms and sections of (some) parks set aside just for you! Oh, you had it so good back then! Until, that is, unsatisfied complainers like Rosa Parks, the Greensboro Four, and Martin Luther King, Jr. came along and ruined everything. Tsk.

So if anybody comes up to you today and says, "Hey, could you summarize Ted Nugent's latest column?" here are your bullet points:
  • Racism in the Tea Party is not the problem; racism in Morgan Freeman is the problem.
  • African Americans were better off before the civil rights era.
  • African American culture today is neither vibrant nor strong.

Monday, September 26, 2011

No Child Should Be Left Behind From Reading Callista Gingrich's Superfantastic New Children's Book! Out Now! Plus Callista Promotional Tours And Media Appearances!


OK, well obviously that is one of my favorite awkward Callistapics ever. But now, fresh Callista product is upon us, her bland, maudlin Sweet Land of Liberty children's book, wherein Ellis the Elephant learns about American Exceptionalism 'n' such.

Basically, this book probably won't ever be joining Where the Wild Things Are or One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish on the children's classics shelf, but it may bear beautiful fruit nevertheless: Callista Gingrich media appearances! She's on Hannity tonight, so somebody will have to tell me how that turns out, and Fox and Friends tomorrow, so... well, so somebody will have to tell me how that turns out, too.   From there it's a smattering of book signings at three chain stores, a tea party, a Republican Women's event, and... hey, how about that? A signing at a tiny book store in a tiny, humble Iowa city! I wonder if Newt might accompany her to that one?

My favorite thing so far is Callista lamely claiming that her kiddie book's protagonist just happens to be an elephant, and the fact that the Republican Party's symbol is an elephant is just a crazy coincidence. No connection was intended! To think otherwise would be crass.

UPDATE: I watched the Hannity thing online, and OMG it is boring. And once again Callista denies that Ellis is a Republican elephant. Sheer happenstance, people!

It seems like Callista is outright lying about Ellis the Elephant. In recent interviews, she claims it could have been any animal, but that they "came across this adorable elephant," which implies that she saw it in the artist's portfolio or something, or otherwise "stumbled upon it." But in Publishers Weekly's article about the book, the illustrator plainly says, "Callista Gingrich came up with the idea for Ellie the elephant."

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Rick Perry Hand Turkeys!

Republican presidential candidate Texas Gov. Rick Perry arrives at the Republican Leadership Conference at the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island, Mich., Saturday, Sept. 24, 2011. (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

Who is this Rick Perry? A better question seems to be "Who isn't Rick Perry?" He isn't Mitt Romney; he mostly isn't Michele Bachmann; and now, officially, he also isn't Herman Cain. So I guess that brings us back to our original question: Who is Rick Perry? The Hand Turkeys™ are here to help, sort of:








UPDATE: Vindication! Talking Points Memo referred to Rick Perry today as "Fred Thompson-eque." I can't find the link now, though.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Question Time With Rick Santorum

Three for three Republican debates with mortifying audience moments. Well done, GOP! But here's what really puzzled me: asked about hairdressers in the military, Rick Santorum said he's against it because "sexual activity has no place in the military." OK, so if soldiers just simply can't help having sex with their fellow soldiers, given the availability of willing or even possible sexytime partners, doesn't it follow that straight women also shouldn't be allowed in the military because they, too, might have sex with their fellow soldiers (lesbians, obv, are disqualified because they'll have sex with each other, duh)? If it's really all about the specter of sex amongst soldiers, why doesn't Rick Santorum talk about this aspect of the issue? Shouldn't "wanting to have sex with men" as a disqualifier apply equally to everybody who wants to have sex with men?

Just curious.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

...And Then They Kissed

Republican presidential candidate, Texas Gov. Rick Perry, center is surrounded by security, right, and supporters after a news conference, Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2011, in New York. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

Audioblogging: Peteykins College Radio Show, 1985

Click for larger

When I was at UC San Diego, I worked at KSDT, the college radio station absolutely nobody ever listened to, ever. My show was called Radio Exotica, and I generally played interesting new releases mixed with what was then obscure easy listening (Martin Denny, Les Baxter, etc.), industrial noise, dated children's records, spoken word oddities, etc.

Sometimes I would get inspired and rather than simply playing records, I would throw together "mega-mixes" with up to four or five sound sources all playing simultaneously.

This one, a 40-minute mega-mix called "One Left" (because those are the first words you hear on it), is the only one I managed to save for posterity, and was broadcast on February 16, 1985. It includes tape loops, lock grooves, sound effect albums, cassette tapes, ethnographic recordings, selections from Chaino's Jungle Echoes LP, nursery rhymes, Lenny Dee on the organ, a guide to the Catholic Mass, Jack van Impe ranting about Communism, and, somewhere in there, an actual song, a dub version of "Confusion" by New Order. I split it into four parts because you'll probably never want to listen to the first two longer and noisier parts ever again, and because the shorter third and fourth parts are hypnotic and very listenable. The fourth part also features a very beautiful melody played on an ancient computer by Pony Pal™ Joe Humble.

So anyway, if you can get through the first five minutes, you'll probably enjoy the whole thing. You can retrieve the zipped up 52mb archive with fake cover art (see above – I tried to imitate my 1985 design sensibilities) here.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Keep The Dream Alive

Gosh, Rick Santorum is ever so upset! He just can't seem to get this whole Santorum Google daffynition thing behind him! It's so unfair! And Google is clearly prejudiced against Santorums because otherwise why would they allow all this Santorum nonsense to continue? They wouldn't do that to somebody other than Rick Santorum, like, say, Joe Biden. And bloggers are probably to blame, too, because they just love linking the name Santorum to that awful Santorum internet site over and over again, Santorum, Santorum, Santorum, like it's going out of style or something (he is, I mean it is). So everybody, please, stop it with the Santorum stuff, because it is totally gross and upsetting and unfair to Rick Santorum.

Quickie: Michele Bachmann Locates Core Constituency

Republican presidential candidate, Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., looks at hanging beef carcasses during a plant tour at Amend Packing Co., Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2011, in Des Moines, Iowa. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Finally, somebody who won't "fact check" me!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Art Collection: Three Prohibition Era Comic Strips By "TAD" Dorgan With Bonus Slang Origin Story

 (Click for bigger, legible)

These original pen, brush, and ink drawings for King Features Syndicate by Thomas A. "TAD" Dorgan are all on Tad's typically irregular 9"-ish by 12"-ish illustration boards. Dorgan was no fan of prohibition ("Silk Hat Harry's Divorce Suit" is easily one of the drinking-est comic strips of all time), but it sure provided him with a lot of material!

Up top is an "Indoor Sports" panel from 1926, and it's one of the most dynamic and complex drawings by Tad I've ever seen. It's a speakeasy scene, and it shows the owner of the establishment furious because his patrons are egging on a drunk to yodel Slim Whitman's "Roll On Silvery Moon" for their amusement. Loud drunken singing is just the sort of thing which would attract the police to an illegal bar (that's why they were called "speak easy"s), so the host is understandably upset. Note that the other patrons aren't particularly concerned, a typical prohibition attitude in which the illegality of alcohol was more of an inconvenience than anything.

"Indoor Sports" was Tad's daily urban slice-of-life panel which ran in the sports section of Hearst's newspapers coast to coast from 1914 until Tad's death in 1929. These gag cartoons had no continuing characters, unlike the Silk Hat Harry/Judge Rummy strips, but were generally more carefully composed and elaborately drawn than his sequential strips. It was immensely popular and influential.

One detail requires some unpacking: the little stick figure in the lower left corner exclaiming, "What! No Spinach?" This was the title and refrain of a popular mid-20s novelty song by Irving Aaronson and His Commanders. Something about it must have really tickled Tad, because he used variations on the phrase over and over in his comics during this period, resulting in its wide dissemination as a slang phrase which lasted at least through 1936, when it was used as the title of a Popeye cartoon.

Tad is often credited with the invention of dozens of slang terms and phrases which we still use to this day, and that is certainly true. In the case above with "What! No Spinach?", we see that he didn't so much invent the phrase; he picked up on it in his relentless pursuit of American vernacular language and then, through his wide readership and popularity, spread the new phrase and meme far and wide. Because of that, it can be hard to determine which phrases Tad invented himself, and which he simply picked up on and spread. Our next selection for today, an "Old Judge Rumhauser/Judge Rummy's Court" strip from September, 1919, provides a great example of this phenomenon:

(Click for bigger)

Here Judge Rummy calls his buddy a "dumb-bell", a term Tad is generally crediting with creating (as applied to a person, not a piece of sporting equipment). I can't find any such use of the phrase in print before this cartoon, so this comic strip may very well be ground zero for a slang term we still know and use today. Or not! Who knows?** The rest of the strip is packed with slang and a great prohibition gag worth showing in detail:





It's no wonder the poor guy is mortified: in 1919 the fight over alcohol prohibition was at a fever pitch, but it was too late, and people were angry at, yet resigned to, their fate. The 18th Amendment was ratified in January, The Wartime Prohibition Act passed in June, and in October the Volstead Act was passed by Congress, sealing the deal for a dry country beginning in January of 1920.

And last for today, another "Indoor Sports" drawing, this one from 1925:

(Click for bigger)

Note that even though the above panel isn't about prohibition, Tad has managed to cram in no fewer than three alcohol-related jokes: amongst the chores the guest doctor is hoped to perform is the writing of a prescription for "medicinal" booze; the cat regales the dog with a tale of a mouse soaked in "good natured" alcohol; the stick figure in the lower right exclaims that he's "fulla frog beer," which I assume is slang for some kind of bathtub concoction.

Finally, take a moment to admire Tad's draftsmanship in these, especially the "Indoor Sports" panels. His influence on contemporary cartoonists (he mentored George Herriman and Milt Gross, among others) and even much later artists (like Robert Crumb) should be obvious. Fun fact: Tad was born right-handed, but lost all but his right thumb and half of his index finger in an accident early in his life. He taught himself to draw with his left hand, but is reported to still have used his mangled right hand as well. Quite an accomplishment! His pen lines are spare, clean and assured, and only the vaguest, sketchiest hints of pencil underdrawing are detectable. Tad's handling of perspective (look at the chair in the foreground of the drawing above) is impressive for a self-taught artist. He also had an interesting way of composing his panels, often having a shallow space in part of the cartoon and a recession in depth elsewhere; this can be seen in varying degrees in both of the "Indoor Sports" examples above. He used this scheme to create something of a hierarchy of gags in the panel. This is sophisticated cartooning.

It's too bad Tad Dorgan's star, so bright during his lifetime, faded so quickly after his tragically early death. Most people today have never heard of him, even though they utter phrases like "for crying out loud," "drug-store cowboy" and "cat's pajamas," all of which he introduced to the world. I think he may also have invented the "falling over backwards in the last panel" gag response (what Lileks calls the "flip take" and early cartoonists called "plop gags."), still a comics mainstay (a friend of mine suggested Bud "Mutt and Jeff" Fisher may be responsible for this, but I can't find him using it before Tad did in the 'teens).

See the other "Judge Rummy" drawing in my collection here. I also own the original drawing for the 1921 boxing-themed "City Life" strip shown on the Tad Dorgan Wikipedia page.

**UPDATE: it really looks like this may be the earliest use of "dumbbell" in print. Oxford English Dictionary claims it can be traced to the 20s, but this strip is definitely from 1919. Whether or not Tad coined the usage is arguable; my guess is that he heard it around the boxing/gym scene. Swish of the sparkly tail to the anonymous commenter who tipped me off to OED's citation.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Totally Reasonable Restrictions

(PSP-on-Wonkette flashback to January 22, 2008)

All the fetuses are talking about Virginia's new restrictions on abortion clinics, but do they go far enough? There is an miniscule chance, after all, that some clinic may be actually able to work within the new rules. Some suggestions:

  • Abortion clinics should be required to have petting zoos featuring Tasmanian wolves, dodos, and velociraptors.
  • Doctors should be compelled to present to each patient a staged musical portraying the unborn child's first birthday party.
  • Bathroom fixtures must be solid platinum with rubies to indicate hot water, emeralds for cold.
  • Clinics must provide a five-story parking garage for each bed.
  • Each facility must include a cafeteria designed and administrated by Wolfgang Puck.
  • Any fetus aborted must first be proven beyond a reasonable doubt to eventually grow up to be either a terrorist or a hairdresser.

Only then can we be sure that Virginia's women will be protected.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Goats Think They're Birds

(Image via)

If I keep those animated gifs at the top o' the blog, people are going to get angry, so here are some goats in a tree.

Oh, sure, there's a perfectly logical reason for it, but I prefer to think of it as this Monty Python sketch turned fabulously true.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Republicans React To Things

Rick Perry's enthusiastic embrace of death penalty:


Hypothetical man dies due to lack of health insurance:


Piano falls on box of kittens:


Piano falls on box of socialist, Muslim kittens with HPV:

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Object Of Breathtaking Beauty

(Click for much bigger, your new desktop picture)

Pony Pal™/coworker Barbara recently went on a trip to my home state. Before she went, I requested a box of my favorite confection, prickly pear fruit candy. Just look at this gorgeous box design, the upper 4/5 of which hasn't changed since 1969! You don't have to go all the way to an Arizona airport to get it. It's expensive, but so good: a subtly flavored square jelly candy dusted in sugar, with a flavor almost like plum with a dash of lemon. Mmmm.

Prickly pear fruit really is good. I grew up in an area dominated by prickly pears. My mom made prickly pear jelly several times, and it was delicious. They can also be served simply skinned and chilled as a refreshing novelty side. My father even tried to make prickly pear wine once, and the result was... interesting, more like a cognac or sherry. Speaking of which, sometimes if it gets super hot when the prickly pears are ripe, whole flocks of birds will get totally drunk on the fermented fruit and crash comically into all the suburban windows and sliding glass doors. Funny!

The wonderful cartoon on the cactus candy box with its excellent hand-drawn lettering is signed by "McGinnis", an artist about whom I can find no information whatsoever. Pity, because that cute cactus with its Nancy-hair-like spines has a lot of potential:










Thursday, September 08, 2011

GOP Debate Lapel Scorecard

(PSP flashback to September 7, 2008, AFP photo)

Flag pin: Bachmann, Huntsman, Cain.
Eagle Scout pin: Perry.
No pin: Paul, Gingrich, Romney, Santorum.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Shorter Erick Erickson: Sarah Palin Is A Waste Of Time And Her Fans Are Insane


OMG, you have to actually go over to Red State and read Erick Erickson's highly entertaining post about Sarah Palin, because you will love it. Make no mistake: it's not that I think it's a good piece of writing; it's Erick Erickson after all*. Basically, Erick has just totally HAD IT with Palin's coy "will she or won't she run" schtick, and he wants it to stop. Also, he's upset that every time he writes about her, all her fans inundate his site with stupider and/or crazier comments than usual, and he wants that to stop, too. Shed a tear for Erick, won't you? Here's more of what I love about Erickson's rant:

  • The hypocrisy: Erickson decries Palin's fans for their attackiness and venom, which is kind of a pot calling the kettle black situation, no? Also, his list of Sarah Palin's shortcomings sounds an awful lot like a list of Erick Erickson's shortcomings. Then again, he's not running for office (yet).
  • The equivocating: the very, very negative post about Sarah and her fans includes the pussy phrases "There are many, many good people who support Sarah Palin" (can you hear the "But..." coming from a mile away?) and "Sarah Palin is a great person" (check the timetable, I think there's another "But..." due any second now).
  • Sarah Palin's fans compared to Scientologists more than once.
  • The comments! The positive comments demonstrate the same kind of loyalty to Erickson which he decries in Palin's fans. The negative comments from Palin fans easily prove Erickson's thesis. And then Erickson's fans point this out, and then Palin's fans call Erickson a sell-out/mainstream GOP shill, etc.

Next stop: Schadenfreude City!

*Can you believe that this guy is, like, SO totally influential?  I don't get it either.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Ayn Would Have Been Proud

So what do you do when your boutique Conservative™ movie flops hard at the box office? Well, obviously you release it on DVD as quickly as possible. But what if you're afraid that won't go over so well either? Simple! Just convince the few people interested to buy it four times! And that is what the Atlas Shrugged people have done: they've released four slightly different DVDs of the film, but they really want you to buy them all. The four versions are the Special Edition, the Atlas Society Edition, the FreedomWorks edition, and the Reason (Magazine) Edition. All four editions contain the same version of the movie, but with ever-so-slightly different bonus features which don't seem terribly substantial to begin with, and could all probably fit on one DVD. Lucky Randites, however, are definitely going to want to buy the Collector's Box Set, which features all four DVDs of the same movie four times with their slightly different bonus features, or the Galt Collection, which features the same movie four times plus geegaws, or the Deluxe Galt Collection, which features the same movie four times plus slightly different geegaws.

This is textbook core-audience soaking, like when Marvel cynically puts out the same comic book with five different front covers. It's just free enterprise at work, people! You may also wish to purchase actual frames from the release prints (or "Cels" as they incorrectly call them), which are certain to be in pristine condition. There's also an overpriced aluminum bracelet (?) which is actually attractive, and a lapel pin of the film's ugly logo which I only like because it reminds me of the old K-tel logo. Oddly enough, trucker hats are not available, so they obviously don't know their audience very well.

I hope fans of the movie and/or Ayn Rand really do buy and wear those lapel pins, because it's hard to imagine a better warning sign (other than a Gadsden Flag draped over the shoulders).

Saturday, September 03, 2011

Please Appreciate That The Registered Trademark Symbol Is Also Bedazzled

Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin greets supporters at The Machine Shed restaurant, in Urbandale, Iowa,  Friday, Sept. 2, 2011. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)
Sarah never has to pretend to be tacky, because she is tacky:

It's some damn Iowa sports logo... bedazzled! Superclassy.

Friday, September 02, 2011

OMG, Isn't It Hilarious That These Chinks Don't Know About Our Football

I don't usually get into all the Fox-bashing, because for one, I don't have cable TV, so I never see the stuff, and two because there are plenty of other people who bash Fox much more thoroughly and obsessively than I ever could. That said, this clip via Media Matters (obv) totally blew my mind:


Oh, ha ha ha! That is so hilarious that the Asian USC students don't know anything about their apparently famous and glorious football* team! Let's laugh and point at these nerds because they probably care about, ew, science 'n' stuff, ick, rather than the sports program which should be their primary concern. Plus, if this doesn't prove that the weird yellow aliens surrounding us and crushing in on us from all sides are anti-American, what will it take to convince you?  Mock them! Mock them now! These Chinks and Japs is hirarious!

*That's the one with the pointy ball, right?

You Really Don't Want To Know About Richard Cohen's Eric Cantor Fantasies

I've theorized before that sometimes Richard Cohen writes a column so dumb that even his bosses, accustomed as they are to Cohen's persistent dumbness, balk and say, sheesh, we can't put this on our op-ed page! These are the columns which end up getting dumped in the Post's "Post Partisan" blog where they can die unnoticed. Here's how his latest begins: "In my imagination, Eric Cantor wears a huge blonde wig. It has cute ringlets cascading from the side. A sexy beauty mark has been penciled into his adorable dimple and he talks in a falsetto, sometimes sexy, often not."


Um, yeah. So anyway, that's when I stopped reading.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Leave It To The UK Press To Put Yesterday's Palin/O'Donnell Dustup Into The Proper Context

(screenshot from the Daily Mail)

Did you watch that whole thing unfold yesterday? It was really funny: some dumb tea party event dumped Christine O'Donnell from their lineup, then they re-invited her, and then they dumped her again when Sarah Palin threatened to dump them. Got that? So Sarah will appear onstage with Michele Bachmann, but not with Christine O'Donnell. I guess that means some kind of threshold has been established.

But congrats to the Mail Onliine for putting it all into perspective: CATFIGHT! RAHHHHR! Fake fingernails and bobby pins flying everywhere!

Haw, it's always so funny when the gals get involved in the politics.