Oh Brave New World That Has Such People In it!

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, Vice President Dick Cheney, right, and Cheney's wife Lynne, center, are pictured prior to the the start of the arrival ceremony for Queen Elizabeth II, Monday, May 7, 2007, on the South Lawn at the White House in Washington. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Awww... if the above picture doesn't bring a smile and uncontrollable weeping, then you just aren't trying hard enough. Lynne Cheney seems to be saying, "Look! There's a world leader with a modicum of decency and class!" We know, Lynne, it's alarming and bizarre. What's that doing in Washington? Trying to make everybody else look bad? It's OK, though, because I'm sure hubby Dick is working on a Queen-encompassing smear as I write this.

Oh, and speaking of Condi and Shakespeare: who will break her virgin-knot?

Kulture Korner: Emergency Audio Alert

Are Fujiya & Miyagi currently the single greatest band in the known universe? Signs point to yes, and this seemingly legal free 44-minute-long live performance for NPR offers compelling evidence. What a way to either end your Sunday or begin your Monday. Really, you'll thank me later.

With a Single Descriptive Gesture, Condi Reveals Why Her Affair with GW Had to End

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice gestures during a press conference following the Expanded Ministerial Conference for the Neighbors of Iraq at the second day sessions at the Red Sea resort of Sharm El-Sheikh, Egypt Friday, May 4, 2007. (AP Photo/Emilio Morenatti)

And in other Condinews, would you believe that Dr. Ferragamo suggested that Nancy Pelosi went to Syria merely for the photo-ops? Is that not hysterically funny? Let me repeat that: Condoleezza Rice accusing somebody of doing something just for the photo-ops.

You know, that sounds like something I've written about somebody, but I just can't quite put my finger on it.

What if Jeff Gannon Threw a Party and Nobody... Um... Came?

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Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Stars and Swooshes Forever

Click both for desktop-sized.

If you could see this bus in its entirety, you'd be appalled. But, naturally, I almost always withhold that information, don't I? Anyway, take my word for it: it was an absolute cavalcade of mashed-up and conflicting graphical devices. Oh how I'd love to interview one of these bus painters and find out how their minds work. Who makes the decisions? Who signs off on the designs? I just don't understand it. I guess that's what fascinates me.

Quickie: I Swear to God it Wasn't Me!

From one of The Washington Post's 20,000 blogs:

Tabard Inn owner Jeremiah Cohen stared at the conspicuously empty space on the wall of a stairwell near the bar of his restaurant Tuesday afternoon and thought to himself: Who done it?

The crime: A thank-you letter penned by war protestor Cindy Sheehan is missing, its empty frame thrown behind a radiator at the bottom of the stairwell near the loos.

Cohen is so frustrated by the theft of his cherished anti-war memento that he's offering a reward. He wants information that will lead him to his No. 1 suspect: An unidentified woman, about 60, wearing an "I LOVE CONDI" button and who told at least two Tabard employees that she was from Texas.

A swish of the combable tail to DCist! I didn't know you cared!

...and DON'T Let Your Hands Get Anywhere Near Her Mouth

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice attends the opening of an international conference on Iraq in Sharm el-Sheikh, 03 May 2007. A conference aimed at rescuing Iraq from chaos and bankruptcy kicked off Thursday in Egypt amid an unprecedented display of international unity.(AFP/Cris Couroncle)

Much better.

Taking Not Taking Hairdos Seriously Seriously

Oh! OK, I just get a wee bit defensive when snooty types on sites like Media Matters decry the crucially important task of making snide comments about politicians' hairdos. Just look at Eric Boehlert's latest thing about "the haircut beat", a phrase he seems to spit out through his lips like a maggot-infested watermelon seed.

I like you, Eric, but honey, you are SO confused! I mean, OMG, first he says that the press only talks about Democrats' coiffure woes, and then proceeds to list a litany of Republican follicular mishaps as reported in the press. WTF? Overall, he laments that so many people care about haircuts, and insists that they're unimportant, but then comes up with several case studies in which hair-driven excess is symptomatic of broader themes of extravagance, vanity, hypocrisy and out-of-touchedness -- all of which, in my book, make these cases worthy of attention. Like the attention paid by Eric Boehlert, for instance!

The great thing, though, is that Mr. Boehlert, in this nevertheless fun-filled article, uses the excuse of decrying hairdo issues as a springboard to discuss what he seems to feel are neglected hairdo issues.

Don't be afraid, Eric. You are the hairdo. I am the hairdo. We are ALL the hairdo. Embrace it.

Pretend Nothing is Wrong

Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, center, meets with US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, Iraqi Foreign Minister Hoshyar Zebari, far left, Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister Barham Saleh, 2nd left, with an unidentified interpreter, 2nd right, on the eve of the International Compact with Iraq Conference, in Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt Wednesday, May 2, 2007. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice acknowledged international resistance to new financial and political support for Iraq as she began three days of diplomacy overshadowed by the possibility of a thaw in U.S. relations with Iran and Syria. (AP Photo/Mike Nelson, Pool)

A big diplomatic confab? Heck, it's just another series of photo-ops for Condi! I love the bit in the caption about how her trip is "overshadowed by the possibility of a thaw" between the US and Syria and Iran. They make it sound like that's a bad thing! Oh wait, right, for the Bush administration, that is a bad thing. The threat of impending peace! Run away, run away, Condi!

And I must apologize for being a little lax in keeping up with the Dr. Ferragamo photo-ops lately. Would you believe that I've skipped over several matching armchairs and dueling podiums sessions? After a while, they just blur together.

Photoblogging: Donut/Rembrandt & Bonus Wisteria

Not Photoshopped! Click for bigger.


Again, click the picture for larger.

Wasn't There a Michael Jackson Song About This?

In this photo provided by CBS News, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice speaks to Rep. John Murtha, D-Pa., before their seperate appearances on CBS's 'Face the Nation' in Washington, Sunday, April 29, 2007. (AP Photo/CBS Face the Nation, Karin Cooper)

Oh, I'm sure that little meeting wasn't awkward in the slightest! It's too bad they weren't on the show together.

And that was quite the lie-a-thon Condi had yesterday on TV, wasn't it? Whew!

Crazy Lady Gets Honorary Law Degree

Chancellor Emeritus Charles B. Runnels (R) places a hood on U.S. first lady Laura Bush as she receives Pepperdine's Honorary Doctor of Laws degree during the 2007 Seaver College commencement at Pepperdine University in Malibu, California April 28, 2007. REUTERS/Phil McCarten (UNITED STATES)

Laura Bush: the next attorney general of the United States of America!

Quickie: Everybody's Favorite Dreamboat Marine Strikes Again!

Sparklefave hunky Marine Adam Kokesh (or, as I like to call him, Tally McArmstrong) got arrested on Capital Hill this yesterday morning! Would you like to see lovely Mr. Kokesh in handcuffs? Would that fuel your less wholesome military fantasies for the morning? Say no more.

Hairdo-Obsessed Blogs Suddenly Relevant Amidst the Ruins of John Edwards' Campaign

Seriously, is the Edwards campaign effectively dead due to hairdo issues? Yes. Yes it is:

Thursday, April 26, 2007
Brushing the "Hair Issue"
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Did New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson take a swipe at former Sen. John Edwards when he said, "I think the American people want candor. They don't want blow-dried candidates with perfection." With only Sen. Chris Dodd, D-Connecticut, between Richardson and Edwards, the governor made the comment in response to a question over why he took so long before calling for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' resignation. Only moments earlier, Sen. Edwards was asked to explain why he used campaign funds to pay for two $400 haircuts.

-- CNN Senior Producer Alex Wellen

Annnnd a simple Google News Search tells the rest of the tragic tale. It is my sincere opinion that those two coiffure adjustments will be forever etched on the tombstone of the presumably unmanly candidate's bid for the big one. Tsk. If this blog has any "message" at all, it's this: hairdos matter. Hairdo mishaps ruin lives! Totally. Hairdo presentation management is a crucial aspect of any public figure's career, and the delicate balance of all possible hairdo arrangement factors (including, obvs, choice of follicle consultant) is upset at the unwary politician's peril.

But besides the whole making him lose thing, were the profligate trims worth it? Mmmm... well, yes, they were necessary. The best way to demonstrate the crucial role the candidate's hairstyle played in his public persona is to show a recent photo in which the spendy locks aren't included:

April 23, 2007. AP Photo/Kevin Wolf

Now it should all make sense.

We Have a Runner-Up for the Greatest Condishot of the Year (So Far)

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice looks up at the start of NATO's foreign ministers meeting in Oslo, Norway, Thursday, April 26, 2007. U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice dismissed Russians concerns over Washington's plans to deploy anti-missile defenses in Europe on Thursday, saying the American interceptors would pose no danger to Moscow's nuclear arsenal. (AP Photo/Yves Logghe)

There's nothing forced about that dazzling smile! After all, nothing could be more fun for Condi than to be surrounded by all those other foreign ministers who surely think she's just SUPER-DUPER. Oh, I just know she was the belle of the ball.

But where are Micheline and Ursula? Well, hold on to your hats, because Switzerland and Austria aren't members of that little NATO club. Can you believe it? Who would want to be in a club without Micheline and Ursula? That Dutch Hoola-Hoop guy was there, though. Watch out, Condi!

BONUS! As mentioned in the title of this post, the above photo, wonderful as it is, is but an also-ran compared to this especially magical shot from two weeks ago. Pony Pal™ Drew in SF, dazzled by Condi's pixie-ish charm in that photo, wanted more of a good thing, so he has selflessly provided us all with a gargantuan blow-up of the best part of it. Click the detail below to fill your screen with marvelous Condilove, the greatest love of all. Pony Pals™, meet your new desktop picture:

Oh, Snap!

Nice Rack, Ma'am!

French socialist presidential candidate Segolene Royal, left, welcomes Jacques Delors, former European commission president, at her campaign headquarters in Paris Tuesday April 24, 2007. The battle between French conservative Nicolas Sarkozy and Socialist Segolene Royal heated up Tuesday as their camps tried tactics to woo voters in the political center, the key decision-makers in the presidential race. (AP Photo/Francois Mori)

I really had high hopes that Ségolène Royal would turn out to be a fabulous, glittery Sparklefave, but alas, she's kinda classy and boring. But I loved this shot of her the other day! He's looking at her hand, people, OK?

But anyway, that photo would be tons funnier if one were to crop out the bottom half, don't you think? Lucky for us, Le Monde thought the exact same thing.

Big ups of the combable mane to Pony Pal™ Judah for spotting this one.

Condi Flies to Norway to Hide from Henry Waxman

The US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice alights from the plane as she arrives at Gardermoen Airport outside Oslo Wednesday April 25, 2007, to participate in the Informal meeting of NATO Foreign Ministers in Oslo on April 26 and 27. (AP photo / Bjoern Sigurdsoen, SCANPIX)

Good thinking, Dr. Ferragamo! Do you think we'll get a Condi 'n' Ursula meet-up? A Condi 'n' Micheline confab? Poor Condi: she trying the best she can (really), and all these mean people want her to respond to their silly letters and to totally appear in Congress and -- Really! Who do they think they are? Get on a plane, girl, and fly, fly away from those awful people.

Jesus via Orwell

Several other bloggers (Jesus' General, for instance) have written about the delightfully manly Jesus action figures offered by wearefishermen.com, but I haven't seen anybody else comment on the "War is Peace" theme of the figure above, a toy which enthusiastically earns the "unbelievably not photoshopped" label. I love how fashion-forward Jesus nonchalantly throws his robe over his combat fatigues almost as an afterthought. Maybe it's a Kevlar robe? Also, the IED in the form of a dove? Genius! I can't wait for the "Freedom is Slavery" and "Ignorance is Strength" figures. God in three persons, indeed! Yay!

I also think that all our troops should be immediately equipped with shiny golden crowns o' thorns and robes. I mean... how conceptually accurate would that be?

What Would Sarah Silverman Do?

It's no secret that people in San Diego tend to be very, very stupid*, and part of the reason is that they're reading the San Diego Union-Tribune, upon whose editorial board sits Ruben Navarrette Jr., a dependably Republican apologist's apologist.

Ruben has really outdone himself with his bizarre, attack-the-attackers take at CNN.com on all this hubbub going on lately with all those megapopular racist conservative radio hosts. Did you read it? This has got to be one of the most peculiar op-eds I've read in a while. So... let me get this straight, Ruben: when people criticize Bill O'Reilly for using the word wetback, they're just as bad as he is because they're repeating the word by quoting him?

Wait, let me try:

Wetback.

Nope, it's still worse when Bill O'Reilly says it.

*I should know because I lived there for over 15 years, and I was totally way stupider then.