Ted Stevens! Say it Loud and There's Music Playing, Mutter it Under Your Breath and it's Almost Like Swearing!

Well, Mr. Ted Stevens, the Senator from Alaska, is really waving his hands lately, isn't he? He just succeeded in his mighty quest to share the riches of his state's natural resources (oil) with all his adorable animal friends, after all, so the guy's got OOOMPH and plenty of luv to spread around. What's really got Mr. Stevens in a dither, though, is all that potty-mouthing and those naughty pictures on the internet, and all that trashy language and lots more naughty pictures --most of which move!-- on cable and satellite TV. Mr. Stevens wants our mommy-like friends, the FCC, to wrap their warm, smothering arms around these wayward tots. After all, there's a Stern bomb about to detonate on satellite radio!

I think Mr. Stevens is suffering from something like the bittersweet feeling we sometimes get when we're frolicking with an especially cute puppy: I wish it could stay cuddly forever! Mr. Stevens wishes we all would just stay innocent and not want the naughty things.

Well, speaking of Senator Stevens and naughty things staying cuddly forever....