(AFP, 01-30-06)
2006 really was Condi's banner year. She did the most while accomplishing the least. By this time, Team Condi had everything down to a science. And while you may argue that Condi's tenure at the State Department constituted more than simply a series of vapid photo-ops, you have to admit that her tenure included an astounding number of them, most of which were faithfully dissected by yours truly. As Condi's routine gelled and settled, so too did this blog's fascination with the minutiae of her fairytale world increase. The highlights from year two:
- 01-06: Bush 'n' Condi allow "5-10 minutes" of their time for Colin 'n' Maddie photo-op.
- 01-06: Condi, Karen Hughes and Margaret Spellings, together at last.
- 01-13: Condi's resemblance to "Chucky Doll" noted.
- 01-16: Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System briefly raised to "Elevated" due to fanciful hats.
- 01-26: Jumbo Conditron is introduced.
- 02-13: We momentarily thought Condi had adopted a large, square afro:
(Reuters)
- 02-16: I indulged in more Condi afro fantasies.
- 02-25: Condi makes the cover of The Black Republican, a real magazine.
- 03-01: The exciting debut of network Condicising.
- 03-02: Condi 'n' Crazy Eyes, the dinner guests from Hell.
- 03-09: If looks could kill, Rumsfeld would be a pile of smoldering ashes.
- 03-12: Condi receives prank cocaine-lined ukulele with love from Bolivia.
- 03-14: Condi meets Elmo, as eerily foreshadowed by PSP.
- 03-16: Condi briefly forced to wear baseball cap, dine with mortals on Australian visit.
- 03-21: Condi does three matching armchairs photo-ops in one afternoon.
- 03-27: A new photo-op type is born as Condi rushes from one Sunday show to the next.
- 03-31: Romance with Jack Straw continues (see below) as Condi visits glamorous Blackburn.
- 03-31: "I know we have made tactical errors, thousands of them."
- 04-01: Pony Pal™ z7 introduces a still functioning Condiriffic diploclock.
- 04-02: Prevalence of Kleenex™ in Arab photo-ops noted.
- 04-06: State Department staffer surfs 53 pages of PSP in 26 minutes.
- 04-08: NY Times publishes puff piece on Condi's chamber music group.
- 04-11: Associated Press obtains hot Condi juvenalia.
- 04-25: Greeks pay tribute to Condi with a special puppet show.
- 05-01: And Rumsfeld glares right back at Condi. Who will win this battle of endurance?
- 05-05: MOMA acquires unflattering portrait of Condi.
- 05-07: Condi dumps Jack Straw.
- 05-08: Wasted Condi appears to fall asleep during Bush speech.
- 05-09: Condi honored by Time Magazine, wears satin, carries Judith Leiber purse.
- 05-10: Condi has to bat off an overexcited Javier Solana.
- 05-16: Her boring iPod playlist revealed.
- 05-16: Superiority of Reuters Yuri Gripas conclusively demonstrated when he wins the Condirazzi Iron Photo-Opographer challenge.
- 05-31: Condi introduces ring-toss as a way to liven up press conferences:
- 06-01: Condi introduces us to Ursula, her exact chromatic opposite. Later, Ursula would be revealed to be the Anti-Condi.
- 06-01: Hilarious Bush/Condi rumors are taken seriously for about five minutes.
- 06-03: The return of Condicising.
- 06-13: Condi 'n' Rummy: still super awkward.
- 07-03: PSP nails down the requirements for a truly cliché Condi presidential rumor article.
- 07-10: Afro fantasies reach their logical conclusion.
- 07-16: Wheee! Condi rides on a golf cart driven by Vladimir Putin.
- 07-20: Condi and Jesse Jackson, together at last.
- 07-24: Condi suffers a nearly complete hairdo breakdown in Lebanon.
- 07-26: "Touching her forehead" or "wincing in pain"? You decide!
- 07-27: Condi shakes off the bad times, dons a bizarre sparkley outfit, plays the piano.
- 07-29: Condi inspires renaissance of mean-spirited Lebanese caricature:
- 08-02: Condi becomes chic fashion accessory for goats.
- 08-03: What if Condi traveled back in time and appeared in a serigraph by William H. Johnson?
- 08-24: PSP endures 10-day Condi dry spell, survives.
- 09-01: Angela Merkel knocks Condi off the "Most Powerful Woman™" pedestal.
- 09-12: Condi has a whirlwind, caffeine-fueled dream date (see below) with hunky Peter MacKay.
- 09-12: Meet serial Condi portrayer Penny Johnson!
- 09-14: Reuters Condiographers begin Condi upskirt contest. All will fail.
- 09-25: Experimental "reaching across the banquet table" photo-op debuts, flops.
- 10-06: Condi completes terrifying 50-yard dash in Baghdad.
- 10-10: Vampire Condi officiates at gay wedding, almost bites Crazy Eyes.
- 10-18: Two words which always quicken my pulse in Condi photo captions: gusty winds.
- 10-18: Origin of "holding the invisible sphere" gesture found in Italian Surrealist sculpture.
- 10-19: Koreans make the prettiest anti-Condi graphics.
- 10-20: Multiple Chinese matching armchair photo-ops spoiled by enormous flower arrangements.
- 10-20: Karen Hughes likens Condi to 7th Century Muslim woman.
- 10-25: Condi flops on return to Heritage Foundation, neocons turn on her, too.
- 11-09: Condi introduces washed-up ice skater as latest weapon in the war on terror.
- 11-12: Condi vs. Rummy battle over, Condi wins.
- 11-15: Peter MacKay breaks up with Condi long-distance.
- 11-17: Condi 'n' Crazy Eyes wear ill-advised satin outfits to banquet.
- 11-21: She finally gets leid:
- 12-01: Protesters decide Condi is best represented by a hirsute bird puppet.
- 12-11: Hacky rom-com author gazes at Condi, finds her wanting.
- 12-12: Condi experiences bigger invisible spherical friend envy.
- 12-14: PSP longs for Condibot/Ben Bot romance.
- 12-19: Angry Condi avatar hits the WII.
- 12-29: We notice that Condi wisely keeps her ladyparts covered during close encounters with the rest of the Bush administration:
Another crazy year for Condi watchers! Note, however, that 2006 contained the crest of her fabulous trajectory as SoS, and by the end of the year, people would regularly be writing mean things about her and deciding that some dumpy German lady was more powerful. The nerve!
Stay tuned for 2007, a year of decline and embarrassments, and 2008, re-runs.
Here's 2005, 2007, 2008/9.
7 comments:
The amount of work that's gone into this is dazzling, especially since you're not getting paid. You, Princess, are A True Artist. Thank you for including us in your spectacular Performance Art.
You know, Pony, as I view these images, I become increasingly convinced that Condoleeeeeeezzzzzza has not only let the American people down, our global siblings down, but you down, especially.
Oh, there have been a few 'do alterations here and there... a cut or two, an upsweep now and then, but La Rice has failed to live up to your life's task.
Hillary Clinton in her First Lady days may have provided a livelier up and down on the old Hairdo Alert, but Condi has spent most of her time in the Guarded category.
Since she didn't do much as SoS, the least she could have done was have provided a little more grease to the alert system.
But that's what the Republican Party does to its stars. You wouldn't even need to develop a Facial Hair Alert System to man of the GOP. You won't see Dubya or the Dick sprouting facial hair after they depart office, even though rumor has it that the Dick is actually a werewolf who ascended to high places.
What the Alert system has done the most of is to alert our attention to a very static lady (never mind all the air travel) in a very static political party.
Sigh.
What next, esteemed Princess?
Ordinarily these EOTR roundups read like filler prepared by assistants so the main guy/gal can take an extended holiday. But youPrincess, your Highness, your achievements are so extensive, and contain so many half-remembered jewels, that a review is delightful. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this retrospective, Princess. I've only been following the blog since late 2006, so it's great to see the history I missed, like the first appearances of Klingon Condi, the Condi-Bot, Arab Kleenex and of course, Our Ursula.
And as sfmike points out, it's wonderful for you to do all this work for free, just out of love for your readers, who love you right back.
Thank you for inspiring me to drop my more humorous comments here at your blog, PSP.
What an inspiration you've been.
:*
When the real history of this disastrous administration (which doesn't understand history) is written, PSP's blog will be a primary source -- in both senses of the world.
Princess, you have captured, through your blog, the essence of this eight-year regime of renegades, which was all show and no substance (and you managed to do it in a witty, Voltairean way that would make Dada-ists jealous).
"Dr" Rice was of course a key player in this freak show, selling whatever soul she has only to have a sole, in the final episode of this Dubya-directed horror film, hit her buddy in the WH -- a summary of her (and his) achievements.
I'm sure I'm not your only fan hoping that your observations on contemporary America will continue, in this or any other form.
In many ways, PSP is a political pundit the way Will Rogers was in his day.
Anyone who wants to get the gist of Rice's misadventures for the last 8 years can get a pretty accurate overview here.
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