Monday, September 26, 2011

No Child Should Be Left Behind From Reading Callista Gingrich's Superfantastic New Children's Book! Out Now! Plus Callista Promotional Tours And Media Appearances!


OK, well obviously that is one of my favorite awkward Callistapics ever. But now, fresh Callista product is upon us, her bland, maudlin Sweet Land of Liberty children's book, wherein Ellis the Elephant learns about American Exceptionalism 'n' such.

Basically, this book probably won't ever be joining Where the Wild Things Are or One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish on the children's classics shelf, but it may bear beautiful fruit nevertheless: Callista Gingrich media appearances! She's on Hannity tonight, so somebody will have to tell me how that turns out, and Fox and Friends tomorrow, so... well, so somebody will have to tell me how that turns out, too.   From there it's a smattering of book signings at three chain stores, a tea party, a Republican Women's event, and... hey, how about that? A signing at a tiny book store in a tiny, humble Iowa city! I wonder if Newt might accompany her to that one?

My favorite thing so far is Callista lamely claiming that her kiddie book's protagonist just happens to be an elephant, and the fact that the Republican Party's symbol is an elephant is just a crazy coincidence. No connection was intended! To think otherwise would be crass.

UPDATE: I watched the Hannity thing online, and OMG it is boring. And once again Callista denies that Ellis is a Republican elephant. Sheer happenstance, people!

It seems like Callista is outright lying about Ellis the Elephant. In recent interviews, she claims it could have been any animal, but that they "came across this adorable elephant," which implies that she saw it in the artist's portfolio or something, or otherwise "stumbled upon it." But in Publishers Weekly's article about the book, the illustrator plainly says, "Callista Gingrich came up with the idea for Ellie the elephant."

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

My kid has a WAY cuter stuffed elephant than that. His name is Elvis.

Who names their elephant Ellis? Who names anything/one Ellis?

Anonymous said...

Okay, I get it: ELLIS ISLAND. But Ellis Island should really be called Elvis Island. Way cooler.

Lsamsa said...

My word...those shoes appear to have reappeared from decades lost. Not even attempting to figure out that blonde 'helmet' on her head...it's worse than Loni Anderson's during the last days of WKRP.

Matty Boy said...

Now we know why she has the hair. Attention must be distracted away from the cankles.

desertwind said...

THIS was a photo they chose for their official site?

Jesus. The out-takes must be outstandling bad.

Someone who secretly really really doesn't like them is doing the site as a freebie favor, right?

Lulu Maude said...

She thought of Ellis the Elephant all by herself!?! Goodness! She must be all tuckered out!!

Elvis the Elephant would be cooler, but if Callista were into cool, she wouldn't be married to Newtie.

dianegsocialist said...

Lulu -- Understood. She wants what Newt does offer: dollars and denial.

Cranky Old Batt said...

Ellis! The Castrated Elephant!

Cranky Old Batt said...

Wait - this just tricked through my cheesecloth like mind and formed a something resembling a thought:

"Callista Gingrich came up with the idea for Ellie the elephant."

Ellie? Does Ellie have a boyfriend that no one is supposed to find out about until his wife does and leaves him?

And despite the lack of nads, we know Ellie is a boy elephant.

Cos one thing I know for sure is that no self-respecting, gawd fearing publican would want to grow up female for krikes sake.

Anonymous said...

Hoo, boy. This is so sad. So yesterday's news. So... Sarah Palin,

Aunt Snow said...

Yikes. Look at those gunboats!

Lucy The Wonder Dog said...

Why does that elephant have cloven hooves?

Hooverific said...

I have...just ... returned from,,,, the website.... i .. am for..ever...... CHANGED.... drool yellow outfit drool eyes eyes ... eyes

Nancy said...

Girlfriend needs to get her roots redone. Unless that's a wig with dark roots, which is an even more off-putting thought.

samael7 said...

Callista's feet placement . . . so . . . askew. And, yeah, you know what kind of elephants have cloven feet?

Do you?

Also, "Ellis." As in Ellis Island? A major early/mid-20th century point of immigration for the East Coast? Never the darling of the Tea Party, this certainly wouldn't further endear the Gingriches to them.

Nancy said...

Samael: Kosher elephants?

senigma said...

The girl has some stout calf's on her though, don't she?

samael7 said...

Nacny: Pretty sure any cloven hoofed animal is trayf, and I can only imagine that cloven-hoofed animals that shouldn't be, like an elephant, were one of the plagues.

Yes, I'm sure of it now. A rain of elephants, wasn't it? Man, biblical times sucked.

Lulu Maude said...

Did I just hear old Ellis tell Callista to fuck off? It must be pretty warm in that elephant ensemble.

Mistress Cynica said...

Ellis the Elephant looks less fake and plastic than Callista does.