Toys R Chuck

Yesterday, my pal Chuck asked an intriguing question about Condoleezza Rice's hairdo. Today, he reveals what is sure to be THE hot toy for Xmas 2006:



Let's all give Chuckles a big clop cloppity clop with our sparkley hooves! And, you know, this isn't the first time Chuck has entered the highly competitive toy market, as I fondly remember one of his earlier forays into Santa's workshop, the Ronald Reagan edition of Simon.

Feel free to stop by any time, Chuck!

Public Service Announcement

In the early days of his fleeting celebrity, Guckert (known, charmingly, as "Jeffylube" at Americablog) told Editor and Publisher that he expects to be invited to the annual gala, displaying his bold ambition to be this year's Monica Lewinski. Don't let Jeff (and the world) down. There's still time!

Tom Delay Wants You!

Visit the Daily Delay!

Irony Alert!

A few weeks ago, I linked to Free Republic, a brilliant parody of right-wing message boards so well done, you'd swear it was real.

They've stumbled a little, though, in this thread, in which the delightful "Freepers" heap praise on the most recent Shiavo-themed episode of South Park.

See, for a parody site to work, it has got to be consistent. These people really shouldn't be applauding South Park, should they? Especially since, presumably, real conservatives would be championing Ted Steven's drive to subject cable TV to FCC regulations.

Anyway, it's a good thing that FR is such an over-the-top, obvious joke, otherwise such disconnections would show real schisms in the Republican universe. And we all know that isn't true.

Ask Princess Sparkle Pony

The first and what I hope won't be the last in a series:

Dear Princess Sparkle Pony:
I am very confused as to who wore the hairstyle first Condi or "The
Godfather of Soul"?
Please help!

Confused in Cincy Chuck

And Chuck has also provided a compelling visual aid:



Well, Chuck, I'm pretty sure The Godfather had it first. But also... what about Betty Rubble?



OMG! I don't think I remember that Flintstones episode! Is that John Bolton? It looks like Condi has more in common with Betty than just the hair!

Thanks a bunch, Chuck! If you would like to see lots and lots of funny, funny pictures by Chuck, this page is a handy way to browse through them.

Latifah On Rice

Queen Latifah was on Ed Gordon's entertaining News and Notes program this morning on the 'new' classical-music-free WETA. After the usual cutesy back-n-forthing and softball questions ("Do you mind if I call you a mogul?"), Latifah got down to something that really matters: Condoleezza Rice's hair.

"It's not North Korea. It ain't South Korea. It ain't Iran," Latifah divulged, "It's Condoleezza and can she get in my salon?" The exasperated hairdo afficianado further pondered, "Can we really lay a hot-comb to that head?"

Can we?

John Bolton Is Frisky And Adventurous!

John Bolton makes friends quickly!

Charles Krauthammer With A Beer Can In His Butt!

And why not? Do you enjoy chicken and beer? Find out how to thrillingly combine them here. And thanks to my little Canadian pal Sens (who, like all liberals and drug-takers, hates America... but he'll drink our beer! That's Canada for you, boys and girls!) for the inspirational photo.

Exciting New Bonus Phrase!

Princess Sparkle Pony is always putting an ear to the ground for tomorrow's overused media catch-phrases. Here's one that caught my eye this morning: FOOD PORN. Sounds exciting, doesn't it? Well, it doesn't mean what you think, and here it is, used in context, in an article on money.cnn.com about a truly obscene new breakfast sandwich.

Post-Easter Letdown

Here's Dennis Hastert, all tuckered out after busily laying eggs all weekend:

What's All This About Activist Judges?

Not So Funny

No Internet For Sparkle Pony This Weekend

Verizon, my love, still hasn't repaired my home phone lines, so no telephone calls or internet for me for at least another day.

So have a nice weekend, and I'll leave you with this:



Edit: Fixed! Yay!

Scarier and Scarier

Ted Stevens, the so-unhip-he's-unhip Senator from Alaska with a boner for censorship, is getting increasingly frightening. Read this excellent article from the LA Weekly and get very scared.

No jokes... no pictures... just read it, OK?

More Fun With Alan Keyes!

Ask Not For Whom Santa's Cruel Bell Tolls, Turkey, It Tolls For Thee

These were scanned from the front page of yesterday's Post.

It's Christmas in Turkey... All Year 'Round!

I loved this article about Saint Nicholas completing his centuries-old transition to Santa Claus. Sadly, the Post has neglected to publish on line Karl Vick's funny pictures* of Demre's hometown hero's fantastic transformation from dour, bible-toting monk to jolly, red-suited butterball (the pics are on the front page of the dead-tree edition). Presumably, the back of the klassy plaster-of-Paris Santa is emblazoned with a Coca-Cola logo and a crescent moon.

In Vick's photo of the town's mayor, below, you can just barely make out the jolly ol' elf in the center of the offical city logo:



EDIT: I guess I should point out that the above picture is not Photoshopped, nor are the news photos in the next post.

Curiouser and Curiouser

This exciting activity is provided by the mysterious Telefunken U47. And what a challenging activity it is! Everybody loves to compare political figures to kitchen appliances, but not everybody is willing to get as specific as Mr. Telefunken demands. So step up to the plate and dare to compare:

Breakfast of Champions!

I'm thrilled that a reader of this blog, Suz, agrees that Alan Keyes is fun to Photoshop, as I mentioned Thursday. Here's her take on Alan's wonder years:



See the full-sized version here. Two sparkley hoofs up! Way up!

Sparkle Pony World Tour 2005!

Well, OK, maybe that's overstating it a bit. I'm going to be away until Wednesday, and far, far away from my beloved Adobe products. So for the next few days, I'll be recycling some of my old pictures. Here's one now!

Now Just Back Off, All You Hairdressers...

...because Kevin Mehlman likes the ladies.



Favorite quote from the article, from Barney Frank: “There still is this official doctrine that we’re immoral,” Frank told Tapper for the piece. “But the Republican attitude is that they have now moved to the point where they accept the fact that you’re [a hairdresser] as long as you act somewhat embarrassed about it.”

Lowdown

I just can't get this "down low" stuff out of my head, which makes me, I guess, a typical American. Kids, just look at all these Google News Search results! And the churchy people have gotten themselves all involved in this kicky new fad!

New fad? Is this the first time men have cheated on their wives with... um... their hairdressers? And what's in it for the churches? Why are they so interested all of a sudden?

Well, I promised earlier that I'd come up with a way to illustrate this phenomenon, but all I could produce was Alan Keyes coming out of the sewer:



ACTIVITY TIME: Ha ha ha! Everybody likes looking at funny pictures of Alan Keyes! Wouldn't you like to make a funny picture of him, too? Here's a whole gallery of pictures of him to work with.

DOWNLOWDOWNLOWDOWNLOW!

Everybody is gabbing about guys on the 'down low' and the women who love them. Princess Sparkle Pony hasn't heard a buzzword used this much since 'metrosexual' was all the rage.

I'm not quite sure how to illustrate this concept to you, boys and girls. I'll think about it all day long and get back to you later.

EDIT: Here's yet another book on the subject. Oops, and another, and I bet by the time I update this entry there will be five more.

Tomorrow on HBO...

...post Ted Stevens:

Ted Stevens! Say it Loud and There's Music Playing, Mutter it Under Your Breath and it's Almost Like Swearing!

Well, Mr. Ted Stevens, the Senator from Alaska, is really waving his hands lately, isn't he? He just succeeded in his mighty quest to share the riches of his state's natural resources (oil) with all his adorable animal friends, after all, so the guy's got OOOMPH and plenty of luv to spread around. What's really got Mr. Stevens in a dither, though, is all that potty-mouthing and those naughty pictures on the internet, and all that trashy language and lots more naughty pictures --most of which move!-- on cable and satellite TV. Mr. Stevens wants our mommy-like friends, the FCC, to wrap their warm, smothering arms around these wayward tots. After all, there's a Stern bomb about to detonate on satellite radio!

I think Mr. Stevens is suffering from something like the bittersweet feeling we sometimes get when we're frolicking with an especially cute puppy: I wish it could stay cuddly forever! Mr. Stevens wishes we all would just stay innocent and not want the naughty things.

Well, speaking of Senator Stevens and naughty things staying cuddly forever....

OMG! I Totally Haven't Made a Jeff Gannon Joke in, Like, a Week!

Extreme Senatorial Makeover!

It hasn't been fun to be Rick Santorum lately. Actually, is it --or has it ever been-- fun to be Rick Santorum at all, ever? First he had a bad word named after him (PARENTS: If you can't remember just how naughty and icky this word is, refresh your memory here. KIDS: Don't click on that link, OK?), and lately, he's been getting mixed reviews for his role as Head Cheerleader for Mr. Bush's plan to strategically cripple save Social Security, and his *wink wink nudge nudge* minimum wage "raise" proposal was too mean even for his typically mean-spirited playmates, who probably just couldn't stop giggling when they got to the small print section.

Mr. Santorum, or 'Sticky Ricky', as I like to call him, really needs a new style. Hmmm... Head Cheerleader... Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Boys Will Be Boys

Unlike Condoleeza Rice, who, as we mentioned yesterday, enjoys being a girl, UN Secretary-designate John Bolton was never, ever, a real boy.

What Can Red Do For You?

She Enjoys Being a Girl!

Princess Sparkle Pony was a little groggy this morning, thanks to the fantastic DJ stylings of Mr. Mould and Mr. Morel, so she'll have to paraphrase how Bob Schieffer greeted Condoleeza Rice on Face the Nation. It went something like this:

Mr. Schieffer: Before I ask you the tough, hard-hitting questions, let me tell you that I saw a picture of you all dolled up in red (holds up newspaper) and... Hubba hubba, and va-va-va-VOOM!

Dr. Rice: Wheee! *giggle* tee hee!

It's so nice that Condi has settled so girlishly into her new role: Dress-me-up Secretary of State Barbie! I'm busy putting together some new fashion outfits for Condi. I'll post them later today!

EDIT: Oh, Behave!

It's Li'l Condi!

Sometimes it's hard to believe that somebody big and important like Condi Rice was once a little girl just like you, especially since she usually looks like she's got something that tastes really bad in her mouth. But here's Li'l Condi busy with her favorite crayons! Ain't she sweet?

Strategically-Placed Beak and Wing Department

WOW! Boys and girls, do you like Pterosaurs? Of course you do! Well, good news! They're still around, and the fantastic folks at Objective: Ministries are going to prove it! First, be sure to check out their wonderful introduction, and then move along to their thrilling quest!

Princess Sparkle Pony is pawing the ground with her glittery hoof repeatedly in approval for this fantastic web site. Be sure to click around and to read every single page! And don't miss their incredible kids' pages. I think my favorite character is Hopsiah, the Kanga-Jew; what's yours? Some bad people tried to tell me that this site is a joke, but I don't think it is, and anyway, I dare you to find a joke site as good!

Big sparkly cuddles 'n' hugs to my little friend Matt4684 for pointing my nose in the direction of my favorite site of the year! And it's only March!

And Now for Something Completely Different...

Thank you, Wonkette, for the screenshot (via Boing-Boing).

Because Changing Text on Protestors' Signs is Always, ALWAYS Funny!

These people had a great idea to make fun of those wacky folks at the Focus on the Family:



Maybe their message is a little complicated for Dobson and his pals to wrap their heads around, though?



Much better!

Please Visit My Friends!

Well, they don't know who I am, but I feel all... licky... towards them. Speakspeak.org are nice people who want to make sure that you can still watch what you want to watch on TV. And isn't that what America is all about: Watching what you want to watch on TV? No? Well, it's part of it, right? Please, just visit them and support them. Princess Sparkle Pony commands it!

Oh, and I can think of one children's television character who most definitely is not a hairdresser, and here's a picture to prove it:

Imagine My Disappointment...

Boys and girls, as you might have noticed, I just can't get enough of Mr. Fun, Jeff Gannon. Today, there wasn't nearly enough news on him, and that made Princess Sparkle Pony very sad, so I thought I'd find what some of our Christian friends might have to say about it.

First, I checked out Agape Press, a news service which bills themselves as providing "reliable news from a Christian source." Now these people love, love, love to write about... um... hairdressers. Any time anything about hairdressers or hairdressing is in the news, they're on it like a duck on a june bug. Surely, these prayerful people would be all over a story about a hairdresser sneaking into the White House disguised as a journalist. But, alas:



I did notice, though, this great ad, featuring that funny blonde lady and her little friends:



I wonder if the funny blonde lady, or one of her funny friends, told the Agape Press that they shouldn't write about Mr. Fun? What a sad disappointment! But don't worry, kids, I'll try to find some other church people on the web this weekend. I'm sure I'll find all sorts of articles!

It's Springtime!

...so could somebody please tell Secretary of Energy Sam Bodman that he doesn't need to store all those nuts in his cheeks anymore?

Cartoon Time with Alan Greenspan!

Best "Support Our Troups" Animated GIF Ever!

It's so sparkly! That probably why I like it:



I found it at Free Republic, which is this absolutely hilarious parody web site, so well done that I almost thought the writers were real conservatives.