Wednesday, May 25, 2011

All That Glitters IS CALLISTA!

(Photo and screenshot: NY Times)

I recently apologized to all you Pony Pals about my inability to identify specific pieces of Callista Gingrich's fab Tiffany jewelry. Well, thank goodness for the New York Times and Time Magazine, picking up the slack with, respectively, a new article and a glamorous slide show which both accomplish this important journalistic task. Time fudges most of their examples (this necklace looks similar to that which sells for this much), but the $22,000 earrings are convincing, as is the $45,000 necklace shown above. Hey, that totally looks like fun, let's try it:


What we all really want to know, though, is who Newt was with doing what when Callista walked in on them to earn the gorgeous baubles, and those sorts of questions, sadly, remain unanswered. Best part of the NYT's article:

As House speaker, Mr. Gingrich preached the virtues of fiscal conservatism; now he is struggling to explain how spending large sums on jewelry fits in with that philosophy. And while a spokesman for Tiffany confirmed Tuesday that Mr. Gingrich had paid the debt in full, with no interest, parrying questions about a six-figure jewelry bill is hardly what his campaign needs at a time when many Americans are out of work or have lost their homes.

Oh, and that "revolving, no-interest account" with Tiffany? According to Glenn Kessler, such accounts don't normally exist for ordinary soccer moms. So why did the Gingriches get such a sweet, no interest deal? Maybe because Tiffany's had important mining issues to lobby before the House Agriculture Committee, a committee whose staff at the time included... Callista Gingrich?

But let's get back to a more important topic: Callista's hairdo! Doesn't the swoosh look superfantastic in the NYT's photo? I think it should be bronzed gilded and donated to the Smithsonian. In fact, I think Tiffany and Co. should take a closer look at the mighty hair swoosh, because that incredible wing of platinum could inspire Elsa Peretti to greater heights than a bunch of dumb old beans.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I can't believe it never occurred to me before this, but doesn't Callista's mighty hair swoosh look exactly like half a gigantic blond handlebar mustache? SUPERB.

18 comments:

Matty Boy said...

Handlebar! We hadn't considered that option of how she keeps it so perfectly still: wax.

I can understand the expensive necklaces, but the expensive earrings make less sense. With the Callista 'do, the angle for actually seeing her ears and attendant rings has to be about 8 to 10 degrees out of 360.

Not a lot of bang for the buck.

Anonymous said...

She can’t be First Lady with that hawk like nose of hers! I see why there are no side pictures of her in most propaganda photos of her...

The nose is really offsetting, and all the flips and baubles just can’t avoid the elephant in the room, the nose!

Anonymous said...

A fortune for jewelry, but nothing for rhinoplasty?

Lady Wesley said...

So Time and the NYT prove once again that they are tops in investigative reporting. This American, for one, is grateful.

Christopher said...

She has had work done on her nose, but as she's a french horn player for the Fairfax City orchestra and singer in her church choir, I assume she's worried about anything more drastic that would affect her musical abilities. She's just like Babs!

michael said...

$30,000? That's an awful lot for a facelift.

Major Mel Funkshun said...

Has any one noticed that her left eye seems larger than her right eye? And now with the handlebar, she really reminds me of the Natty Boh guy!
http://s219.photobucket.com/albums/cc53/rbm7forty7/?action=view&current=natty_boh.jpg

Caligal said...

Forget the half-moustache: That swoosh came straight from the top of Donald Trump's head!

The Cat's Meow said...

Thank God for disclosure forms. That all I can say.

samael7 said...

I can't say "who" Newt was with, but as to the "what," he was almost certainly loving his country. He was loving his country SO HARD.

I saw the swoop and at first thought it was a Nike product placement, but handlebar moustache nails it. No wax required: it defies gravity with PURE FABULOUSNESS!

Fran / Blue Gal said...

By the way, with all the botox she obv gets, is anyone else wondering why no nose job? Whoa that profile. Just a question.

smapdi said...

Someone's got her finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist. Bravo PSP.

I can see into Calista's future and it is really crowey.

Lucy The Wonder Dog said...

Newt is only using his alleged conversion to Catholicism as a beard. He's actually a sekrit mooslim. It's a well known fact that mooslim ladeez stock up on jewelry as insurance against poverty in the later years.

hooverific said...

what gets me about side shots of CG is her eyes: they are stoney from from the front but icey and stoney from the side. Seriously, how is one supposed to get to sleep?

Lulu, the Dewey Dame said...

She always looks so uncomfortable to me... but I guess that's pure projection.

Must get warm under that helmet.

Cranky Old Batt said...

Her nose is scary.

Her entire plastic look is scary.

And I live in California where bad plastic surgery is the norm.

MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel said...

Those five-figure pieces of jewelry don't even show up in the Tiffany catalogs I get! Geez, how much do they WANT me to spend? Oh, I get it. Thirty grand. Forty-five grand.

Karen Zipdrive said...

WTF? From the profile view she looks like a fuckin' aardvark.