Waiting For Sarah

The public gathers near the Pennsylvania Memorial on Hancock Avenue Monday evening as CNN news anchor John King prepares for a televised segment, in anticipation of a possible visit to Gettysburg by former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. (Bill Schwartz/Gettysburg Times)

OMG Paul Ryan Hand Turkeys!

House Budget Committee Chairman Rep. Paul Ryan, R-Wis. answers a question at the 2011 Fiscal Summit in Washington, Wednesday, May 25, 2011. (AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin)

All That Glitters IS CALLISTA!

(Photo and screenshot: NY Times)

I recently apologized to all you Pony Pals about my inability to identify specific pieces of Callista Gingrich's fab Tiffany jewelry. Well, thank goodness for the New York Times and Time Magazine, picking up the slack with, respectively, a new article and a glamorous slide show which both accomplish this important journalistic task. Time fudges most of their examples (this necklace looks similar to that which sells for this much), but the $22,000 earrings are convincing, as is the $45,000 necklace shown above. Hey, that totally looks like fun, let's try it:

What we all really want to know, though, is who Newt was with doing what when Callista walked in on them to earn the gorgeous baubles, and those sorts of questions, sadly, remain unanswered. Best part of the NYT's article:

As House speaker, Mr. Gingrich preached the virtues of fiscal conservatism; now he is struggling to explain how spending large sums on jewelry fits in with that philosophy. And while a spokesman for Tiffany confirmed Tuesday that Mr. Gingrich had paid the debt in full, with no interest, parrying questions about a six-figure jewelry bill is hardly what his campaign needs at a time when many Americans are out of work or have lost their homes.

Oh, and that "revolving, no-interest account" with Tiffany? According to Glenn Kessler, such accounts don't normally exist for ordinary soccer moms. So why did the Gingriches get such a sweet, no interest deal? Maybe because Tiffany's had important mining issues to lobby before the House Agriculture Committee, a committee whose staff at the time included... Callista Gingrich?

But let's get back to a more important topic: Callista's hairdo! Doesn't the swoosh look superfantastic in the NYT's photo? I think it should be bronzed gilded and donated to the Smithsonian. In fact, I think Tiffany and Co. should take a closer look at the mighty hair swoosh, because that incredible wing of platinum could inspire Elsa Peretti to greater heights than a bunch of dumb old beans.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I can't believe it never occurred to me before this, but doesn't Callista's mighty hair swoosh look exactly like half a gigantic blond handlebar mustache? SUPERB.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Faded Star Trilogy

Click any for bigger.

Real Food: The Cookie Crumbles

Click for bigger.

UPDATE: "Everyone Knows" Aaron Schock Is "Def. Gay"

Might as well just blurt it out in the headline, right? So anyway, the fun thing about living in the DC area is that you can run into somebody who knows something just anywhere: in the laundromat, the 7-11, the dog park, the "full-release but no kissing" massage parlor... you know, anywhere! Remember that big deal thing I published about Larry Craig that got so much attention? My source was simply a casual drinking buddy, somebody I knew from being out 'n' about. And so it is with Secret Pony Source Blacky (not his/her real name), who reports, "I’ve become friends with a couple of guys who work on the hill- we [engage in totally mundane activity together].  One of the guys is the press spokesman for a congressman. He ascertained that Schock is def. gay, and that word on the street in Peoria, from staffers who have worked in Schock’s office, is that everyone knows." So there you have it, the least schocking news ever. Hairdressers! Are you discreet, cute, in denial about being "straight-acting/looking," and don't mind never getting invited to your boyfriend's boring work things? Those abs could be yours.

Just thought I'd pass that along.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Wild Kingdom

Click for bigger.

Baby's First Big Media Payout

Aw, congrats to Track Palin, not for getting married; heck, straight people do that all the time, but for what must have been a hefty check from People Magazine for the *exclusive* use of the snowbilly wedding pics "courtesy the Palin Family".

Darn that lamestream media for being so mean to Sarah Palin and constantly invading her kids' privacy!

Gingriches Showered With Glitter, As They Should Be, Always And Forever

This may be my favorite photo of Callista yet, veiled by a golden shower of fabulous glitter:

(AP Photo... I think?)

It happened in Minneapolis, and Glenn Beck's The Blaze, of all places, has the best roundup of all available photos and clips from the Youtubes.

At first I was outraged, because all the glitter was wasted on Newt, with hardly a speck touching Goddess Callista, and if anybody deserves to be constantly showered with glitter, it's her.

But then I realized that it would be superfluous, because Newt has already been constantly showering Callista with glitter in the form of at least half a million dollars (SCORE, Callista, you go!) in fabulous Tiffany jewelry over the last few years.

Now here's where I let you down, Pony Pals™: last night I spent hours poring over pics on Gingrich Productions website (why should last night be different from any other night?), hoping I'd be able to match up some of Callista's fab jewelry with items on Tiffany's online shop. Alas, I came up dry, none of her gorgeous necklaces matched any of their current offerings. It looks to me like most of the priciest stuff is on her fingers and wrists, and none of the zillions of photos offer a good enough look for identification.

What's interesting about the Tiffany story is that all that fancy jewelry was reported on Callista's expense reports. Why so much? And then the answer struck me, so obvious: Callista didn't buy all that bling for herself; she's a traditional gal, after all. Newt, obviously, purchased those things for her or at least gave her the green light to make the buys. And why does a man like Newt Gingrich give his wife of twenty years heaps of expensive baubles? That's right, Pony Pals™: he's been cheating on her like crazy, and she's been catching him, because we all know that Newt has never been capable of discretion, and he can't exactly divorce wife number three due to adultery when he's harboring the illusion that he still has a future in electoral politics, can he?

So Callista has him right where she wants him. Oh, you screwed another staffer? Give me that special Tiffany credit card, bub, I'm going shopping! You go, girl!

Richard Cohen Explodes Hackiness Bomb All Over Newt Gingrich

I apologize in advance for any distress the above image may cause.

This is how Richard Cohen works: week after week he writes dumb, boring columns and gets paid wheelbarrows full of money by the Washington Post for being, as Pony Pal™ Alex Pareene puts it so well, completely inessential on any given topic, and it's easy to ignore him because... well, because he's so boring and dumb. And then, out of nowhere, he'll pen an opinion piece so hacky and idiotic that it's impossible to resist. Like today. Welcome back, Richard!

This time Richard levels his withering (or at least withered) gaze upon Newt Gingrich, and he's in full-on "cutesy ha-ha" mode. His very first sentence ("A Post feature — The Fact Checker — is possibly the most powerful force for good since Clark Kent encountered a phone booth.") is such a poorly handled metaphor that it's breathtaking (I'm pretty sure Clark Kent had superpowers long before he ever "encountered a phone booth"). He then spends two paragraphs –two whole paragraphs!– simultaneously defending and criticizing the New York Times' worst-ever film critic, Bosley Crowther, lazily using  examples picked right out of Wikipedia, before remembering that he was writing about Newt Gingrich and proceeding.

And then, of course, Cohen brings up Gingrich's adultery, because Cohen brings up adultery, one of the few subjects he knows anything about, every chance he gets, like clockwork,  because he just can't get over that one time he fooled around with Peter Jennings' wife and he, himself, was the subject of Washington gossip. Ah, the good old days.

Mostly, though, Cohen uses the column to point us to Glenn Kessler's writing on Gingrich, and really, we should be thankful that Richard is around to remind us that the Washington Post still employs at least one good writer. Because it sure isn't Richard Cohen.

Art Collection: "Nancy" Comic Strip By Ernie Bushmiller, 1945

Click for lots bigger!

This is a scan of the original drawing (pen and ink with the larger black areas brushed in on Bristol board) for a Nancy strip published on January 16, 1946. Taking into account the lead-time in comics publishing, we can safely assume it was drawn by Ernie Bushmiller in 1945. The board is about 5.5" x 20".

And you'd think that a 1945 strip would be an early Nancy, but it isn't. Nancy was introduced into Bushmiller's "Fritzi Ritz" in early 1933. At first she was a supporting character, often adding a sarcastic last word to the proceedings and embarrassing her aunt or deflating adult pretensions. The velcro-headed tyke soon took over, though, and in 1938 the title was officially changed to "Nancy." It's hard to imagine, but at that point it was a continuity strip, with stories which lasted for weeks (Nancy runs away, Nancy gets a big head when a popular doll is based upon her, Nancy meets local hoodlum Sluggo and both proceed to embarrass his nouveau riche relatives, etc.). Eventually, however, Bushmiller abandoned continuing storylines and settled into the gag-a-day format which would serve him well until his death in 1982.

This strip shows Bushmiller in transition: it's still a little crowded, with an abundance of patterning, cross-hatching and other details, but the character designs and proportions are basically locked-in. He hadn't yet arrived at the minimalist, modernist purity which would become the strip's hallmark in the 1950s and thereafter.

That said, the drawing is remarkably assured, with no white paint at all and only three tiny spots (not visible in the scan) where Bushmiller has scraped off the top layer of ink and paper to correct or smooth out the lines. No dot-screens were used for shading. Only the tiniest indications of pencil remain, and if there are any erasures, I can't find them. The strip is also in outstanding condition, with a little bit of a stain on Sluggo's shirt in the last panel and some spots here and there where some ink was likely transferred from something else the drawing was stacked under. One interesting aspect is that the panels (they're a little crooked because of stitched-together scan) and the copyright notice were pre-printed. The little lines on the left, also pre-printed, are guides for lettering.

"Agony Hour" was radio slang for call-in or advice shows, and it and related terms are still used occasionally today, especially in the form of "Agony Aunt" to refer to a female advice columnist. The use of the word "agony" in this context apparently dates back to the 18th century.

In any event, this certainly wasn't Sluggo's first fistfight, and it wouldn't be his last.

Everybody Wants A Piece Of Callista

(Image via)

I've been getting shitloads of traffic lately, mainly thanks to everybody everywhere suddenly falling madly in love with Callista Gingrich. And who can blame them? Pony Pal Blue Gal's got it bad, and now there's even a Fake Callista blog! Welcome to the public sphere, girlfriend! The New York Times profile touched the whole thing off, and now it's Callista, Callista, Callista... everywhere! YAY.

My favorite thing right now is Mary Elizabeth Williams' rumination at Salon about how weird it is that Callista is only 45, but seems to have completely missed out on being part of her own generation.Williams helpfully points out that goddess Callista is the same age as, for instance, Liz Phair, haw. Indeed, Mrs. (NOT "Ms.") Gingrich does seem to be the Generation Xer least likely to have read a book by Douglas Coupland.

Are you on the Callista bandwagon yet? Hop on! And click on the topic tag below for more fun.

The only problem is that there isn't nearly enough new daily Callistaproduct to fill my needs. Hopefully that will change now with her new higher profile.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Making Waves

Click either for bigger.

A rare appearance by a real human being (other than my own reflection on occasion) in one of my tour bus photos! I feel kind of bad, because when I was getting ready to take the shot, he was facing away, but then turned his head just as I was snapping the shot. Is it unethical for me to post it here? I honestly don't know.

Art Collection: "Winnie Winkle" Comic Strip By Martin Branner, 1926/27

Click for bigger, readable.

Above is the original drawing (pen and ink,with solid black areas brushed in, and colored pencil on illustration board) by Martin Branner for a "Winnie Winkle the Breadwinner" comic strip originally published by the Chicago Tribune Syndicate on Friday, February 18, 1927. The board is about 22"x6" and is slightly cropped on each side in the scan above.

Winnie Winkle debuted in 1920. It wasn't the first "working gal" comic strip, but was the first to be super-popular, spawning many imitations, such as Russ Westover's "Tillie the Toiler" and Larry Whittington's "Fritzi Ritz" (which was later taken over by Saint Ernie Bushmiller). 

Just as "Fritzi Ritz" transformed eventually into the sublime "Nancy", so too did Winnie Winkle evolve. It started as a gag-a-day strip, became a comedic continuing story, and later became an absolutely terrible "Apartment 3G" style soap opera which survived until 1996 (!), making it one of the longest running, if not exactly beloved, comic strips of all time.

Winnie Winkle was a young, single go-getter who supported her family, which included her shiftless layabout father ("Everybody works but father" is the suggested title, written in pencil at the top). The above strip shows Branner as he really hit his stride, with nice clear drawings and solid gag structure obviously influenced by George McManus' "Bringing Up Father." I love Winnie's flapperesque dress with fur panels, her accent, and the way she makes the detective's combover and cigar fly in the last panel. At this point the strip was extremely popular, and ten (!) Winnie Winkle short movies were made around this time.

There are some interesting technical aspects: non-reproducing blue pencil is used to indicate where dot-screens should be used on the Photostat to create a gray tone, just like in the "TAD" Dorgan strip I published last week, and one can see where the artist changed the design of the desk from having two panels on each side to one panel by using white paint which has darkened a little and become transparent over time. I wonder why he made the change? Perhaps Branner thought it made the strip look too cluttered. Good choice.

Coming soon: a superb late-1940s "Nancy" original by St. Bushmiller.

Metablogging: Blogspot Slips, Falls, Hits Head On Bathroom Fixtures, Passes Out

You've probably figured out by now that Blogger/Blogspot has had major issues/failures in the last 24 hours. They announced that recent posts and comments were gone but that they hoped they would be restored. So far, that seems to not be the case, the two or three of my most recent posts have disappeared, including an absolute MASTERPIECE of Callista Gingrich fandom. Tsk.

Anyway, maybe those posts will reappear, but I'm not holding my breath. I'll probably be able to reconstruct them in whole or part. Stay tuned.

UPDATE: Hey! The posts are back! Yay! Looks like the comments are gone, though.

Tennessee Republicans May Outlaw Straight Marriage... For Muslims

Now this is really interesting: Tennessee is one of the many places trying to outlaw the observance of Sharia laws and customs. What makes the Tennessee attempt really interesting is how they define it. From Think Progress:

So abiding privately by Sharia (ie, being an observant Muslim) is fine. But when a Muslim starts practicing Islam with partners or in a group, they are forming a “Sharia organization”:

“Sharia organization” means any two (2) or more persons conspiring to support of acting in convert in support of, Sharia or in furtherance of the imposition of sharia…

That means, in Tennessee, a Muslim could not form a non-profit that operated a mosque, a religious charity, or any other organization that goes beyond practicing religion in solitude.

Think Progress doesn't mention it, but it occurs to me that what's hilarious about this is that devout Muslims are generally wed following the customs of Sharia. So, in other words, if this Tennessee law passes, which it undoubtedly will, it will also be technically illegal for Muslims to marry each other.

Gosh, and they think the hairdressers are destroying matrimony!

Why Am I Censoring This Picture Of Aaron Schock?

Easy answer: if I show the uncensored picture of abtacular, pectastic Aaron Schock from Men's Health, this will look like a GAY blog, and this isn't, strictly speaking, a GAY blog.  In fact, I generally don't even use the word GAY on this blog, because, you know, children are reading it*, and it's bad to use the word GAY around impressionable children. Also, if I put that picture of him on this blog, it'll look like an advertisement for a GAY cruise line, or a GAY health club, or International Male (not strictly a GAY company).

Also, just because Aaron Schock is immaculately plucked, tweezed, sculpted and buffed to a high sheen, it doesn't mean he's GAY, just that he's ultra-narcissistic, which isn't a trait of young GAY single men at all, any more than wearing a violet gingham shirt with a teal cloth belt and "hustler white" jeans is a sign of GAYness.

Plus, as Salon points out, "Schock's politics are so trenchantly homophobic that no amount of muscle definition can blind us to this fact." So true! Because as we all know, nothing says "I am not a GAY politician" quite like being against all pro-GAY legislation.

So there you have it: there is no evidence that Aaron Schock is GAY, much less GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY OMG SO GAY.

You know who should interview not-GAY Aaron Schock about this injustice? Fox News' Chad Pergram.

*When I first started this blog, I tried to make it seem like a blog for kids, but wasn't able to maintain the tone. When I recently visited Arizona, my young nephews who, like all good children, use the word "gay" as a pejorative, said, "Your blog is funny," and I thought, "Uhhhhh."

Quick Note To CNN: Bristol Palin's Upcoming Reality Show Isn't Exactly A "Shocking Move"

"Cut Down To Size"

PSP flashback: Ursula, scarf, and tiny Turkish foe, 04-21-08 (AP Photo)

I just stumbled across this article in last week's European Voice about Sparklefave Ursula Plassnik's bid to head some European security agency. I'm thankful for the article because it totally explains what's going on with Ursula and how her old nemesis Turkey (see above) is trying to get in her way, but also because the writer feels fit to include a completely unnecessary, gratuitous reference to the affable Austrian giantess' height:

The OSCE's secretariat is based, conveniently, in Vienna, and the conspicuously tall Plassnik was the frontrunner for the job – ahead by at least a long neck – but now Turkey is attempting to cut her down to size.

Ha, ha! It's funny because she's tall!

Art Collection: "Judge Rummy" Comic Strip Drawing By "TAD" Dorgan, 1920*

Click for bigger.

Here’s my newest acquisition, original art for a “Judge Rummy's Court” (or possibly "Indoor Sports")* comic strip by T. A. Dorgan from about 1918-19*.

Dorgan was on the younger end of the first generation of newspaper comic strip artists. He wasn’t a brilliant draftsman like his close friend George Herriman (Krazy Kat), but he was vastly more popular and influential at the time. He was, basically, a newsprint superstar in the era before radio, and was also a respected  and widely-read sports writer. He had a major impact on popular culture, introducing such slang terms and phrases as “drugstore cowboy,” “hard-boiled,” “dumbbell”, “yes, we have no bananas” and “23 Skiddoo”, among others. You can read more about this important pop-culture figure here.

I love the above strip because it features the classic comic cliché of a character falling over backwards in the last panel, a gag which is still used in comics today (although Dorgan probably didn't invent it). Also, it’s just a funny (if a bit sexist) vaudeville-style joke. It’s interesting to me that Charles Schulz is usually credited with taking the comic strip down to its barest essentials, but here’s Dorgan doing the same thing over thirty years earlier.

Technically, the drawing has some interesting features: there are only a few vague pencil marks visible, very light and generalized. Some are erased. The (non-reproducing) blue pencil indicates where the artist wished to have a dot screen (“zip-a-tone”) applied in the production process for reproduction. Later, most cartoonists integrated dot screens directly into their original drawings (with disastrous results from a conservation standpoint, as the dot screens were applied with rubber cement).

*The "-29-" inscription must refer to either the day of the month or was possibly put there much later, as Dorgan's strips were used and re-used in syndication for years and years after he retired in 1920. If you look around the web at his work, you'll see much confusion over dates due to this.

UPDATE: Pony Pal Mark Newgarden informs me that the idea that Dorgan retired in 1920 isn't true as far as he knows (and he knows A LOT about early comic strips). However, the strip still probably dates to the end of the teens.

*UPDATE: I've been doing a little research, and was able to find, incredibly, a scan on the Library of Congress' website showing the cartoon as published (as "Old Judge Rumhauser") on February 14, 1920, in the El Paso Herald. The scan confirms that the number in the lower right-hand corner is original and refers neither to the year nor the day of the month, but, I suppose, to the number in the batch? The scan also confirms the use of dot-screen applied during the production process where TAD used the blue pencil. Very exciting!

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Ghost Rider In The Sky

Click for bigger.

Fab New Callista Pics!

"All photos copyright © Callista Gingrich, Gingrich Productions, unless otherwise noted."

OMG, it's like I check Gingrich Productions website every hour to see if there's a new gallery of dreamy photos, and finally my vigilance paid off!  The new set was shot, like all the others, at some event where Newt 'n' Callista showed their latest bizarre movie to a bunch of Catholics, because that is their life; that is what they do. There are 115 photos in this latest batch, and Queen Callista is in about 110 of them, so have at it and, I don't know, masturbate furiously or something. If that's your thing. Because if that's your thing, I'm not going to judge. Well, OK, I'll judge a little.

But anyway! Phew! Callista was wearing another one of her peculiar old lady outfits, this one a sort-of gray/blue metallic creation which looks very expensive. Where does she get her outfits? Is there a special "Dress older to minimize the age difference between you and your husband but still look professional" section at Saks?

My favorite pictures are the ones where Callista looks insane, like she's about to start screaming and biting people. It's impossible to decide which one is craziest, so let's just go with this one:

And I always love sideways views of the remarkable hair-object:

Love you lots, Callista!

Meanwhile...

First lady Michelle Obama dances with students at Alice Deal Middle School in northwest Washington, Tuesday, May 3, 2011, during a surprise visit for the school's Let's Move! event. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Seriously, how cute! I think Michelle Obama broke all the glass ceilings of First Lady adorableness yesterday. Good for her.

Other Things Osama's Neighbors Complained About

(Screenshot via Mediasnack)

• Woman who lives next door complains that bin Ladens would never sign for FedEx deliveries when she was out of town.
• Local garbage man irritated that bin Ladens never separated their recyclables.
• Nearby convenience store clerk annoyed by bin Ladens' constant use of large-denomination bills first thing in the morning.
• Most residents around the block relieved they don't have to hear "Court and Spark" by Joni Mitchell played over and over again at top volume.
• Neighborhood Girl Scouts didn't appreciate "overreaction" to cookie sale attempt.

UPDATE:

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Whenever I See A Picture Of Abraham Lincoln, I Always Think "Needs More Ferris Wheel"

Click for bigger.