Monday, May 23, 2011

UPDATE: "Everyone Knows" Aaron Schock Is "Def. Gay"

Might as well just blurt it out in the headline, right? So anyway, the fun thing about living in the DC area is that you can run into somebody who knows something just anywhere: in the laundromat, the 7-11, the dog park, the "full-release but no kissing" massage parlor... you know, anywhere! Remember that big deal thing I published about Larry Craig that got so much attention? My source was simply a casual drinking buddy, somebody I knew from being out 'n' about. And so it is with Secret Pony Source Blacky (not his/her real name), who reports, "I’ve become friends with a couple of guys who work on the hill- we [engage in totally mundane activity together].  One of the guys is the press spokesman for a congressman. He ascertained that Schock is def. gay, and that word on the street in Peoria, from staffers who have worked in Schock’s office, is that everyone knows." So there you have it, the least schocking news ever. Hairdressers! Are you discreet, cute, in denial about being "straight-acting/looking," and don't mind never getting invited to your boyfriend's boring work things? Those abs could be yours.

Just thought I'd pass that along.

New to this blog? Click here for more fun with Gay Aaron Schock™

15 comments:

Matty Boy said...

So one rumor from a friend and you no longer worry about your blog looking gay? What will you nephews in Arizona think?

I have it on good authority there are guys with muscle definition who are trying to have sex with women, sometimes succeeding beyond the dreams of lust and avarice.

On the other hand, there is absolutely no explaining that outfit at the picnic last summer. That was just too fruity for words.

Peteykins said...

With Schock it's all about the accumulation of details.

HRH King Friday XIII, Ret. said...

I won't lie, I totally would. Yes, I know, I'm weak.

Liquid said...

I was suspicious of the outfit.
I was also suspicious of the denials. And the obvious gym attention.
Then I saw him interviewed (by Stephen Colbert!), and, regardless as to whether I knew who he was or not, within seconds I said 'That's a gay guy.' Something about his eyes -- just a bit soft and wide and smiley. It's hard to define, of course, but there it is.

Gay gay gay gay gay gay!
Erm. Sorry.

Brewster said...

If Aaron was so brave as to come out of the closet, he would turn half the gay population Republican! Most are just as shallow and superficial as he is!

Anonymous said...

Excuse me. I'm gay. I can admit to sometimes being a a bit shallow when it comes to men. But I have my limits. No way in hell I would ever knowingly let a republican touch me. Sorry Congressman Schock.

samael7 said...

I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing my life, where necessary. As I move through this Vale of Tears and Fabulous Hairdos, I've discovered it's a lot more interesting when I don't have to.

And it's a wonder people with such public careers devote so much time and energy at it. And still have enough time to go to the gym.

Anonymous said...

I'm with the other Anonymous. Gay Republicans. Sheesh.

Anonymous said...

I would normally be with the the other Anonymouses (Anonymice?) but in this case I'd go for the grudge fuck.

Anonymous said...

Back in Illinois, I had a straight friend who worked in downstate politics. Apropos of nothing, she actually asked me once how I would deal with a hypocritical open secret, to which I said something about "like a closeted gay Republican?" Her response: "how did you know?"

M.D. Champ said...

Ken Layne says you're a "nice man," and a "trusted D.C. source"! Who knew?!

Peteykins said...

Haw, I was surprised I was a "trusted source."

Ken is a great guy.

Fran / Blue Gal said...

I live just a few miles from Schock's Springfield office. He might has well have the rainbow flag flying outside it. It's the unspoken truth that everybody knows.

My congressman is Sphincter, er, I mean Shimkus, R-big coal. He's totally straight. And crazy.

Cranky Old Batt said...

Oh Schock, be fabulous! Come out! Embrace your glorious gayness!

You obviously aren't fooling one damned person.

Anonymous said...

I had never heard of Aaron Schock before seeing his interview on The Colbert Report, but I remember watching him speak and thinking he was most likely gay. Something about his body language and the way he expressed himself set off the gaydar.