More Proof the Bush Administration is Preparing to Jump Ship

From NTSB briefing 11/25/08, Acting Chairman Mark Rosenker

Uh, oh! They're putting on life jackets now! The above comes from Pony Pal™ emeritus Fritz at CSPAN. And a happy Thanksgiving to all!

Survivor

(AP Photo, Thursday, Nov. 20, 2008)

Candy Margaret Spellingses may come and Condis may go, but one thing, it seems, will always be with us: teeny, tiny –yet perfectly proportioned in every way– Robert Gates looks to be the sole survivor of the Bush administration. Well done! The adorable, huggable cotton-top will continue to delight and amaze us for, oh, just oodles of months to come. So totally fun!

So, you know, every week has its crushing disappointments (Why, Ursula? Why?) and its precious silver linings.

Aw, don't you just want to put him in your pocket? So cute!

Ursula Grief Stage Two: Anger

Foreign Minister Karel Schwarzenberg from Czech Republic, left, kisses the hand of Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik after signing a culture agreement in Vienna, Austria, on Friday, Nov. 21, 2008. (AP Photo/Hans Punz)

I'm so mad about this! OK, that's the Kübler-Ross Grief Cycle™ gag out of the way. But seriously! I mean, one moment you've got the Czech foreign minister kissing your ring, being treated as the goddess you are, radiating power from your mighty scarf, and then... two days later! Just two days later, and you're resigning and jobless! Boo!

Some very helpful Pony Pals helped me understand why La Plassnik resigned. She was unwilling to work with people who wanted to subject, like, random EU decisions to a public vote, like, three times a week or something. So, what, Ursula doesn't enjoy the idea of every bureaucratic decision getting politicized, and so you cast her aside like an unfashionable brooch? Ursula frankly speaks:

"I was not ready to serve as an EU warranty or fig leaf for a government where some of its members do not distance themselves enough from a fruitless and energy consuming alliance with EU-critical forces," Ms Plassnik told Die Presse.

Ursula Plassnik didn't want to continue as a foreign minister because of the new coalition's EU policy (Photo: Austrian EU Presidency)

The minister's center-right OVP party formed a "grand coalition" with the populist Social-Democrats (SPO) at the weekend, following two months of talks that locked Austria's resurgent far-right factions out of power.

The new SPO chancellor, Werner Faymann, declined to insert a clause into the coalition pact guaranteeing that future EU treaties will be ratified through parliament instead of referendums, prompting Ms Plassnik's departure, she explained.

[...]

"It is not about cutting 'the people' out. Mr Dichand [the editor of Krone] is not 'the people.' It is about explaining carefully and clearly the EU and its co-operation with Austria. The EU must not be chased as a scapegoat through the villages. This is false and brings Austria to a dead end. And Austria is no dead end country," Ms Plassnik told Kleine Zeitung.

A coalition cannot assume governing responsibility and have an "official pro-EU line," but at the same time "enter a coalition with EU opponents," she added. "It shouldn't be the case that Austria becomes a risk country [in terms of future EU integration]."

OK, so I understand just enough of all that EU stuff to know what they're talking about, but I don't know enough to interpret it. I kinda want to side with Ursula, but that's just because it's Ursula! And I don't blame her for, um, not wanting to be a fig leaf!

Step Away from the Photoshop

Lots of people have written about the new ghastly calendar which features conservative gals swathed glamorously in fur. Mostly people have featured Anne Coulter and Michelle Malkin in their commentaries, because, you know, ew.

Well, finally, ABC News put the whole thing on their photo page so that we can cringe at the entire rogues gallery of shrill commentators, lobbyists, ideologues and oil industry shills. And what a nightmare it is! One thing I noticed is that most of the shots are sweetened up with Photoshop used by a very heavy hand. Features are smoothed over and generalized to the point of looking totally unreal. My favorite is the shot above. That's plucky Sandy Liddy (as in G. Gordon's daughter) Bourne, one of the most egregious global-warming deniers/oil industry cheerleaders. She's been transformed into some kind of other-worldly, Kabuki-masked beauty school demonstration mannequin. You don't really need a "normal" picture of Bourne to see that this is a bona fide Photoshop disaster, but here's one anyway, so that you can see just how drastic the retoucher's chore really was:

You're welcome. [UPDATE: Link fixed]

Quickie: Wait, Maybe There IS a God?

From Page 6:

WE HEAR . . . THAT although we didn't think it would be possible to silence Ann Coulter, the leggy reactionary broke her jaw and the mouth that roared has been wired shut . . .

UPDATE: Gawker points out that this happened right when her new book is to come out. Will she go on the Today Show and promote her book in mime?

Uh, Oh, Here Comes Hugo Chavez, Holding Up Books in Front of the Cameras Again

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez holds a miniature copy of his country's constitution as he speaks during a news conference after the National Electoral Council (CNE) announced the results of state and city elections in Caracas, early Monday, Nov. 24, 2008. Chavez's allies won a majority in Venezuela's local elections, but the opposition made important gains, capturing the Caracas mayor's office and two of the most populous states. (AP Photo/Ariana Cubillos)

OK: WARNING! I totally don't know about what's going on in Venezuela, so you best look for the "story" elsewhere; I just think Hugo Chavez is funny. Don't you? I do. And I love that he has this thing for waving books around, spokemodel-stylee, at the podium. It's so fun! You know what would be totally, totally fun? If Chavez did his speeches while holding up and tossing aside the cue cards, like in that Bob Dylan video thing. Ha, ha! Oh, Hugo, you ARE a lot of fun, but you could be way more funner.

Coming Attractions

WARNING: Cutesy Charmin Publicity Stunt Wants to Lure You Into a Complex, Unpalatable, Freudian Web

OK, so I troll through a lot of wire service photos, and sometimes something dumb will catch my eye. In this case, an obvious publicity stunt that the Associated Press went ahead and photographed because, you know, why not? This is pathos:

Lisa Grant, center, attracts costumers wearing a toilet seat costume outside the 20 stall Charmin public restroom in New York's Times Square Monday, Nov. 24, 2008. They'll be open daily through the end of the year except Christmas Day. For the first time, they'll be open on New Year's Day until 2 a.m. for the crowd watching the 2009 ball drop. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer)

BEST JOB EVER. So cute! I also love the shape of the arrow. Restrooms and a Duracell Power Lodge™? Vibratastic!

And, oh, how lovable, here are their stalls with their enchanting Animals who Adorably Have to Piss or Shit motifs. OMG, I always love that:

What does it all mean? The metaphors are simply too complex. The red bear totally makes me want to know more about the Duracell Power Lodge™. Actually, I changed my mind. I totally don't want to know.

Inside the stalls, things take a stranger, far more sinister turn:

What, exactly, is going on in those graphics? You are the bear who does not shit in the woods. We are all the bear who does not shit in the woods. And is that picture on the stall an enthusiastic, cheering crowd? Watching you go to the bathroom? How do you feel about this? Are they filming you? Are you sure?

So anyway, if you're in New York City, and you're in Times Square, just... hold it in, because this place is going to totally fuck your head up good.

Here's Our President Wearing a Poncho and Acting Like a Douchebag. Ha, Ha, Ha, Let's Laugh at What a Stupid and Evil Man He Is

Wearing a traditional Peruvian poncho, President George W. Bush gestures as Japan's Prime Minister Taro Aso stands below before the official group photo of the 16th summit of the Asian Pacific Economic Cooperation, APEC, in Lima, Sunday, Nov. 23, 2008. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)

This stuff is really supreme, classic gross-out material from Bush. Isn't he a stitch? Ha, ha, behold his cloddish form:

Doesn't it feel great to be represented by this... nincompoop? This maladroit fratboy? Ew. But just in case you start feeling sorry for the bumbling, daffy senior-citizen, here's the final shot, the smug no YOU suck recovery shot, and it's totaly where the real horror begins:

But! It's almost over!

LOL Paul Krugman

U.S. President George W. Bush welcomes the 2008 Nobel Prize winners to the Oval Office of the White House in Washington, November 24, 2008. From L-R are: Economics winner Paul Krugman, of Princeton University; Bush; Chemistry winner Martin Chalfie, of Columbia University and Chemistry winner Roger Tsien, of University of California San Diego. REUTERS/Larry Downing (UNITED STATES)

It's All a Blur

U.S. President George W. Bush shakes hands with Peru's Foreign Minister Jose Garcia Belaunde as Peru's President Alan Garcia kisses U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during their meeting at the APEC summit in Lima November 23, 2008. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (PERU)

Oh, this is going to be a very long, drawn-out swan song for Dr. Ferragamo. From now on, she's going to hear nothing but variations of the following two questions: How does it feel to be a failure? Have you picked a title for the book?

Indeed:

QUESTION: Is there any sense of disappointment at unfinished business?
QUESTION: Is the meeting with Olmert just a farewell, or is it more?
QUESTION: Is this your last summit, also, Madam Secretary?

And meanest of all:

QUESTION: Are you looking forward to transition meetings with Senator Clinton?

HAW! So mean, right? But, please, can we get to the product placement part? Say no more:

QUESTION: And after January 20th what are you going to do?

SECRETARY RICE: Get back west of the Mississippi as fast as I can. I'm going back to Stanford/Hoover. I will write a book or two, or so. I am going to also get reconnected to some issues that I was involved in before. You have to remember that before taking on the national security job I actually was not doing foreign policy for six years, I was provost at Stanford.

I am a major advocate for K-12 education. I started a nonprofit in 1992 that's now got five centers. And I want to work on those issues because -- you know, it's been great, this is a fabulous country and there is no greater honor than representing this country. And you recognize that we are really -- we are respected, maybe even a little feared through military power; admired, maybe even a little envied for economic power. But fundamentally admired for the sense that in America it really doesn't matter where you came from, it matters where you're going; and that people of humble circumstance do rise to the top.

...

QUESTION: Will your book be an autobiography?

SECRETARY RICE: I don't know, Sheryl, I'm still -- right now I'm still trying to get through the next few weeks and then I'll sit down and think about it.

Will her book be an autobiography? Duh.

So, you know, we'll be seeing plenty of Condi from the sounds of it. Also, I like how she said that this is a fabulous country because it's so totally true! Yay!

Ursula Grief Stage One: Denial

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik arrives for the federal party executive committee of Austrian People's Party, OEVP, in Vienna, Austria, on Monday, Nov. 24, 2008. (AP Photo/Ronald Zak)

OK, let's take a deep breath and appreciate that Ursula, on her way to, I guess, her political denouement, had the fabulousness still within her to wear that incredible necklace! Awash with yellow and orange!

I mean, Mr. Obama! You haven't totally sealed that deal with Hillary, have you? Because come on! Look who's suddenly available! The Anti-Condi!

But, like, I'm still trying to figure out what happened to Ursula. Even though I've been obsessively covering her for, like, years, one could somehow get the impression that I'm not really familiar with, you know, what Ursula does. Or did. Whatever. So anyway, it's fully not very comforting to read things like this:

The new coalition hopes to avoid the internal bickering that paralysed the outgoing government.

Uh, oh! Internal bickering! I totally did not know anything about this! Was Ursula an internal bickerer? They always look so happy in all those shots! No, no, no, I will not believe it. She is a totally affable, affable giantess, after all.

Here's more info:

Michael Spindelegger, the deputy parliamentary speaker, will take over from Ursula Plassnik as foreign minister.

Plassnik resigned on Sunday because the government programme left a door open for national referendums on future European Union policies, a key campaign promise of the Social Democrats which she opposed.

Now we're getting somewhere! So, um, does anybody know what that means?

Tragic Day: Ursula is Out

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik announces that she won't be part of the new Austrian government in Vienna, Sunday, Nov. 23, 2008, after Austria's center-left Social Democrats and conservative People's Party forged a coalition Sunday, dispelling fears the far-right could become part of a governing alliance. (AP Photo/Hopi-media, Bernhard J. Holzner)

NOOOOOOOOOO! Oh, Ursula, how could you do this to me? I'm afraid it's true, Pony Pals: Ursula is out. Retired. Gone. This is the worst news ever for this blog, a crushing blow.

I don't pretend to understand Austrian politics, but I think it's noteworthy that Ursula chose to wear a pin of a sad looking leopard cheetah on the occasion of her retirement. That is totally the saddest thing I've ever seen.

BUT! Something tells me this isn't the last we've seen of the affable giantess.

Dear Canada: Here's Your Stephen Harperbot

U.S. President George W. Bush, right, meets with Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada at the APEC Summit in Lima, Saturday, Nov. 22, 2008. (AP Photo/Lawrence Jackson)

Ugh. This is so much worse than the Condibot, which is mostly convincingly lifelike. The Stephen Harper machine is little more than a horrible, barely articulated mannequin, halting in its mannerisms and dreadful to behold.

The good thing about the Harperbot is that if you make your appointment far enough ahead of time, the cockpit crew will –at no extra charge– coordinate the Prime Minister Simulacra's clothing with your own.

Can't you guys retire the Harperbot? Ew.

Papa Bear to Commerce?

(AP Photo/INA, File, July 16 1995)

As you can see above, Papa Bear Richardson loves palling around with people named Hussein! It looks like PB won't be our new lady at Foggy Bottom, but maybe will be put in charge of the DOC! Yay!

And actually, all kidding aside, the above photo comes with an interesting story. Bill twisted Saddam's arm and got two American prisoners freed! Neat! You can see a video about it here.

Prude Descending a Staircase

U.S. President George W. Bush is welcomed by officials as Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice walks down the stairs at the airport in Lima November 21, 2008. Bush is in Peru to attend the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation (APEC) summit. REUTERS/Ivan Alvarado (PERU)

Nothing much to say here. This photo shows, though, what a pain in the ass it must be when Condi visits. Look at all those people! Also, the horrible quality of the photo suggests that it was taken from, like, Argentina with a telephoto lens. Tsk!

Substitute

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice meets with European Union Secretary General Javier Solana at the State Department, Thursday, Nov. 20, 2008, in Washington. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce ceneta)

The State Department's revolving door had a busy day. And look! It's one of our favorites, excitable Javier Solana, who we love, love, love, even if we aren't sure why, am I right? Wow, is he looking forward to January, I bet! But I wonder where Condi is? But Princess, you say, she's right there! Oh, come on, now, look closer! That is totally, obviously the labor-saving, Disneymatic Condibot standing in while the real one, I don't know, gets her nails done.

Condi's brief Q&A with the press while standing there with Solana was a comedy masterpiece; the robot diplomatrix isn't nearly as skilled in the art of the non-answer as the real secretary of state. Note how hilariously unsubtle:

QUESTION: Madame Secretary, how did your meeting with the Libyan Seif al-Islam (inaudible)?

SECRETARY RICE: Yeah, it was just fine. We had a very good conversation just about how to move the relationship forward.
QUESTION: Did you say anything about human rights? I know you raised Fathi al-Jahmi.
SECRETARY RICE: Thank you. We did discuss – we did.
QUESTION: And did he –
SECRETARY RICE: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Ha, ha! Gotta go! Condibot needs rewinding!

The clever, nearly lifelike simulacrum also met with Spain's foreign minister, so now we can add "palling around with terrorists" to the Condibot's resume:

(AP Photo)

Interesting to note that Reuters doesn't seem terribly interested in covering Condi anymore. They know she's on autopilot and, I suppose, Yuri Gripas has better things to do, more captivating things to shoot.

UPDATE: Curiously mangled, wine-influenced sentences repaired.

Ursula Break!

Austrian Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, welcomes Palestinian Foreign Minister Riyad al-Maliki to the Palestine Ambassador conference in Vienna, Austria on Friday, Nov. 14, 2008. (AP Photo/Hans Punz)

I've been neglecting the wonderful Austrian giantess lately, but just will you look at Ursula last week! So divine. And look how happy al-Maliki is just to be lucky enough to be near her. Oh, Barack, can't you pick Ursula for something?

I love the gorgeous, folksy jacket, and I really love the understated (for Ursula) bolo-style necklace. Superb, Ursula, superb.

Kinda hit-and-run this morning, but I just wanted to post some Ursulalove! Yay!

Brief Case

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice arrives on Capitol Hill for a briefing with lawmakers on Wednesday, Nov. 19, 2008 in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Condi wore a pretty new suit yesterday. I like the taffeta shawl collar. And... uhhh... well, that's pretty much it. I just really didn't want that Joe the Plumber t-shirt at the top of the blog anymore.

Here's Your Hideous New Ironic T-Shirt

Haw! Who would wear this monstrosity? You can buy it here. But you won't, will you? Will you?

Quickie: OMG, Who Gave Kathleen Parker Truth Serum?

I've posted several items lately about how the GOP keeps pretending that the religious nutballs are their "base" when it's really their fringe, and that they're totally destroying the party. OK, so which ones of you emailed those posts to Kathleen Parker?

Remember how ol' Kathy put her foot in it recently by suggesting that Sarah Palin was not, in fact, the savior of the party? And all her National Review pals told her she should take a time machine back to before she was born and abort herself? Well, things are about to get much, much worse for her. From her latest, shockingly frank column:

To be more specific, the evangelical, right-wing, oogedy-boogedy branch of the GOP is what ails the erstwhile conservative party and will continue to afflict and marginalize its constituents if reckoning doesn't soon cometh.

...

Suffice it to say, the Republican Party is largely comprised of white, married Christians. Anyone watching the two conventions last summer can't have missed the stark differences: One party was brimming with energy, youth and diversity; the other felt like an annual Depends sales meeting.

I never thought I'd be, all, like, you go Kathleen Parker, but there you have it.

PSP Offers Revised Logo to the HRC. Free of Charge! Please Prepare a Press Release ASAP.

Updated logo 4U!

A few weeks ago I was hanging out at the DC Eagle (it's true!), when all-of-a-sudden the place was invaded by people in tuxedos. It turned out that the Human Rights Campaign has just had their big awards ceremony or whatever at the convention center. And it pains me to write this, kinda, because I really like some of these people, but there is nothing, nothing more smug than a tuxedoed queen fresh from an HRC event.

Anyway, I was annoyed by the smugness and the patting-each-other-on-the-backness of it all, and I went on a wild tear, ranting to anyone who would listen (before they backed away slowly) about how practically the only time I ever hear about the HRC accomplishing anything, it's always a cocktail party, an expensive fundraiser, or an awards ceremony where the honors are generally given to, um, HRC members or important celebrities like Lance Bass. "What does the HRC actually do?" I wondered. My friend offered, "I think they mostly send out press releases." So true. I'll add that they also put tons and tons of work and money into... cocktail parties, awards ceremonies, and expensive fundraisers (where they raise funds to put on more cocktail parties, expensive fundraisers and awards ceremonies). I mean, rent at the convention center doesn't come cheap! They mean well, I know, but they are irrelevant.

In other words, they are practically useless. They are a glorified t-shirt/tote bag (and Equality Panda™!) vendor. Right now I'm looking at their web site, and the five items on their "latest news" thing basically amount to 1. HRC gives somebody an award. 2. HRC sends out press release. 3. HRC sends out press release. 4. HRC sends out press release. 5. HRC sends out press release. That's one exhausted fax machine!

And so it's with no small amount of satisfaction that I can report that a lot more people are starting to notice that the HRC is a cliquey, do-little organization, and this became stunningly clear recently when it was revealed just how badly they dropped the ball on that gay marriage thingy in California all the kids are talking about. Here's Andrew Sullivan (OMG, I'm linking to him again!):

Here's a simple statistic that might help shake us out of complacency: HRC claims to have spent $3.4 million* on No On 8. The Mormon church was able to spend over $20 million, by appealing to its members. Why are non-gay Mormons more capable of organizing and fund-raising on a gay rights measure than the biggest national gay rights group? I mean: they claim (absurdly, but bear with me) 725,000 supporters and members. In the summer, the major problem for No On 8 was insufficient early funding. If HRC had led, they could have thrown their money weight behind it. If every supporter had given $20 - chump change for the biggest ever battle yet for civil rights - they could have delivered $14 million overnight. So why didn't they?

...

Even now, in Washington, they are sticking with the same legislative agenda they have had for two decades: a trivial piece of hate crimes grandstanding and ENDA, which is moot in many states. They endorsed Obama on June 6 - only after the Clintons gave them permission. The endorsement was written by a low level staffer. Civil unions at a federal level? That again would require leadership. We were promised ENDA and hate crimes in the last session. What we got was an end to the HIV immigration ban - an issue HRC didn't even ask the presidential candidates about in their questionnaire, and which was pioneered by others (although HRC did come through with Congressional lobbying in the end). It's not that they do nothing; it's that it's rarely enough; and never with sufficient energy or vision.

It's time gay people realized that this group is often part of the problem, and rarely part of the solution. It needs to be swept clean of its deadwood, overhauled, or if it persists in its ways, defunded. When we are in a civil rights movement and the biggest organization is essentially a passive observer and excuse-maker, it's time to demand better.

*I wonder how much of that $3.4 million went towards "overhead."

And all those protests happening everywhere? They're all grass-roots actions, organized by people all across the nation via, you know, the Twitter, the Blogspot, the Tumblr, etc. And while I'm sure that many, if not most, HRC members are participating in this stuff, what about the HRC itself? They want you to sign a pledge. Seriously. Give me a fucking break.

OK, so that's my mean rant about the yuppie, useless, overrated and ineffectual Human Rights Campaign. I'm sure there will be all kinds of comments left by their well-meaning fans. But, you know what? Ask yourself this: can I do whatever it is I want to do for hairdresser rights without a bloated organization with huge capital overhead? Yes. Yes you can. And you don't need to give Lance Bass an award to do it.

UPDATE: If you have a hard time bringing yourself to read Sullivan, you may wish to check out Rex Wockner here.

Burning Crosses: So Hot Right Now

I'm assuming that this is already on every single other blog by now, but... OMG. If you haven't seen it yet, this is a thrillingly real product offered by the American Family Association, and it officially makes them the most retarded retards in Retardistan.

"Looking for an effective way to express your Christian faith this Christmas season?" they ask, "Light up your front yard, porch, patio, driveway, business, organization or church this holiday season with a stunning Christmas cross." I bet it looks great on the lawn, too!

Shipping is included!

Marilyn Musgrave is On Some Wild Bender Somewhere, but Nobody Knows Where

(AP Photo, additions mine)

One of the bestest results from those recent election thingies was that hateful slob Marilyn Musgrave got kicked to the curb, losing to a rich lady who looks an awful lot like Amy Sedaris (regular Amy, not Jerri Blank Amy). Since then, she's earned the title of sorest loser of them all. Yay! Rolling around in the gutter somewhere, she has not acknowledged the fact that she is a loser, loser, loser:

Two weeks after the brutal loss, Musgrave still hasn’t called her opponent to concede or to congratulate the victor, as is not only textbook but also mannerly to do.

Moreover, Musgrave’s ill manners bleed into her own team. Rumor has it she still — 14 days later — hasn’t even thanked her campaign staff. (Again, textbook.)

Musgrave press secretary Joseph Brettell tells us: “It’s a campaign matter, and I have no further comment.”

And as for [winner Betsy] Markey, her campaign manger, Anne Caprara, who is in town this week with her boss for orientation, tells us of Musgrave: “No, she hasn’t called to concede, but we’re moving forward.”

Though the Markey team doesn’t plan on stopping by Musgrave’s office while in town, eventually the two camps will have to touch base — just in terms of transitioning. But curiously, more rumors abound that no one has seen or talked to Musgrave since the brutal loss; she’s all but disappeared.

So good! It couldn't happen to a nastier, more horrible cow. I hope she's miserable. Good riddance.

"Lookit!" Says Condi, "We've Got a Charismatic Black Man, Too!"

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, introduces baseball star Ken Griffey Jr who has been named as America's newest public diplomacy envoy, Tuesday, Nov. 18,2008, at the State Department in Washington. (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite)

This is, of course, the latest in Condi's "send a bunch of celebrities around" strategy for world peace. Why are they all sports stars? (EDIT: OMG, I just remembered that she also deployed Fran Drescher, so never mind.) Because, Pony Pals, that is the depth of Condi's imagination. I surprised she hasn't sent Neiman Marcus' shoe sales staff to North Korea yet!

I'm not familiar with this Griffey guy. He's very handsome! Am I supposed to think that? Is that OK? I believe Condi's thinking the same thing:

I know that he said he’s going to make his first trip to Panama in January, and I look forward to that. I’m going to Panama and – in just about two weeks here, three weeks here, and I’ll be able to tell them that Ken Griffey, Jr. isn’t going to be far behind.

"Never mind about our embarrassing administration," she'll tell the Panamanians, "We're sending a baseball star and he'll totally sign all your stuff!"

She also met with "Druze leader Walid Jumblatt" today, and that is just so, so, totally obviously a made-up name. Is that one of the Harry Potter characters?

It's All About the Line Breaks

That'll get a few Republican hearts racing.

Promises, Promises

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson waves after addressing the Democratic National Convention in Denver, Thursday, Aug. 28, 2008. (AP Photo/Chris Carlson)

Papa Bear's calling! It's time for Bill Richardson Hand Turkeys! Yay!

Kristol: Two Parts Denial, One Part Lie

OK, this is just getting too easy. Remember yesterday (we were so much younger then!) when I said that it was hilarious seeing Republican spokesmodels groping for ways to rebuild their party which didn't include offending the religious nutjobs and warmonger neocons? Well here comes Billy Kristol (who was SO much funnier when he was on Soap) with his latest op-ed in the New York Times, and he sums up this amusing trend in one single sentence:

A hawkish foreign policy, social conservatism and middle-American populism aren’t the problems.

LOL. Bill, those first two points are huge, enormous, gigantic problems! As for the third point, who ever said anything about middle-American populism being a problem? It's part of what got Obama elected, after all! Oh, wait... OK, maybe that is a problem for the GOP, just not the way Kristol meant. So that's his little white lie, his implication being that the Republican Party still embraces the mainstream American values so hated by elitist Democratic demons. But I think what he's really referring to is the sub-middle-American populism that we saw whipped up by Kristol's love child, Sarah Palin, at her scary rallies. Um, not a problem?

As for real middle-American populism, ha! We stole that from you, just like we stole fiscal responsibility. Suck on that, Bill!

Finally, the King of the Neocons offers his most laughable prevarication yet:

I don’t pretend to know just what has to be done.

Oh but you do, Bill, you do!

UPDATE: In other neocon schadenfreude news, David Frum has left the National Review (David Frum!!) due to his unwillingness to pander exclusively to the old and uneducated.

Hillaryvision

President-elect Barack Obama watches Senator Hillary Clinton deliver her speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, in Billings, Montana, August 26, 2008. (Jim Young/Reuters)

Oh, Jim Young, I totally heart you.

Anyway! People seem to get the mistaken impression that my "area of expertise" is the State Department, despite the fact that my expertise is mainly limited to the shoes and hairdos there. Whatever, but everyone wants to know what I make of the whole Hillary Clinton as SOS thing, so in my decidedly misinformed way, here goes:

I don't get it! Sure, there's a lot to be said in favor of Obama getting his rival out of the Senate, but is he really going to make such a political choice for such an important office? Would it be just a political choice? It's true that the rest of the world just totally loved the Clinton administration, but that was due mostly to Bill and his secretaries of state, not really Hillary. But maybe Obama's onto something here: would Hillary be more lovable to the rest of the world than Bill Richardson?

I don't know. It seems like picking Hillary to head the State Department would be a curiously shallow choice for Obama, somebody who we expect to be a little more pragmatic, a little less political. Plus, what's in it for Hillary? Wouldn't she have both more power and a longer shelf life (secretaries of state don't last long) representing New York in the Senate? It seems to me, too, that Richardson has way, WAY more experience in State Departmenty-type things.

Also: I really, really want to make a "Bill Richardson Facial Hair Alert System," so I'm totally rooting for him.

Maybe our friend John Brown can give us some opinions about this?

Photoblogging: Soggy Autumn

Click both for 1200x900

I took these on Friday and then forgot all about them! Anyway, it's been a gorgeous, colorful Fall in Washington this year. So pretty! Friday was soggy but not rainy, and not cold, so it was my favorite kind of day for the season. Seen above is one of the huge 'n' fancy twice-blooming irises which can be enjoyed in the fountain courts at the National Gallery on the Mall side. Such extravagant blooms. Be sure to look at the higher-res version for maximum sexy detail. Below are some leaves resting on Jean Arp's Oriforme beside the East Building:

Pawlenty and Steele Tiptoe Through the Wreckage

(Tim Pawlenty, May 26, 2008, AP)

There where a lot of Republicans wringing their hands on the Sunday shows today. They were all talking about, you know, rebuilding the GOP 'n' such. It was so beautiful, because all of them were avoiding the elephant in the room, that the Republicans are doomed unless they can ease up on all the Christian "values" issues that have lost them just about everybody who isn't an older, rural, uneducated white male. Everybody was acknowledging that they've lost the women, lost the Latinos, lost the kids, lost the blacks, but then when their hosts asked the simple question, WHY, they all fell back on talking points about the economy and taxes. So funny!

The best to read is the transcript of Michael Steele and Tim Pawlenty on Fox News Sunday, because you'll come away thinking that the Christians simply don't exist, and that the only thing anybody cares about is taxes. Never once is abortion mentioned, or the "h-word," (hairdressers), or stem cell research or environmentalism or anything like that. And this is so fun because they just seem all befuddled! And these two are supposed to be the ones to get it all back together! And they're totally, totally confused about what to do. Wheee!

And meanwhile, the rural Christian albatross slung around their necks just keeps getting bigger, crankier, more hateful, and –whoah– heavier and heavier and totally stuck in their hair like it was chewing gum or something.

Love it, love it, love it!

Joe the Plumber Wants You to Know that He Could Have Gone with a Huge Publisher but Chose Not To

(Reuters, Brian Snyder, October 30, 2008)

Like a child who falls down in the playground and then claims, "I meant to do that," Joe the plumber says that, oh sure, he could have gotten a huge payday from, say, Regnery Publishing or Random House, but instead chose to go with a tiny publisher with no ad budget just because he's, you know, keepin' it real:

"Everyone came at me to write a book. They had dollar signs in their eyes. '101 Things Joe the Plumber Knows' or some stupid s--- like that. Excuse me, I am sorry," he said. "You know I will get behind something solid, but I won't get behind fluff. I won't cash in, and when people do read the book they will figure out that I didn't cash in. At least I hope they figure that out."

The book, called "Joe the Plumber -- Fighting for the American Dream," is to be released by a group called PearlGate Publishing and other small publishing houses.

"I am not going to a conglomerate that way we actually can get the economy jump started. Like there is five publishing companies in Michigan. There's a couple down in Texas. They are small ones that can handle like 10 or 15,000 copies. I can go to a big one that could handle a million or two. But they don't need the help. They are already rich. So that's spreading the wealth to me," he said.

Righto! This is the guy who jumped at a recording contract and became more of an instant media whore than even Sarah Palin implying that he turned down offers from, you know, Knopf, McGraw-Hill, whatever, and instead chose PearlGate Publishing, a nothing company whose only other title is written by his ghost writer, the guy who I assume is also the owner*. Sounds totally believable to me! Who needs wheelbarrows full of money?

How soon before we hear that Joe is "developing a reality TV show"? Or selling his underwear on eBay? Joe the plumber: the second stupidest thing produced by the McCain campaign.

*This took about two seconds to confirm: the Go Daddy lookup shows that the registrant for PearlGate's web site is Tom Tabback, the above-mentioned ghost writer. Vanity publishing at its finest! Oh, Andrews McMeel must be kicking themselves right now!

UPDATE: Let's contrast this with Nate Silver of fivethirtyeight.com:

Which of Penguin's imprint will publish Mr. Silver has not yet been determined, however, as there are at least three within the company that are jockeying for the privilege. The pricetag, we hear, is above $600,000 but below $1 million—a healthy sum even though it's paying for two books rather than just one. Update, 5:00 p.m.: New intelligence says Mr. Silver's advance is in the neighborhood of $700,000, give or take a few grand.

Now Mr. Silver just has to choose which imprint he likes best, a process that is unlikely to be resolved before next week.

Christie Whitman Gets Her "I Told You So" Moment

The Washington Post graciously allowed Christine Todd Whitman and her ghost writer to say Nyah Nyah Nyah on their editorial page today, and it's an immensely satisfying read.

Whitman really went out on a lonely GOP limb a couple of years ago by publishing It's My Party Too, a book all about one of our favorite subjects, how the Republican Party will die if it keeps pandering to the Christian nutjobs. And she was right! So now she gets to say things like this:

Our central thesis was simple: The Republican Party had been taken hostage by "social fundamentalists," the people who base their votes on such social issues as abortion, gay rights and stem cell research. Unless the GOP freed itself from their grip, we argued, it would so alienate itself from the broad center of the American electorate that it would become increasingly marginalized and find itself out of power.

At the time, this idea was roundly attacked by many who were convinced that holding on to the "base" at all costs was the way to go. A former speechwriter for President Bush, Matthew Scully, who went on to work for the McCain campaign this year, called the book "airy blather" and said its argument fell somewhere between "insufferable snobbery" and "complete cluelessness." Gary Bauer suggested that the book sounded as if it came from a "Michael Moore radical." National Review said its warnings were, "at best, counterintuitive," and Ann Coulter said the book was "based on conventional wisdom that is now known to be false."

What a difference four years makes -- and the data show it.

Ha! Christie must be both super-smug and horrified about how all her predictions have come true. And as we've seen since the election, the party is intent to purge even more of their moderates, even to the point where relentless GOP cheerleaders like Peggy Noonan and David Brooks are tossed on the scrap heap. Think they'll listen to her this time? Of course not! Sarah Palin ate their party! Yay! And now Whitman will get to clip a whole new collection of pull quotes like the ones above from Bauer and Coulter, but probably even meaner and more hysterical.

Are people like Whitman going to have to revive the Whig Party, or what?

Making New Friends

(Getty Images via CNN)

Delicious gossip about Sarah stinking up the place at the governors' thingy:

MIAMI (CNN) — Some Republican governors tell CNN they were not particularly happy with the way the Republican Governors Association press conference was executed Thursday, saying that they agreed to go as a show of GOP governors’ unity — but they ended up feeling like silent Palin supporters, since it was clearly a press conference called for her.

The GOP governors spoke to CNN on condition of anonymity.

One called it awkward: “I’m sure you could see it on some of our faces.”

Another Republican governor eyeing a presidential run in 2012** told CNN the event was “odd” and “weird,” and said it “unfortunately sent a message that she was the de facto leader of the party."

There has been palpable tension among some GOP governors gathered in Miami that Palin has been sucking up all the media oxygen.

In an interview with CNN, Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour shrugged off that suggestion.

"That's just somebody running down a rabbit trail. There's plenty of oxygen here,” he said.

And, indeed, she just totally hijacked the press conference, the entire event, really, and the other people do look totally, totally pissed! Sarah! This is not the way to make friends! But honestly, how dare they! They should have had their own dumb press conference. But the hilarious truth is that if they had, all the questions would have totally been, all, "Where's Sarah? What do you think of Sarah?" Haw, they are SO stuck with her now. Hey, Republicans, Sarah Palin ate your party! And you simply must read J-Mart's amusing write-up of the event at Politico, where Palin's rivals are barely, barely able to conceal their hatred:

Meeting with reporters later that day, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty, Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman, and Meg Whitman and Rob Portman, who, respectively, are eyeing 2010 gubernatorial runs in California and Ohio, went from speaking passionately and authoritatively about the GOP’s challenges to an awkward near-silence, turning to each other and initially saying nothing when the dreaded Palin questions came about.

After the others had grudgingly taken a turn, Pawlenty, a finalist on McCain’s veep list, spoke up.

“You wanted me to respond?” he said with minimal enthusiasm. “Look at the time,” he joked before saying the requisite nice things.

...

While the governors were publicly polite, their aides, advisers and other Republicans here at this tropical networking and strategy session looked on at the Palin spectacle with a mix of bemusement, curiosity and annoyance.

“She’s our Britney Spears,” one veteran Republican, who is close to a prospective future presidential rival of Palin, observed after hearing her speak. “It’s just this cult of personality.”

She's their Britney Spears! Is that, perhaps, a clever allusion to McCain/Palin's noteworthy "Obama celebrity" ad? Brilliant!

God, how much better is this going to get?

**That's got to be either Pawlenty or Jindal! Take your pick!

Jill Biden and Lynne Cheney Meet in Double-Breasted Grudge Match. Jill Wins!

US Vice President Dick Cheney (L) and his wife Lynne (2nd-L), welcome US Vice President-elect Joe Biden (R) and his wife Jill as they arrive for a private meeting and to tour the official residence of the Vice President, at the US Naval Observatory in Washington, DC. Cheney welcomed his successor Biden to his official residence, shrugging off his visitor's stinging campaign trail attacks. (AFP/Paul J. Richards)

Yes, yes, LOL, DID THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE??? But what I really want to talk about is Jill's faboo style. I normally don't like double-breasted jackets, but Dr. Jill's red cashmere number with the black turtleneck and black/slate mottled skirt is absolutely wonderful, and not at all typical wonkwifewear. Well done!

That said, I'm not wild about the accessories; necklaces and turtlenecks rarely work well together. And Jill? Honey? You are under no obligation to wear a flag pin. Election's over, girlfriend! You won! Yay!

I really do love her.

Lead Balloon

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Zalmay Khalilzad, listen as President George W. Bush addresses the Culture of Peace meeting of the United Nations General Assembly at UN headquarters, Thursday Nov. 13, 2008. (AP Photo/Henny Ray Abrams)

OK, this was obviously somebody's idea of edgy humor to put together a thing called "Culture of Peace" and then... ha, ha... invite George Bush to speak. Isn't that hilarious? No? Whoops, I forgot irony died. From the looks of things, I'd say Condi 'n' Khali totally didn't get it, either. She used to look so fascinated when he spoke!

So anyway, this was one of those UN things where they invite Catholics and Arabs and then pretend that it's totally amazing. Everybody took their turn to trot up to the podium and use those buzz-words "tolerance" and "interfaith" which are so hot right now.

And then they all banned gay marriage together, hugged, and went home. The end.

Palin Practices Spokesmodel Poses

Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin speaks during the Republican Governors Association conference in Miami, Florida. Palin led a rallying call Thursday for Republicans to rebuild after their bruising election defeat, urging the party to adapt to its new minority status and fight for the future. (AFP/Getty Images/Joe Raedle)

I like how it says "Licy" in the background right next to her head. Did Sarah have any special insights for her Republican Governor colleagues today? Are you kidding? No, just spokesmodelly platitudes:

"We are now the minority party, but let us not resolve to become the negative party. Losing an election does not have to mean losing our way," defeated vice presidential nominee Palin told the annual Republican governors' conference here.

"It is time for us to go our own way and leaving neither bitter nor vanquished, but confident in the knowledge there will be another day and we will gather once more with new strength. We'll rise to fight again."

Substance-free as usual. There will be another day! We'll rise to fight again! Well, she did say once that her favorite films were those feel-good sports movies from the 80s. Now she's quoting from them!

Personally, I preferred Tim Pawlenty. Why? Because his speech recommended hairdo vigilance. No, really:

"This party's going to require more than just a political comb-over. There's a lot of work in terms of making sure we have ideas that improve people's lives and that we properly communicate them," he told Fox News Thursday.

A political comb-over! What a great way to describe the waning days of the McCain campaign! Why didn't I think of that?