Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Gingriches Showered With Glitter, As They Should Be, Always And Forever

This may be my favorite photo of Callista yet, veiled by a golden shower of fabulous glitter:

(AP Photo... I think?)

It happened in Minneapolis, and Glenn Beck's The Blaze, of all places, has the best roundup of all available photos and clips from the Youtubes.

At first I was outraged, because all the glitter was wasted on Newt, with hardly a speck touching Goddess Callista, and if anybody deserves to be constantly showered with glitter, it's her.

But then I realized that it would be superfluous, because Newt has already been constantly showering Callista with glitter in the form of at least half a million dollars (SCORE, Callista, you go!) in fabulous Tiffany jewelry over the last few years.

Now here's where I let you down, Pony Pals™: last night I spent hours poring over pics on Gingrich Productions website (why should last night be different from any other night?), hoping I'd be able to match up some of Callista's fab jewelry with items on Tiffany's online shop. Alas, I came up dry, none of her gorgeous necklaces matched any of their current offerings. It looks to me like most of the priciest stuff is on her fingers and wrists, and none of the zillions of photos offer a good enough look for identification.

What's interesting about the Tiffany story is that all that fancy jewelry was reported on Callista's expense reports. Why so much? And then the answer struck me, so obvious: Callista didn't buy all that bling for herself; she's a traditional gal, after all. Newt, obviously, purchased those things for her or at least gave her the green light to make the buys. And why does a man like Newt Gingrich give his wife of twenty years heaps of expensive baubles? That's right, Pony Pals™: he's been cheating on her like crazy, and she's been catching him, because we all know that Newt has never been capable of discretion, and he can't exactly divorce wife number three due to adultery when he's harboring the illusion that he still has a future in electoral politics, can he?

So Callista has him right where she wants him. Oh, you screwed another staffer? Give me that special Tiffany credit card, bub, I'm going shopping! You go, girl!

16 comments:

Fran said...

The underpinning of my faithful marriage is that no expensive gifts need to be given. Damn that fidelity, it continues to leave me in the bauble-free zone!

(P.S. - please do remember, Newt only gets into trouble because he is so passionate about his country!)

z7q2 said...

You should bring in a ringer from Tiffany's to do your photo forensics.

Lots of discussion about Newt's giant head lately. Opinions are mixed on square vs. round - I have to say next to Callista's spherical perfection, he looks positively chiseled.

Phill Clippers said...

Ha! my wife would be pissed if I didn't occasionaly supprise her with the odd gift. However a glitter shower may be fun :)

Matty Boy said...

Could he be giving the jewelry to his new special friends? Giving your wife lovely baubles that she never wears is disturbingly mercenary, even for a Republican.

Also, you write the sentence about his infidelity like you've found evidence online. Is this just a Sparkle Rumor or is there some back-up stuff?

It's certainly believable, but that doesn't automatically make it true.

Sorry, it's the mathematician in me.

Dean Booth said...

Even Zippy has caught Callista fever:

http://comicbooth.com/images/zippy_callista.jpg

Peteykins said...

Matty, that's a good theory, too, that he's not just buying jewelry for Callista.

And of course I'm just guessing about Newt stepping out on Callista, but I'm sure I'm right. A leopard never changes its spots.

Anonymous said...

Spending that amount may indicate "custom" jewelry, the worse the offense - the more whore diamonds.

samael7 said...

I watched the video at The Blaze. I'm pretty sure Callista went "Squeee!" in delight, until she realized what was happening.

P.S. Don't read the comments over there, unless you need some bile. I couldn't look away...

MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel said...

Oooh, after I read this, I felt like my under-four-figures Tiffany purchases (in cash, thank you) made me feel like a Kmart shopper, and paradoxically, quite cheerful.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0511/55125.html

Petey, you might make a field trip to the Tyson Corner branch and ask, "What Would Callista Buy?

The Cat's Meow said...

Yes, obviously they have some sort of Jerry Weintraub agreement (wherein Mrs. Weintraub got jerry to "pony" up $1 million every time she caught him straying). Oh, Callista, here you are, following the example of such famous non-Christian people, How can you reconcile that with your obviously strong Catholic faith? Wait.... isn't the Catholic Church the most financially corrupt institution on earth???

dinthebeast said...

Have you been plagiarized?
http://outsidetheinterzone.blogspot.com/2011/05/not-moonday-callista.html

-Doug in Oakland

Peteykins said...

Huh... yeah, it certainly looks that way. Mine is way funnier.

Anonymous said...

My husband, upon seeing Calista, suggested that I google, "Fluttershy."

Uncanny.

I so enjoy your blog PSP!

Fran / Blue Gal said...

I'm wondering if it wasn't corporate gifts for members of the Pope's confirmation committee. Just asking the QUESTION. Callista would be the one to pick those out.

Toriko said...

My goodness, the posts on the Beck website are frightning.

Cranky Old Batt said...

Well given that I live within walking distance of a Tiffany's and am an uppity independent woman, I may have to take a looksee and ponder "What Would Callista Buy?".
(Thanks MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrel.)

Of course this is a fantasy because I an uppity independent woman who has to pay rent and eat and is not being bought off by a philanderer. (Yes, as soon as I read about all those baubles, I knew where you were going Peteykins, cos my mind went there, too.)