Thin-Skinned Christians Now Upset About Chewing Gum

Sometimes I feel sorry for the Christians, because it must be hard to be so constantly offended, so continuously assaulted by heathen images, occult jewelry, and gender-blurring Teletubbies. Every time they leave their homes they are attacked by wanton gimcrackery, and inside their homes? There it's even scarier as the devil's ejaculate (television) conspires to make things unbearable:

In a far cry from the old "Doublemint Twins" ads, Wrigley is now airing a television ad for Eclipse "Fusion" gum featuring two females who appear to express a romantic interest in each other after one of them tries the gum. The ad has offended conservatives and prompted at least one Christian media watchdog group to action.

The furor over the commercial has resulted in the American Decency Association urging Christians not to buy Fusion or any other Wrigley's product. ADA president Bill Johnson says the ad shows that the company is more concerned about appealing to the homosexual community than it is offending millions of Bible-believing Christians.

"It has strong sexual allusions and ultimately leads to a clear picture that is demonstrating lesbianism," contends the family advocate.

Johnson says when Wrigley chooses to use what he describes as "blatant advertisement lifting up lesbianism" that goes "so strongly against the standard of God," it is sending a clear message to believers that their business is really no longer desired.

"We desire to pursue holiness," he says, "and that includes the choices in how we spend our money."

Johnson recommends that Christians stop buying Wrigley's products and contact company president and CEO William Perez to lodge a complaint over the Fusion commercial.

I don't know about you, but I'm tremendously relieved to know that the American Decency Association is there to help avert the menace of lesbo chewing gum.

At Last! Angela Merkel Porn!

AFP/File,Janek Skarzynski

Pony Pal™ Adam alerted me to this story, and now it is my grim duty to pass it along to you. Um... it's something about Poland's twin godhead and Germany, and I don't really want to go into it any further, because I'm too busy projectile vomiting right now, OK? But anyway:

Earlier today, German politicians had condemned as "tasteless" a mocked-up photo on the cover of a Polish magazine of Poland's ruling twin brothers sucking Merkel's bare breasts.

"I have many friends in Poland and I know that the atmosphere is different" to that portrayed in the media, she told members of the European Parliament in Brussels.

"Our Polish neighbour is equal to our French neighbour," she said.

I'm pretty sure that last part was an insult. Between getting groped by Bush and ruthlessly Photoshopped by Poles, poor Angela can't catch a break!

Pucker Up for Ursula!

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik speaks at a news conference with at the end of a European Union leaders summit at the European Council headquarters in Brussels June 23, 2007. Poland formally told its European Union partners it could not accept a reformed voting system enshrined in the defunct EU constitution, raising the prospect of a crisis at a crucial summit later this week. REUTERS/Sebastien Pirlet (BELGIUM)

There isn't any reason to post the above photo, I suppose, but there isn't any reason not to! Yay for Ursula! She shows tough love for Poland!

French Foreign Minister Channels Carnac the Magnificent at Darfur Confab

France's Foreign minister Bernard Kouchner (C) participates with US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice (R) and UN General Secretary Ban Ki-moon in a press conference at the meeting with the International Contact Group on Sudan/Darfur. France, the United States, China and some 15 other nations agreed on Monday to redouble efforts to end bloodshed in Sudan's Darfur region by supporting a new peace force and negotiations on a settlement.(AFP/Thomas Coex)

It's too bad that none of them seem to know the question.

Tom Feeney: Hair Product Abuser

That's Tom Feeney, above, the Florida representative and erstwhile Jack Abramoff golfing partner. I've been looking at pictures of the not-at-all crazy-looking Republican, and I've come to the conclusion that he may have the worst manhair in Congress. The really heartbreaking thing is that it doesn't have to be that way!

Here's the problem: Mr. Feeney seems to apply gobs of sticky gel to his curly tresses, and must be doing so without the knowledge of his hairdresser. He's hairdo hotdogging, in other words. See the blobby mass for yourself:

Ew, right? And see, since his otherwise perfectly fine hair is a little on the thin side, the gooey gel makes it clump together, allowing generous portions of his scalp to show through. This is NOT cute:

See? You can see the whole roundness of his scalp! And if there were no product, or different product, and cut a little shorter, it wouldn't do that! I'm very upset about this!

This man clearly has problems:

Honey, please see a professional for hair product advice STAT! Oh, and good luck with that FBI investigation thingy, too.

Sympathetic Magic

Hamas supporters burn a poster of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a protest against Abbas' speech, in Gaza June 20, 2007. (Mohammed Salem/Reuters)

I bet Condi's been running around, cartoon-like, shrieking, "My biscuits are burning! My biscuits are burning!"

Forced Perspective

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of Defense Robert Gates and National Security Advisor Stephen Hadley listen to proceedings during a meeting between President Bush and Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert in the Oval Office, June 19, 2007. (Kevin Lamarque/Reuters)

This is really embarrassing, but sometimes one finds that one has perhaps... misrepresented... a certain public figure unfairly. That being the case, the above photo has forced me to issue the following correction:

In the past, I have referred to Secretary of Defense Robert Gates as tiny yet perfectly formed. Clearly, Mr. Gates is itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yet perfectly formed.

Princess Sparkle Pony regrets the error.

Island Girl

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, second from right, hosts the CARICOM Ministerial meeting in the Benjamin Franklin Room at the State Department in Washington, Monday, June 18, 2007. From right are, Assistant Secretary, Bureau of Western Hemisphere Affairs Thomas Shannon, Rice, Haitian Foreign Minister Jean-Renald Clerisme, Saint Vincent and Grenadines Foreign Minister Louis Straker, and Saint Kitts and Nevis Foreign Affairs Minister Timothy Harris. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Don't you just love it (answer: YES!)? I mean, you hear about all this stuff happening all over the world, and it's all, like, totally hard to figure out and all these people are just being so fully aggro and why can't they totally just quit it, OK? So, whatever, that stuff is boring. Condi really shouldn't be bothered to participate in that kind of thing, and --psssst-- it's not exactly her area of strength, right?

So what's a gal to do, all dolled up and ready for the photo-ops? What's Condi's comfort zone while all the rest of the world is... you know... icky? Well, you cynics, I'll have you know that she's not exactly doing nothing! Never, for instance, have our relations with Saint Vincent and the Grenadines been stronger. So there.

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging with Bonus Eskimo Palm Tree Delivery

All these may be clicked for 1200 x 900 images.

I knew it was going to be a good day at work on Friday when I saw this bus parked outside the building. I could hardly wait for the museum to open so that I could circle the bus with my camera, taking in its star-spangled glory. The overcast day made it possible to completely avoid reflections.

And as if that wasn't good enough, on my way back to my office I spotted this stunning beauty, a tropical plant delivery truck:

For all your igloo decorating needs!

Peter Pace Just Another Victim of the Queers

I've been trying to lay off the lazy hmmm... wonder what they're "reporting" on One News Now today? posts, but sometimes they have something so wonderfully crazy insane I fall in love with them all over again, like it's the first time!

OK, so you know that Peter Pace guy, the chairman of the mysterious, possibly mythical Joint Chiefs of Staff who just got fired by the new, tiny yet perfectly-formed secretary of defense? Do you know why he got fired? His utter failure at his job, perhaps? His ludicrous repetition of Dick Cheney's everything's going great talking points? Nope, nope, nope! It was the homos what done it:

The president of a conservative military watchdog group says she's dismayed over the recent sudden removal of General Peter Pace as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The Marine general created controversy in March when he likened homosexuality to adultery, and said the military should not condone it by allowing homosexuals to serve in the military.



When Defense Secretary Robert Gates announced the premature replacement of Pace, he expressed concern about a "divisive ordeal" that would have focused on the "past rather than the future." Elaine Donnelly with the Center for Military Readiness believes Senator Carl Levin (D-Michigan) successfully intimidated Gates and President Bush to scuttle Pace, probably by threatening to put a hold on his re-nomination.

"General Pace made statements that were opposed by the homosexual activist community, and that issue is why the administration chose not to fight for his reconfirmation," says Donnelly. "The administration chose to switch rather than fight -- and in this case, I think that is mistaken."

Donnelly believes the decision was made behind closed doors and is of grave concern.

"General Pace obviously is an honorable officer. He's not going to publicly challenge civilian authority," she notes. "But many of us are concerned about the issues that he has addressed with regard to homosexuals in the military. I think we need to be concerned because in this case, the advocates of homosexuals in the military are claiming a victory."

Donnelly believes the homosexuals have effectively ended the career of an exemplary Marine, who is respected by his troops. Pace has been replaced by Admiral Mike Mullen, the Chief of Naval Operations.

Wow! I had no idea the hairdressers wielded such power! Neat!

Ugly Tour Bus Photoblogging: Maximum Minimalism

Click for bigger!

Some Things Just Go Together, Like Condi and Suffering Children

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announces the release of the 7th Annual Department of State "Trafficking in Persons Report" at the US Department of State in Washington, DC, 12 June 2007. Malaysia criticised the country's inclusion on a US list of the worst human trafficking offenders, and refuted claims it was not doing enough to tackle the problem.(AFP/File/Paul J Richards)

Lieberman Banging the Drums

Air Quotes

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice responds to a question during an interview at Associated Press headquarters in New York, Friday June 8, 2007. The United States will pursue its own plans to put a missile defense in Eastern Europe despite Russian suggestions to locate it outside the region, Rice told The Associated Press Friday. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)

Dr. Ferragamo, usually so media-shy, consented to a rare interview with the Associated Press today (Sign on the door: NO REUTERS ALLOWED!). My guess is that she's using the air quotes above to qualify the word peace, as in "My goal is (air quotes) peace with Russia comparable to the (air quotes) peace we're fostering in the Middle East." And, indeed, Condi seems pretty disappointed that those wily stealth-commies totally disrupted the onset of her cherished I'm not hoping for a new Cold War *wink wink* project by doing the last thing anybody in her clubhouse expected: cooperating in a civilized manner. Poor thing! That's so not fair!

Can we look at more of the pictures? OK, here she is demonstrating proper red hankie techniques, if you know what I mean:

And here's a telling one where Condi wants to appear thoughtful, but her violent nature nevertheless results in her unconscious creation of a gestural handgun:

WONDERFUL UPDATE: A fabulous yet anonymous commenter pointed out the above as the ASL sign for lesbian. See for yourself!

In this one, you can tell the photographer is starting to fade, and he's drifting away from the monotonous subject:

And you know, the wasted space in the above photo really got me thinking: if the Associated Press feels such a need to document Dr. Secretary's every public moment (thank you, by the way, AP), couldn't they wring a little more profit out of these ceaseless photo-ops? They should totally do that thing they do at Hollywood premieres where the arrivals are shot against backdrops patterned with the logos of the night's sponsors. Think about it, AP:

Ursula Meets Tiny War Criminal

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, welcomes former US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, in the foreign ministry in Vienna, Austria, Monday, June 4, 2007. Kissinger is on a visit to Austria. (AP Photo/Hopi-Media, Bernhard J. Holzner)

Ursula opened her golden drawer and selected one of her mightiest scarves for the event, her meeting with Henry Kissinger, a man I'm told was kinda the Condi of his day. Whatever! Not all career diplomats are dwarfed by the mighty Austrian, however:

Austria's Foreign Minister Ursula Plassnik, right, shakes hands with her Dutch counterpart, Maxime Verhagen, Tuesday June 5, 2007 in Vienna, Austria, where they met for political talks. (AP Photo/Hopi-Media, Bernhard J. Holzner)

This has been your Friday Ursula Roundup™!

It's That Time Again!

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, left, and Panama's President Martin Torrijos, wave to journalists before a meeting at the presidential palace during the 37th General Assembly of the Organization of American States, OAS, in Panama City, Monday, June 4, 2007. (AP Photo/Alexandre Meneghini)

Uh, oh! You know what time it is? It's time for Condi Hand Turkeys™! Yay!

EDIT: Pony Pal™ JM reveals that I may have been subliminally drawn to bird imagery due to the setting:

I could be mistaken, but it looks like they're standing in front of the main entrance to the presidential palace in Panama City. The palace is named for the herons that have lived in that entranceway since the 1920s [Fmr. Pres. Porras had a bird fetish or something...I dunno]. The birds roam freely around the entrance patio, including around the room where Condi [appears to be/is] standing. They're probably locked up in their cages during a photo op, but if not, she'd have herons wandering around her legs...just out of sight of the camera frame. How very topical your hand turkeys are!

The last time I was there, the presidential bodyguards had just tossed dead shrimp into the fountain (pictured behind Condi) to feed the birds. Classy! I wonder if she got to see/smell shellfish carcasses?

Adam Kokesh Photo-Ops Look Increasingly Like Antiperspirant Commercials

Cpl. Adam Kokesh gestures to supporters as head back into his hearing at the Marine Corps Mobilization Command office Monday, June 4, 2007, in Kansas City, Mo. Kokesh who is a member of the Individual Ready Reserve, which consists mainly of those who have left active duty but still have time remaining on their eight-year military obligation, is facing administrative action for uniform violations and disrespecting a superior officer. (AP Photo/Ed Zurga)

Raise your hands if you're Sure™!

Condi's "O" Face

A woman holds a poster during a protest against the visit of U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in central Madrid, June 1, 2007. Rice reproached Spain in a visit on Friday for engaging Cuba, and said it needed to do more in Afghanistan. REUTERS/Andrea Comas (SPAIN)

Direct Hit

Today's must read is the NY Times Cheneytorial. It's just so refreshing in its simplicity and directness:

Reviewing this record — secrecy, impatience with government regulations, backroom dealings, handsome paydays — it dawned on us that Mr. Cheney is in step with the times. He has privatized the job of vice president of the United States.

Hilarious, But Only if You Know Spanish: Dr. Ferragamo Meets Mr. Zapatero

US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice(R) shakes hands with Spanish Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero at the Moncloa palace in Madrid. Rice arrived in Spain on Friday for a visit aimed at easing strains sparked by Madrid's decision to engage the Cuban government and pull its troops out of Iraq.(AFP/Javier Soriano)

Too appropriate, don't you think? It's almost like they're made for each other.

Latest Picture of Marine Protester Dreamboat Posted for All the Wrong Reasons

Adam Kokesh is photographed on Thursday May 31, 2007 in Washington. The Marine Corps wants to dismiss Kokesh, an Iraq war veteran, from the reserves for taking part in an anti-war protest and other misconduct, a move the veteran claims is punishment for his political views. (AP Photo/Kevin Wolf)

What can I say? So far he hasn't responded to the shameless, inappropriate drooling by me and Pony Pal™ Joe (among others), but this photo clearly shows that, Honey, he's working it. Visit luscious Adam's blog here. I am prepared to declare him the single most handsome person (inside and outside!) in Washington, DC.

Oh, and Adam, I'm assuming that this kind of attention is probably a tad daunting to a former Marine like yourself, but consider this: Pony Pals™, how much would you donate to Adam's totally deserving organization in exchange for a simple YouTube clip of him removing his shirt?

OMG, I feel so dirty.