Pardon Me, But My Muse Is Calling

So Bobby Jindal said some funny/stupid things today:

“Bottom line, at the end of the day, we want our kids to be exposed to the best facts. Let’s teach them about the big bang theory, let’s teach them about evolution, let’s teach them — I’ve got no problem if a school board, a local school board, says we want to teach our kids about creationism, that people, some people, have these beliefs as well, let’s teach them about ‘intelligent design.’”

First of all, please note that he used the forbidden "ATEOTD" phrase, which alone is enough to banish him permanently to the land of wind and ghosts. But what's funny is that the "intelligent design" folks will wince at this, because they're always trying to claim that "ID" isn't just creationism in new clothes, and here's Jindal totally equating them, switching back and forth between the two terms,  out loud, to reporters. Oops!

But! This being Princess Sparkle Pony, can we please talk about Bobby's hair instead? Actually, this becomes somewhat delicate, because, honestly, we have to discuss Bobby Jindal's appearance in general. This is where it becomes an advantage for this blog to proudly don its "the whole point of this website is to be shallow" pants and proclaim the following: Bobby Jindal is a blatantly unattractive man, and this will be a big problem for him, bigger than his silly creationism gaffes and whatnot.

Many point out, truthfully, that women in politics are judged more harshly than men on their appearance. I'm certainly not going to argue that point. But Jindal is, to be blunt, ugly by our current standards* and has bad hair, and dresses badly, and does not have a beautiful or melodious voice, and has a creepy, tight-lipped smile, and has absolutely no charisma whatsoever.

Any one of these things can be absorbed by a male politician. But all of them? Well, OK, Nixon. But that was decades ago.

So I'm going to go ahead and be the absolute dick who says that Bobby Jindal is simply too weird looking to have any real future in national electoral politics.

*Hey, don't look at me! I didn't set the standards!

How Does Everybody Feel About Hillary Clinton Wearing A Scrunchie In Public?

Hillary Clinton listens to Portugal's former president and UN High Representative Jorge Sampaio as they take part in the Community Of Democracies ministerial conference in Vilnius on July 1, 2011. Petras Malukas / AFP - Getty Images

Just what I needed to pull me out of my blogging inactivity: hairdo controversy! This comes via the Today Show's "The Look" blog, which documents Hils disembarking a plane accompanied by the regrettable hair accessory, and then later still wearing it at some meeting.

Hillary! C'mon, no. I suppose one could argue that wearing a scrunchie on an airplane is acceptable, but I've always regarded airports and planes as primo fashion show-off zones, so I'm not buying it. Also, the Today Show blogger, Rina Raphael, while barely disguising her horror at the wayward accessory, tries to mitigate it by pointing out that Sienna Miller and Catherine Zeta Jones have been spotted in public in scrunchies and that American Apparel is selling them now. To me, though, these seem like further reasons to avoid these terrible elastic hairdo tumors.

But then... to leave the scrunchie on for a meeting? Oh, Hillary, say it ain't so! Please tell me you just forgot it was there. And to make matters worse, Hils' hair looks so totally cute otherwise!

Hillary has never been a fashion icon, obviously, and I've always admired her for that, but really! A scrunchie! The mind boggles.

Swish of the combable tail to Pony Pal z7q2 for the tip!

Goddess Callista Gingrich Is Officially The First Hairdo Problem Of This Election Cycle

I knew you could do it, Callista! But again, as with every time the so-called "mainstream media" tries to keep a straight face while analyzing hairdos, there's always this apologetic tone:

Hair has struck again. Superficial, to be sure, it somehow manages to work its way into almost every campaign, and this season is no different.

Don't apologize, Beth of the Boston Globe! It's really OK to write about hairdos; people do it all the time! I've said it over and over again: hairdos matter. Salon issues destroyed John Edwards' political career long before the, you know, extramarital offspring 'n' such.

But anyway, after apologizing and justifying the importance of coiffures, Beth gets to the good stuff and asks some local hairdressers about Callista's supreme, magical hair-object:

“It takes at least 45 minutes to an hour to do that kind of blow-dry,’’ said Clifford Bouvier, artistic director of Crew International, in Brookline. “She’s really bleached out, and to smooth out over-processed hair you have to do a lot of work. You have to use products that put moisture back in the hair.’’

Helena Cohen, owner of Ardan Medspa + Salon, in Wellesley, said that Gingrich’s hair appears to be teased, and that would add time to the morning routine. “She does that bump on the top that gives it height.’’ Time taken away from kissing babies: about 15 minutes.

Celebrity hair guru Sandy Poirier, at Shag, in South Boston, said Gingrich’s hair might take as long as 90 minutes, although he couldn’t be sure.

Now THAT is proper hairdo reporting.

Did Sarah Palin Snub Jan Brewer? [UPDATED]

(AP Photo, 02-27-11)

By now, Jan Brewer is back in Arizona. I'm assuming there was a massive ticker-tape parade upon her return. But what happened to her plans to meet with the Sarah Palin? Granted, the news reports which mentioned the scheduled meeting were a little hazy, and Brewer herself never said she was going to meet with Palin,  but as far as I can tell, it didn't happen.

Maybe it did happen and nobody said anything about it? Unlikely. If Jan had basked in Sarah's presence, you can bet the photos would have been up on her Facething fence (wall? Whatever the kids call it) within seconds.

Maybe it was never supposed to happen and people just assumed that the two would meet because why else would Brewer go to Alaska?

Or maybe it was supposed to happen and Sarah had one of her many "Oops, did I schedule that?" moments, only to realize that there she was, off shooting dinner while Jan waited patiently and fruitlessly with her photographer?

I prefer the last scenario, of course. I love the idea of Jan Brewer traveling all the way to Alaska for the sole purpose of getting a photo-op with Sarah Palin, and all she got was some lousy t-shirt.

These questions, of course, will dominate my week. Speaking of questions, go ahead and stare at the photo at the top of this post and contemplate –really contemplate– Jan's hair.

UPDATE: It looks like Jan did briefly enter the orbit of the Todd Palin while "enjoying" the Iditarod. That's close, but no banana.

UPDATE: Interesting that in a blog post at the Arizona Republic about Sarah Palin's choice of Arizona as a possible base for her campaign,  there is the following vagueness:

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, who spent the weekend vacationing in Alaska, said she didn't have any conversations with Palin about a possible Senate run while she was in town and that the topic never came up.

Note that the statements above imply that Brewer talked to Palin this weekend without actually stating it. If Brewer didn't meet Palin, the above statements would still be true. Clever! I still find it impossible to believe a Palin/Brewer meeting without photo-ops.

Frederica Wilson Just Wants To Wear Her Hats, OK?

(Photos: various sources)

Frederica Wilson just may be your next big PSP starlet. She's that rarest of creatures: a Democrat elected to Congress, and she is VERY concerned about bringing her hat collection to Washington:

Wilson is hoping to have a conversation with the likely new Speaker, John Boehner. At issue: whether or not the longtime lawmaker can wear her signature hats on the House floor. The House bars members from wearing hats while the body is in session, but Wilson said she believes the speaker can waive the rule -- which dates to the 1800s.

"It's sexist," Wilson said. "It dates back to when men wore hats and we know that men don't wear hats indoors, but women wear hats indoors. Hats are what I wear. People get excited when they see the hats. Once you get accustomed to it, it's just me. Some people wear wigs, or high heel shoes or big earrings or pins. This is just me."

Is that too much to ask? See, it's sexist that women aren't allowed to wear hats indoors while men... also aren't allowed to wear hats indoors. So totally sexist that men and women are treated equally in this regard!

She's right, though, that "people get excited when they see the hats." I'm pretty excited right now, aren't you? Don't deny it.

Mediasnack seems to think that Ms. Wilson is being silly about her beloved hats, but I think they're just being mean. Others will say that Frederica is a blatantly ridiculous creature, but those who do aren't sensitive to the needs of satirical blogs, and that's just more discrimination. The hats are obviously her source of power, like Samson's hair. How is she to function without them?

This is clearly an outrage.

The obvious solution: Wilson should get a special dispensation by declaring her hats to be helper animals. Problem solved.

Asking The Important Questions

Via Talking Points Memo comes this totally faboo question from an utterly serious poll about the important things in politics:

Do you have a higher opinion of Barbara Boxer's hair or Carly Fiorina's hair?

Barbara Boxer's hair....................................... 19%
Carly Fiorina's hair.......................................... 14%
Not sure.......................................................... 67%

Not sure? Not sure?!?

Democracy is dead.

Jan Brewer: 65-Year-Old Woman Trapped In A 30-Year-Old's Hairdo

Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer, after meeting with Obama Administration officials regarding the border and immigration, talks about the meeting at the capitol Monday, June 28, 2010, in Phoenix. Federal officials have told the governor that 524 of the 1,200 National Guard troops headed to the U.S. Mexican border will be deployed in the state. (AP Photo/Ross D. Franklin)

We laughed and laughed when Goddess Carly Fiorina was caught on a live mike making fun of Barbara Boxer's hair, but has she looked around at her GOP peers lately? Jan's coiffure is so... well, just so YOUNG. How does she do it? Only her hairdresser knows for sure, in addition to anybody among the, you know, sighted. It's like she went back in time to the early 80s and stole Diane Sawyer's hair! Give it back, Jan! You're upsetting the space-time continuum! Dangerous!

Also: who agrees that the role of Jan Brewer in a Lifetime Network biopic is Amy Sedaris' for the taking?

UPDATE – Pony Pal™ Samael7 convincingly illustrates the point above.

First Shot Fired In California Hairdo Electoral Battle

FILE - In this Thursday, June 3, 2010 file photo, Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., speaks at a construction site near the Caldecott Tunnel in Orinda, Calif. (AP Photo/Marcio Jose Sanchez, File)

Oh! It is so on! Carly Fiorina, who I am predicting to be Sparklefave 2010 and maybe even 2011, had barely, barely even been an official primary winner for, like, five minutes, and already she's making fun of Barbara Boxer for something very important: her hair. These are fighting words:

The video shows Fiorina checking her Blackberry and engaging in small talk with the producers and others off-camera. Finding out fellow California Republican Meg Whitman had decided to visit Sean Hannity tonight, Fiorina repeated several times that she found the decision “bizarre,” because “you know how he is… Sean Hannity is not an easy interview, you know?” She didn’t specify what specifically about a Republican candidate going on Hannity would result in a difficult interview, but dropped the subject for a while to readjust her mic, and then starting up a new topic: her opponent and, more specifically, “God, what is that hair?” Continuing to mock her, she adds, that it’s “sooo yesterday.”

OMG, there is no fury like a hairdo scorned! I'm going to side with Babs on this one. As you can see in the recent photo above, Boxer's hair isn't all that noteworthy; it's fine, if uninspired. Frankly, if I were Carly (OMG, I just had to pinch myself out of a reverie!), I wouldn't go throwing stones at other people's coiffures. She's in for a world of hurt.

You! Yeah, You, Whoever You Are. You With The Bad Haircut. Do I Look Like Somebody Who Wants To Hear About A Brown Bailout?

Seriously, I am so sick of seeing the ad shown above all over all the blogs 'n' such. I so don't want to know about your brown bailout or whatever, because ew, right? Gross. I mean really.

Also, why, why, why would I choose to watch or listen to anybody with such peculiarly bad hair?! What is up with that guy's hair? Is he a comedian they hired or something? No, that hair is bad and I shan't listen to it. Never! Take that hairdo from my sight! If thine hairdo offend me, CUT IT OFF.

Whew. I just had to get that off my chest.

We will now resume making fun of Arizona. And hilarious oil spill gag cartoons.

Meanwhile, In Arlington...

Photo: Arl Now

Police are looking for a a 6′2″ transsexual who ran from a South Arlington beauty store with a pilfered wig, hopped into a car and sped off onto Columbia Pike.

Usman Minayar, manager of the Crystal Beauty store on South Edgewood Street, said the suspect tried to stealthily put the $17 ten inch honey blond wig in a purse while her friend, a local stripper, distracted him.

When Minayar saw what was going on, the suspect made a mad dash for the door. He didn’t try to stop her.

“I was a bit scared… [s]he’s a big guy… [s]he might knock me down, you know.”

The suspect was wearing a black shirt, a bandana and “booty shorts” at the time of the theft, Minayar said.

He said he’s confused by the theft because both the transsexual woman and the stripper, a biological female, have bought items at the store before.

Dramatic Interpretation

(AP Photo, 03-07-10)

You might be surprised that I'm writing about the whole Sandra 'n' Jesse thing, but I think I can help explain a thing or two.

See, if there's one thing I learned from 17 years in Southern California, it's that people there tend to wear costumes (as opposed to "dressing up," like they do on the East Coast). Everybody is working for Central Casting. People present themselves as types.

In the early 90s, a certain type solidified and became extremely pervasive in the art and music worlds: the retro blue-collar man. I remember going to art shows at La Luz de Jesus and everybody there looked like an auto mechanic, with tattoos, pomaded hair, etc. Their girlfriends wore retro cocktail dresses, bangs, and too much makeup and too many tattoos. The whole "Kustom Kulture" revival was in full swing.

Because everybody was getting tattooed, the tattoo artists got into the galleries alongside the artists who were ripping them off, as did the automobile customizers and... I don't know, probably the pomade manufacturers as well. Everybody mingled together, the emulators and the emulatees. Painters started customizing cars and designing tattoos, car customizers were given retrospectives in art museums, and so on. The final, pestilent denouement of this movement is with us today as we find ourselves surrounded by horrible, garish, Ed Hardy* clothing.

Anyway, here's my point: sometimes it's hard to tell if somebody is a hipster emulating a macho, trashy, blue-collar shithead or if they actually are a macho, trashy, blue-collar shithead. Like Jesse James.

So once you realize that Jesse James is the real thing, a real dyed-in-the-wool macho, trashy, blue-collar shithead, not just playing one on TV, then it's hardly surprising when he behaves like one. And then it all falls into place, doesn't it? The over-the-top stripper girlfriends, the jocular nazi references, all of it.

I used to work with this girl, Rebecca, and she was way into the Kustom Kulture style. She'd come to work every day looking immaculate, gorgeous: sleeveless vintage dresses, period accessories, ample tattoos and perfect, perfect magazine makeup. She was awesome looking, as good as Dita Von Teese, really beautiful... but maybe a tad cartoonish. Like a female female impersonator. Her boyfriend was a tattoo artist with a similarly severe look: shaved head, profuse piercings, boxy bowling-style shirts covered with flames, etc. He was also gorgeous, but not very friendly.

But it turned out that, like Sandra 'n' Jesse, the girl was playing a role and the boy was the real McCoy. I heard later that they had moved away from Southern California, at his insistence, to get away from all the "spics and fags," etc., and had moved to some all-white enclave in the South. For real! This was especially surprising because Rebecca's last name, her maiden name if you will, was something like "Ramirez." Under all that makeup she was, in fact, half Mexican!

But, again, I had mistaken her boyfriend for a cartoon instead of the real thing, and that's what happens over and over in Southern California.

It's honestly something I really don't miss.

*Not to knock Ed himself! Don Ed Hardy and I were in a couple of group shows together in LA, and we had some close mutual friends, so I hung out with him several times. He is honestly one of the nicest people I've ever known. He's an extraordinarily talented artist, and I'm really glad for him personally that he cashed in so successfully, but... urgh, that stuff is awful.

OMG BREAKING: Cindy McCain Got a Haircut

via Huffington Post so, naturally, no photo credit.

All we have so far are photos obviously taken from, like, two miles away with a telephoto lens, but there you have it: new bob hairdo! Consider your world rocked.

On a related note, how does Huffington get away with never providing photo credits? God, it's frustrating.

A dollop of Twinkle Toes Hoof Glitter to Pony Pal™ Matthew for the tip!

OMG, Me Too, Me Too!

Alternative title for this post: Hypocritical Pony Posts Cindy McCain Twitter Only Days After Making Fun of Posting About Twitter.

But yes, Cindy, Goddess, is on the Twitter, so suddenly it's relevant to me. So I'm fickle, whatev. Oh, and she totally hearts the hairdressers. So there's that.

Plus, I don't get to use the "hairdo speculation" label very often these days.

More Historic Photos of Jeff Fortenberry's Hair, Winner of "Best Congressional Hairdo – Male Division" for 2009!

(November 4, 2008. All photos AP)

He's really giving Blago a run for his money, hairdo-wise (what a great word!), in the above shot. Yay, let's look at more:

That's February, 2006, evidently when he had his dandruff under better control. But wait, how about this in November of the same year:

Is it just the lighting, or has Fortenberry's coiffure gotten significantly browner than before?
This next one, from June 2004, I'm just throwing in to make you love him more:

So I don't know, the hair seems to go back and forth from more brown to more gray. Doesn't that imply dye-jobs? Doesn't that support my theory that Fortenberry's hair is real and lustrous and fabulous and totally not a wig, just remarkably wig-like? I'm sticking to that story until somebody (*AHEM* congressional staff Pony Pals!) demonstrates otherwise.

Condi in Chilling Beauty Parlor Encounter

(via Huffington Post)

Condi lives and operates within a fairly exclusive, chic bubble. Think of all the pictures of her that this blog has featured, and think of how many of them show her, you know, just walking around amongst ordinary mortals. Hardly any, right?

But the other day, what began as a regular trip to the Watergate's beauty salon ended up being an uncomfortable confrontation with somebody less-than-enthusiastic about La Rice's performance on that Middle Eastern thingy. And unfortunately for Condi, this salon client had an upload account with the Huffington Thing. Let's listen in:

Recognizing how rare it is to get face-time with the nation's top diplomat, Nadia felt she had to say something, anything. "Great job you're doing in Gaza," she blurted out. Nadia says Rice then turned to her and smiled. "Ohh thank youu," she responded, dramatically dragging out each word. "I don't think she understood the sarcasm," Nadia told me. "No. I mean is there anything else that the U.S. can say other than all of the onus is on Hamas to end the violence?" she asked Rice.

"We've made other statements!" Rice replied, as she walked away. "And it is," she added, referring to the notion that solving the crisis is solely in the hands of Hamas.

Oh, dear. Touchy, touchy! Unsatisfied with Condi's trademarked non-answers, her fellow traveler in beauty decided a little stalking was in order:

After her exchange with Rice, Nadia called her friend, Kevin, who suggested they wait outside the now-closed salon to approach the Secretary of State about Gaza once again.

"I pay taxes, so I feel responsible for what's going on," Kevin, who works as a consultant, told me, alluding to the fact that Israel receives the most U.S. foreign aid of any country.

When Rice emerged, the duo calmly asked her to reconsider her stance on Gaza. "We told her that right now she really has the power to do something," Nadia said "and that we know that deep down she doesn't even believe in what she's doing."

Awkward! So at this point they knew they had lost Condi's attention, but the plucky citizen inquisitors had one final card up their sleeves:

Rice ignored their comments, walking at a steady pace with her entourage in tow, before Nadia asked a final question.

"I said, 'Fine if you won't say anything, how about you pose for a picture?,' Nadia recalled. "At that point, she turned, paused and gave us the most chilling smile."

And that's the photo you see above! And that leaves one final question: if that's how Condi looked AFTER visiting the Watergate salon, what, exactly, were they doing to her in there?

Forecast: Less Deppy Congress

Shoot! We'll have to look for a new winner in the coveted "Worst Male Hairdo in Congress" contest, because Sparklefave Tom Feeney, Jack Abramoff's BFF, is getting buried in a landslide. Please join me in a moment of silence for Tom Feeney's hairdo.

Condi's Pointless London Incursion

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (L) attends a news conference with Britain's Foreign Secretary David Miliband in Lancaster House, central London February 6, 2008. The United States and Britain, the foreign countries with the most troops in Afghanistan, called on reluctant NATO allies on Wednesday to share the burden of combat against hardline Taliban guerrillas. RETUERS/John Stillwell/Pool (BRITAIN)

Condi's trip to London today, even by Condistandards, was completely unnecessary. She went there to talk about Afghanistan. Um, OK. Whatever! And how are things going there, according to the glamorous Princess Diplomat? Bumpy. Anything more specific? No, not really. C'mon, this is Dr. Ferragamo we're talking about.

Also, PLUCK IT OUT, CONDI, PLUCK IT OUT:

(AFP)

And I have to apologize that I've totally neglected the Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System™ lately, leaving it stuck inaccurately at "elevated," but it turns out that's OK, because there's some kind of malfunction going on here:

(Reuters)

And finally, remember when Condi got all miffed recently when our UN ambassador made the mistake of being in the same room as an Iranian without Bush's permission? Well! Today Reuters reported (EDIT: whoops, here's the link) that she chastised him... personally! Mildly, but still! Did she wear the boots? Oh, if only we could all be so lucky.

New Photos Cast Doubt on "Newness" of Condi's New Hairdo

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, stops to respond to questions as she leaves the Treaty Room at the State Department with New Zealand Minister of Foreign Affairs and Trade, Winston Peters, left, Monday, Nov. 19, 2007, in Washington. (AP Photo/Pablo Martinez Monsivais)

OK, now I'm kinda confused. I was all excited on Friday because Condi's coiffure seemed to have undergone substantial alterations. Today, though, it kinda looks the same as it has for months. What gives? Well, obviously it was at least trimmed on Thursday, because it is shorter. I believe that on Friday, however, the 'do was still in that euphoric post-treatment phase where everything has a lot more volume, so that made Condi's hair delightfully spherical and puffy. It looks like the party's over today, though.

I'll keep the Condoleezza Rice Hairdo Alert System at "Elevated" for the next few days, as the post-wash'n'set period is still a treacherous time, but I'm afraid a rise in the threat level to "High" is unlikely (she would basically have to put a traffic cone on her head) and, alas, "Severe" is still something we can only fantasize about.

UPDATE: I forgot to mention another possibility, that this is the Animagic, Disneytronic Condibot, and it's hair hasn't been modified yet. See? This is why we can't be too hasty or too eager to fool around with the Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System.

HAIRDO ALERT! New Hairdo! Shorter 'n' Rounder!

Oho, so this is why there was no Condiproduct yesterday: she was undergoing a fairly extensive hairdo treatment. Yes! Let's look at Condi's new hairdo:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, right, talks with Japanese Deputy Chief Cabinet Secretary Mitsuhide Iwaki, prior to President Bush and Japanese Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda delivering their joint statement, Friday, Nov. 16, 2007, in the Cross Hall of the White House in Washington. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

It's quite a bit shorter, and almost perfectly spherical! I think it's kicky! And Condi looks extra pleased with herself, and that's exactly what a new hairdo is supposed to do. Oh, good show, Condi, good show! Let's look again:

REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Wheee! This could get shaky. Will the Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System need to go to HIGH?

UPDATE: I'm thinking, OMG, how prophetic was that fake photo I made yesterday of Condi with curlers in her hair, dramatizing an event which happened the same day she was likely receiving hairdo treatments. It's spooky!

It's OK, Condi, Because the Wire Service Photographers Will Always be There for You When All the TV Stations Reject You

OMG, snubbed! This is a scorned woman:

U.S. Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice speaks to reporters after a Quartet Principals meeting at U.N. Headquarters in New York Sunday, Sept. 23, 2007 (AP Photo/David Karp)

Condi usually doesn't work work on Sundays; she usually just does the spokesmodeling thing on the network blabfests. So what's she doing at this totally boring UN thingy? I mean, what? And this is where it gets a little bitchy because Howard Kurtz had to go and say all these mean things about our Princess Diplomat. And I mean really, really mean:

No Dice on Rice

The secretary of state has always been considered a prize catch for the Sunday talk shows. But when the White House offered Condoleezza Rice for appearances eight days ago, after a week focused on Iraq, two programs took the unusual step of turning her down.

Executives at CBS and NBC say Rice no longer seems to be a key player on the war and that her cautious style makes her a frustrating guest.

"I expected we'd just get a repetition of the administration's talking points, which had already been well circulated," says Bob Schieffer, host of CBS's "Face the Nation," who questioned two senators instead. "We'd had a whole week of that with General Petraeus and President Bush. I thought it was more important to get a sense of where the Senate Republicans were."

Tim Russert, moderator of "Meet the Press," who also hosted two senators, declined to comment on why he turned down Rice.

"She was happy to have her Sunday morning back," says State Department spokesman Sean McCormack. "There are lots of weekends where we're getting urgent phone calls requesting her to be on Sunday shows."

Footnote: None of the five shows turned down Hillary Clinton yesterday, although there was grumbling about the lack of exclusivity.

OMG, right? Can you believe that Schieffer, Russert... even that Rastapopolis guy, I bet... like they have better things to do than have a girly chat with -- Hello!-- Condoleezza Rice?

So that's why she was at that stupid dullsville event yesterday that was way too boring, but you know what? At least she got her look put back together. I think that Saturday she had a spa day, because on Friday she was a ghastly rough thing (we'll get back to that, alas), so Condi was lookin' good (although it could be, of course, the labor-saving, Disneytronic Condibot).

Today, Condi still looks good, and she stood behind a podium at some Earth Day thingy or something, and managed her usual impressive feat of saying just loads 'n' loads of stuff containing no actual content:

Condoleezza Rice, US Secretary of State speaks at a high-level event on climate change titled "Innovating a climate-friendly world: the role of technology and dissemination" at U.N. Headquarters in New York, Monday, Sept. 24, 2007. (AP Photo/David Karp)

Finally, and this is a doozy: I've been a terribly negligent pony. It's true! Properly, there should have been a Condoleezza Hairdo Alert System... um... alert, because, OK, on Friday? Utter hairdo nadir. It was really bad, and I was on pins 'n' needles all weekend. Actually, that's totally a lie. The whole thing played out over the weekend while I was doing other things! And that's where the system breaks down! It's totally a metaphor for the Iraq war or the holocaust or whatever. I blame bush.

But, OK... here's a picture from Friday:

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice receives a kiss from French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner following their joint news conference at the State Department in Washington, Friday, Sept. 21, 2007. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Ew. You can't really see it very well, but that hairdo is about to fall off her head. Compare it to the top picture!

Are you ready for the big reveal? Here's how bad the coiffure had gotten on Friday:

(Reuters/Jim Young)

OMG helmetty! So, obvs, that was the ultimate denouement of that hairdo cycle, wouldn't you say?

But that's all in the past, because a vital mission has been completed, one which overshadows all the other petty little skirmishes happening all over the globe: Condi's hairdo has been successfully stabilized.

And that's how the Condiweek starts! And, OMG, Condi? If you're reading this, you totally shouldn't care about your TV career being kinda washed-up right now, because the Associated Press, Reuters, Getty Images, Corbis, AFP... they'll never leave you (I hope).