This Year, Why Not Start a New Family Christmas Tradition by Burning Santa in Effigy?

Oh, the thrilling twists and turns of the internets! I was looking up info on Obama's new favorite preacher, Rick Warren, and found this amazing anti-Warren rant by Pastor Harry, a mentally ill Christian rapturist so extreme he makes James Dobson sound like Harvey Milk.

I digress! Anyway, Pastor Harry has the best thing ever on his site: long, lonnnng diatribes against the unholy Santa Claus, spinner of lies, denier of Jesus, bringer of Satan, etc., etc. Here's just a sample:

LYING TO CHILDREN ABOUT SANTA IS
A SERIOUS SIN THAT WILL KEEP YOU FROM
HEAVEN UNLESS YOU REPENT AND PRACTICE
THE TRUTH OF HIS GOSPEL.

PARTKING IN THE SANTA LIE WILL GUARANTEE
YOU A SEAT IN THE GREAT TRIBULATION WHEN
YOU ARE LEFT BEHIND IN THE FIRST RAPTURE.

IS SANTA WORTH LOSING YOUR HEAD OVER?

But how to cleanse your family of the evil Santa's pernicious influence? That's where the utterly fantastic Santa Be Gone™ Burnable Effigy Doll (seen above) comes in! What could possibly be more heart-warming:

SANTA BE GONE burnable effigy dolls use a specially designed "filler" (patent pending) that burns quickly and brilliantly without the need for dangerous accelerants such as lighter fluids.

IF OTHERS HAVE THE RIGHT TO DECORATE THEIR HOMES WITH LIT-UP SANTA DISPLAYS, THEN WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO PURCHASE AND (SAFELY) BURN A "SANTA BE GONE" DOLL AS PART OF OUR NEW CHRISTMAS TRADITION.

BEST TIME TO BURN YOUR SANTA BE GONE ritual effigy doll is Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Maybe you can buy two dolls one for the night and one for the day! MAKES A GREAT VCR GIFT!

OMG, I am so sold! It's so funny, because I honestly love the idea of burning Santa in effigy even though it's for completely different reasons than Pastor Harry's! And they're totally a bargain at only $95 plus $25 shipping and handling, which might seem steep, but they're hand-made (of cashmere, I wonder?) and, I mean, isn't it worth it to totally cleanse horrible Santa from your family's life? YES.

Quickie: Please Shed a Tear for Inconvenienced Rich Lady

Want to get really, really angry? Just read this insane piece, one which Gawker initially mistook for a parody, by Alexandra Penney at the Tina Brown thing. It's about how she's less filthy rich thanks to the Madoff scam and now she has to, maybe, sell one of her mansions to make ends meet. I know you guys and I am certain you will totally want to claw her eyes out. An example:

I’d need to lay off Yolanda. I could cancel the newspaper subscriptions and read everything online.

Oh! It's another Dark Age!

UPDATE: Gannon Gone

So sad! Unfortunately, the domain is not available (I tried, natch. God, how great would that have been?). So I have to ask again: where's Jeff?

Sarah Palin eBay Fire Sale Remnants Roundup

We haven't heard anything for days from the Alaskan nincompoop, and that makes me (kinda) sad. Craving some Sarah, I headed to eBay to see what kind of steeply-discounted stuff I could buy, fondle, etc. I should probably pick up the above Garbage Palin Kids parody sticker to go with my voluminous GPK collection, but, oh, there's so much more!

Bobbleheads! Several to choose from, some at rock-bottom prices. I think I like the armed one the best:

Are you a sports fan? Never mind that a Sarah Palin autographed baseball makes no sense whatsoever, you clearly need this:

Here's amusing proof that Sarah would pretty much sign anything thrust in her general direction, an autographed copy of the infamous mustachioed Newsweek cover:

Of course, not all Sarah Palin merchandise looks to the past:

Wow, that hat is totally Helveticalicious! And just like Palin herself, it's 100% polyester.

But anyway, there's no shortage of Palin stuff for sale. Still! And most of it is super-cheap, so I think you should consider putting together entire SP gift baskets for your loved ones this holiday season. Just picture the confused looks on their faces!

My favorite, though (besides the poignantly mistaken "we can do it" Rosie the Riveter merchandise) is the music CD by the Singing Roofer:

He explains:

seems like the Hollywood folks don't care much for our girl Sarah well folks let me tell ya she has given me new hope four our system a good breath of fresh air last election I voted for Martha Stewart as a protest vote no joke and three times washington state counted it and three times they wouldnot regester it why have sign in blanks?? this copy of your own SINGing Roofer will be signed by Don recorded in the old wooldshead Maybelle museum some fast country type songs and a couple of Don's new Christmas songs and some 50 's rock type songs and a couple of Gospel tunes

Sounds good to me! Happy shopping!

Blago Pretty Much as Obsessed with His Hair as We Thought

The NY Times has a funny article today about how Rod Blagojevich is basically crazy. The best part is, of course, about his hair:

[...] Mr. Blagojevich, 52, rarely turns up for work at his official state office in Chicago, former employees say, is unapologetically late to almost everything, and can treat employees with disdain, cursing and erupting in fury for failings as mundane as neglecting to have at hand at all times his preferred black Paul Mitchell hairbrush. He calls the brush “the football,” an allusion to the “nuclear football,” or the bomb codes never to be out of reach of a president.

And his staff tried –they tried!– to enact some hairdo moderation:

Behind the scenes, though, members of Mr. Blagojevich’s staff saw a different man: one who was deeply concerned about his appearance (particularly his signature black hair, which he ignored suggestions to change) and who usually worked from his home or his North Side campaign office and could often be seen, mid- or late-morning, making a six-mile run trailed by his security team.

And this is why all those hair jokes over the last week are totally justified.

Biden Fires First Adorable Salvo in the Executive Branch Puppy Battle

This undated photo provided by breeder Linda Brown shows Vice President-elect Joe Biden of Delaware holding his newly purchased German Shepherd puppy, which remains name-less so far, at Brown's home in East Coventry Township in Chester County, Pa. President-elect Barack Obama has still to fulfill his election promise to his daughters and select a puppy who will live with them at the White House. (AP Photo/Brown Family)

I grew up with German shepherds, so I love the idea of one galumphing and waggling around the VP palace. Such wonderful dogs. Well done, Joe! The Boss is going to have a tough time out-cuting that. This is a war everybody wins!

Shoes in the News

In this image from APTN video, a man, centre throws a shoe at US President George W. Bush, background left, during a news conference with Iraq Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, Sunday, Dec. 14, 2008, in Baghdad, Iraq. On an Iraq trip shrouded in secrecy and marred by dissent, President George W. Bush on Sunday hailed progress in the war that defines his presidency and got a size-10 reminder of his unpopularity when a man hurled two shoes at him during a news conference. (AP Photo)

You can search the shoes, but the shoes themselves remain a formidable projectile. More images from the sequence:

Dana Perino got a black eye! Two sparkley hooves way up for the brave shoe hurler!

Sunday Morning Mind****

Ooooh, trippy: go stare at this psychedelic optical illusion thingy and find out what your apartment would look like underwater.

Terminex: The Best Photo of Blago

CHICAGO - DECEMBER 11: Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich leaves his home on December 11, 2008 in Chicago, Illinois. On December 9 Mr. Blagojevich was arrested for allegedly trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by President-elect Barack Obama for money and favors among other corruption charges. (Photo by Brian Kersey/Getty Images)

I know these have been shown elsewhere, but they're just too good to not archive here. This is a very lucky photographer, sure, but he took fantastic advantage of the moment and made it both funnier and more artistic by using a narrow depth of focus. I'm giving this one the Larry Downing Memorial Context is Everything Award for the year.

Here's the inferior (but still great) image which preceded the above:

It's fun to see how quickly Kersey had to work to make the decision to focus on the sign. Two sparkley hooves way up!

Don't You Just Want to Surprise Blago with a Puppy?

I've seen a lot of amusing "Blagojevich reminds me of..." posts around the interwebs, but Pony Pal™/Coworker Ira really nailed it when he glanced at his picture, recoiled in horror, and pronounced, "It's Bobby Goldsboro!"

And, indeed, it isn't pleasant, but it's true:

Go ahead, grow the mustache, Rod. And then, in a couple of months, you'll be able to croon and honey, I miss you and I'm bein' good, and I'd love to be with you if only I could and really mean it.

Quickie: CNN Takes a Ride on the Pink Pony

Hey, how about that! Just days after being obliquely referred to on NPR, CNN hops on the Pink Pony and takes it for a spin. Nice that they actually mention the name! I'll try to embed the video later, as my work computer seems to not want to do that. Anyway, it's about how Blago's hair is totally the worst hair in hairville.

EDIT: Top Hairdressers Baffled by Rod Blagojevich’s Mane. How could you possibly see that headline and not read the article?

Blago Makeover

What if Blagojevich Named His Own Hair as Obama's Senate Replacement?

Condi Farewell Tour Simply Exploding with Glamour

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice laughs next to Colombian Foreign Minister Jaime Bermudez Merizalde (L) and Honduras' Foreign Minister Angel Orellana at a foreign, and trade and commerce ministers from Latin American nations summit in Panama City December 10, 2008. REUTERS/Alberto Lowe (PANAMA)

Is Condi saving all the superlatives for last? Because that is THE ugliest pantsuit I've seen her in yet. I dislike the single-button coat, the blowzy pants, ew. That is just not a good outfit.

Here's the whole group shot, and it's the cutest thing because they all had to wave:

So good. I don't know who these people are, but I want them all to be the new Devo.

Condi's Anxious to Dismount the Pink Pony

Reuters, 01/23/08

From Condi's interview on NPR this morning:

Q: And you've said that we were not — we're not going to hear from you very much. I wonder if you're going to be ready for life out of the limelight, away from the blogs that follow your hairstyles and shoes.

A: I think I can live without that, thank you very much. No, I'm looking forward to going back to other things. I suspect I'll be plenty busy, but it'll be nice to have other opportunities. It's been a long eight years. I'm very gratified by what we've been able to achieve. I do believe that what George Shultz said is right — there is no greater honor than representing your country. It's the best job in government. But there are a lot of great jobs outside of government, including going back to the life of the mind and to the promotion of education for everyone.

Emphasis mine. Does anybody know what these people are talking about? Blogs that follow Condi's hairstyles and shoes? Who ever heard of such a thing?

Frightened by Sudden Media Coverage Decompression, the Palins Have an Open House

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, left, stands with her daughter Piper, and Todd Palin, the first gentleman feeding their son Trig as they greet people at the Governor's mansion in Juneau, Alaska during the Governor's open house Tuesday Dec. 9, 2008. (AP Photo/Al Grillo)

Awwww, little Piper looks cute, but I'm at a loss to explain the peculiar sack Sarah's thrown over herself. It certainly seems clear that the Palins didn't retain any members of their McCain campaign styling squad. I think that's kind of sad. Sarah certainly needs guidance! Pictures like this are a useful reminder of just how buffed and polished she was during those brief, magical months when she was a noteworthy political figure.

"Some days, politics makes me roll my eyes and say 'I don't know if politics are in my future'," Palin said yesterday. No, Sarah, no! You must forge on! Bill Kristol commands it!

Rod Blagojevich: Pretty Much My Favorite Courtroom Drawings EVER

In this courtroom artist's drawing Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, center, his Chief of Staff John Harris, left, and federal prosecutor Reid Schar, right, stand before U.S. Magistrate Judge Jan Nolan in Chicago, Tuesday, Dec. 9, 2008. Blagojevich and Harris were arrested Tuesday by the FBI in Chicago which alleged Blagojevich sought favors to influence his choice for President-elect Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat. (AP Photo/Verna Sadock)

There's so much to love here that I don't know where to begin. Is it a storyboard sketch for a lost Thunderbirds episode? I also like the hammy I'm contrite posture, and wonder if he was really that obvious in real life. I'm thinking, you know, probably yes. But most of all, of course, I love the dominance of Blagojevich's mighty hairdo. Let's look at it some more:

It's like the artist got dazzled by the enlarged coiffure, pulled into its vortex. I can't blame him! Me, too! Also, although the courtroom artist is not named, it's totally obviously Jack Chick.

Larry Craig: In the Eyes of the Court, Still a Choad-Gobbling Stall Monster

Poor Larry! His latest attempt to "appeal" his own voluntarily-given guilty plea has come to naught:

A court just ruled that Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, can't withdraw his guilty plea in the criminal case that derailed his political career.

Members of a state appeals court said this morning that Craig, who was arrested in 2007 during a sex sting at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, failed to convince them that the law was too broad or that the trial judge abused his discretion.

Here's the entire 10-page ruling.

The Associated Press says Craig can still appeal his case to the state's highest court.

Please keep appealing, Larry! You'll always be appealing to us!

Will This Be the Final George Bush Presidential Bald-Head-Rubbing?

U.S. President George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush gather with the children of military families as they attend a children's holiday reception in the East Room of the White House in Washington December 8, 2008. REUTERS/Jason Reed (UNITED STATES)

The Bushes did the most totally funnest thing today, surrounding themselves in a protective yet festive cloud of adorable children. Cute!

But eagle-eyed Bush watchers, take note! This is just the latest of many instances of George rubbing bald heads, a practice –a fetish, even– documented with painful thoroughness here. I can imagine him sitting there, seeing that tiny –yet perfectly-formed– cropped noggin, and thinking, This could be the last! This could be the last! Well, how could he resist? And why should he? He's the President of the United States!

A superb Holiday Gross-Out™, and my compliments to the director.

How to Make Morgan Freeman Uncomfortable

Kennedy Center 2008 Honoree Morgan Freeman, left, laughs with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice after the State Department Dinner for the Kennedy Center Honors gala Saturday, Dec. 6, 2008 at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/Kevin Wolf)

What, Kennedy Center Honors again? Already? Well, it was the last time for Condi to perform her favorite gig, and it looks like she's wearing about $10 zillion in Harry Winston emeralds and diamonds for the occasion, in addition to a special coneheaded updo and a truly fabulous gown. Looking good! Other honorees included the surviving 1/2 of The Who, George Jones, Barbra Streisand (!) and Twyla Tharp. And Condi made a funny joke based on one of Freeman's worst movies:

The awards were presented Saturday night at a State Department dinner hosted by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. She addressed each honoree, beginning with Freeman, who once played the president in the movie "Deep Impact."

"I know that when you played the African-American president of the United States, most people thought that would happen when a comet hit," Rice said, drawing laughs and cheers. "But wonder of wonders, fiction has become true."

Does anybody still think Condi voted for McCain?

Programming Note: This Week, the Part of the Golden Calf Will be Played by Three Sport Utility Vehicles

Bishop Charles Ellis prays for the future of the American auto industry during a special service called "A Hybrid Hope" at the Greater Grace Temple in Detroit, Michigan December 7, 2008. REUTERS/Carlos Barria

Seldom have I seen religion, commerce, and politics combined in such a peculiar way:

At one point, Ellis summoned up hundreds of auto workers and retirees in the congregation to come forward toward the vehicles on the altar to be anointed with oil.

Let that phrase sink in while enjoying the rest of the photos: anointed with oil.

Local car dealerships donated three hybrid SUVs to be displayed during the service, one from each of the Big Three. A Ford Escape, Chevy Tahoe from GM and a Chrysler Aspen were parked just in front of the choir and behind the pulpit.

Representing the 150,000 unionized workers at GM, Chrysler and Ford Motor Co, UAW Vice President General Holiefield said the industry had made its case for emergency funding as strongly as it could.

"We have done all we can do in this union, so I'm going to turn it over to the Lord," Holiefield told the congregation.

Brings a whole new meaning to the term "Voodoo Economics," doesn't it?

Introducing the Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System™

It's a little sad to introduce the Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System with the current state at the lowest, most disappointing level, but Papa Bear's elevation to Obama cabinet demigod kinda forced my hand.

This valuable public service (if I don't say so myself) will accompany, not replace, the Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System in the right-hand margin of the site. I have high hopes for the BRFHAS! Don't let us down, Papa Bear!

And if you really, really want to impress your friends and show them that, like Fox News reporters, you are determined to stay informed on the political topics which really matter, you'll want to head to the Richardson Alert Cafe Press shop to purchase BRFHAS t-shirts and coffee mugs. Because, you know, why not?

So, you know, to clarify: I will keep track of Bill Richardson's facial hair so you don't have to, and I will still do the same for Condi's hairdo.

Don't Get Too Close

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice holds a press conference Friday Dec. 5, 2008 in Copenhagen, Denmark. (AP Photo/Jens Dige, POLFOTO)

So, yeah, Condi's was in India for about two seconds, pretending to help with whatever it is they need help with over there. Everybody loves it when Dr. Ferragamo lends a hand! Remember a couple of weeks ago how she was "helping" with the financial crisis? And look how awesome that turned out! Onward to new triumphs, girl! Or, in this case, Denmark.

But you all know I love the photo because it's such a good example of a wire snapper getting bored and then deciding to be arty. I always totally heart that. Or maybe he's shy? It's hard to tell, but in this one he seems to be practically cowering behind the other photographers to get his picture:

That's the Danish PM, Anders Fogh Rasmussen, and the two of them did one of those classic "dueling podiums" pressers. Here's Condi expressing regret:

Well, thank you very much, Prime Minister, and let me first express the deep regret of the United States for the loss of life yesterday of the two Danish soldiers. I had an opportunity last night to say that the United States, of course, extends condolences to the families and to friends and to the Danish people.

No loss can ever be repaid. No life can ever be brought back. Yet we all know that nothing of value is ever won without sacrifice. And therefore, these people have not died in vain, but in the noble cause of trying to help the Afghan people to fight off terrorism, to build a decent life for themselves a democratic way, and in doing so, to strengthen the security for all of us. As you said, Afghanistan must never be allowed again to become a safe haven for terrorism. And that is the fight in which we are engaged.

Blah, blah, blah. Sound familiar? It's Condi's grief phrase: these people have not died in vain. Where have we heard that before?

Ursula Grief Stage Four: Depression

New Austrian Foreign Minister Michael Spindelegger, left, presents a bouquet of flowers to his predecessor Ursula Plassnik, Tuesday Dec. 2, 2008 in Vienna, Austria. (AP Photo/Bernhards J. Holzner)

That was the scene on Tuesday, but I just couldn't write about it until today because I was still so sad!

Oh, Ursula, this guy seems nice, and it was grand of him to give you such gorgeous flowers and everything, but he's just not....

*sobs uncontrollably*

*sets favorite cashmere scarf on fire in gesture of grief*

Roger Ebert Gives Richard Dawkins a Run for His Money

I know they did a lot of horrible things to Roger Ebert in the hospital, but oh, wow, they sure haven't dulled his powers as a writer, and he's gotten kinda mean, which is great. Since he's been back, his writing has been a total delight to read, and his latest piece is the best thing he's done since, maybe, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. It's a long, lonnnng takedown of Ben Stein and his stupid anti-evolution movie, and you absolutely have to read the whole thing because it is stunning, so no excerpts here. I also recommend reading his recent ponderings on his alarming post-op appearance, quite possibly Pulitzer material.

I haven't always thought that Ebert was a great film critic (although he frequently is), but I've always, always thought he was a great writer.

Two sparkley hooves way, WAY up, Roger!

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Quadruple Bustravaganza!

I really must insist you click these for 1200x900 versions

I went bus hunting today at lunch with Pony Pal™ Adam, and my dears, I got sooooo arty I was totally, like, wearing a beret or something*! OMG. Anyway, here are the the rest from today's catch:

*Not really. I would never, EVER wear a beret.

Obama "Deeply Disappointed" in Papa Bear's Beardlessness

President-elect Barack Obama introduces New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson as nominee for commerce secretary during a news conference in Chicago, December 3, 2008. (Jeff Haynes/Reuters)

OK, so this is hilarious: Obama keeps not calling on Fox News at his press conferences, because they are mean, bad people. Until today! So what does the intrepid Fox "reporter" do with his golden opportunity? He asks about Bill Richardson's beard. No, really:

Fox’s Wendell Goler began by thanking Obama for calling on him, and then proceeded to ask about the TARP funds and Bill Richardson’s now-removed beard. Obama began by offering a light-hearted take on Richardson’s beard:

"I’m going to answer this question about the beard. I think it was a mistake for him to get rid of it. I thought that whole western, rugged look was really working for him. … We’re deeply disappointed with the loss of the beard."

Oh, us too! Us too! Bring back the beard, Secretary Papa Bear!

Compare/Contrast

Discuss.

OMG, Obamatinis! I Love Them!

A couple of weeks ago, I posted about how the Human Rights Campaign is the most useless, bloated, party-obsessed and self-congratulatory group in all of hairdresserdom, one which does less for hairdresser rights than your typical righteously-indignant teen homo with a Twitter page. Guess what they're planning to celebrate Obama's inauguration? That's right, a huge, lavish party:

The party, being organized by a large coalition of gay-rights groups led by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation, promises to feature Cyndi Lauper, Rufus Wainwright, Melissa Etheridge, Thelma Houston and other artists. It will be held at the legendary landmark Mayflower hotel, which, need we even say, is one of the most primo locations in the capital city.

Tickets go on sale next week for the early-bird, recession special price of $350, which, besides the entertainment, includes unlimited Obamatinis, equalitinis and as much Chicago and Hawaiian themed food as you'd like from the buffet. After Dec. 16, prices rise to $375. But it won't get you in the same ballroom as President-elect Barack Obama, since the more casual gala - attire is "festive or formal" - will be an unofficial one.

So all you people who contribute to the HRC, there's where your money goes: air travel and luxury accomodations for Cyndi Lauper, Rufus Wainwright, Melissa Etheridge and Thelma Houston, rental on the Mayflower Hotel (!!), and, of course, HRC executive salaries and tuxedo fund. I'm assuming that a few weeks after the event, they'll have an awards ceremony to bestow medals on the best Obamatini mixologists.

Oh, hey, and that reminds me! Fellow federal employees: it's CFC time again! Never mind what's happening to your 401K, make sure to give HRC even more money*! They need it! It's, you know, charity!

*Update: John points out that HRC isn't, in fact, a charity, so you probably can't give money to them through the CFC. I stand by my opinion, though, that giving them money is a complete waste, unless you really are in it just for the cocktail parties and awards ceremonies. Perhaps this would be a good time to peruse the CFC list for somebody better than the Human Rights Campaign on which to spend your money.

Saxby Chambliss Winces in Pain and Disgust as He Realizes He's Merely a Bit Player in Somebody Else's Show

Incumbent U.S. Senator Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) reacts as Alaska Governor Sarah Palin (R-AK) addresses the crowd during a rally in Duluth, Georgia December 1, 2008. Chambliss is in a runoff election December 2 with Democratic challenger Jim Martin that could affect the balance of power in the U.S. Senate. REUTERS/Tami Chappell (UNITED STATES)

Haw, well as you can see, Sarah Palin's rallies for Saxby were pretty much all about Sarah, and it's hard not to see that in Chambliss' face, above. It looks like Sarah brought her fave sign-painters* with their hilarious read my lipstick shtick (it's funny because it doesn't make any sense!), pop-culture references and elementary-school-teacher-on-oxycodone cheerfulness. So cute:

They left out plumber! The appeal of Sarah Palin to the very, very stupid and gullible (but with the ability to repeat simple phrases over and over!) will not die easily. Nor should it.

*UPDATE! Confirmation of the fakeness of the signs comes via Think Progress:

While people were clearly excited about the GOP candidates, some of it appeared to be manufactured. News reports showed people on-stage holding handmade signs — including ones that read “Palin-Chambliss 2012″ and “Vets for Saxby” — but those were handed out before the event by a campaign aide. A sign in the entrance to the venue said that attendees were prohibited from bringing in such large signs on their own.

Ursula Grief Stage Three: Bargaining

Ursula Plassnik, Austrian Foreign Minister and German violinist Anne-Sophie Mutter-Wunderlich, right, present the Austrian Cross of Honour, that Anne-Sophie Mutter received, to journalists, in Vienna on Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2008. (AP Photo/Lilli Strauss)

I have a sneaky feeling that certain Pony Pals will be thrilled to see that the affable diplomatic giantess' last formal act involved giving a piece of fancy jewelry to a beautiful woman. On the other hand, this is the kind of cutesy photo-op that seems more... Condiesque than we're used to seeing from no-nonsense Ursula.

But now we won't even be getting those! And here's where the bargaining comes in: Attention, please, Ursula staffers! Yes, you! I know for a fact that at least one of you reads this blog, and even Ursula herself has apparently viewed the Pink Pony at your urging (the thought makes me dizzy). I'm begging you: don't let Ursulaproduct pass us by! Now that's she's going to be a normal member of the Austrian parliament, so won't be showing up on the Reuters and AP feeds nearly as often, so it'll be up to you guys to snap as many pictures of your beloved boss as you can to fill the gap! The Pink Pony NEEDS Ursula! Don't let her fade away! Try taking sneaky pictures with your cell phones! It's up to you, Ursula staffers! I'LL PAY YOU!! OMG.

India is Burning, but OMG, Look! Condi Got to Meet the Queen!!

Britain's Queen Elizabeth II, left, shakes hands with Condoleezza Rice, the US Secretary of State, as Louise Miliband, right, the wife of the British Foreign Secretary David Miliband, reacts, prior to a private musical concert with members of the London Symphony Orchestra, at Buckingham Palace in London, England, Monday, Dec. 1, 2008. (AP Photo/John Stillwell, PA)

As a special bonus, it looks like the Royal Person was totally dusted with flour for the occasion. So fancy! Don't sneeze, Condi! And I guess it was some sort of theme night because Condi's wearing... a bathrobe? I don't understand royal protocol. I'll note with approval, however, Louise Miliband's Ursula-inspired, maxi-patterned scarf.

But look, this is all Dr. Ferragamo is supposed to be doing right now, meeting with glamorous, important people who will wish her well and (hint, hint) maybe give her presents. I mean, so what if there was an explosion in, what, Asia or something? Please, you don't really want Condi in charge of that, do you?

And that's why it totally sucks and is so fully unfair that Bush pulled Condi off her fun Eurobye-bye tour and made her go deal with it. Duh, like Condi knows anything about terrorism! You'd think George would have figured that out by now.

But there was better Condinews today, and that is that she told reporters in London that she won't be giving Hillary advice on how to be SoS, so that's totally a relief. And then David Miliband said the funniest, funniest thing! Totally while keeping a straight face, he looked at Condi and said, "You'll be a very hard act to follow."

OMG, so absolutely true!

Sarah's Hot 4 Saxby

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin speaks to a crowd during a campaign stop for U.S. Sen. Saxby Chambliss, R-Ga, Monday, Dec. 1, 2008 in Savannah, Ga. Chambliss and Democratic challenger Jim Martin are in a Tuesday runoff that will shape Democrats' hold on power in Washington. (AP Photo/Stephen Morton)

Oh, it's so wonderful because she'll be around FOREVER. Thank you, benevolent gods of satire!

Anyway, um, yeah, so that's her "O" face for Chambliss. Think Progress pointed out a funny thing earlier where it turns out that Sarah could hardly be bothered to rewrite her stump speeches for ol' Saxby, opting instead for a simple "search and replace" operation on her McCain speeches. Clever! I wonder how much they paid her for this one? Because you know Sarah Palin doesn't do ANYTHING anymore for free.

Hard to Let Go

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin signs autographs for Great Alaska Shootout basketball tournament fans as she attends the University of Alaska, Anchorage basketball game against Northern Illinois Friday Nov. 28, 2008. (AP Photo/Al Grillo)

Oh, Sarah, it's back to ribbon-cutting and local sporting events for you! The young man certainly looks bewildered: Why is this lady signing my arm?

Sarah's sweatshirt tells a different story, though. It's time to move on, girl! It's too late for an Ohio recount! Wouldn't a Georgia sweatshirt be more pander-y?