Condi Acting Debut Neither Embarrasses Nor Inspires

So the other day I feigned ignorance of 30 Rock (not far from the truth), guessing that it was "some kind of television pop music show for people born in the early 80s." I meant to add "so I suppose they'll have Condi playing the piano," but the sentence was getting awkward, so I left it out. And wouldn't you know it, they did have Condi playing the piano, and I have to admit that the way she was glaring at the Baldwin while doing so was pretty funny. You can watch it here.

She was fine, neither as good nor as bad as I wanted her to be. You could do worse for stunt casting. She did well enough for a cameo in a John Waters courtroom scene.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Running Fox

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Real Food: Salad

Condi's Matching Armchairs... Live On Stage!

It's been a while, and I've been neglecting the Condinews lately, so let's take an overdue peek inside the glittering, magical world of America's Princess Diplomat! The latest thing is an interview with La Condi in this Sunday's New York Times Magazine. It's been "condensed and edited" for the web, so bummer, because it it totally the most boring, uninformative interview ever, even by Condi standards, and that's saying something. The only good part is when she says that Donald Rumsfeld "can be a grumpy guy," masterfully proving that she can take any interesting topic and turn it into a letdown.

On the lighter side, of course, everybody is all a-dither about Dr. Ferragamo's upcoming appearance on something called "30 Rock," which I guess from the title is some kind of television pop music show for people born in the early 80s. Condi gets to play an awkward former secretary of state who used to date one of the Baldwin brothers. Weird. I think I'll only believe this if it ends up on the youtubes.

And then... something about golf, something about golf... sorry, I'm just doing this off the top of my head. Oh, right, this is an old story, but it's about something that hasn't happened yet (isn't that just the internet for you; by the time something actually happens, you're over it): Condi will be hosting a tournament at some formerly racist country club next month, so we can all look forward to that.

And finally, Condi was LIVE! ON STAGE! at Colorado State University last week, a sold-out extravaganza, and from the sounds of it, it wasn't terribly exciting. She gave her "It's so nice to read the paper in the morning and not have to do anything about it" anecdote which she's using in every interview, every appearance lately. "We do have a lot of work to do to defend freedom," she revealed. Boilerplate Condistuff. But they did the greatest thing! To make La Rice feel at home, they set her up on the stage with a moderator seated in, yes, a classic "matching armchairs" set-up:

(Photo via Colorado State University's flickr stream, where they quaintly think they can prevent people from downloading their photos)

It's almost like they followed my tutorial: the twin armchairs angled just so, the neutral background, the low table, the tasteful flower  arrangement, even an optional flag! It's like Condi's returned to her special place. Well done, CSU.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Blue Curves

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The Fake Story Which Launched 1,000 Misty Watercolor Memories

Have you heard? So sad about the last typewriter factory closing, isn't it? So let's all get wistful about technologies past and... what's that you say? Typewriters are still being made? Oh well, so much for nostalgia.

I remember when Sony marketed the first portable manual typewriter in 1980. Prior to that, if you wanted to type, you'd be chained to your desk. But Sony changed all that! The device was such a hit that before you knew what was happening, everywhere you looked you would see people walking around merrily tap-tap-tapping away. You could sit on the beach and write your novel! You could stroll around the shopping mall while composing a letter to a friend! Got a term paper due the next day but you really want to go see Aerosmith? No problem! Just strap on your Sony portable manual typewriter, go to the show and type to the beat!

Oh, sure, not everybody was enamoured with the new gadget. Some people noted that people weren't connecting with other human beings as much because they were lost in their own worlds, typing out their resumés while walking down the sidewalk instead of truly engaging with the environment around them. Others noted that being lost in a reverie while composing poetry on your Sony portable manual typewriter was a good way to get mugged. Others decried the loss of the old ways, noting that 95% of children by the mid 1980s knew absolutely nothing about casting metal type, composing sticks, case hardening, or punch-matrix systems. Tsk.

But we loved our Sony portable manual typewriters. And now the twitters and the facebooks and the mac-pods have ruined all that. SAD.

Best Ever Picture Of Donald Trump's Hairdo

(AP Photo [detail], 04-25-11) Click for an awe-inspiring 1800x1200 view!

I haven't been paying much attention to the whole Donald Trump thing because, ha, I'm not falling for it. Besides, vulgar reality TV show stars just aren't my beat.

But incredible hairdos are! I've always found Trump's hairdo to be a troubling, off-putting presence. It made me look away. At the same time, however, there was always that little tingle at the back of my mind: What is that on top of his head? What's going on there?

This subject has, of course, been gone over many times by others, but I really loved this AP photo from today because for the first time it was just so apparent how the coiffure is engineered. It's a triple combover! Wow, just totally big sheets of babyfine hair from both sides and the back stretched and interwoven into a complex layering on the top. It really is a wonder to behold, and so utterly unconvincing as to boggle the mind.

So anyway, be sure to marvel at the huge enlargement. And that concludes my one and only post on Donald Trump ever.*

*Oops, I guess this isn't strictly true. Still!

I Finally Realized Who Paul Ryan Reminds Me Of

Pet Peeve: We Are All On A First-Name Basis With Leonardo da Vinci

Every time I see it, it's like fingernails on a chalk board. "da Vinci" is not Leonardo's last name; it's an appellation referring to where he was born. Calling him "da Vinci" is like calling Monty Python's fictional Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern Schplenden Schlitter Crass Cren Bon Fried Digger Dingle Dangle Dongle Dungle Burstein von Knacker Trasher Apple Banger Horowitz Ticolensic Grander Knotty Spelltinkle Grandlich Grumblemeyer Spelter Wasser Kürstlich Himble Eisenbahnwagen Gutenabend Bitte einen Nürnburger Bratwürstel Gespurten mit Zweimache Luber Hundsfut Gumberaber Schönendanker Kalbsfleisch Mittelraucher von Hauptkopft of Ulm "Mr. of Ulm". That's what really drove me crazy about The Da Vinci Code, a novel with not only one, but two errors in the title ("da" shouldn't be capitalized).

Naming conventions in art history (and history in general) are complicated and often irksome because of these "of place name" names, particularly because sometimes families did eventually adopt these names as proper surnames (Rogier van der Weyden [Rogier de la Pasture in French] and Jan van Eyck come to mind). Other commonly known names are nicknames: Botticelli, for instance, means little barrel; his actual name was Alessandro di Mariano di Vanni Filipepi; Masaccio (Tommaso di Ser Giovanni di Simone) means big ugly Tom, to distinguish him from his colleague Masolino (Tommaso di Cristoforo Fini), or little Tom. Other names are completely spurious (there was no artist named Matthias Grünewald, for instance, and his real name is debated), while others are pseudonyms, like Hieronymus Bosch, whose real name was Jeroen Anthoniszoon van Aken.

But Leonardo? That's an easy one. Call him, simply, Leonardo, like you're besties with him, OK?

Edit: Some of these same concepts add to the problems of alphabetical ordering. Please file Rogier van der Weyden under W, not V, Vincent van Gogh under G, Leonardo under L, and Domenico Veneziano (Domenico the Venetian) under D.

UPDATE: My coworker David Brown commented, "Please add Sebastiano del Piombo to the list."

Arizona Photoblogging: A Day At The Stable, Bonus Cake

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Arizona was lovely, a great time. I spent Saturday at the stable with Sparklesibling Marilyn and her adorable horse and our adorable niece. So cute. The stable, next to the Rillito, is so charming, utterly unpretentious, the real deal. And not without its mysterious touches:

What the heck is this bizarre, oversized novelty plastic spinal column? Actually, it's pretty simple. You'd think I'd be more attuned to specialty pony products, but this one had me stumped at the time. A few more pics:

And, finally, a birthday cake for Sparklemom:

So cute. A good time was had by all!

Off To The Land Of Birther Bills, Gun Nuts, And The War Against The Mud People

This is the first time I've been back since Arizona's craziness kicked into overdrive, but heck, Sparklemom's 80th birthday isn't going to celebrate itself. Leave some best wishes for her in the comments! See you Tuesday!

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Mascot

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Fashion Victim: Pattern/Color Clashing, Italian Style. Plus: Bonus Fashion Warning For Men

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The cotton shirt is by Missoni and the silk tie is vintage Fendi. Fancy! Pattern mixing is tricky, because there's such a fine line between doing it wrong and looking like Ugly Betty on a bad day and doing it right and... well, looking like Ugly Betty on a good day. This is the difference between being a fashion victim and making fashion your victim, which is my approach. Don't call it brave, though, because putting on a clashing shirt and tie hardly counts as an act of courage (we've been over this concept before). It's fun! Try it! I guess I'm lucky in that my coworkers have come to expect peculiar clothing choices from me, and even express disappointment when I dress somewhat "normally." That's the trick: build up their resistance over a period of time, and then almost anything goes.

But do you want to know what's upsetting me lately? I went shopping this past weekend and was appalled –appalled!– by the totally uncalled-for return of epaulets on men's shirts. Who ordered this nasty early-80s revival? I made a point to express my disapproval everywhere I saw them, which was everywhere.  Also dismaying was the attendant trend of the long-sleeved shirt with those epaulet-like thingees halfway up the sleeves so that you can roll them up and secure them with a button. No, no, no! Do not want! I shunned those things in 1982 and I'm shunning them now. Won't you join me?

Michael Kors, how could you?

In The Pink

By now I'm sure you've heard of the ridiculous "controversy" in which conservatives are outraged (Outraged!!!) over some J. Crew lady painting her son's toenails pink, because goodness knows there's nothing more important to worry about than gender-specific color assignments. Perhaps you're wondering, as I have many times, where this "pink is for girls, blue is for boys" thing comes from.

Enter Jo B. Paoletti of the University of Maryland, who has studied this concept extensively and will be publishing a book on the subject this year. The Smithsonian Magazine has a fascinating preview of Paoletti's work, including a fab slide show, which shows that the pink/blue divide is much more recent than you may think:

The march toward gender-specific clothes was neither linear nor rapid. Pink and blue arrived, along with other pastels, as colors for babies in the mid-19th century, yet the two colors were not promoted as gender signifiers until just before World War I—and even then, it took time for popular culture to sort things out.

For example, a Ladies’ Home Journal article in June 1918 said, “The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.”

Basically, it turns out the Baby Boomers are to blame, as always.

I'm certainly going to get this book when it comes out, as this is obviously an interesting topic to me. I've also always been puzzled by the whole concept of seasonal clothing colors, a set of sartorial "rules" I've always enthusiastically rejected.

Up top: just in case you want to show solidarity with the boy with pink toenails, you can purchase these shoes from Keds! They're available in men's sizes!

A Proud Moment

I can't emphasize enough just how thrilled I am to see Think Progress using my bear-riffic Photoshopped picture of Grover Norquist, the one which subtly implies something about him which isn't true, to illustrate an otherwise serious post about the Norquist/Gaffney feud. They're not the first to use it without noticing the joke (PSP readers didn't get it either), but definitely the most prestigious.

You can also see this spurious picture used without comment on Alan Colmes website as well as here and here and, strangely, here. This, to a Photoshopper, is like winning a gold medal: not when your image goes "viral," but when it is routinely assumed to be authentic.

And if you still don't get it, well ok, look here and all will be explained.

Quickie: Romney Aims For Triple Protection

How hilarious is it that Mitt Romney's new campaign logo looks more than a little like the Aquafresh logo?

UPDATE: It only just occured to me that he should change his name to Mint Romney.

Condi Makes Unexpected/Ironic Appearance In Article About Cultural Diplomacy

(Photo: European Voice)

You never know where Condi will pop up! European Voice has an interesting article about Raka Singh of the Centre for Fine Arts in Brussels and her admirable efforts to combine art and diplomacy. What's hilarious about the article is the photo they use of Singh, seen above, grinning while posing next to our favorite Condiportrait*, Luc Tuymans' 2005 "The Secretary of State" from the collection of the Museum of Modern Art, NY. The image is rich with irony, since Singh had to call on her brand of cultural diplomacy to smooth over relations with the United States after Belgium's "universal competence" law appeared to target George Bush's band of merry criminals. It's also ironic because Condi's own efforts at cultural diplomacy were either inane (sending washed-up sports stars to countries who never heard of them) or downright disastrous (Karen "Kick Ass" Hughes' infamous "insult the Middle East" tour).

Unfortunately, the article also shows how frustrating it can be when photographs aren't captioned, sourced or explained. When/where was this photo taken? The painting isn't currently on display at MOMA. Has Ms. Singh been saving this picture for a special occasion ("I've got JUST the photo for your article!")?

In any event, two sparkly hooves way up for Ms. Singh, and also to our most distinguished Pony Pal™, Georgetown University's John Brown, for the great catch!

*OK, maybe our second favorite Condiportrait.

Sparklehero Of The Week: Fab Congresswoman Provides Official Song Of The Shutdown, Dresses Appropriately

Oh, I just love this. What an unexpected and delightful surprise that Donna Edwards (D-Maryland) got up and, oh, just totally read the Republicans in Congress by quoting the lyrics to Effect and Cause, one of my favorite White Stripes songs. What a good song for the occasion! What really sells it, though, is her outfit! She is totally wearing the perfect White Stripes outfit!* I am dying to know if she planned it that way. Oh, I'm just totally hearting you right now, Donna Edwards. Be like the squirrel, girl.

*She should totally get a red wrist support thingee.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Pink & Green, Cooper Black

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I was drawn to the bus above not so much because it was particularly ugly or beautiful, but because of its use of Cooper Black, one of my favorite typefaces.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Service With A Smile

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Talking Points Memo Gets All Dolled Up, Plus Bonus Gauguin Attack Non-News

Well, goodness. How do we feel about this? I really like Talking Points Memo, but there's something off-putting about the whole site being drenched in an Obama reelection ad. TPM obviously markets itself as a "lefty" blog, but I've always admired their ability to remain largely nonpartisan in tone. I don't think a smaller display ad would bother me as much, but the whole site-dressing makes it seem like the Obama Administration practically purchased the entire site.

So anyway! Well, as you can imagine, the big Gauguin Crazy Lady Attack was THE topic of conversation at work. That Smoking Gun link has more information than any of us rank-and-filers had earlier today. Of course, this is one of those cases where the story goes "behind the scenes," and I feel funny/scared to blog about it, but in this case I really have absolutely no information about what happened at all. I was running all over the place today pleading with the guards, "Is there surveillance footage? IS IT FUNNY? Can I see?" Alas, they couldn't be cracked; these guys are pros. God, I want to see that videotape, because you just know it has a certain edgy comedy value.

Now I feel a little bit bad, though, because I guess the lady was tortured by bionic radio waves from the CIA or something and just HAD to attack the painting. These things happen.

UPDATE (Tuesday): I saw the video! It wouldn't be right for me to describe it in any detail, but I would call it "abrupt."

Amusing Callista Funny Buried In Wikipedia Entry History

Ha, ha! OK, it's an old joke, but it could explain how, as Pony Pal™/Coworker John puts it, "a Catholic girl who attended a Lutheran college managed to convert a Southern Baptist to Catholicism."

The footnotes, of course, prove no such thing, but do link to two interesting articles about Callista 'n' Newt: The Early Years.

These revisions didn't last long on Wikipedia, but there are some other funny edits there for the finding if you go through the history and talk pages, because nothing ever really goes away on Wikipedia. Fun!

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Cracked Huskies, Schematic Wheat

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