Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Callista Gingrich Goes To Airports, Just Like Regular People!


(Photo by: The Georgetown Dish)

Put the phrases "Callista Gingrich" and "next first lady" in the same article, and THAT is what I call hard-hitting Callistagoddess reportage: The Empress Gingrich, immaculately turned out, was spotted enduring Dulles Airport's shuttle train with bedazzled, gawking inferiors. Did she lash out at these ants, laying waste to those who dared speak to her, who even looked directly into her eyes? No! She managed to get through it all by acting perfectly pleasant and even making light chit-chat! It is exactly like a fairy tale. How does she do it? My god, she is totally even pulling her own wheelie carry-on thingy, like a saint. Just like a saint!

And everybody knows that old-timey saints got their powers from their halos, which were not just artistic conventions but real objects powered by a kind of technology known only by Jesus. And so, too, does this latter-day saint (LOL, sorry), this majestic, most aglitter point on the holy trinity that is Newt Gingrich's combined wives, have a halo of her own, a celestial orb of gossamer titanium with its magic Bézier tentacle forever reaching for the great beyond.

Whoops! Sorry, I fell into a Callista hairdo reverie again.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Here's Your Latest Recurrent Callista Gingrich Scream Nightmare Horror

Callista Gingrich, wife of Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, greets supporters at Gingrich's book-signing event at Books-A-Million in Naples, Fla., Saturday, Nov. 26, 2011. (AP Photo/Erik Kellar)




Friday, November 25, 2011

Art Collection: "Nancy" Comic Strip By Ernie Bushmiller, 1944

Click for much bigger, Fritzier!

Above is an original drawing by Ernie Bushmiller, 6.5" x 20.75", pen, brush, and ink with Benday dot screen on Strathmore illustration board,  for the Nancy strip which ran in newspapers on June 23, 1944. Note that it has the same arrangement of pre-printed panels seen in the other strip from the 40s in my collection.

This is a coveted, rare Aunt Fritzi-centric episode, but even here, Nancy dominates. Poor Fritzi Ritz! Relegated to a "generic authority figure" role in a strip she used to be the star of, one which bore her name until Nancy came along and ruined everything.

This is a weird cartoon for Bushmiller with two entire panels of the illegible writing, and it's another example of his transitional 1940s style, where he still retains a a lot of his earlier, fussier techniques. Look, for instance, and how much more detailed Fritzi's hair is compared to what would come later:


The 40s were also a transitional period for Bushmiller because he was moving away from continuing stories and into a "gag a day" approach. This one has a foot in both worlds: in this two-week-long "story", Fritzi is "out of town" (at a farm, presumably?), so Nancy is staying with the fussy, mean guy next store who hates her. Most of the strips feature Nancy inadvertently tormenting her uptight host, and then there's this "meanwhile" one where Fritzi receives Nancy's letter.

I don't know if this gag works all that well, but I love the drawings of Fritzi, and the schematic barn and silo in the first panel hint at the radical simplification which was to come. There is visible underdrawing in the word balloons, but Fritzi and the other details were inked freehand (see above). Impressive! Note that he didn't leave himself any room for a signature.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Quickie: Ellen Barkin Is Understandably Upset


I'm only vaguely aware of the existence of Ellen Barkin, but I can understand that this must have come as a terrible blow to her. Ellen, honey, relax: you don't have Callista's bizarre curl tentacle, so it's OK. Please refer to this instructional drawing so you can know exactly what to avoid.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Consumer's Phrenologist's Guide To Glori's Hair

Contents under pressure!

Serving suggestion:

Glori's hair with potatoes, carrots and peas.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Newt Gingrich Modestly Proposes Child Janitorial Servitude

(Photo: Getty Images)

It's gotten to the point where all the Republican candidates are constantly saying such crazy things that some of their more egregious statements are kind of passing by without much notice.

And so it is with Newt Gingrich, who on Friday proposed a bold new plan to basically create whole new generations of child laborers:

"You say to somebody, you shouldn't go to work before you're what, 14, 16 years of age, fine. You're totally poor. You're in a school that is failing with a teacher that is failing. I've tried for years to have a very simple model," he said. "Most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school. The kids would actually do work, they would have cash, they would have pride in the schools, they'd begin the process of rising."

[...]

The former House Speaker acknowledged that it was an unconventional pitch, saying, "You're going to see from me extraordinarily radical proposals to fundamentally change the culture of poverty in America and give people a chance to rise very rapidly."

Hey, kill two birds with one stone: fire almost all of the union janitors, and get those damn kids off the couch! What's killing a few childhoods if it sticks it to the unions?

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Miscellaneous Glori Possibilities



My freehand pencil drawings aren't as "good" as my computer drawings, but they have a lot more personality.

In other news, I've fallen in love with Glori all over again. I'm going to have to start drawing her again.

UPDATE: Wow, I guess I'm the only one in love with Glori.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Photoblogging: Soup 2 Nuts

Click for bigger!

Spotted right outside my work today, this gorgeous sticker* was stuck to a bus stop sign. And, yes, we do have a Warhol exhibition currently running (highly recommended!). My colleagues reacted with laughter and skepticism. One thing is for sure: if Warhol were still alive and saw this, he would probably appropriate it instantly.

*Points off, though, for using Arial rather than Helvetica. Tsk. When will people learn?

UPDATE: Ugh, OK, this is some kind of installation art thing. That's a little disappointing. If I had Googled this first, I wouldn't have posted it.

How To Draw Glori, The Popcorn Girl





Now let's have some fun! Think of something exciting to do with Glori! Draw a picture of her in a typical situation (Glori falls into a reverie while contemplating Milk Duds) or an atypical one (Glori mud-wrestles Linda Ronstadt):


Monday, November 14, 2011

America's Next First Lady!!!!

Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, and his wife Callista Gingrich speak after the debate at the Benjamin Johnson Arena, Saturday, Nov. 12, 2011 in Spartanburg, S.C. (AP Photo/Richard Shiro)
OMG, have you heard? Newt's rising in the polls! Personally, I credit not Cain's and Perry's gaffestreams (I just made that word up. Good, isn't it?) but the continuing presence of Goddess Callista everywhere he goes. As you can see above, Callista is always ready, willing and able to bite all comers. Watch out, Herman! Watch out, Rick! Watch out, Mittens!

Did you know that Callista Gingrich's bite strength is greater than a mountain lion's? No? Well, that's probably because I just made that up, too.

And I know you guys LOVE close-ups, so here you go:


Happy Monday!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Junk Drawer/Sketchbook: Glori Comics And Stories

In the early 90s, I worked as a full-time promoter for an animated film festival. The festival "four-walled" theaters in certain cities, and I was part of a five- or six-person team which would typically arrive in the city three or four weeks ahead of time to promote the show, and then to run the show (the box office, t-shirt and video sales, etc.) once it opened.

Sometimes we rented university halls for our exhibition space, sometimes independent single-screen houses, and sometimes just regular chain movie theaters, like Edwards or Harkins. One of the fun things is that you never knew what kind of weird native staffs you'd have to deal with. Usually they were just the usual assortment of bored and lazy high school students and young college hipsters, but every once in a while there would be a real oddity, a totally memorable employee, whether it was because they were particularly funny or interesting, or because they were bizarre and unfathomable. Glori was an example of the latter.

Glori was a concessions worker at a Southern California chain movie theater with, I think, two screens. I'm not going to name the city or theater, but I've checked to make sure Glori herself doesn't have any kind of online presence, because Glori was her real name, and it's an integral part of what made her such a charming, peculiar character. Poor Glori: she was gangly and awkward, with a curious cloud of frizzy pale blond hair floating above a pair of bulging eyes and a vacant, slack-jawed expression. She was jittery and high-strung, jumpy and skittish. We loved Glori. We genuinely liked her (unlike the rest of the theater staff, who routinely snubbed her), and went out of our way to be nice to her, all the while marveling over her other-worldliness. I know that sounds kind of mean; what can I say?

Soon enough I was drawing pictures and comics starring Glori, some of which featured her in unlikely scenarios, and some of which were based on stories she told us about her own life, her likes and dislikes, etc. I just came across these drawings for the first time in many years, so I'll be featuring them in a couple of posts. Some of them I'm scanning as-is, while others have been doctored up, colored, etc. Here's the basic Glori character design, showing her in her theater uniform:


And a typical page of Glori comics (click for bigger) scrawled in pencil on popcorn-stained paper:


Note: the bottom two panels above are firmly based on reality. Glori LOVED Barney Miller reruns, and profusely thanked us for any and all kindnesses and considerations. Sometimes we imagined that Glori's hairdo led an exciting life of its own:


On the other hand, we always knew that Glori would always be Glori, no matter what:


More to come!

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Arizona Voters, Against All Odds, Make Admirable Decision


What a pleasant surprise! I was totally expecting voters in my home state to keep tacky idiot (see above) Russell Pearce around. Nobody thought this recall would work... but it did! Incredible. I am officially amazed. It turns out that Arizonans care about things other than Mexicans and guns.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Night Of The Dawn Of The Day Of The Land Of The Diary Of The Survival Of The Return Of The Condi Veep Rumors

OMG, I wasn't expecting this. All of a sudden, we've got Condi Veep Rumors™ again! This time, seemingly out of the blue at Politico, it's former Democratic congressman Artur Davis of Alabama passing on an absolutely insane rumor, utterly and completely sourceless, that Romney's people are trying to recruit America's Princess Diplomat, Retired, to be Mitten's running mate.

I'm basically gasping for air as I type this. I hardly know where to start.

Can I get back to you on this? This one is going to take some unpacking. Meanwhile, you may wish to revisit vintage Condi Veep Rumors™ here and here and here and, most revealingly, here on PSP and here at Wonkette.

I'll write more about this, but *spoiler* I feel confident enough to say that this new Condi Veep Rumor™ will play out exactly like all the old Condi Veep Rumors™.

UPDATE: Recorded just four days ago on CBS News, is this an explicit enough denial for you? No?

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Do I Have A "Special Disdain" For Black Conservatives?

(AP Photo)

My goodness, the Republicans, famous for decrying the playing of the "race card," certainly have been doing a lot of it lately! Last night on CNN, for instance, Brent Bozell claimed that "there is a special disdain that the left has for black conservatives."

Well, I can't answer for everybody, but you may have noticed over the years that African American Republicans/conservatives have been featured quite a bit on this site, so I'm definitely qualified to speak for myself.

So is it true? Do I have a special disdain for black conservatives?

Yes.

*shrugs*