Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Ursula Totally Helps Vice Chancellor Cheat on Chemistry Exam

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and Vice Chancellor Wilhelm Molterer during the presentation of the government program during a parliament session in Vienna, on Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2007. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)
What's with the beaker, kids? Oh, I'm sure there's some totally boring, logical explanation for it all. What's even more difficult to interpret from the above photo is just what's going on with the fun-sized Foreign Minister's wardrobe? There appear to be knit elements, ropes, rectangular areas of crepe... possibly a piece of origami on her shoulder... it's all just so puzzling! And that's what makes Ursula so exciting, so beguiling, just so... so Ursula!

But it is hard to fathom the metaphors of La Plassnik's raiments, isn't it? That's why it's such a special treat when an enterprising AP Photographer has the gumption to do a little hot-dogging, going that extra distance to provide us with a fresh angle on what we seek to understand -- in this case, an ultra-rare, superspecial aerial view of the towering diplotaunte's scarf-deployment strategy:

German Federal Chancellor Angela Merkel, left, shakes hand with Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik and greets with Luxembourgs Prime Minister Jean-Claude Juncker, top left, Slovenian Prime Minister Janez Jansa, center, Greeks Foreign Minister Dora Bakoyannis, bottom center, and Slovenian Foreign Minister Dimitrij Rupel, second right, at a ceremony marking introduction of Euro in Ljubljana, Slovenia, Monday, Jan. 15, 2007. The country of 2 million becoming the 13th nation to use the common European currency. (AP Photo/Denis Sarkic)

16 comments:

txyankee said...

that lower shot is like diplomatic twister or something.

Lulu Maude said...

I love the top shot. Do you think they're playing Telephone?

DC1974 said...

Is that Rachel Dratch with a slightly lighter 'do reaching out to shake the hand of our Ursula?

drew said...

johnney was a chemist,
johnney is no more,
what johnney thought was h2o
was h2so4!

Matty Boy said...

So Ursula is like the smart, pretty, nice, unbelievably tall girl you knew in high school.

I didn't go to that high school.

And the aerial view shot... fantastic! It tells me there is an untapped market. GoogleUrsula! Scalable satellite photo of wherever Ursula is 24/7. There is a mint of money to be made.

And of course, clothes, clothes, CLOTHES! Am I the only PonyPal™ who dreams of lingering a dreamy hour or two wandering through Ursula's colossal closet? No, I can't be! I'm sure Guru and I could stroll around, happy and content, oohing and ahhing at giant jackets and bold blouses, maybe bringing a picnic lunch and laying out a super-sized scarf like a blanket. Ooh, bliss!

We know Condi loves her some shoes, and sometimes to functions wears shiny and frilly stuff, but Ursula TOWERS over her as the glamazon of work clothes wonderfulness.

Nothing like her in the whole wide world. Thank you, Princess, for throwing in these wonderful moments of glamour and diplomacy into our otherwise humdrum lives.

Carmen Sutra said...

I can't believe that no one, not even Matty, has mentioned the most exciting thing of all. Ursula has provided irrevocable proof that she's not just a glamazon but a traditional Amazon with officially issued gold bracelets for repelling projectiles! I bet the rope is actually her psychically-controlled gold lasso. Does anyone know if she owns an invisible plane?

Anonymous said...

Oh....my.....God....

Her...hands....


They frighten me so...

the horror...the horror...

Matty Boy said...

Dear Carmen: No single human mind can fathom all that is Ursula. We all see something different, and most of us see something truly fantastic of mythological (or comic book) proportions.

You're right about the bracelets. Given her amazing size, can she do the same sort of thing with her earrings and even that daring pinky ring?

guru-On-A-Soap-Box said...

Matty boy, Princess, All: I am obsessed with Ursula's cleavage. I will pay damned good money to any photographer who can get an aerial view down the long, coooool crack of her Twin Pillows Of Warm Milky Bliss.

Matty boy, the closet idea is terrif! We could raid her lingerie drawer, set up some comfy hammocks with her foundation garments and bras! We could nuzzle her giant cashmere sweaters, pull the Extra Extra Super Long thermal tights over our heads and dance around yodelling traditional Austrial songs!

(gasp...do you think she might have giant LIEDERHOSEN?!!!!)

I'm all atwitter....you've piqued my pique-ability gene!

And THEN we could both come out of the closet, sleepy, covered in crumbs of goat cheese and sun dried Ursula lavender sachets....

samael7 said...

"Psst! Wilhelm! I think Bakoyannis just cut the feta!"

"Ja, my GHB is rrruined! Rrrrruined!!"

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Ursula knows of our love?

Matty Boy said...

Our beloved Guru, with her natural exuberance, broached the taboo subject of Ursula's Underthings, then took that next inevitable step to Plassnik's Proud Prow™. This got me to thinking, and not all my thoughts were of a self-abusing nature. Let me elaborate.

Ursula has had about four decades of practice being a giantess wandering around in a land of pygmies. Most people's eye level is at her breast level, and if she emphasizes that, what can the reaction be?

"Mommy!"

"Showgirl!"

"Mistress Spanks-a-Lot!"


These are not the reactions Our Ursula wants. She is a career gal on the go first, and Titaness Who Walks Among Us second.

And so her strange and strangely beguiling fashion sense. Look at my scarf, my tiny friend! Stare in wonder at my over-sized glasses! Marvel at my bracelets, my earrings, my pinky rings! Bask in the warmth of my color choices, the layers, and texture, texture, TEXTURE!

subtext: Stop staring at my massive and unattainable chest, you naughty little monkeys! Meetings take so much longer when you babble, stammer and drool.

Anonymous said...

Matty Boy, you are brilliant.

I marvel at the power of the Pony Pals™ brought together by the amazing Princess Sparkle Pony!

guru-On-A-Soap-Box said...

DEFLECTION.....Matty Boy, you must be a trained psychotherapist or at least a pro in the Lit. Crit. arena of study-osity. You have parsed and deconstructed the Mammoth Repositories of Mammary Goodness that Our Ursula thrusts almost daily into our small world.

The Undergarment Hammock swings fro and to, fro and to, like the trunk of a gentle elephant in my ascending consciousness. I smell of lavender and goat cheese. I am at peace.

Princess Sparkle Pony said...

I wonder if Ursula knows of our love?

She may soon if a certain Austrian newsweekly makes good on their recent communiques.

Matty Boy said...

Oh, no... YOU... DI'UNT!

I won't get much sleep tonight.

'Cause I've been a naughty little monkey.

What's the emoticon for blushing, anyway?